Pep Talks (Pepper Jones #4) (9 page)

Everyone wants to go out for pizza after the race, but I can’t bring myself to join them. I know it’s not cool to ditch out on the team like this, but I’m hit with a strong wave of nostalgia, and I find myself alone in my dorm room that night, calling Zoe Burton.

She picks up right away, and hearing her voice puts an instant smile on my face.

“Pepper Jones!” she greets me enthusiastically. “What’s up, stranger?”

We’ve texted quite a bit, but haven’t spoken on the phone much since starting college.

“Just missing on you. We raced your school today and a Mountain West girl won,” I tell her.

Zoe knows who I’m talking about. Apparently there’s a standout on the team at her school. “She actually asked me if I wanted to be on the team when school started, which was like, super weird but kind of flattering.”

“Really? You should, you know. Don’t you miss it?”

Zoe was a top runner on the Brockton Public team and she’d probably hang in there at Mountain West, if she wanted to. But she laughs. “I miss
you
but I am having way too much fun to miss training every day.”

When she tells me what she’s been up to, there’s no question that running cross would not fit into her new lifestyle. She’s not doing anything that worries me, but she’s taking full advantage of the freedom of being away from home and on her own. With a cop for a father, it must be liberating not having to concoct an elaborate scheme every time she goes to a party.

“Charlie and I have been hanging out a lot again,” she tells me. They broke up on amiable terms when he went to Mountain West last year, so I’m happy to hear this. “We run together sometimes, actually, which is cool.”

The jealousy I feel from her comment is unexpected. I want to run casually with both Zoe and Charlie, like we used to. I miss the ease and comfort of my high school friendships. I also miss that I can’t just go for a run whenever I feel like it anymore. Being on a college team is serious business, and all of my runs are dictated by the training program. If I go out on my own, I throw a wrench in that program. I’ve learned from my own mistakes that extra mileage will only hurt me. Maybe some runners can pull it off, but my legs are doing just fine sticking with the college program.

After chatting for nearly an hour, Zoe has to head out with her friends, who are waiting on her. I hang up feeling like I’m missing out on something. Sure, my teammates are all together and I could be with them right now, but just as I was held back at the race today, something is holding me back from embracing my new team. I loved Brockton Public cross, and it almost feels like I’m cheating on my high school teammates when I get too close to the UC team. It makes no sense, but I just can’t bring myself to replace my old team with a new one. It feels disloyal.

Before I know it, I’m texting Jenny Mendoza, asking her what she’s up to. Jace is at an away game until tomorrow, and I don’t want to be alone right now. She texts back that the team didn’t have a race today and the girls just got back from a long run. Though the irony of the situation doesn’t escape me when she invites me to pizza with the team, I don’t hesitate in accepting.

I’m at Lou’s thirty minutes later, and I find Jenny with at least a dozen of our teammates taking up two corner booths. Though Jenny and my old teammates are happy to see me, it takes about five seconds after sliding into a seat before I feel like an intruder. They eagerly ask me about UC, and talk to me about how their season is going so far. But I’m not part of that season anymore, and I shouldn’t be here.

I graduated, and I’m now part of the Brockton Public cross team’s history. I need to accept that. I get the distinct impression that my old teammates would prefer to talk about me as part of their past than
with
me, at this table. It’s nothing personal, but I’m throwing off their dynamic. Jenny is the leader now, and with me here, she’s not. It was the same when Charlie graduated. Rollie and Omar became the guys’ team leaders. Not to mention, it’s awfully strange being here with Jenny and my old teammates, and some newbies, without Zoe. My best friends on the team have graduated.

Before the pizzas arrive, I’m awkwardly excusing myself. I even pretend I got a text message and that I need to be somewhere. Am I imagining it, or does the table breathe a little sigh of relief when I leave? Like, they can go back to normal now?

When I hop on my bike to ride back to campus, I feel more alone then I ever have before.

