Perigee Moon (32 page)

“Need some air?” he whispered at my ear. I nodded and let him guide me out to the porch where we eased down onto the steps.

“You look pale. Are you feeling alright?” Alex asked as he rubbed my back with his free hand.

“I’m fine. It’s just hard to focus right now. I’m just ready for this to be over. I’m ready for tomorrow.” Tomorrow when Alex would be here with me forever and there was nothing else to fear.

“I know, love. But try to put it out of your mind and enjoy the party. It won’t do any good to fuss about it now,” he said.

“I know. I just wish we could be alone for a while before, before you go.” I knew that it was better not to think about the possibility of him not coming back, but I couldn’t help it. It was this big flashing light at the end of the road and we were almost there. I couldn’t stand the thought of sharing him during these last precious few hours when they might very well be our last together. I was starting to regret this party.

“Do you think we can get away?” He smiled and I could see an idea spark behind his eyes.

“Yes,” I said. “What did you have in mind?”

“I was under the impression that you’d been wanting to see where I’ve been staying.”

I smiled. I’d been begging him to show me for days, but Bevin was always around. I nodded and leapt to my feet with a renewed energy. “I’ll be right back.”

Inside I practically had to peel Bevin off of Tyler, and when I did he looked so relieved I had to laugh. He was seriously the only guy I’d ever seen that didn’t like Bevin hanging all over him. But then again, Bev could be pretty intense when she wanted to.

“Hey Tyler, you mind if I steal Bev for a minute?” I asked partly to be polite but mostly to tease him. He nodded.

“God he is so freaking cute!” she said as I dragged her up the stairs to my room.

“I know. That’s why I saved him for you remember? But seriously take it easy on poor Tyler, Bev. He’s pretty shy.”

She laughed and plopped down onto my bed.

“And Paige is sweet too,” she said. “Nice Bevin-replacement if you don’t mind me saying.”

“Nobody could ever replace you Bev. You know that.”

“And how do I know that?”

“Because of times like this.” She looked confused so I went on to explain as I tore through my vanity drawer. “Alex and I are going to slip out for a while. I need your assistance. First with makeup.” I handed her the cosmetic bag. “And then with an alibi for Grams.”

She sat up, fully alert and grinning. “Rowan? Are you sneaking off to give Alex a naughty birthday present?”

I sighed and dropped down beside her with a bag of makeup.

“No Bevin. We just want to be alone,” I said.

“You’re no fun,” she said as she ran a brush with powder over my cheeks and nose. “So you’re really not going to go all the way with him?”

I felt my cheeks flush.

“I don’t know.” I sounded sheepish.

“Have you thought about it?” she asked, not in a teasing way, but as if she really wanted to know.

Had I thought about it? Of course I’d thought about it. If I was being totally honest I’d been obsessing about it. And yes a huge part of me wanted to give him that part of myself before he left. Just in case he never came back. Just in case I never got the chance.

“You
are
thinking about it.” I could feel the rest of my face fill in with a tomato red color. Great.

Bevin squinted her eyes at me and immediately began to fan me with her hand. I tried not to start hyperventilating. Was I seriously considering this? I guess after seventeen years of being a virgin I should have thought it out more. Oh God I
was
thinking about this!

“Hey, calm down. Breathe Rowan. Breathe.” I could still hear the amusement behind her voice. “It’s not a big deal–” My eyes flew open to glare at her, stopping her mid sentence. “Okay it is a big deal. A huge deal. A ginormous deal!” We both started giggling as she finished my makeup.

“Okay.” She stopped and leaned back to look me over. “Underwear and bra. Matching?”

“I guess, why?” I asked, feeling panicky.

“Do you want to be wearing granny panties?”

I shook my head. Good thing Bevin knew what to do, because I was clueless and very close to chickening out before Alex even knew I’d made my decision.

I got up from the bed and spritzed on some perfume and brushed my teeth. Then looked to Bevin for approval.

“You’re gorgeous. As usual.” She sighed and I rolled my eyes.

“Right Bev.”

“No really. I don’t tell you that enough. Why do you think that Tyler guy is so reluctant to climb aboard the Bevin express? He’s totally hung up on you.”

Great. Another friend siding with Tyler.

Sensing my frustration she quickly amended, “But I see why you chose Alex. I’d give anything for a guy to look at me the way Alex looks at you.” She sounded wistful and looked away. My throat tightened.

“I know,” I said, inadequately. “Bev someone’s going to look at you that way too. He just hasn’t found you yet.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She smiled and met my eyes and I suddenly felt better from the amount of reassurance there.

“Rowan?” I jumped when Grams appeared in my doorway. She glanced back and forth between Bevin and I doing that whole
I know what you’re thinking
bit. I cringed.

“What is it Grams?”

“You do realize you have a whole house full of people downstairs that you invited here?” She shrugged. “The troops are getting restless. You might want to make an appearance is all.”

I nodded and took a deep breath.

“Hey Grams?” Bevin stopped her in her best sugary-sweet voice. “We were all thinking of going to a movie tonight. Would that be alright?”

Grams eyed me for a moment then smiled. “Yeah, I guess that’s okay. Just not too late Rowan. Be home before sunrise. Don’t want the neighbors talking now do we?”

“Your Grams is the coolest,” Bevin said after Grams had left. “And you’re welcome for the alibi by the way.”

I smiled and smoothed my hands over my skirt. “Thanks.” I stared into the dark folds of silky fabric draped across my lap. Was I actually going to do this?

