Perfectly Toxic (The Sterling Shore Series Book 9) (27 page)

Chapter 53

BELLA

Allie returns within ten minutes with a bag full of those dreaded tests. I don’t know why I needed her to buy so many, because I know I can’t possibly be preg—

I can’t even think the word, let alone say it.

I snatch a test out of the bag, and Brin sits down on the edge of the window seat—a bathroom with a window seat?—while I tear into the box.

Allie takes a seat beside her, and I shakily assume the position and pee on the stick while drinking a bottle of water. When I feel the stick is sufficiently saturated, I cut off my stream, ready to save it for later if necessary.

Then… we wait. While we’re waiting—because the suspense is killing me as much as the deafening silence in the bathroom—I decide to pee on a different kind of test. And then I pee on another. And another. And another. Until my bladder shrinks back in fear and I’ve taken five tests in total.

The first one is finished, and Allie, bless her, takes it like I didn’t just pee all over it, and reads the back of the box to instruct her.

I’d chew on my nails, but I haven’t washed my hands yet.

Allie’s eyes widen, and she looks at me with so much pity that I know what she’s going to say. But she’s wrong.

“Bella, it says you’re pr—”

“No,” I interrupt. Hell, I can’t even hear the word. “Read another one,” I tell her while chugging yet another bottle of water. Brin was gracious enough to bring several bottles in here without me even requesting it.

“Why the hell is everyone hiding in here?” Ruby’s voice has us all screaming like we’re all in a horror film, and her eyes widen as she jumps back, startled.

She clutches her chest like we scared her as much as she scared us.

“Holy shit. What the hell?” she asks. Bo walks in behind her with wide eyes.

“Why is everyone screaming?”

Just great. Now I have a bigger audience.

“Are those a bunch of pregnancy tests?” Bo asks, confused as she points to the mess of boxes on the countertop.

“Um… You guys in a pact or something?” Ruby adds while gesturing at Allie, Brin, and me.

Allie curses, and I groan.

“Just Bella,” Brin tells them, and Ruby and Bo look at me with the same pity Allie just did.

I don’t need pity, because there’s no way I’m baking a bun. My oven can’t be that hot.

“What does that one say?” I ask Allie, prompting her to stop being distracted.

She reads the back of the box, and her mouth tenses into a thin line.

No freaking way is that one wrong too. Did she buy a bunch of expired tests or something?

“Bella, it’s—”

“Keep reading until you find one that works right,” I interrupt again, still unable to hear a faulty reading.

As I guzzle yet another bottle of water, prepared to piss on however many tests it takes to get an accurate reading, Allie starts reading the next two. Absently, I notice that my hand has stopped bleeding, and I start wiping up some of the smears of blood around the sink.

“Damn it, Bella. They’re all saying the same thing,” she states, sounding distraught.

She shouldn’t be. They’re all just defective.

“Keep reading,” I tell her calmly, pointing to the last one as I clean up the last of the blood.

“Same thing, Bella,” she says as I finally have enough water in my bladder to steamroll through some more tests.

She wisely refrains from saying that blasphemous word that I can’t bear to hear right now, and I get back to work, taking four tests until my bladder dries up again.

“You take one too. It’ll prove these are wrong,” I tell Allie, thrusting a fresh box at her.

“I’ll read the tests,” Ruby offers, walking over to take Allie’s position, while my best friend dutifully takes her spot on the toilet.

I know she loves me if she’s willing to piss on a stick in front of so many people, because Allie isn’t quite as shameless as I am. And she’s as red as a tomato while she does it.

“What do they say?” I ask Ruby, still unable to read any of them for myself.

“Um… They all say you’re pr—”

“
Don’t
use that word,” I tell her, cutting her off.

She blows out a breath before moving to the sink to wash her hands, and Allie puts her test on the countertop. When hers turns out to be the same, it’ll prove that this is just a bad batch of tests.

“You take one too,” I tell Brin, just to be thorough.

Her eyes widen, but Ruby snatches it away.

“I’ll do it. I’m anal about birth control. I’m sure these are all just wrong,” she says, sounding as though she’s placating me, but I’ll take it.