It’s hard to admit, but while Jace grieves the loss of his mother, I’m grieving the loss of high school. It makes me feel so pathetic, and I never realized how hard it would be to let that phase of my life go. Maybe it would be easier if I’d left town, like Zoe. Even after facing the reality that I am no longer a Brockton Public runner, and I’m certainly not betraying them by making UC my new team, I remain reluctant to make new memories. It still feels like by doing so, I’m replacing all the ones I have with Zoe, Charlie, Rollie, Omar, Claire, Jenny, and even Coach Tom.

Lexi’s eagerness to include me helps tremendously. It isn’t until the following Saturday, though, when I make a real commitment to making new memories. It’s the last weekend before our first official meet. We’ll be traveling to California for a big invitational. Most girls on the team stayed in on Friday night in anticipation of our long run this morning, but everyone is planning to party hard one last time for the rest of the season tonight. I’m going to go out with everyone, but my heart isn’t in it. I’m missing Jace, and I kind of want to curl up in bed and watch a movie and feel sorry for myself. At this point, it’s been three weeks since we’ve had any real substantive time together, and he’s avoided my attempts to hang out.

But then I hear the girls talking about the football team’s annual party tonight. Jace will definitely be there, I know this because that’s where he was last year on my recruit trip. Like us, it’s the football team’s last hooray before getting serious for the rest of the season. 

“A bunch of the football guys were at Alberto’s last night,” Trish says. “Pepper, I had heard your boyfriend knows how to have a good time, but damn, he was something else!”

I drop my fork. “What? He was at Alberto’s?”

She hesitates before answering. “Yeah. With his teammates,” she quickly adds, and I know she must register my stricken expression. “You’re coming with us tonight, right?”

I nod, a huge lump in my throat preventing me from speaking.

“Yeah, girl,” Kiki calls from across the table. “Let’s get you out and have some fun!”

Lexi hasn’t been the only one trying to get me to check out the college night life. Kiki is a little more hesitant to pressure me, as team captain, but I can tell she thinks I’m taking things too seriously. Maybe she’s right. I feel like an idiot. Here I thought Jace was wallowing in grief, and he’s out partying. And I realize that he’s definitely one of the reasons I’ve been holding back. It’s because I feel guilty. Scratch that.
Felt
guilty. Because I won’t anymore. I didn’t want to have fun and enjoy myself too much because it didn’t seem fair with how much Jace was hurting. That’s over now. I’m not exactly livid, more hurt than anything, but it’s time for me to live my own life. Jace is doing it and coping how he knows how. I can’t sit around waiting for him to come to me.

I know that part of me wanted to stay home in case he needed me. His team is having one of the biggest parties of the year, and he didn’t even tell me about it. Okay, maybe I am kind of angry. I let Lexi talk me into to borrowing one of her halter dresses, which is borderline inappropriately short on me, since my legs are longer than hers. And when she offers me a “pregame” shot of tequila, I don’t hesitate. Caroline and Gina join us, and Lexi is prepared with salt and lime, showing us how it’s done. The liquid hits me in a tangy rush and I clamp my lips around the lime wedge to ease the burn. But the flavor remains on my tongue, and as the liquid warms my insides it emboldens me.

“I think we should do another,” I announce.

“Yeah, girl!” Lexi cheers.

Caroline hesitates, but nods in agreement. Gina puts her hands on her hips. “Someone’s going to need to watch over you three tonight, so I’ll be the responsible roommate.”

Lexi throws her arm around me as we walk to the party, “Dude, can we talk about how sexy you look tonight? Your Mr. Wilder is going to want to whisk you away as soon as we get there, but don’t let him.”

I giggle. I hope he does. It’s been too long. “Why shouldn’t I let him?”

“Duh!” she exclaims. “Because we’re going to get our dance on. You too, Caroline!” she calls to Caroline, who’s walking ahead of us. “Tequila gives every girl the ability to shake her booty down.”

“Did she just say shake her booty down?” Caroline asks as she slows for us to catch up.

“Or up, whichever you prefer,” Lexi says matter-of-factly.

“Sideways?” I ask.

