Perfectly Shattered (10 page)

But who was she kidding? Bradan was the hottest guy she’d ever been with, and what made it worse was that he wasn’t such a bad person. He had problems. At least, she thought bedding one woman after the other was a problem. He possibly didn’t.

And from the tone of the note, he planned to continue doing just that. Though she didn’t think she had a right to be, Cami was hurt. As a woman, it was easy to make things more romantic than they really were. To Bradan, it was just sex.

She’d have to get used to that idea, but wasn’t sure she could. The man was impossible to resist. Yet Cami didn’t think she could be with him again. Not under those conditions. Her heart was too fragile, even if his wasn’t.

*****

After his workout, Bradan took a hot shower. That morning he’d toughed it out alone. Ian hadn’t shown up. Under the hard spray, he thought of Cami. She’s all he’d thought about, and he felt like an ass.

The night they’d spent together was unforgettable. Cami was light as a feather and not over five three, but she packed a punch in the sex department. The woman was all passion, so unlike what he was used to. Her pale, flawless skin was utterly feminine.

Her green eyes held love and torment, though he didn’t know what that was all about. And her lips—Bradan couldn’t get enough of her soft lips. Kissing her was as hot as fucking her.

At first, he’d been concerned that he was too big for her. But something about that was hot too. Cami looked fragile, but in the heat of it, she was anything but. When he’d slid deep into her, Bradan had been unable to hold back.

He’d lost control, not his norm. He took his pleasure with women, and they seemed to get theirs from him. With Cami, it wasn’t that simple. When he had looked at her lovely face, and had felt her silky skin, Bradan had come unhinged.

All his normal reserve had disintegrated. He’d reached for her with his heart and soul. Not because he wanted to, but because he couldn’t help it. That was the effect she had created on him.

And it was terrifying. Not that he would tell Cami that. He had no plans to reveal his weakness. Though they’d talked about many things, and he’d even told her about Amber, there was much he held back.

It surprised him that he’d confided in Cami about the heartbreak with his high school sweetheart. He’d found himself telling her what had happened. It had just seemed natural. But there was one thing he didn’t tell her.

Amber hadn’t just gone out on him. She hadn’t just betrayed him. She had taken his heart, taken the pure love he’d given her, and she’d ripped him apart. So unsuspecting had he been, the discovery of her affair had been a devastating blow.

The shock had plunged him into depression for weeks. His initial reaction of anger had no place to diffuse. Though the urge to beat the shit out of Robert had been there, Bradan had not followed through.

She’d already made a fool out of him. To challenge Robert would have made him look like more of an idiot. It would have shown how much he cared. So Bradan had done the opposite. He’d shined it on.

But only on the outside. Below the surface, Bradan had been shredded, and had stayed so for months. Even now, he couldn’t think about it without feeling the pain all over. With time, he’d stopped dreaming about Amber or having nightmares.

There were plenty of other women, and they soothed his soul. Or seemed to. Going from one to the other had filled the gaping hole in his gut. But he could never get enough. No matter how many he took to his bed, he felt empty.

Though it didn’t look that way to others, Bradan felt alone much of the time. Heavy workouts, intense projects at the office, and the woman of the night distracted him from reality. A reality he’d rather not face.

Amber would never be his. After so long, he wondered if he still wanted her. It was hard to say. First love is potent, and once the elixir is drunk, nothing else ever seems to compare. Or it hadn’t—until he met Cami.

That was why she scared the shit out of him. Bradan actually felt something when he was around her, and it wasn’t just his dick getting hard. Cami was different; there was a connection that he wasn’t sure how to deal with.

Fortunately, she didn’t want a commitment from him as so many did. It was just the opposite. Cami had prided herself in the fact that she could fuck him without caring. And she did a damn good job of it.

The woman was tireless, and hotter than hell. Bradan was rattled to his core. Even the hard workout hadn’t put a damper on his desire for her. Before dawn, he’d watched Cami sleep. With her brunette hair and porcelain skin, she had looked like Sleeping Beauty.