As Ruby pees on the stick, I wash my hands, ignoring the ever growing tremors that are trying to shake me up. “Not pregnant!” Allie says excitedly, as though she was worried her test would say otherwise. But then her excitement dies as she looks over at me.

“Damn, you must have gotten one that wasn’t defective,” I say on a groan. “I should have taken that one.”

Everyone exchanges a look, but I ignore them as Ruby washes her hands, glancing down as she waits on her test to catch up to ours.

Finally, she looks over at me with a sad, forced smile. “Not pregnant.”

They wait as though they expect an explosive reaction from me, but I roll my eyes. “Shit! You both got the only good tests in the lot. I’ll buy more later. They shouldn’t put that shit on the shelves if it’s so inaccurate,” I tell them, waving it off as I start tossing all the tests in the trash.

When I wash my hands, I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I look back at Allie just as she opens her mouth to speak.

“Don’t,” I caution, shaking my head emphatically. “They’re just wrong. I can’t be. I’m not. Don’t worry. I’ll get some more to prove it later.”

I walk out of the bathroom without another word, determined to find a place that doesn’t sell faulty tests as soon as we leave here. Obviously I’ll wait until Ethan isn’t with me. There’s no need to freak him out when there’s no way I’m possibly that “P” word.

Absolutely no way possible.

Chapter 54

ETHAN

Bella is quiet when we all sit down to eat, and I internally kick myself. Why the fucking hell did I say that shit?

But you still love me.

Groaning inwardly, I try to stop thinking about it. It was the stupidest thing in the world to say. I surprised both of us by saying it, but apparently she’s not shrugging it off as easily as I did.

She sat across the table from me instead of the empty seat I saved for her at my side. She keeps staring at her food, moving it around on her plate with a fork, but not really eating. The small meal we had before coming here is long gone by now. I’m starving, but I feel guilt for eating, since she doesn’t seem able to do the same.

“Mommy!” Angel’s shrill voice jolts me out of my thoughts as Ray and Melanie walk up with a full arsenal of children, including Tag’s new baby that is asleep in her car-seat.

Ash is up and meeting them halfway, taking her daughter, while Tag grabs their son up from the ground and tosses him in the air, catching the boy who laughs like it’s the greatest thing ever.

“How long has she been asleep?” Ash asks Melanie, while Ray comes to take a seat by me.

Carrie and Angel shoot up to the house, disappearing inside like little firecrackers.

Ray doesn’t even look tired after having everyone’s kids for most of the day. I’d be ready to throttle someone by now.

“A few hours,” Melanie says, beaming.

Ash’s jaw drops. “What? How?”

The baby sleeps right through the conversation, even though she does stretch a little.

“He’s the baby whisperer, apparently,” Melanie says with pride.

“A drop of whiskey on the pacifier,” Ray whispers to me. “Works every time.”

I choke on my food, and he barks out a laugh while shaking his head.

“Kidding,” he says, enjoying watching me strangle.

Jackass.

Raya goes to gush over the baby, and Kade watches her with a smile. But my gaze returns to Bella, who seems lost right now, not even realizing anything is going on around her.

When I glance over, Allie jerks her eyes away from me like she was just caught staring. The hell? Did she hear what happened?

Melanie joins us at the table, while Carrie and Angel run inside to Carrie’s room. I’m busy trying to figure out a way to broach what I said earlier with Bella, because I hate feeling like I’ve fucked this all up.

Tag’s baby girl gets passed around the table, everyone taking their turns holding her. Obviously I move the fuck out of that circle. That thing is way too small for my big hands. I might break her.

Bella finally watches me for the first time all night as I vehemently refuse to touch the tiny little baby, and Ray takes her in my place, kissing the top of her head.

“He’ll make a wonderful grandfather,” Melanie says, eyeing Raya and Kade.

“When he’s not teaching her to pick locks or open safes without a combination,” Kade says, smirking.

“Actually, learning that stuff is really fun,” Raya says with a shrug.

Ray ignores it all as he passes the baby back to Ash, who willingly hugs her close. Bella’s eyes avert my gaze when I finally decide to acknowledge the fact I know she’s staring.

I’ve apparently really fucked up. Maybe it was more about the fact I shot away from her like hell was on my heels after I said it. It just caught me off guard. I mean, it’s not like I was confessing anything, but it sure as hell felt like I was.

