Perfectly Toxic (The Sterling Shore Series Book 9) (29 page)

Chapter 58

BELLA

“Ethan was passed out drunk not far from your house, and now he’s at my house. Wren is trying to wake him up, and you’re an absolute mess in here. What the hell?” Allie asks as I wipe furiously at the tears on my face.

I stood up for him, told Allie he was an honorable guy, and he reminds me how I’m nothing special to him. Yeah, sure. I expected him to be upset after a week of no contact, which is why I went to talk to him in person. I needed to get my emotions in check before speaking to him, and that took longer than expected.

I had no idea if I was going to tell him about the baby tonight, but I knew for sure I was going to tell him how I feel about him. I was going to apologize for the silent treatment, and I wasn’t going to make excuses. After all, he did the same thing to me, and I got pissed.

Guess I deserved this. Then again, I always knew I was one
of
a thousand instead of one
in
a thousand. I guess there was some denial left after all, because I really thought I was special to Ethan Noles.

I shouldn’t have called Allie and asked if I could crash at one of Wren’s condos. But I couldn’t stand the thought of Ethan finding me like this. What if he came to apologize for being a world class asshole and saw me bawling my eyes out over him?

No. Hell no. I do have some pride left.

I went to tell him I love him, and he tore my heart out through my throat. Lovely. A week of the silent treatment was apparently too much. He went from liking me to hating me in that short amount of time.

At least I got my answer, even if it wasn’t the one I hoped for. No one who loves you would be able to grab another woman in front of you, and tell you that you meant nothing to them.

Axe-murderers have a bigger heart than that. At least they kill you swiftly.

Allie’s words register about him being passed out near my house. I’m not sure what that means, but it doesn’t mean what I want it to. It was obvious he and Star were heading toward the bedroom, and their arms were around each other.

Silently, I waited for him to tell me it was a big misunderstanding… That it wasn’t what it looked like. I’d have believed him without question. There was no way I was going to simply read the situation wrong and get my panties in a wad over nothing.

Then… Then he told me my worst nightmare was real, and all I can wonder is how long it took him to go to her. How little did I mean to him in order for him to move on so quickly?

I haven’t even been able to stomach the thought of another guy touching me for too long. But Ethan goes to the one girl he once loved. The one girl he saw a future with.

I was just the runner up who believed I was special long enough to get pregnant with his child.

Fucking idiot. Idiot. Idiot! I hate myself so hard right now.

“Bella? You in there?” Allie asks, tapping on the side of my head. “I’m not going away until you tell me what happened. Did you tell him you’re pregnant?”

I shake my head immediately, and I swallow down the painful lump in my throat as the image of him grabbing Star’s ass while telling me how unimportant I was to him invades my mind.

“No.”

“Damn it, then what happened?” Allie persists, playing my role once again.

“I saw the Ethan everyone else gets,” I say harshly, shedding tears of anger and… agony. Definitely agony. “I found out I wasn’t so special after all.”

The weight on my chest grows heavier with every breath, and the lump doubles in size when I even think about speaking again. One word is all it would take for the dam to break, and I’d never stop crying.

Instead of speaking, I look at her with trembling lips, and her look softens. She reads between the lines, knows I’m at my limits, and she wraps her arms around me, hugging me close as I cry on her shoulder.

It all hurts too much, and it’s overwhelming. A baby with a man who is with another woman. How the hell can I tell him now? What would happen if I did?

Life is so fucked up.

Chapter 59

ETHAN

I wake up when I’m suddenly gasping water into my lungs, and I push off the bottom of whatever I’m in until air hits me and I gasp it in.

Rye and Wren are glaring at me from the edge of the pool, and I cough out the water that got in my lungs.

“You stupid fucks! What the hell?” I snap.

Rye’s lips twitch as he comes toward the edge. “We figured you’d either wake up or drown. Don’t worry. We’d have fished you out if you didn’t wake up.”

I flip him off, but then remember why I’m at Wren’s house… Oh shit.

“Bella,” I groan, swimming toward the steps.

“Yeah. Bella. About that,” Rye says as I start running up the short stack of steps, and grab a towel. My fucking clothes are soaked now, so I start stripping too.

“I need clothes. Now,” I tell them.

“Not until you tell us what the hell happened with Bella,” Wren states flatly. “Allie took off to meet her.”

“Where?” I demand, when I’m down to my wet boxers.

“Not until you tell me what happened,” he repeats, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Long story short, Star Morgan happened, and I did something really stupid.”

Rye’s smile falls, and Wren looks ready to attack me.

