Persona - A Disturbing Psychological Thriller (42 page)

‘I’ve been a fool, but I could never have known it. It couldn’t have been any different and only you could understand this. You saw the humanity in me and succeeded in exposing it. It was hard to do that, and I know you’re badly hurt, but you were right, Stacey. Your perseverance and self-belief has paid off. You’ve shown me the light, and now I want to stay forever.’

Stacey looked at him, tears streaming from her eyes. ‘I can’t take you back, I can’t, not after all you’ve done.’

‘You saved me from drowning, Stacey, and now only you can pump the air back into my lungs. You know it’s true. I’m the one who’s always hidden from the truth, and you are the one who lives by it. Don’t put on a false persona now, be yourself, follow your instincts.’

‘What do I get from it?’

‘What you’ve always wanted. I too can look deeper, and I can see the loneliness and despair you’ve suffered. You thought you’d never find love because of your size, because you thought every man was shallow. I look at you and see beauty.’

Stacey bawled. ‘Do you really
mean
that?’

‘I do.’

‘But-but you’ve
murdered
.’

‘It’s over now.’

‘But the police are looking for you.’

‘They won’t find me. We’re fated to be together. It’s taken all my life to realise that. Do you really think something’s gonna break that up? I don’t, but we still have to be cautious. We have to move away.’

‘What are you talking about, Ryan?’ She glared at him. ‘I don’t want this! I wish I’d never met you!’

Ryan didn’t flinch. ‘Stacey, that’s a lie.’

‘Why won’t you listen to me, you stubborn bastard? I want you to go!’ she shrieked, pointing to the door.

‘If I do that, you’ll only want me back. You can’t fight this.’

‘Well, if that’s true, I’ll call you sometime.’

‘I’ve got to go, and I won’t be coming back.’

‘Then…go.’

‘Do you really want that, Stacey?’

‘Yes,’ she whispered.

Ryan put his arm around her and kissed her damp cheek. ‘I love you, Stacey,’ he said, looking into her eyes. ‘Can’t you tell this is sincere, heartfelt emotion? Do you believe me?’

‘Yes,’ she whimpered, ‘I believe you, but I…c-can’t just let go of everything.’

Ryan smiled. ‘I have for you.’

‘I know, but I’m not as strong. I
can’t
just move on.’

‘What are you talking about? You’re
much
stronger than I am! Jesus, I’ve cowered from the truth virtually all my life. I was too weak to search my soul, and because of that I’ve wasted so many years. Only now that you’ve come along and turned me inside out, do I know myself. Finally, the past has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel so free. You penetrated that solid, frozen exterior, and only the strongest, kindest mind could have done that. I’m so proud of you, Stacey.’ He stroked her cheek.

‘I knew this would happen. I knew you’d come to me, and I told myself I must reject you.’ She stroked his hair. ‘But now that it’s happening, I just…
can’t
. I’ve waited so long for this and I’ve worked
so
hard. I deserve to enjoy it, to relax…’

‘You do, and I promise I’ll do all I can to ensure you never regret taking me back for a single second.’ He held her hand and they kissed passionately.

‘You’re mine now, Ryan,’ she said, holding his face in her hands. ‘We must start again and live as a normal couple.’

He nodded. ‘What shall I change my name to?’

‘Anything, I don’t care. Don’t mention what has happened between us to anyone.’

‘I won’t. You’ll never be reminded…except when you see Dave, but even though he’s moving to Cornwall with us, you won’t feel awkward. He’s gay.’

‘He’s gay? How do you know?’

‘I just do, take my word for it.’

‘Well, I just hope I never see that evil bitch Fay again.’

Ryan opened his mouth, but then quickly shut it. ‘She won’t know where we’ve gone.’

‘Well, leave me then to pack my belongings in peace.’

‘Okay, I’ll call you in a couple of hours.’

Sitting on the rug in her bedroom, Stacey threw clothes into bin bags. What the hell was happening to her? She was gathering her belongings so she could leave her home and live with a psychopath! Was she sane? She couldn’t be. She’d not been forced to do this - it was voluntary. She stopped what she was doing and stared at the heavy, pencil-grey sky through the window.

What would her father think of her? His lovely little girl had lost her mind and was about to run off with a murderer. But it wasn’t that clear-cut. An open mind was needed to understand the situation. Whatever Ryan had done or said, he now genuinely loved her and wanted to spend his future with her. She had been right about him, and, despite the circumstances, that filled her with pride. She had persevered and got through to him, and now he was indebted to her. She had cured a sick man, and it was - as she had known it would be - her greatest achievement. But had she allowed her success to have too much influence over her decision?

She backed up against the mattress, twiddling a hairband between her fingers. She could stay here, try to put this behind her and carry on. Carry on and find another man… She shook her head, clenching the band tight until her fingers hurt. It would be far more difficult to let this go than to hold onto it. After so many long, unbearably lonely nights, she’d found a man. She’d used her special talent to understand his complex structure and then had formulated a plan to help him recover. Successfully passing her message to him had caused her terrible pain, but now he truly wanted her.

It wasn’t straightforward and other issues could not be ignored, but the simple fact remained – she had a man who loved her. The horrendous sins involved, though not excusable, were due to external factors. A scarred, tortured child had been forced to help kill his mother, and as a man he had believed he would find what he longed for in a girl named Jenny. However, she had then cheated on him, convincing him that love could not exist. Ten years on, a bitter man had come to her, and she had taken it upon herself to make him happy. Thanks to her, he had now found that place, and it was with her.