“Just not gently,” Lexi explains. “Never shake gently,” she warns us.

“Did you take extra shots without us?” Gina asks skeptically from behind us.

“Whoa! Where did you come from?” I ask. I thought she was ahead of us.

Gina rolls her eyes. “I changed my mind. I’m getting drunk with you people. Watching this unfold is entertaining now but you’ll be driving me nuts by the end of the night if I stay sober.”

“Aha!” Lexi jumps in the air and pumps a fist. After having her arm over my shoulder, her abrupt movement makes me stumble, and then giggle. “I came prepared for this moment,” she announces, pulling the tequila bottle out of her giant purse. I wondered why she was carrying such a big bag.

Caroline’s eyes widen and she drags Lexi off the sidewalk, into someone’s front yard. “We have to hide to drink this!” she tells us in a loud whisper.

I look around. We’re probably drawing more attention to ourselves by standing on someone’s front lawn like this. Caroline plops down, cross-legged, and pulls Lexi with her. Gina shrugs and joins them on the ground and I follow suit. We’re sitting in a circle, like school children, as we pass around the bottle.

For some reason, we keep whispering. People walking along the sidewalk give us odd looks. It doesn’t make me question the grin plastered on my face. It’s the first time I’ve witnessed Caroline come out of her shell in a group setting and Gina is letting her guard down. If it takes tequila to get there, I’m okay with that.

By the time we show up at the football house, the party’s in full swing. My roommates are looking for the rest of our teammates, but my eyes are seeking out my boyfriend. When I don’t find him outside on the lawn, I meander into the house. 

A popular song blares, and I find myself humming and swaying my hips as I shimmy my way through the crowd. Boy, Lexi wasn’t kidding about tequila bringing out the booty shaking. My hips have a life of their own, but my main mission at the moment is finding my boyfriend. Maybe we can forget all about Annie for the night and just get our dance on together.

The grin I’ve been wearing widens at this thought as I find my way to the kitchen. I spot the back of Jace’s head, his broad shoulders and dark hair drawing me closer. Frankie is leaving the kitchen as I enter, and when he sees me, he doesn’t greet me with the smile I expect. If I’m not mistaken, he’s cringing.

“Hey, Pepper, how’s it going?” he asks.

“It’s cool, Frankie, you?”

As he responds, I sense he’s trying to draw me out of the kitchen, and I don’t like it one bit. Turning away from him, I begin to make a beeline to Jace. I can’t wait to jump in his arms, and I hope my enthusiasm to see him will pull him out of his grief. But what I see when I step toward him makes me halt, and the grin on my face drops.

Jace is speaking with a girl. No big deal, there. But it’s the way they’re standing that cuts off my breath. She’s touching his arm, and he’s not moving away. She’s positioned herself inappropriately close, and he’s not giving her any signals to back off. Instead, his head is tilted in her direction, like he’s really trying to hear what she has to say over the blaring music. The worst part of it all is that she’s not just attractive, she’s a bombshell. Stunning. Long legs in tight booty shorts that show off the perfect curve of her waist. Gigantic boobs for such a thin person, and wavy red hair cascades over her shoulders and down her back. She’s one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen.

A small part of me wants to walk right over there and make it clear that Jace is taken. But they look intimate and I feel like an intruder, like I shouldn’t be here at all. I spin back around, suddenly gasping for air, as I shove my way through the crowds and back outside. My roommates are still out here and they’ve found other teammates. I’m about to blow right on past them and walk myself home, but when my eyes lock on Lexi, whose eyes show concern even through a drunken haze, I change my mind.

I know I’ve already had three shots and I’m buzzing, but I reach out for her purse and she hands over the bottle. One more swig, and then I’m done with that bottle for the night. “Shall we get our booty shaking on?” I ask her, pushing down all the emotional turmoil and pain fighting to burst out of me.

“Totally girl, where’s the dance floor?” Lexi asks.

Looking around, there’s no dance floor. “We’ll just have to make one!” I declare. “The music is louder inside, but I like it out here. Let’s move the speakers.”