“Not
that
stupid,” I elaborate. “I wouldn’t sleep with Star if she was the last woman on earth. But I might have made Bella think I was or had. Now I seriously need to fix that, because I was drunk and stupid.”

“You’re still drunk and stupid,” Rye points out.

“Half drowning in the pool had a sobering effect. I need to find her. So now will you tell me where she is?”

Wren curses while raking a hand through his hair.

“I don’t know where she is. Allie just said she was with her. I needed to know what the hell you did before I tried to find her for you.”

Manipulative bastard.

“And?” I prompt.

“And your shoulders will stretch my shirts,” Wren states without an ounce of sympathy. “So find one I don’t like since it’ll be ruined after you squeeze into it. I’ll loan you some sweat pants too.”

Rolling my eyes, I follow him into the house, but freeze when I see Angel in the living room floor watching TV. She turns to face us as I drip water all over the floor. That’s the pool Wren put in at her request, and I just got tossed in it after getting drunk and shredding the aunt she loves so much.

It’s like she knows, because she looks like she doesn’t want me here.

“Where’s Aunt Bella?” she asks me, cocking her head to the side.

“With your mom,” I tell her.

She glares at me and turns around, brushing the hair of her doll as though I’m not worth a second glance. “Mommy said you’re an asshole, and she told Aunt Bella she was coming to her.”

Wren chokes on air, and Rye walks out when his entire body shakes with silent laughter. He waits until he’s outside to unleash the riot going on inside him. Dick.

“When did Mommy say that?” Wren asks her, glaring over at me as I stare at his kid with a stupefied expression.

“When she was on the phone with Aunt Bella tonight. She thought I was in my room, but I was under your bed.”

Wren groans, but I see an opportunity. It’s highly unlikely that Allie will tell Wren where Bella is if she’s calling me an asshole, but it’s possible Angel overheard where they are.

“Where did she say they were?” I ask her, too far past the point of desperation to feel any guilt for pumping a child for info right now.

Angel smirks, because she’s a smart, somewhat wicked kid. “I’m not telling. It’s a secret.”

Wren covers his smile, and I rein in a litany of curses.

“What would it take to get you to change your mind?” I ask, prepared to buy absolutely anything.

“Are you seriously trying to bribe my kid right now?” Wren asks. “While in soaking wet boxers?”

“Are you seriously saying you wouldn’t be doing the same thing right now? And the boxers cover more than speedos any day of the week.”

He rolls his eyes as Angel stands up.

“I want a little sister. Make sure mommy has one instead of a boy.”

Ah fuck.

Wren starts laughing, walking away and leaving me alone with a promise I can’t make.

“What if I told you I’d give you fifty-fifty odds on that?”

She arches an eyebrow at me. “One hundred percent.”

Damn it.

“Sure,” I lie, checking to make sure Wren can’t hear me. “One hundred percent.”

Her face lights up with a broad smile.

“They’re at a condo,” she tells me.

A condo? “Which condo?”

She shrugs. “A condo. Make sure it’s a baby sister. Not a baby brother.”

With that, she walks off, and I groan at the ceiling. I guess I’m about to look into all of my friends’ condos, starting with Wren’s.

It sucks to have too many rich fucking friends right now.

Chapter 60

BELLA

I’m half asleep the next morning when I call into work. On the bright side, I sound sick, so they buy the story. Six to eight weeks pregnant… Yeah. I went to the doctor, and they essentially estimated the same thing Berta did.

And it’s been over seven months since my last birth control shot. I called my old doctor to find that out, and then cursed them for all they were worth for not sending me a courtesy reminder card.

That shot is supposed to be every three months. I was unprotected the entire time I’ve been with Ethan. I could have gotten pregnant the very first time for all I know. I still don’t have a clue how I could ever forget the most important part of sex—protection.

Allie is asleep next to me, and I shove at her shoulder. The last thing she needs to do is be stuck here with me when she has a daughter and fiancé waiting at home for her.

She mumbles something to the effect of kicking my ass, but I shove at her again.

“You need to go home.”

“Five more minutes,” she grumbles, causing me to smile against all odds.

I miss my best friend, but she has a new life, and she should be there right now instead of dealing with my mess. Currently, my mess is quicksand, and I’m sinking deeper into it by the minute.

“Allie, seriously, Wren is probably worried about you.”

“I told him I was staying the night with you,” she answers, still keeping her eyes closed.

Now I feel like an ass for dragging her into this. Her life is sunny and bright now. The last thing she needs is me pulling her out of it for any reason.