All she had ever wanted was a man who would appreciate her. Only Ryan had spoken those beautiful words – ‘I look at you and see beauty’. Even now it brought tears to her eyes.
Everything
about her appealed to him; his statement offered no hurtful omissions, so often evident in the normal, forced compliments people gave – ‘You’re a nice girl’; ‘You have a lovely personality’; ‘Many people would want to go out with a girl like you’. Such comments told her she was flawed, that something prevented her from being entirely attractive. Only now did she realise that it was something they lacked, not her. They were too superficial so see each part of her composition as a precious, vital piece that made up the special person she was. Only Ryan could see this. He regarded her mental and physical attributes as one and the same…‘I look at you and see beauty’. What a wonderful person he was.

Suddenly an image of death filled her mind and she broke into a cold sweat. Mr Edmunds talking to officers, and then suddenly all the life gone, his corpse smacking onto the ground, blood seeping from the bullet wound in his head…

Stacey slapped her hand on her mouth and ran to the bathroom, spewing lumps on the landing carpet on the way. Then she retched into the toilet bowl until she was empty, and then pushed herself away and lay on her back.

He was dead because of this man who loved her -
dead
! Ruthlessly, Ryan had sealed his fate, and even now showed no remorse. That is a psychopath. Ryan had believed it was essential to remove him from the world, either as a form of punishment, or because his progress in life required it.

‘
Oh my God
!’ she wept. What must she do? Should she pass on what she knew to the police? Whether she did that or not, she would regret it.

A robin with a breast as bright as a flame landed on the sill of her bedroom window. Stacey stared at it from the bathroom. It stayed there, looking into her room. She thought, then, how her higher purpose had drawn her to this, to Ryan. Ever since she was a little girl, she’d been aware that her gift was unique, and had used it on a few occasions, but had known that none of them were the reason why she’d been specially chosen. As soon as she met Ryan, she had known he was her higher purpose. He was a lost soul, punishing God’s children for his misfortunes, and she had been drawn to him to heal his wounds. What she had now, a man who loved her, was her reward for curing him. Love didn’t come easily - that was so true. She could never have known it would be like this. But it was meant for them and they believed that. She could not ignore the fact that two lonely, insecure people had met one night, and now both were free of that pain. It was God’s will that they be together. The Lord moves in mysterious ways.

The robin fluttered against the windowpane and then ascended out of sight.

Stacey cleared up the mess, and then returned to her packing. A new life awaited her and sadness would be a thing of the past. A smile spread across her face.

When Ryan called her, she told him she’d need another hour to pack. Thirty minutes after that, Dave knocked on her door and she let him in.

‘I’m so happy you’ve decided to give Ryan a chance,’ he said.

‘It’s meant to be,’ she replied.

Dave took a breath. ‘There’s something else you need to know.’

They both sat down. Stacey stared at him apprehensively. ‘There can’t be more,’ she said, shaking her head.

‘It’s not what you think, but you need to know so you can protect Ryan.’

‘What is it, David?’

‘It’s about how Zen was killed off.’

Stacey gasped, covering her face and then looking at him through parted fingers. ‘Oh my God, I didn’t even think about that! Ryan told me it was over, and I had so much on my mind, I didn’t even give it a thought! The papers said he wanted to drive Jenny insane. Did he do that? What happened, David? Tell me!’

‘Calm down. There’s no need to be hysterical. It’s important that you listen carefully.

‘Ryan believes Jenny is dead. That’s why Zen disappeared, and so long as Ryan believes that, Zen will stay that way. She’s not really dead-’

‘Then why does he believe it?’

‘Because I pretended to murder her in front of him.’

‘Oh, Jesus! Is this
really
happening?’

‘When I read about the Edmunds murder, I realised what was happening and concocted a plan to save Ryan before he got caught. If Jenny was dead, Zen couldn’t exist - he was only there to punish her. Jenny’s in on this, too – she’s gone far away so he’ll never see her. She’s going to change her name and everything so Ryan doesn’t uncover the truth. That’s where you come in.’

‘This is crazy.’ Stacey wiped her forehead with her hand.

‘Yeah, it is. I’m just as down to earth as you and my head’s spinning, but it’s happened and we have to preserve the illusion.’

‘How?’

‘We must be one step ahead of him with regard to current events. The story is huge and Jenny’s disappearance will raise a lot of questions. Reporters will snoop around and if she’s not careful her face will be all over the papers. We have to keep Ryan from them.’

Stacey closed her eyes.

‘It won’t be as difficult as you might think. He doesn’t watch TV or listen to the radio, so it just means screening the papers. You’ll be living with him, so you’ll be in a prime position to make this work.’

His stare was intense. ‘He’s not stupid, Dave.’

‘I know,’ he replied impatiently. ‘But it’s something you have to commit yourself to. If you love him you’ll do it. If we fail, the nightmare starts again.’

‘What a life!’

‘It’s an inconvenience, but he means
everything
to me, and I know, with your help, we can do it.’

‘What about the chances of the police finding him? His photo’s everywhere, and so is yours.’

Dave boldly shook his head. ‘I won’t give them information if they find me. It’s the next couple of months that will be the most hazardous, while it’s fresh in the air. We’ll get out of here and keep a low profile. Jenny will be careful, and I’m sure we’ll be okay.’

Stacey sighed, and then stood up. ‘Would you like a drink?’

‘No thanks, I have to go.’

‘Will you be able to get a job?’

He nodded. ‘Computer programmers are always in demand.’

‘What about Ryan?’

‘He’s amassed a small fortune from his job over the years. He’ll open a gym or something. Don’t worry about it. It’ll work out. I have a good piece of advice for you though.’

She raised her eyebrows.

‘Don’t ever two-time him.’

50

Everything was packed. The lounge was bare except for half a dozen suitcases stacked by the door. As she sat on his lap, John-Paul wrapped his arms around her and rubbed his face against her silky, just-washed hair, savouring the scent of sweet coconut.