Perigee Moon (15 page)

When my eyes opened I was overwhelmed by the green. The bright yellow sunshine was absent and dark grey shadows had taken its place, turning everything a murky green in the twilight. I glanced up and Alex was dozing soundly beneath me. His arms were wound delicately around me, relaxed and still. I wanted to drown here in the gentle swells of his slow and steady breathing. With every rise and fall of his lungs my heart swelled to the point of bursting. I shifted my weight to pull my phone out of my pocket and check the time. When I did, Alex stirred and immediately shot up, his grip tightening around my waist, his body rigid from head to toe. His eyes darted around the forest, looking wild and terrified. He looked ready for a fight and a thrill of confusion and fear pulsed through me. I gasped. I was feeling him again.

“Alex?” I dropped my phone onto the blanket and placed a hand on his arm to steady him.

He blinked as if he were returning to reality and looked back at me with a slow smile spreading across his face. In an instant the wall was back up and I was alone in myself. Was he consciously blocking me out? How could he?

“Are you alright?”

“Yes. I’m fine,” he said, giving me a squeeze and pulling me an inch closer.

I glanced up through the trees and noticed the sky was fading, soft pink and lavender wisps evaporated into a deep inky blue. The air was thick and heady with the smell of damp plant-life and fresh earth.

“How long was I asleep?” I grabbed my phone and flipped it open to check the time. It was almost six thirty.

“Oh my God! I slept the entire day. You should have woken me up. I’m so sorry,” I said, but he just laughed softly.

“It’s fine. You needed it.” He stretched, fingers laced and arched above his head. His hip brushed against mine. “To be honest I think I did too.”

I smiled, feeling not as guilty. It had never really occurred to me before, but I wondered if he had trouble sleeping too. I may have lost my mother, but he’d lost a lot more.

“Were you having a nightmare?” I could barely see his face through the shadows now, but I could see his eyes. They were a startling blue, luminescent enough to cut through the darkness.

“Yes.” He sounded almost embarrassed.

“I have them too,” I said, trying to block the memories from rushing over me.

“Did you today?”

I smiled, realizing that I hadn’t. I couldn’t remember what my dreams had been about this time. They were wonderfully vague. Just flickers of friendly faces and beautiful colors.

“No,” I admitted and knew it was because of him. Being near him I felt secure and safe. Like I could face anything.

“Good,” he said. He was just another dark outline in the blackness now but I could feel myself being drawn to him. I scooted across the blanket towards him until there was no more space between us. We both suddenly seemed very aware of his arm that was lingering around my waist. His grip tightened and pulled me against him in one swift movement. His breath was coming in fast and uneven but so was mine. It was warm and sweet across my face and I longed for his taste on my lips. This was it, I thought gleefully. All these nights of dreaming and fantasizing about this moment and here it was. We were alone with nothing and no one to interrupt this perfect moment. My heart pounded harder with the thought.

“Rowan,” he whispered so low I could barely hear him. I loved the way my name sounded coming through his parted lips, smooth and rich. My fingers wrapped around his t-shirt and pulled him forward in response. I tilted my face up eagerly and waited. He stayed motionless for a moment without even breathing, his lips hovering so close to mine that I could feel the energy sparking between us like magic. And then suddenly he pulled away. It was too dark to read his face, but I was glad for it. At least it was too dark for him to see the bitter confusion twisting across mine.

“It’s dark. And getting cold. We should go,” he said, his voice thick with an emotion that I couldn’t place.

He didn’t wait for my input. Instead he grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet, then stuffed the blanket back in its bag and slung it over his shoulder.

We were quiet after that. I didn’t know what to say or what I’d done wrong. I didn’t have an enormous amount of experience with boys so I was clueless. Clueless and hurt. To retrace our steps back through the forest took focus and concentration and didn’t leave much room for conversation. I didn’t know if I was happy or upset about that. Maybe a little of both. I stumbled clumsily behind Alex who was gliding through the forest in lithe fluid movements as if he’d traveled this path a hundred times before. I, on the other hand, was tripping over every snarled root that rose across my path and tree branches were pulling at my hair like long sticky fingers. Alex cleared the path as much as he could, but even he could only do so much. I wasn’t naturally graceful. I could see now why I’d always avoided the hiking trips my friends back home would take. I wasn’t nearly coordinated enough for this sort of thing. I tripped over something hard, scraping my leg on its sharp edge and cried out in pain. Something sticky and wet was saturating my jeans.

I didn’t have to look to see what it was.

Blood.

Alex was immediately at my side pulling up my pant leg to inspect the damage. I pushed away from the object that I could now see through the dim moonlight was a moss-covered tree stump and placed a hand on Alex’s back for support. Its edges were sharp and jagged, shards of glass, razor blades. Suddenly I was lost in a jumble of memories. Flames. Screams. An empty bathtub, blood staining its perfect white finish. The fresh burn of my open cuts as the razorblade fell to the floor. Bevin bursting through the bathroom door and wrapping her mother’s good washrags around my wounds.

I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the images. Alex’s hand moved over my bare leg and I trembled beneath his touch. Not from pain but for reasons that made me blush. He seemed to take notice of it and his frame went rigid beneath my hands. I cringed away, humiliated. It was becoming painfully obvious that he didn’t want to touch me. I mean, seriously! How many teenage boys bring a girl out into the woods to be alone and don’t even kiss her. I was getting angrier by the minute. Angry at his games. Angry with myself for falling so completely and irrevocably in lo-. I stopped the thought before it could form in my head. It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous. I yanked my leg away and stood up brushing the wet dirt and leaves from my pants.

