Perigee Moon (27 page)

“It’s not your responsibility to die for them Alex. And you said yourself that eventually you will die there.”

“Rowan even if I stayed what kind of life could I have with you? I’m supposed to stay here and watch you wither and age and someday die. And then what? Go back like it never happened. Spend a lifetime watching you die to go back and live a life without you? I can’t do that.”

“So what? You just give up now instead? You choose to live without me now rather than later?”

“Live?” He gave a weak laugh. “I don’t think I’ll have to worry about that.” He stared bleakly out the window and I could feel the fault lines in my heart fracturing. “The noose they’ll put around my neck won’t allow for much of that.”

“What if I go with you?” I was reaching.

He shook his head. “No. You wouldn’t leave your family. They’ve already lost too much. I wouldn’t let you.” He stopped and looked into my eyes, holding my gaze. “And with your power Rowan, you’d never be safe there. You would either end up like my mother or worse, my aunt would get her claws into you. And I can’t let that happen.”

“Then stay away,” I said angrily.

“It’s already been written Rowan. You can’t change fate. And for the record, I would have given up a thousand lifetimes for just one minute with you. I’ve already gotten more than I ever could have hoped for.” He smiled and traced a finger down the side of my face.

“No! I don’t accept that!” I was trembling. I wanted to slap the beautiful smile off of his face. How could he give up so easily? Anger rolled through my stomach and I lost control. A terrible choking sound slipped past my lips as a sob ripped free from my throat. Alex grabbed me and pulled me against his chest, winding his arms around me tightly like he was trying to hold me together.

“It’s alright love. Shhh.” His hand smoothed the back of my hair. I buried my face into his shoulder to muffle the sobs, but they refused to be contained.

“I hate this,” I said, my words disappearing into the hollow of his neck.

“I’ll try to figure something out,” he said into my hair. “I can’t promise, but I’ll try.

When I returned home I found Aunt Marion hunched over her desk in a terrible coughing fit. I helped her to bed only to find she’d left her book of shadows there in plain view. I knew I shouldn’t look. I knew it would be a violation of trust to look at her most private thoughts and spells without permission but I could not help myself. And now that I’ve looked…I’m more lost than ever before. It was her plan, all her doing. She spelled that girl from the village to accuse my mother. She wanted her place as High Priestess and now she has it. Goddess how could she do this to her own sister, my mother? And now she wants to use me in her circles to cast dark magic out into the world. I won’t. I shall not be a pawn in her wicked games. God is it possible that this monsters blood runs through me as well?

~ Alexander 1692

***

“I don’t get what all these shapes mean?” I said, squinting at the dusty old book Grams had splayed out across my lap. “How am I supposed to remember all of this?”

Grams sighed and slapped her finger over one of the squiggly shaped symbols then another more angular one. “Health, prosperity.” She labeled each one. “I don’t expect you to remember all of these at once but these here.” She pointed to the second row of symbols. “These are for protection. These you need to remember.”

I nodded, letting each image sink through my eyes where they dissolved into what I hoped was the part of my brain that would remember them. I made a quick mental note, labeling them as runes for protection. Yep, those might come in handy.

“When do I get to learn a real spell?” I flipped through the book absently.

“You’re not ready for all of that,” she said. She pulled the book from my lap and set it on the dresser. I looked up and she was rolling up the rug that covered my floor.

“What’s the point of all of this if I can’t learn how to work spells?” I clenched my fists. I needed this, needed to not be so helpless. I needed to be able to help Alex.

“You’re not ready,” Grams said calmly.

“Fine, then when will I be ready?”

She sighed. “When I say you are.”

I wanted to cry. I wanted to yank the magic out of my veins and give it to Alex so that he’d have the power to change this. Instead I hopped up and helped Grams roll the last of the rug up and push it to the side. “What exactly are we doing?”

“A circle.”

“A circle?” I raised a brow at her. “Why not a triangle? Or a square? You know I hear octagons are all the rage this year.”

Grams sighed again and stood, propping her hands on her hips. “Do you want to learn or not? Because I have a brisket in the oven and I’m missing my scrapbook club for this.”

I smiled. “You hate that scrapbook club.”

She cocked her head to the side and blew a silver braid out of her eyes. “True. But that doesn’t mean my time isn’t valuable. This isn’t going to do you any good if you don’t take it seriously.”

I studied the way the corners of her lips tipped down into a frown. She had no idea how important this was for me. I wished I could tell her. Make her understand that if I wasn’t able to learn these things that my whole world would collapse. Again. And I didn’t think I’d survive it this time.  I sat down on onto the floor and folded my legs into an Indian style position.

“I do take it seriously. I’m ready,” I said.

Grams grabbed a container of salt off of my dresser. “Alright.” She poured the snow-white grains in a circle around us, making sure to stay inside. “This salt is to purify the circle,” she said.

I nodded and watched her with a bit of surprise as she folded her joints with ease and joined me on the floor. She smiled and held her hands out. I placed mine into hers. My palms buzzed with warmth. She raised her brows and grinned.

“Oh my.” Her eyes sparkled, the kind of light you see in a child’s glassy gaze at Christmas, a dizzy reflection of shiny wrapping paper and twinkling lights. I jerked my hands out of her grip and wiped them on my jeans.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “I know my hands are sweaty. I...I’m just nervous.”