Visions of her, naked in front of the marble fireplace with the soft, flickering light illuminating her slender form, drove him crazy. It had been a turn-on to see that she was fully waxed; not all women were. And with her thin build, the completely bare, smooth skin had turned his cock to a rod of steel. The sight of her naked transformed him, and he’d been crazed with having her.

That morning, the curve of Cami’s lips had pulled him to kiss her, which he did softly without waking her. A powerful urge had come over him, and he wanted to pull back the sheet and stare at her small white breasts, even finger her pink nipples. But he had known if he did that, nothing could have held him back.

His cock was swollen when he got out of bed and dressed quietly. There was a pain stabbing his heart he couldn’t define. After the night they had spent together, Bradan should have felt good. The morose mood that settled over him was unwelcome, but undeniable.

Luckily, he’d gotten away before Cami woke up. Reflecting on the note he’d left her made him feel like the cold-hearted bastard he was.
No commitment
. Did he have to throw it in her face? Doing that after he’d held her in his arms most of the night was cruel.

It had to be done, though. Bradan couldn’t deal with a relationship. He wasn’t ready for that. And with Cami, sex with no strings was impossible. Not even because of her. He couldn’t do it. And he was unable to fathom that.

Chapter 11

The Ferris wheel at the oceanfront overlooking the city was worth standing in line for. A spectacular time to ride the Seattle Great Wheel was at night. From a distance it looked like an enormous bike wheel with the twisted metal spokes extending out to the gondolas.

Since she had been a young girl, Cami had adored Ferris wheels and was excited to try Seattle’s version. She’d nearly forgotten about her date with Jeremy until he called to confirm the time to pick her up. There was a moment’s hesitation while she decided if it was the right thing to do.

She was hurt about Bradan’s attitude and saw no reason to feel loyalty to him. He would certainly date, or sleep with, any woman he wanted to. Staying home alone was only going to make Cami feel worse.

Her natural inclination was to seek solace from the emotional pain, and any one of her crutches would do. It would have been so easy to say no to Jeremy, make up some excuse, and just fold. From where the strength came, Cami wasn’t sure. But she decided to go out that night instead of wallowing in her misery.

She dressed warm though the cars were heated. It was a group affair, with three people on either side of each gondola. Cami slid in next to Jeremy, already awed with the ride. The wheel was right on the pier, and as they ascended, there was a view of the city, bay, and shipping yards.

The ride was stated to be non-rocking, which was good, as the evening was cold and windy. The moonlight bounced off the choppy bay water, making Cami shiver just to look at it. Extended out over the water, the wheel gave an exhilarating ride even though it didn’t go fast.

It was the tallest Ferris wheel on the west coast, and Cami had a wide view from up high. The full moon rose over downtown, casting its light over the tall buildings. It was a smooth ride, and since it would make three full rounds, there was no rush and plenty of time to talk.

Glowing in pink and purple lights, the wheel moved at a calm pace, the scene slowly shifting.

“I’ll have to do this in the daytime too. I bet we could see Mt. Ranier, but it’s too dark now.” Cami squinted, trying to make out the mountains in the distance.

“We could almost see it now. See the snow, if you look.” Jeremy pointed.

“Yes, I think you’re right. Because of the moon it’s visible.” Cami loved the view from the top. Heights never frightened her.

“I’m glad you could make it,” Jeremy said. “I wasn’t sure when I called.”

“Yeah, well, it’s been a rough week.” Cami laughed but didn’t feel lighthearted. The incident with Bradan weighed heavy, and she missed him. It felt odd being out with another man.

“Catering work?”

She shook her head. “No, not that. Work is more like a hobby for me. I love cooking. It’s more…I guess my personal life.”

Jeremy nodded. “I wasn’t sure about asking you out. Are you dating someone?”

It was awkward, and Cami wondered if it had been wise to come after all. “It’s complicated.”

They enjoyed the rest of the ride and listened to the others in their car marvel at the sights. It didn’t last long enough to suit Cami, and she could have gone another three rounds easily. But it was over. Jeremy took her hand to help her out.

It occurred to her that she didn’t feel anything when she touched him. So unlike Bradan. Though Jeremy was nice, even handsome, he didn’t do anything for her in that way. But she liked him—as a friend.