“Wait. You’re bleeding,” he said. I could see his face now, lovely and pale and confused in the moonlight.

“All the more reason for me to get home,” I said and started walking, leaving him dumfounded behind me. It only took him a moment to sprint to my side, but I tried to ignore him. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t let myself feel something so deeply for him when he was so resistant to move forward. Every moment with him was starting to feel like a goodbye. And I couldn’t take any more of those.

He placed his hand on the small of my back to guide me and I didn’t resist. I knew I should. But deep down I knew it was too late. He had already changed me. He was a part of me now whether I liked it or not. There wasn’t any going back from here. And that’s what terrified me. I couldn’t imagine losing him now. Not knowing if I’d ever really had him in the first place.

When we reached the edge of the tree line I burst into the street and felt like I could breathe again. The damp forest had smothered me and the tension was so thick that I wanted to scream. I walked wordlessly past my car towards the house but stopped when Alex’s hand shot out to grab my arm. He cupped my elbow and pulled me back into the shadows.

“Rowan wait,” he said.

“For what?” I snapped. I was feeling fuzzy and confused, my emotions forging a battle inside me. Part of me saying to walk away and the other screaming to hold onto him and never let go.

He looked stunned and took a step back.

“I’m sorry Rowan.” He closed his eyes and paused like he was in pain. “This isn’t easy for me. I don’t know how to do this.” It was almost a whisper.

I studied the sadness in his face. The confusions and helplessness behind his eyes. The longer he held my gaze the more I softened. Before I even realized I’d moved, I felt my legs carrying me towards him. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed tight, laying my face against his chest. He sighed and relaxed his arms falling around me so naturally it was as if they were made to fit there.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s just that every time with you feels like the last time. Does that make any sense?” I asked nervously.

He pulled me tighter. “That’s because it should be the last time. I’m not saying it will be, but it should be.”

I pulled back to look into his eyes. They were burning with despair. “What do you mean?”

“I mean the day will come when you have to say goodbye to me. I want this so badly Rowan, but even more I don’t want you to get hurt. And I don’t know how to do both.”

My throat felt constricted around the words stuck there. “It doesn’t have to be that way. It doesn’t.” I tried to convince him. I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t afraid. Not of him. Not of these feelings, so warm and intense I could barley breathe through them. Not of whatever he was trying to protect me from. But instead I just stared back helplessly, praying he would understand.

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t explain it to you.” He shook his head, looking frustrated. It was exactly how I felt.

A silence fell between us and I could hear the cicadas singing through the trees and an owl hooting in the distance.

Alex’s voice broke smoothly though the quiet. “I have to go,” he said.

“Okay,” I said. I didn’t know if I’d see him again after this. It didn’t feel like it. I could only guess it all had something to do with his Aunt. I didn’t like the hold she had on him. I could feel it radiating off of him, like he was wrapped in chains.

He leaned down to press his lips to my forehead and I closed my eyes, trying to memorize what his lips felt like against my skin. I was quite sure that I would never find anything that felt as sweet.

“Good night Rowan,” he whispered. I opened my eyes and he was gone and the pain that exploded through me nearly brought me to my knees.

I am not a fool. I know the consequences that are sure to follow if I continue down this path with Rowan. But I love her with all that I am. What choice do I have? So I have crafted a protection spell and pray that God and the Goddess bless my quest. Bless my spell. Bless my love.

By the full moon’s light,

On this bright and starry night,

I call to thee, give me your might,

By the power of three,

I conjure thee,

To protect all that surrounds me,

So mote it be,

So mote it be.

~Alexander 1692

***

PARTY TONIGHT!!!
I read the text message from Paige with utter disgust. The last thing I wanted to do was go to a party where there would be sweaty boys who’d had too much to drink and equally annoying girls pawing for their attention. There was only one person’s attention I wanted and I hadn’t seen him in three days. And I didn’t know if I’d ever see him again. The thought made my heart throb with pain. I didn’t let it overtake me completely though. No. I still had too much hope for that.

I typed in the words
no thanks
into my phone and hit send. I kept it in my hand expecting her angry response and sure enough thirty seven seconds later it buzzed between my fingers.

My parents only leave me alone once a year and I am having a party. And make no mistake friend. You will be there!

I flipped my phone shut and left it at that. I knew she’d end up bullying me into it eventually. Just like Bevin would. It was almost too much having two friends like Bevin. But then again, I knew I should be thankful. If it weren’t for Paige I’d probably stay locked up in my room like a hermit for the better part of the summer. I glanced up at the clock. One more hour. Grams had put me in charge of the day shift today and I was about to be relieved by Maggie. Grams and Grandpa had hired Maggie for the summer months to help out. They felt bad tying up my evenings so they cut me back to three days a week and only days. If anyone was pulling for me to have a social life it was Grams. She had asked me several times about Alex but I always brushed it off, explaining that we were just friends. To be honest, whatever we had was too complicated to explain to myself let alone other people. Besides, when you’re always wondering if the guy is even going to come back at all, you try not to jinx it.