Perigee Moon (31 page)

“Had you ever dreamed of me?” he asked. “Before we met?”

“Maybe. I can’t really remember most of my dreams, but the first time I saw you…” I thought back to that day, back when I felt so alone and cold inside. I thought about the way he managed to ignite a flame inside me that I never knew existed with just a look. “I thought I knew you somehow, even though I knew we’d never met. It was like something inside me recognized you,” I said, wondering if I was making any sense.

“Your soul,” he said beneath a smile. My heart did a little leap in my chest. “Your soul recognized me Rowan, just like mine did with you. We’re soul mates. Maybe that explains why you were in my dream. We’re one now.” The intensity behind his voice sparked a desire in me and I knew if I’d been standing my knees would have buckled.

“Yes,” was all I could say. Before I could form another thought, Alex pushed the books between us onto the floor and slid across the bed until his arm was wound around my waist.

“I love you Rowan. Never doubt that, no matter what is to come. Never forget it,” he whispered against my cheek and I fought hard against the tears. I hated it when he talked like this. I hated it when it felt like a goodbye.

“Stop talking like that. You’ll have the rest of our lives to tell me these things.” He pulled back to look at me as I spoke and his eyes were misty. “But just for the record. I love you too,” I quickly added, knowing how important it was to tell him with what we were about to face.

He smiled and his face softened, making me relax. He ducked his head down suddenly and his lips were on mine. Part of me was slightly aware that Grams could walk in at any moment but the much bigger part didn’t care. I pulled him tighter against me and knotted my fingers in the hair that tickled the nape of his neck, kissing him with everything I had.

I pulled away from Alex when I heard a creak in the stairs.

“Did you hear that?”

Alex groaned and pulled me back to him. 

I smiled and touched my lips to his.

“Well, well, well. All that time you lectured me about boys and here I find you sucking face with one.” I turned around. Her freshly manicured nails were resting on each of her hips, her long legs clad in dark designer denim, her blond hair was flipped out and flirty resting just above her shoulders. Her brown eyes bounced between Alex and me with unbridled amusement. Bevin. My heart leapt inside my chest and I scrambled off of my bed, already bursting with joy that I couldn’t contain. This had to be a dream.
Please don’t let me wake up. Please.
But when I wrapped my arms around her and breathed in her citrus scented perfume I knew it was real.

“Oh my God! What are you doing here?” I pulled back to look at her face. Bevin glanced back at Grams who was waiting in the hall with a smile. I looked at her, bewildered, and she shrugged.

“They’ve scheduled your Aunt Abby’s c-section for the end of the week, and your granddad and I are going to go down to Charlotte to spend a couple of weeks with her and the baby before your school starts back up. We figured you would need a friend to keep you company,” Grams said. Filtering through my immense joy was a small layer of guilt. I had been so self-absorbed lately. I’d completely forgotten Aunt Abby was having a baby. How could I forget something like that? God I was a terrible niece. I would have to make it up to her sometime. Maybe I could babysit for a weekend so she and Uncle Jim could go away together.

“Thank you Grams,” I said and hugged her. She cleared her throat like she was holding back some emotion and smiled. She was pretty good at blocking her emotions from me now that she knew I could read them.

“I’ll let you two catch up.” She left and my heart swelled for her. My Grams. God I loved her. I didn’t deserve her.

“Oh my good God Rowan!” Bevin exclaimed as soon as Grams was out of sight. She shoved me into my room and yanked me over to whisper in my ear. “You’re wearing makeup and you have a hot boy in your bed. What has happened to you?” she teased.

Alex laughed. I shoved at Bevin and groaned. “He can
hear
you.”

“Well she doesn’t wear makeup all that often, so you know,” Alex said from the bed grinning. “I personally don’t think she needs the stuff.” I flushed and smiled at him. I had never had anyone make me feel as beautiful as Alex did.  But Bevin was the one boys looked at. She was the one that could have stepped out of the pages of a Victoria's Secret catalog. But now even with Bevin’s legs that went on for miles and her perfect curves, Alex barely took his eyes off of me.

“So you must be stalker boy,” Bevin said and crossed the room to shake his hand.

He nodded and seemed a little embarrassed. “I suppose I am. But you’re welcome to call me Alex,” he said. “And you must be the dark angel on Rowan’s shoulder I’ve heard so much about.”

Bevin let out a soul-deep, heartwarming laugh. “I suppose I am. Also known as Goddess, your royal majesty, or just plain Bevin will work too.”

“Very well your royal majesty,” Alex said with a smile.

She glanced over at me and winked, pointing her thumb at Alex. “I like him.”

“Good,” I said, smiling. The love of my life and my best friend here with me, and getting along. This was amazing. A dream.

After a gloriously greasy lunch at the Choate Bridge Pub, Bevin and I left Alex behind to take a walk. It was close to dinner time and the sun was setting. The Massachusetts sky was on fire with color, and stars were beginning to pop through the lavender blanket overhead. We walked in silence for a few minutes, the choirs of cicadas in the trees the only sound between us. I wanted to tell Bevin so much. I was in love. I was afraid. I was a witch. I still had not begun to deal with the pain of losing my family. Instead I’d just pushed it aside and immersed myself in my feelings for Alex. Which would have been fine, if I wasn’t so afraid that I was about to lose him too. And if I did, what then? I didn’t want to think about it. I couldn’t.

“Okay so what’s going on? And don’t give me the
I’m fine
crap Rowan. I’ve heard that story and I know how it ends.” Bevin stopped and turned to face me, folding her arms across her chest.