It was just what Bradan had wanted to create between the two of them, but it wasn’t possible. There was too much emotion involved, and serious attraction. She wanted to be Bradan’s friend but didn’t see that working.

“I know you like food,” Jeremy said. “Are you hungry?”

Cami nodded. Her stomach growled, and outside the toasty car, she felt chilly. “Food sounds great.”

Not far was a café on the waterfront. It was a romantic place with high ceilings, blond-wood floors, and walls washed in pale gold. And it was warm inside. Jeremy found a table for them and pulled out her chair. Such a gentleman.

Cami could find no fault with him. Dressed casually in a gray pullover sweater with a white cotton shirt underneath, he looked friendly. His brown hair was messed up from the wind. Mostly, she noticed his eyes, with green in the center and brown further out.

“You have nice eyes,” she said.

Jeremy gave an appreciative smile. “Thanks. You too.”

They ordered hot coffee to warm up while they studied the menu.

“They even have grilled octopus.” Cami had never seen that offered.

“I thought you’d like it here, being a gourmet and all.” Jeremy scanned his own menu.

He was nice. Then why wasn’t Cami attracted to him? She wondered if anybody would have looked good to her right then, considering the night she’d just spent with Bradan.

They shared oysters on the half shell, then ordered dinner. Cami couldn’t resist the blackmouth salmon, fished out of the inland waterway of Puget Sound, served with potatoes and leeks. Jeremy chose the roasted pork chop with black kale.

Scallops were a favorite for Cami, but she skipped over them as they reminded her of Bradan. As they ate, Jeremy talked about Seattle, telling her of other restaurants worthy of trying and other sights to see.

“Sounds as though you like food too.” She scooped a bit of the rosemary-herbed potatoes into her mouth.

“Sure do. In fact, I cook. It sort of started out of necessity, living alone. But I got into it. Wait until you try my vegetarian lasagna.”

“Vegetarian?”

“Yep. I eat meat, as you can see. But I went to college for a couple of years and the budget was tight. Meatless dishes are economical, and I discovered they can be just as tasty.”

Cami smiled. “We should cook together. I’m in this contest that’s coming up, and I need unique takes on stuff. I’d like to see what you do.”

Jeremy leaned back in his chair. “Love to. Just let me know when.”

Pushing her plate aside, Cami sipped some of her coffee, recently warmed by the waitress. She noticed he was looking at her, not saying anything.

“What?”

“Tell me about your complicated love life.”

Cami looked away, a little embarrassed. “That’s pretty bold of you. It’s our first date.”

He ran his hand through his thick hair. “You’re easy to talk with, Cami. Can I just be honest with you?”

Unsure what she was getting in to, Cami gave a casual shrug. “Sure.”

“I’m really interested in Brittany.”

For a moment there was nothing to say. Cami hadn’t expected that, but she held back from showing how pleased she was. “Then why ask me out?”

“It’s complicated.” Jeremy smiled.

“I know the feeling.”

“Well, I wanted to ask her out, but I don’t think she’d be interested in me. I’m always tending bar when you guys cater, and she seems to be keen on the lead singers in the bands. Must be her type.”

“I don’t know if she knows her type. I probably shouldn’t say anything, but that’s not working out too well for her.” Cami wanted Brittany to hook up with someone good for her, and Jeremy wasn’t a bad choice.

“She just seems so taken with the tattooed guys in the tight pants. I’m more of a…regular guy, I guess.”

“Brittany could use some regular, really.”

“You think?”

Cami nodded. “So I was your second pick?”

Jeremy laughed. “And I was yours?”

Cami shrugged. “I like spending time with you, Jeremy. We could really get to be friends, I think. You got me with the cooking.”

Beaming, he nodded. “So you think I stand a chance with Brittany?”

“More than a chance. I’ll shake some sense into her. She doesn’t know what’s good for her.” It was a funny thing for Cami to be critical of, considering her own dating choices.

It had been a pleasant evening, and Cami had made a friend. Plus, she had someone to cook with. They made plans to get together soon, and Jeremy walked her back to her place. She was glad he’d been so upfront about everything. There would be no anxious moments wondering about a kiss good night that neither wanted. Or the dreaded “I’ll call you” that wasn’t sincere.