Confused and annoyed, I push my plate away and turn up my beer, guzzling it down.

“Mommy!” I hear Angel saying as she and Carrie come running down to where we are. “We’re playing doctor!”

Maverick starts laughing, and Rain elbows him in the ribs. “Asshole,” she mutters just loud enough for us to hear, before her smile blooms.

“Are you having fun?” Rain asks Carrie, who shyly glances around at us before whispering something in Rain’s ear.

She’s not as full of life and fearless as Angel, but she was adopted because of neglect from her birth family. I’m sure that plays a major part in the personality differences.

“What the hell have you got?” Dane asks Carrie as she continues whispering.

He pulls something out of her hand, and Carrie grins at him.

“A thu-mom-mmeter,” Carrie says quietly with some difficulty, unable to pronounce the word right.

Hell, it’s the first time I’ve heard her speak.

“I have one too! We found a whole bunch of them in the bathroom trashcan,” Angel exclaims, holding hers up.

The color drains from Bella’s face, and Allie’s eyes widen. Dane makes some strangled sound low in his throat, as Rain bursts out laughing.

Me? I have no fucking clue what’s going on, so I continue to drink my beer, trying to race to the bottom so I can drink another one.

“Holy sh—” Wren’s words are cut short when his mother slaps the back of his head. He doesn’t even acknowledge it.

“These are freaking pregnancy tests!” Maverick says, laughing hysterically as he walks away, heaving for air.

“Damn it, Mav! Shut up,” Dane hisses.

“What’s a pregnancy test?” Angel asks immediately.

“Something you shouldn’t be touching,” Wren says with a grimace. “Go wash your hands. Now. Hurry. Both of you.”

Carrie and Angel run off to do just that, and silence falls on the table as everyone looks to Rain.

“Unless somehow my uterus magically regrew, you can all stop looking at me expectantly,” she states dryly.

Right. Right. Rain had to have a hysterectomy.

Kode looks at Tria, who immediately shakes her head as though she can’t say ‘no’ quickly enough. For some reason, Kode actually looks a little disappointed.

That’s when all eyes fall on Ash, who is shifting her baby into the other arm.

“Seriously? Someone’s pregnant and everyone assumes it’s me?” she asks incredulously.

This time, Tag sputters his drink, but everyone continues staring at Ash.

“No. I’m not pregnant. Two kids are plenty,” she says, sounding annoyed. “Besides, since our daughter won’t sleep, we haven’t done any baby-making skills since before I went into labor.”

Tag groans, Maverick laughs harder, and our gazes shift down the table to Tria again, since she’s Rain’s sister and it would make sense for her to have a pregnancy test in the trashcan.

“It’s really not me,” she states assertively. “I’m currently having that wonderful time of the month.”

“Too much information,” Rye groans.

“Well, you guys won’t stop staring like you’re expecting an immediate baby bump to protrude at any second.”

She’s blushing like she’s on fire, but Kode kisses her cheek, grinning. “You’d look cute with a baby bump.”

“Not happening any time soon,” she says, but her lips twitch like she wants to smile.

Fucking baby talk everywhere.

“Who the hell is pregnant?” I finally ask, and Brin makes a startled sound that draws attention to her.

Rye turns a scary shade of white, and Brin swallows hard like she’s nervous. Her eyes dart around like she’s searching for something, but she doesn’t deny it immediately like everyone else has.

“Brin?” Rye says hoarsely, as though it took a year to forge that one word.

“It’s me,” Allie says suddenly, standing so quickly that the chair flips over behind her.

Wren falls out of his chair, and then leaps back to his feet, his eyes wide and excited. “Really?” he asks, his smile growing until it looks painful.

He’s excited?

“Um… Yeah,” Allie says, sounding like she’s not as enthused.

Wren is on her in the next breath, kissing her and pulling her so close that you couldn’t wedge a piece of paper between them. Rye stands and walks away, his entire body so tense that he can’t seem to relax.

“Is he upset?” I ask, confused as I look over at Brin.

She clears her throat, while shrugging. “You know his past. Kids are touchy subject for him until he really believes history can’t repeat itself with him. I need to go make sure he’s okay.”

