Perfect You (13 page)

"Spare me," I said, and got in the car.

Jennifer's party had definitely started by the time I got there, because Jennifer S. came up to me as soon as I walked in. She was upset because Jennifer M. and T weren't talking to her. "I even heard them say they don't like my shoes!" she said, and then burst into tears.

"They're nice shoes," I said, looking around for Will.

"You think?" She sniffed, and wiped her eyes. "I like yours."

And that's how I ended up discussing shoes with Jennifer S. for two hours while she pretended she wasn't watching everything Jennifer M. and T. did, and I pretended I didn't care that Will wasn't there.

That's right. Wasn't there. Will hadn't come.

I'd really thought he would, that he'd asked about tonight and the party because--well, because he'd wanted me to be here. I was so stupid.

I wanted to go home, but as soon as I told her I was leaving, Jennifer S. started to cry again and begged me not to go because she didn't want to be alone. I could relate to that.

Naturally, I ended up standing by myself, holding a drink that was so strong my nose stung every time I lifted the cup toward my mouth. I finally ducked outside and dumped it, tossing the cup away as I came back inside.

Will wasn't coming, Jennifer S. had forgotten me now that Jennifer M. and T. were talking to her again, and there was no reason for me to stay. I started looking for a phone, wishing for once that I still had a cell. They'd been one of the first things to go when money got tight, though, and I hadn't cared since I wasn't getting any calls.

I finally found a phone in the living room. Actually, it was Jennifer S.'s cell phone, and I borrowed it out of her purse right after she'd run up to me and said, "Get this. Jennifer T. is mad at Jennifer M. because she totally disappeared with her boyfriend even though she swore she was going to help with the party. Can you hold my purse? Jennifer says I need to look more streamlined."

She didn't even wait for me to say anything before she thrust the purse at me and ran off, so I felt justified in using her phone. Virtuous, even, because I didn't even look at her text messages, just called home.

Grandma answered and said Mom and Dad were talking, but that she'd tell Mom to come get me.

"If Mom sends Dad, tell her to remind him that I left the address on my note."

"What? I'm sorry, darling, this phone is beeping at me. Your brother is certainly a popular young man."

I snorted. He was, but that was because none of the girls who called seemed to understand that when Todd said, "I'm an actor/potter/poet," he meant, "I live at home, and am one with the sofa."

"Of course," Grandma said, "I doubt these young women realize his primary career is watching television."

Huh. Maybe Todd wasn't totally off when he said I sounded like Grandma.

Oh crap, I sounded like Grandma.

"I gotta go," I said, and hung up. And then, just when I'd realized I'd wasted my whole night AND was capable of thinking exactly like a woman who lent new meaning to the term pain-in-the-ass, I saw Will.

He'd clearly just come from work, because he was in his Sports Shack uniform, and he'd brought Sam with him. You could actually hear everyone fall silent for a moment because Sam didn't come to parties like this. He went to parties thrown by people like Tara. Or Anna.

Anna wasn't with Sam, though. I wondered about that, but only for a second, because Jennifer M. appeared, trying too hard to act casual around Sam and practically flinging herself at Will, who didn't seem to notice me even though I was basically right in front of him.

I dropped Jennifer S.'s phone back in her purse and set the whole thing down on a chair, then went into the kitchen. My plan was to head out into the backyard through the door I'd used to ditch my drink before, and then circle around to the front of the house and wait for Mom or Dad to show up.

Sam and Will came into the kitchen too, Sam nodding at something Jennifer M. said and smiling the slightly bored smile he wore whenever he talked to anyone who wasn't someone. Will was sauntering over to a pizza Jennifer T. had miraculously produced despite the fact she'd told everyone there wasn't any food left ages ago.

I headed toward the door, reaching it just as I heard Will say, "No, man, I haven't been with anyone tonight. But maybe I can talk someone into leaving with me," grinning as the guys around him laughed and a couple of girls, including Jennifer M., giggled and shot him hopeful looks.