“He loves you Rowan,” Bevin said as if she could sense my doubts. “I mean he
really
loves you. If you do decide you’re ready. He’s the one. Trust me on that.”

I nodded. She was right. He was the one.

After Tyler, Bevin, and Paige dropped us off a block from the house and headed to the movies without us, Alex laced his fingers through mine and pulled me through the dark and twisted forest. It seemed like miles before he pulled open the creaky door to the small one-room cabin and told me to wait outside. I wiped my sweaty palms across my skirt and took a deep breath to calm myself. It was nine o’clock. Alex would have to do the spell at midnight if it was going to work. That meant I only had three more hours with him. If all went well then we’d have a lifetime after that. If not, well I wasn’t going to think about that.

“Okay it’s ready,” he said as he pulled me through the door. He really had made the place his own. There was a small cot in one corner made up with a few flannel blankets and the edges of the room were lined with lit candles, hardened puddles of wax held them in place from previous night’s use. A stack of books sat by the bed and there was a wood-burning fireplace in the corner that remained unlit.

“What do you think?” he asked, running a hand through his hair like he was unsure of what to do next.

I took a slow step around him to inspect the room further and nodded, breathing in the sweet smell of aged cedar planks. “I like it,” I said. “What is this place?”

“An abandoned hunting shack. It hasn’t been used in years. I found it a while back on one of my trips. I’m not sure if anyone even knows it’s out here.”

“Oh.” I twirled a strand of hair around my index finger nervously. We were completely alone. The thought sent shivers through me.

“Still feeling sick?” he asked, his smooth voice filling the tiny space around us and suddenly he was behind me, moving my hair over my shoulder so that he could kiss my neck.

“No.” I closed my eyes as the warmth from his lips swept through me, then I twisted around in his arms to look into his eyes. God they were so blue, so full of love. I wanted to look into his eyes forever, to drown in them.

“I’m sorry I made you leave your party. I just wanted you for myself,” I said, breaking the intense silence between us.

He grinned and kissed my forehead. “No need to be sorry love. I’m yours.”

“Good.” I nuzzled my face into the hollow of his neck. He shivered and my breath caught in my throat.

“So now that you have me here. What do you plan to do with me?” he asked, playfully.

Breathe Rowan, I ordered myself silently. Breathe. The flames from a few of the candles flared up, dousing us with heat as my emotions churned inside of me. I could feel him tense at my silence. “Rowan?”

“Alex.” I took another shaky breath, keeping my face buried in the crook of his neck. God I wished I knew how to do this. But I didn’t. I only knew how I felt so for better or for worse I let that indescribable heat guide me as I tilted my face up to kiss him.

He didn’t hesitate, instantly meeting my lips with the kind of fervor that was swimming inside me. His hands slipped around my waist and before I knew it he had spun me around so that my back was pressed against the splintered cabin door, creaking against our weight as he pressed me into it.

“Alex,” I whispered when he broke away to leave a string of kisses across my jaw, his nose lightly skimming my throat before bringing his lips down to my shoulder.

“Hmm?” His lips made a full circle as they came back up to meet mine. He kissed me hard for a moment then broke away again to let me breathe. As if that were even possible at this point.

His lips were at my ear and I pressed my mouth against his neck feeling like I was about to spontaneously combust at any moment. Squeezing my eyes shut I swallowed past the fear in my throat finally letting the words come. “Alex make love to me.”

He froze and I held my breath. God what was I thinking? How could I just say it out loud like that? I had no idea what I was doing.

He didn’t pull back to look at me but I could feel him looking away. “You don’t know what you’re saying.” His trembling arms loosening around me, his emotions wavering and torn as they poured into me.

“Yes I do.” I had to stand my ground.

He finally pulled back slowly and forced me to look at him. “Rowan I might not come back.” I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to hear this. He shook me lightly to get my attention. “What if I don’t come back?”

“Then I’ll never regret it.” I was surprised at how calm and sure I sounded, like a stranger compared to the nervous girl inside.

“You’re sure about that?”

“It’s the only thing I’m sure of anymore. You are the only thing I’m sure of anymore, Alex. I love you.” And it was true. I knew I would never forgive myself for not taking this opportunity if he didn’t come back.

Shaking, he leaned in and kissed me softly before letting his lips drift around to my ear. “Rowan, I need to say so much. Too much. There’s not enough time to say all of the things I want to say to you.”

He looked down at me and his eyes were an indescribable color against the firelight, a deep inky blue.

“Then show me,” I whispered, my eyes swimming in moisture, overcome with both of our emotions. He reached up to touch my face and it sparked a fuse within me. I pulled his lips back to mine. It happened very fast then, as we both succumbed to the desire flowing through us. In one swift movement Alex pulled me up so that my legs were wrapped around his hips, clinging to him as he carried me to the tiny cot tucked away against the wall. It was small, the rusted springs groaning under our weight as he lowered me down. But it didn’t matter. Alex’s hands swept over me like wild fire infusing me with life and love and warmth. My hands tangled in his hair as I pressed against him, willing myself to melt into him. All I could think was this was right.

My fingers fumbled nervously with the buttons of his shirt as he wedged a knee in between my legs, squaring his hips with mine, before finally tearing free from his shirt and tossing it to the floor. His hands scalded my thighs, burning with warmth as he slid my dress up, then rushed to unbutton his jeans that were already hanging low around his hips. But before he could get them undone he froze, his lips completely still above mine. He wasn’t even breathing.