Grams laughed and grabbed my hands once again. “Rowan your hands are fine. I was just surprised is all.” Her knobby knees knocked against mine as she wiggled into a more comfortable position. “I just felt like I plugged into an outlet ready to pop. I wasn’t expecting that. Your mother, she never-”

She stopped abruptly when she saw the grimace I felt appear on my face. Of course Mom never told her about my power, my ability. How could she when she chose to ignore it herself? I stared past Grams
’
shoulder, watching s few lazy dust motes twirl through the air. Would Mom want this for me? If she were alive would she have finally given in, and let me in on this secret? This life?

“You’re thinking about your mom, aren’t you?”

I nodded.

“Don’t do that.” Grams interrupted my thoughts. “She would want you to do whatever makes you happy.”

I nodded and inhaled. The air rushed down into my lungs and ignited something, which sparked and flamed inside my chest. Grams’ eyes widened and she forced a shaky smile.

“Well then,” she said. “I say first things first. We teach you some control.”

“Control?”

“Oh honey, if we don’t, that power is going to eat you up,” she said. She laughed but I didn’t think she was joking.

I nodded, not knowing whether to be terrified or amazed. At that moment I was a little of both.

“Okay, close your eyes Rowan. Relax your body. Start at the top of your head and work your way down until you feel all that weight rush right out of your toes.”

I did. It took a few minutes but eventually every part of me felt weightless. As if I’d been filled with sand.

“Now picture a light. The most pure white light you’ve ever envisioned, and it’s above you. Not just shining on you, but enveloping you like cocoon. It’s safe here. Once you’ve got it around you it’s safe to let all of that stuff that’s bottled up inside go.” She paused, giving me a moment to follow her instructions. “Do you see it? Is it all around you?”

“Yes,” I whispered breathlessly. Behind my closed lids a whole other world seemed to exist. A wispy feather-light fog drifted around my ankles, weighting me down. Above me, all around me a cotton-white light clung to my face, my hands, my ears, eyes, nose. Everywhere. I took a deep breath and felt it swirling into my lungs illuminating me from the inside out. Grams sounded so far away, I didn’t know if I’d ever get back.

“Rowan,” she called. “Rowan let it all go now. It’s okay.”

So I did. That ball of heat that built and burned and smoldered inside…I pushed it out. Exhaling power and breath and light into the fogginess until a-

“Rowan!” Grams yelped and her hands slipped from mine, breaking the connection. My eyes popped open. Grams was rubbing her palm, a sheen of sweat collected on her brow. She stared at me in a frightened kind of amusement.

“Did I do it wrong?” I asked, horrified that I might have hurt her. “Are you hurt?”

She glanced down at her palm. A red spot stained her pale white skin like a burn. She brushed it off. “No honey I’m fine. I kind of expected that.” She grinned and nodded to the ceiling. “I just wasn’t expecting that.”

I tipped my head back and gasped. The cluster of light bulbs that usually sat in the center of the ceiling fan like a yellow glow of pollen was now black and broken. A tendril of smoke snaked out from one of the shattered bulbs. Grams sighed and brushed the powdery glass off of her skirt.

“Well do you feel better?” she asked.

I flexed my fingers. Took a deep smoke-tinged breath and let it swim around in my lungs. I felt…free. I felt powerful. I felt for the first time like I could change things. I smiled and stared up at the ruined light fixture.

“Yeah,” I admitted. “I do.”

I haven’t slept in days. I’ve looked everywhere. Books, journals, my mother’s most private thoughts have been revealed to me, and I still can’t find a way to change this. She asked me to stay with her tonight. God help me I wanted to. I want to stay with her forever. But to watch her grow old and pass to the next life when I cannot join her is more than I can bear. There has to be another way. Goddess help me find another way.

~Alexander 1692

***

The rush of water streamed down my skin as I stood bracing myself against the shower wall. It had been three days. Three days and I didn’t know if he was alive or dead. I didn’t know if he was ever coming back. Grams had continued showing me the world of being a true blood witch. Every day we made time for memorizing runes, collecting stones and herbs, learning their meanings. She even gave me some of her old books, including her own book of shadows, which I thought was pretty amazing. But I needed to focus on something else, anything else. Hopefully today would do the trick. Paige had called the night before and demanded I go shopping with her and Tyler today. I didn’t believe for a second that Tyler had any interest in shopping, but he was part of the collective effort to get me out of the house so I didn’t argue. I was actually looking forward to today. A normal day of hanging out with my normal friends. The thought was refreshing. If only Bevin were here. Then it would be perfect. The truth was that as much as I tried to focus on my friends, knowing that they were the one healthy thing in my life, I still couldn’t deny that Alex’s voice was the loudest one in my mind. I could delude myself all I wanted, but nothing was the same without him anymore.

I rinsed the last bit of conditioner from my hair and jumped out, wrapping a towel around me and leaving my hair wet and tangled around my shoulders. Paige was supposed to pick me up in fifteen minutes and I still wasn’t dressed. The room was a blur as I skidded across the floor to my closet, before plucking a pair of white Capri pants and a dark green tank top from the rack. My skin prickled with goose bumps and a voice stopped me an instant before I let my towel fall to the ground.

“As much as I’d like to see you without that towel on, you might want to wait for me to turn around.”

I spun around clutching the towel to my chest to see Alex sitting on my bed, an easy smile spread across his face. My heart nearly stopped and my mind skidded into a hundred different directions. The fact that I was only in a towel was the last thing on mind, which didn’t really give me time to feel self-conscious. He was here. Alive. It wasn’t over yet. I ran across the room and fell into his lap, knocking him back onto the bed. His arms slipped around me and held me against his chest as he laughed. The sound trickled through me, leaving me breathless.