I laughed. I couldn't help myself. Will was so full of shit and tonight . . . tonight couldn't end fast enough. I'd dressed up and hoped and I was so tired of doing that, so tired of dreaming and being unable to stop it despite the fact that I'd seen, maybe better than anyone here, what dreams could do to you. Anna had a dream, it had come true, and she wasn't my friend anymore. My father had a dream, and I had to sell vitamins and share a bathroom with my brother and grandmother because of it.

A couple of people heard me laugh and looked over. I shrugged, like I didn't care that people were staring even though I did, but as I started to turn away I saw Will looking right at me, like he knew where I'd been all along.

"In fact," he said, still staring at me, "I know for sure that this uniform," he gestured at himself, "drives some women crazy. Make-out-with-me-behind-the-mall crazy." Sam laughed, and most everyone else did too. But Will didn't, and a couple of the more observant girls didn't either. I saw Jennifer M.'s mouth open and her eyes light up as what he was saying sank in, and felt myself blush as she looked at me, connecting the dots of a story about Will and a mystery mall skank.

I don't think I'd ever wanted anyone to drop dead as much as I wanted Will to in that moment. Not only had he basically let everyone know that we'd hooked up, he'd made it sound like I was so crazy for him that I'd make out with him anywhere. He'd made me sound like I was just another girl in his never-ending parade of them.

He'd made me into what I'd always known I was to him: nothing. He'd made me into what I'd been stupid enough to pretend wasn't true.

I guess he saw me realize that because he grinned, that adorable, dimpled grin I'd prided myself on being immune to when I hadn't been immune to it at all, and said,

"Hey, Kate, do you want a slice?" holding up a piece of pizza.

Maybe it was a peace offering, or even his stupid way of apologizing, but all it reminded me of was before. Of him buying me a slice of pizza. Of me thinking that him asking about the weekend meant something.

Of me pretending he'd asked me out.

I threw my shoe at him. I would have picked something better, but it was all I had to work with. At least I hit him in the head, my shoe connecting with a loud smack before bouncing off him and landing in the middle of the pizza.

Will stared down at the ruined pizza and then looked at me, a mixture of shock, hurt, and fury in his eyes. Then he picked up my shoe, went over to a window, and tossed it outside. I realized what he was doing as soon as he picked it up, but by the time I got to him he'd already thrown it and people were laughing.

"That was my shoe," I said.

"No, really?"

"You know what?" I said, so furious the words just poured out of me. "I wouldn't run around saying that someone wants to make out with you behind the mall. Because, really, how crazy about you can she be? Just think about it. You, and the back of the mall, where they keep the trash. Sounds like she's figured out where you belong." Then I turned around and glided outside.

At least as much as anyone can glide with only one shoe on.

"You think I'm trash?"

I looked behind me. He'd followed me outside. His forehead was still a little red from my shoe, and he looked pissed off.

Good.

"Let's see, you come in and announce you're making out with me behind the mall because I'm so hot for you I can't help myself? I guess I could have called you the most amazing guy ever, but somehow that just doesn't seem to fit," I said, and started digging around in the seemingly millions of bushes in Jennifer T.'s backyard.

"I don't get you," he said. "One minute you're sticking your tongue down my throat, and the next you're throwing shoes at me."

"Look who's talking. You ask me about my weekend, but don't ask me out. You ask me if I'm coming here and then don't show for ages and then, when you do, you talk about taking someone else home and then make me sound like I--" I broke off and wished I'd get sucked into another world through one of the stupid bushes. A world where I hadn't just said all the things I had. A world where it wasn't so painfully obvious that I liked him more than he liked me.

He walked toward me. "I couldn't get here earlier. I had to work. And when I asked about the weekend, I wanted to--"

"I don't care."

"Then why did you bring it up? And why won't you ever let me finish saying anyth--"

"I brought it up to prove you're a jackass. A 'Hey I'll make out with you because you work at the mall and no one else is around' jackass. A 'Hey come to a party so you can hear me talk about how I can pick up someone else' jackass. A 'Hey, watch me throw shoes around' jackass." My voice was wobbly and my eyes burned, like I was going to cry. I told myself it was because I'd gotten a finger snagged on a branch.

"Wait, you threw your shoe at me because you think I kiss you just because you work at the mall?" he said, and then laughed.