I’m supposed to be the one who holds her together, not the other way around. Even if I have to fake it, I’m going to be just fucking fine when she wakes up. Because she’s going home to the life she’s always deserved, and I’ll endure this chaos I call a life now.

I made the mess. It’s time I clean it up.

“You have to tell him,” she says from the bed as I tie my hair up on my head.

Her eyes are still closed, but I know she’s awake now. I shake my head, then realize she can’t see me.

“No,” I finally say, too drained of tears and emotionally wrung out to cry right now. “At least not until much later.”

She won’t understand my reasoning, especially after last night. Hell, not even I understand my reasoning. In my head, I’m still expecting Ethan to explain away Star, promising it was all a misunderstanding. Even if he stated the exact opposite.

“Why later? And how much later? When you’re in the delivery room?” She sits up, her eyes wide open now as she stares at me. “I can’t keep letting Wren think I’m pregnant, so I have to spill the beans at some point. He told Angel, for heaven’s sake. She wants a sister now, and I’m not pregnant.”

I wince at that.

“Tell Wren you’re not pregnant. Just don’t tell him that I am. Besides, you’re not supposed to tell anyone about a pregnancy until you’re out of the first trimester anyway. So I’m technically just following doctor’s orders.”

She gives me a withering stare I don’t really appreciate.

“It’s his kid too, Bella. He needs to start growing up and taking responsibility. What happens when he has rights to your kid, and he’s not prepared? It’s better if he spends these next several months getting ready for a baby. What happens when he shows up on your doorstep because someone else spilled the beans instead of you? That could cause even more problems than there already is.”

That damn knot pops into my throat again, and more tears threaten to spill, but I rein it all in, trying to force the cool composure that teeters on the edge.

“I’m going out for coffee,” I say instead. “Want some?”

She narrows her eyes at me. “No. I want to have this conversation you’re dodging.”

Blowing out a heavy breath, my shoulders sag in defeat. Last night was the rude awakening I couldn’t have ever readied myself for. Ethan always surprises me, so at some point, I really should stop thinking he’s predictable.

“Allie, Ethan will never be prepared for a kid. I was wrong. He’s not the guy I thought he was. Okay? I’ll figure something out, but it’s likely that I’ll never have to worry about him just showing up to take my kid away for the weekend. In fact, I’m not worried about him showing up at all.”

I turn around and walk out of the room, then jerk the door open to the building’s hallway. Just as I press the elevator button, the doors open, and Ethan Noles surprises me once again by stepping out.

Fucking eh. I guess he
will
show up.

He grabs me before I can protest, not even acting surprised to find me, and his lips capture mine in an angry, punishing kiss. So many conflicting emotions swirl within me like a cyclone, and I go from pushing him away to pulling him close to pushing him away again.

But he kisses me anyway, unaffected by my personal game of tug of war. He backs me against the wall, kissing me stupid. The shirt he’s wearing is too tightly stretched over him, as if it’s a size too small. When I press my hands against him, I feel his powerful body through the barely fitting material, and I moan against his lips, hating myself in that very instant.

It’s only the image of him and Star smashing through my mind that awakens the miserable girl I was last night, reminding me why I cried myself to sleep. That has me recoiling and shoving at him hard enough that he breaks the kiss.

“Don’t fucking touch me ever again,” I whisper, looking away from him, unable to see those devastatingly beautiful eyes right now. I’d fall captive all over again, because it hurts. Everything hurts.

“Damn it, Bella, I’m sorry. Okay?” he pleads, sounding as miserable as I felt all night.

But I can’t. Second chances are for girls who can play a reckless game. Ethan’s first option after one week was to find an ex and fuck her. Then to rub it in my face.

That’s not the life I can afford to have anymore. My baby won’t ever feel dejected. And I deserve the same thing. It’s one of my many excuses to hold my silence right now, as I push away the vision of what I really want.

“Not okay, Ethan,” I say, turning to face him. It’s hard to ignore the tortured expression on his face, and I immediately regret looking into his eyes.

If I hadn’t witnessed his cold, dismissive, callous attitude last night, I’d be putty in his hands right now, and I’d be telling him all about the tiny life we’ve created.

But not here. Not in a hallway. Not the day after my heart was ripped out and spat on like it was never respected or important.

“Bella, I’m sorry. What I said and did last night was seriously fucked up, and it was a complete and total lie. Okay? I never touched Star—”

“
Don’t
lie to me,” I say quietly as my resolve is steeled and renewed. Countless liars and cheaters flit through my mind, reminding me why I put up that wall so long ago. “Don’t treat me like an idiot who didn’t hear what you said. That’s where I draw the line. This song and dance? I’ve heard it all before.”