“Oh really? How does it end?” I asked.

“With you lying to me for the billionth time. So spill. We’re not moving until you do.” I gritted my teeth together and stared at the ground. I loved Bevin more than life but she could be a pain when she wanted to. Even if it was for my own good.

“Everything is fi–”

“Don’t!”

“Fine!” I started to whirl around but she caught my elbow and glanced around to make sure we were alone.

“It’s me Rowan. We didn’t used to have secrets you know. Or have you forgotten, because it seems to me that since your mom died and you went all Edward Scissorhands and sliced yourself up you can’t seem to remember who the hell you are. And I’m here to remind you, so talk,” she said. Only Bevin had the nerve to bring up such a sensitive subject, but she was right.

“What do you want me to say Bev? That Dad won’t even pick up the phone when I call? That they don’t write. That Dad talks to Grams about once a week to check in, but he never asks to speak to me.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat and started walking. Bevin followed silently and linked her arm with mine, waiting patiently for me to continue. “That I miss her so much sometimes I wish it was me instead of her in the ground. That I miss them all so much it hurts.”

“What else?” she asked in a tight voice. Bevin had always been protective over me. I knew she’d be pissed at Dad after hearing that.

I hesitated. There was so much I’d kept from her since I’d moved here. It was like opening the floodgate to a sea of emotions that I didn’t want to feel.

“You know that party I went to a while back?”

She nodded.

I had to swallow again. I had no reason to be afraid of Max now, but I still was. I knew he’d never come near me again after what Alex did, but it didn’t stop him from appearing in my nightmares on a regular basis. Him or some grotesque mutilated version of him coming after me again and again.

“There was a guy at the party, and I was alone outside. I was stupid. I should have gone in when Tyler asked me to.” I concentrated on reigning in my emotions rather than the order of words that were leaving my mouth. Bevin pulled me to a stop and her eyes went wide.

“What did he do?” she said, and I averted my gaze back down to my feet. It was easier than facing her.

“He banged me up pretty bad, but didn’t get a chance to do anything else. Alex showed up and stopped him.”

She squinted at me for a moment and then she finally exploded, which wasn’t a surprise. I knew it was coming.

“Damn it Rowan! How could you not tell me this stuff? I would have come down sooner. I would have–”

“What? You would have what? Put your whole life on hold because I can’t seem to hold it together?”

She stopped abruptly as if I’d knocked the wind out of her. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry,” I muttered. I hadn’t been in very many arguments with Bevin over the years, and I still didn’t know how to handle myself in one.

“I just don’t see why you didn’t tell me. I thought I was your best friend.” Her voice was barley a whisper and it hit me that I had done the impossible. I had hurt Bevin’s feelings. Her pain was circling me like a fine mist.

My heart sank and I grabbed her arm to pull her into a hug.

“I’m telling you now Bev. Doesn’t that count for anything?” My voice was muffled by her windblown hair and she sniffled against my shoulder.

“Yeah I guess so.” She pulled away and flashed me a smile that told me the worst was over. “So you’re okay now?”

“I’m trying.” I gave her a reassuring smile. The truth was if it wasn’t for Alex I didn’t know how I’d be coping, but Bevin didn’t need to know that.

“So what about Alex? Hot, mysterious, and a to-die-for British accent. I know there’s a story there that you’re not telling.”

I smiled and my cheeks flushed with heat. God, how did I explain Alex? There was no way. Not without her thinking I’d gone off the deep end. No, in this case the less Bevin knew the better.

“He’s amazing. He’s beautiful, and kind, and everything I never knew I always wanted. But somehow everything I know I’ll ever need,” I said in a rush of words that came out of nowhere.

“You love him!” She grinned. “Oh my God, you love the guy!”

It was a statement and I knew she didn’t need an answer to know it was true but I gave one anyway. “Yeah. I love him.” My heart skipped a beat admitting it. God I loved him.

Goddess I’m not ready for this. I should be stronger. I should be fearless. My mother would have been. But I can’t bear to leave her now. Rowan. My love. What will happen to her if I don’t return? If mother’s prophecy is fulfilled? I can’t bear to think of the pain in her beautiful green eyes if I fail her now. I love her. I would sacrifice everything for her. God give me strength. Give me this last bit of magic. Give me life.

~Alexander 2010

***

Our off-key voices tumbled into a fit of giggles as we finished the last chorus of happy birthday for Alex. He blew out the candles on the chocolate cake Grams had made him, and then flashed me a heartbreakingly beautiful smile. Paige and Tyler had come over to celebrate with us and Bevin was leaning into Tyler’s side, giggling and flirting. I shot her a look and rolled my eyes. I knew Bevin would like him. Poor Tyler. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, or rather a deer about to be devoured by a lion. He flashed me a
help me
look, but I pretended not to see and turned my attention back to Alex. My loyalty lies with my best friend. Besides, it would be good for Tyler to be interested in someone else. I still felt the constant need to apologize to either him or Alex when they were in the same room. I couldn’t wait for that to be over.

On the negative side of things, it was here. Time had flown by and now not only was it Alex’s birthday, but also the night of the perigee moon. The time when the moon was at its closest point to the earth. The time that dominated the steady push and pull of the tide. The night that would decide our fate. I shivered at the thought and had to force a smile onto my face.

“Rowan do you want cake?” Grams interrupted my thoughts. I nodded and took the plate from her outstretched hand. The room was an overwhelming blur of faces and voices and I was starting to feel dizzy. Crowds sucked when you could feel every ripple of emotion that flowed through them all. Alex caught my arm and steered me towards the front door.