I stared at him, incredulous. Laughing? Now? Great. I was SO glad I'd blabbed my brains out.

"You are the strangest girl I know," he said. "You won't even talk to me for more than ten seconds unless we're at the mall, so how could I ever kiss you anywhere else? And who do you think I was talking about when I said I wanted to talk someone into leaving with me?" "I'm not strange," I said, straightening up and brushing dirt off my hands. "Just because I don't find your brand of bullshit . . . oh. You were talking about me?"

"Did you see me looking at someone else?" he said, and then he kissed me.

I forgot about finding my shoe.

In fact, I forgot everything and we ended up on the ground, tangled in Jennifer T.'s endless shrubbery and each other. I only opened my eyes once, registering branches and the shadow of Will's face, head thrown back as I yanked at the buttons on his shirt, and that sight was enough to dazzle me.

Well, that and the enormously bright light that suddenly blasted my eyes, causing Will and me to freeze, blinking like mole people.

"Kate, are you out here?" Jennifer M. said, sounding alarmingly close. "Jennifer T. said I should come look for you. And, hey, if you can hear me, have you seen Will? Because he-- oh. OH."

"Hi," I said, registering her as a gossipy blur as I pulled my shirt down and tried to yank all the bits of whatever plant I was lying in out of my hair. "I was just looking for my shoe."

Jennifer, now swimming alarmingly into focus, held up something that looked an awful lot like my lost shoe. "It was right by the door."

"Thanks," I said, trying not to hate her for staring at Will like she wanted to undo all the shirt buttons he was refastening. (Not that I wanted to do anything like that. At least, not with her around.) "Oh, and your brother's here," she said, glancing distractedly at me before looking at Will again. "He's inside."

Todd? If Todd was here that meant something had happened because he was not the kind of guy to give up his weekend to drive me home. Especially not after I'd pretty much blackmailed him into driving me here. What could have happened? Something with Mom? Or Dad? Or both of them?

I ran inside, only to find Todd talking to Jennifer T. and looking down her shirt as she leaned forward to show off her cleavage. Somehow, when I'd seen her do what she called "the move" back when we were hanging out, I never pictured her using it on my brother.

"What's wrong?" I said, and Todd looked at me and started laughing.

"You look--" he sputtered.

"Shut up," I muttered, and dragged him to the door.

"What's wrong?" I asked again when we were outside, elbowing him after he kept laughing.

"Nothing," he said, grinning as we got in the car and he pulled out onto the street. "I went by the house just now to borrow some money from Mom--and say hi--but Grandma pounced as soon as I walked in and told me to come get you. Great hair, by the way. And the one shoe look? Very nice."

I made a face at him and slumped into my seat. Super. I'd left my shoe behind. Just like Cinderella, only I wasn't a princess. And I hadn't been at a ball. Or with a prince. I'd been rolling around in the bushes with Will.

When we got home, Grandma was awake, drinking diet soda and reading a fashion magazine, folding down the pages that had something she liked. Most of the pages were folded.

"Todd, you got two phone calls from a young woman named Amy," she said, still flipping through her magazine. "Must all of your friends phone so late? Also, your mother is not an ATM." Then she looked at me and put her magazine down.

"I know, I'm a mess," I said, fidgeting under her stare and the fact that she'd put aside fashion in favor of me. Clearly, she knew something had happened.

"Mess? You've only got one shoe on," Todd said, knocking his shoulder against mine and taking great pains to pick a piece of shrubbery out of my hair, grinning at me as he did. "Maybe you should explain what that's about."

"Shut up," I hissed.

"Good night, Todd," Grandma said, rising from the sofa and gesturing for me to follow her, tucking her magazine under one arm. "Remember what I said about your mother."

Grandma didn't say a word to me when I followed her back to what was once Todd's room, but was now thoroughly hers. She'd even put pink sheets on his bed. Oh, I hope she left them there when she left. It would serve Todd right.

I waited for her to say something about my hair or my missing shoe, but she just sat on the bed and looked at me.

"Well?" I finally said, brushing my hands against my legs and hoping Grandma wouldn't notice the puffs of dirt that rose off me and drifted toward the floor.