She stands and sprints off in the direction Rye went.

Bella stands, still a little pale. I guess she’s shocked over Allie’s confession. Wren looks like he’s on cloud nine right now, but I’m ready to call it a night. I can’t fix this thing with Bella in front of everyone.

“You ready to go?” I ask her, hoping she’ll still take me home with her.

She nods instead of vocalizing the agreement, and I test the waters, putting an arm around her when she reaches me. She doesn’t throw me off her, so that’s a good sign.

“About what I said earlier… Bella, I didn’t mean to freak you out. I just—”

“It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m just tired, and I want to go home,” she says softly, so softly that I barely hear her.

My brow furrows when I see she’s not looking at me, and I follow her gaze to where Rye is holding Brin against him. Actually, Brin is holding him, since she’s on the hood of his Range Rover, and his head is against her chest. But he’s clinging to her like he can’t let go.

I guess that seriously freaked him out.

“Yeah, sure,” I finally say, which seems to break her out of her trance.

Her eyes cut away from Rye and Brin, but I notice she’s walking like she’s defeated, as though something terrible is going on that I’m not aware of.

“Bella? What’s wrong?” I ask, catching up to her as she opens the driver’s side door.

“Like I said, I just want to go home. I’ll drop you off at your house, and you can come get your car tomorrow.”

She’s like ice when I sit down in the car, which confuses and concerns me even more. This can’t be about what I said. Surely.

“Rye really loves Brin,” she says randomly as she starts the car and starts driving toward my house.

“Yeah,” I say, trying to catch up to whatever train of thought she’s on.

“Yet he really freaked out when he thought she was pregnant.”

“Well, it probably scared the shit out of him,” I say, holding back the truth of Rye’s past.

His mother had a lot of mental issues, and he suffered because of it as a child. He slept in a closet for days on end, and went hungry too many times to count. The psychological effect it had on him was far worse than any physical abuse I ever suffered.

Like Brin said, until he’s certain he won’t ever have the same issues, kids is a touchy subject for him, something Brin is fully aware of and can handle. In fact, she’s the only person who can handle him.

Bella doesn’t say anything else, and I regret not being able to elaborate. For whatever reason, that seems to have her upset.

Maybe Rye will give me permission to explain, and she’ll get it then. But I can’t just go spilling his past out no matter how much I trust Bella, because those aren’t my secrets to tell.

Bella holds true to her word, and she pulls up at my house.

“Come in with me. I’ll take you home in the morning in time for you to grab some clothes. My bed will feel empty without you in it.”

Yeah, I’m reaching the pathetic line, but this rift between us seems to be growing by the minute.

She clears her throat and wipes her eyes, as though she’s crying, but I see no tears. Besides, Bella doesn’t cry. It’s one thing I love about her.

Love… Fuck that word. Because of that word, my night went downhill quick.

“Bella,” I say, prompting her to answer me when she seems to get lost in thought.

“Not tonight,” she says, forcing a smile as she looks over at me. “I’m really tired.”

Blowing out a reluctant breath, I get out of the car. As long as she has my car, at least I know for sure she’s planning to see me tomorrow.

“I’ll call you in the morning,” I tell her, watching as she gets lost inside her head again.

“Alright,” she says quietly, and I back away as she puts the car in reverse and drives toward her house.

Putting my hands on my head, I watch until the taillights disappear from sight, and I groan while pulling out my phone.

“What’s up?” Tag says as he answers.

Rye is dealing with his own issues, and Wren is too busy being overjoyed about a new kid. Tag is my only other option, even though I dread the mockery that will ensue this phone call.

“What do you do when you fuck up?” I ask him.

“Grovel and get excited about makeup sex,” he says immediately.

“Funny. Define groveling, because I think I suck at it.”

Silence stretches on for a couple of awkward seconds, until I can hear the bastard grin. “Is Ethan Noles really asking for advice about a girl? Oh, this night is fucking perfect.”

“I’ll hang up,” I warn him.

He laughs but he muffles it somewhat. Dick.

“Fine. Fine. Does she like gifts?”

“No. She hates for people paying for things for her, because her parents are assholes who held that sort of thing over her head.”