Persuasion (30 page)

She walked through the gate and as soon as she stood on the front

pavement, knew that she had indeed selected the correct house.

Lily headed to the front door and hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether

or not she ought to use the key. Having made her decision to not use the

key, she quietly knocked upon the door and tucked herself beside one of the

columns under the portico to keep hidden from the bustling street.

The last thing she needed was to be recognized at eleven o'clock in the

morning outside a gentleman's house!

After a few minutes, the door opened and a man in livery stood there,

looking at her with a puzzled frown. There was something about him that

she recognized, and she could only assume that it was the footman from the

first night she had visited here.

“I wish to speak with the Earl,” she murmured quietly.

Lily knew before he even shook his head that this was most unorthodox and

that he was about to refuse. Men did not receive women callers at this time

of the day. It was the men who called and not the fairer sex. But she had no

choice in the matter! It was urgent, damn it!

She pursed her lips and ignored his.

“I'm afraid Earl fforbes-Hyde is not at home to callers, ma'am.”

Lily stalked forwards and brushed her way past the footman and into the

hallway.

His jaw opened and closed for a few seconds, as though he could not believe

that she had just charged into his employer's home. He said nothing, merely

allowed her to have her own way.

In truth, she pitied him. He was bound to be on the receiving end of a

wrathful set down from the butler for allowing a strange woman to enter the

Earl's home, but what else could he have done? Forcibly detained her?

Chuckling at the thought, Lily strode down the corridor and opened the door

to the study after a vacillating knock. Her eyes took in the room in the light

of day and, in truth, there was very little difference. The only real change

was that Dorian was seated at his desk and not in one of his armchairs.

His head had shot up at the opening of the door and while her heart sighed

with relief to see him and her eyes softened at his very masculine beauty, he

looked at her as though he were staring at the footman, coldly, detachedly,

and with decided disinterest.

Lily frowned and stepped into the study, closing the door behind her. She

walked over to his work area and smiled hesitantly at him as she did so.

His face seemed almost to be carved from stone and her chin wobbled at the

thought that either the blackmailer had indeed informed Dorian of their

bargain or that Dorian's words of love had been fabricated and merely a part

of a conversation that took place between lovers. Inexperienced as she was,

she did not know the rules of such a game and all she could think was that

in the cold light of the morning perhaps he did not love her.

Surprisingly, the thought that Dorian had merely acted out the part of her

loving lover hurt more than the possibility of the blackmailer having shared

the truth of her deceit. It was only then that she truly understood what this

man had come to mean to her. She had known that she loved him. In the

most secret part of herself, she had always known that, but only now did she

realize to what extent. It was almost frightening to consider that he felt

nothing for her.

Biting her lip, she came to a halt directly before his desk and clutched the

edges with trembling hands. “A-Are you surprised to see me?” she asked,

her voice as tremulous as her hands.

He was silent and a cold cast came over his features. “Yes. I am. What are

you doing here?”

His words were clouded with suspicion, and, despite herself, she felt hurt,

truly hurt. It was difficult to speak with her throat clogged with tears. She

did not understand why she felt so dejected by Dorian's attitude, but she

did. The idea of baring all to this cold man, to a man that was entirely unlike

the Dorian she had come to know, was quite insupportable, but do just that

she must.

“There is something I must tell you,” she began and winced at his look of

derision.

“Let me hazard a guess . . . you are pregnant?”

Her mouth popped open, and she frowned at him. “I do not know,” she

admitted hesitantly. “My maid says that I am displaying one of the

symptoms of such an affliction, but I am really rather untrained with what

the symptoms actually are. But that is not why I am here. Perhaps it has

brought urgency to the situation but not for that sole reason.”

At his snigger of derision, she glared at him. “What is the matter with you?”

Lily hissed.

“I should have realized that when something appears to be far too good to

be true, it is in fact just that!”

Lily pursed her lips and nodded. “Yes, indeed, you are correct. But, and I can

tell from your look, that your nasty devious mind has indeed crafted some

horrible explanation and I can guarantee that whatever you are thinking at

this moment in time, it is not the truth . . . .”

“I bet!” he interrupted sarcastically.

“Yes, indeed, but if you listen . . . ,” she retorted frostily, “you can know the

truth and I, for one, shall feel much better for sharing this with you.” She

held up a hand when he looked set to interrupt again. “You remember the

first time we met at the Greene's ball?” He nodded and she could see that

even that much of a response angered him. Wondering what on earth was

behind this change of mood, she continued. “A short time before we first

danced together, I was . . . I suppose the correct term is propositioned,

against my will.”

“Oh, indeed, that is quite easy to believe!”

“I beg your pardon?” she spat, immediately understanding and disliking his

train of thoughts. “I came to you a virgin if you remember, my lord! That is

hardly the behavior of a common doxy!”

“Perhaps not, although your behavior thereafter speaks of nothing but!”

Lily sucked in a harsh breath. “I am trying to tell you that . . . I . . . . One

evening at the theater, a man came to our box. My aunt and uncle had just

gone to call on some acquaintances and I was left alone. H-He said that I

was to follow his orders or my mother would be injured.”

“Is this some kind of jest?”

“No! Of course, it isn't! I wish it were, damn it, especially now that I realize

what a beast you are and that the damned man was lying! But you have to

understand, Dorian, I was terrified. My mama has been hurt enough this

past year and the thought of her life being in danger . . . well, it was quite a

terrifying ordeal for me. Against my better judgment, I acquiesced and met

you at the ball.

“Last night, the blackmailer informed me that I was to never see you again.

That if I was to instigate any relationship with yourself then he would inform

you as to why we had met and to why I had given myself to you. And yes, I

shall freely admit that at first any interaction with you was under duress.

But,” she paused and sent him a sad smile, “my heart fell for yours. My love

for you is not fraudulent. It is true and deep."

“A very convenient tale, I'm sure!” he said derisively.

“Convenient?" she hissed. "You believe the destruction of my reputation and of my very sense of self to be convenient? Damn your hide!”

“No, I believe that that tale is convenient for it shields the truth of the state

of your family's coffers!”

“My family's coffers?” she asked, a confused frown turning her lips down at

the corners.

“Yes! Has Devlin not cleared them out as rumor suggests?”

“It would take far more than my brother's poor spending habits to clear out

the family fortune, Dorian. And that, if you believe nothing else, is the truth.

I have no need for any money. Indeed, that was the only comfort to this

entirely beastly situation. Were news of my blackened reputation to reach

the ears of the ton, I could escape North and live quietly and without fear of

abject poverty!”

“Who is this blackmailer of yours?” Dorian asked through gritted teeth.

“Unsurprisingly, Dorian, he kept his anonymity during our meetings,” she

spat sardonically. “He hardly wished for me to recognize him! I-I have seen

him but once. Last night. In the carriage home, he was sat there and I saw

him in the light of the moon.”

“Very romantic, I am sure!”

“Could it be more to the contrary? If I saw him again I would claw out his

eyes for the misery he has caused me.”

He tapped his fingers against his desk and began to stare her down. She

imagined that he was a lion in the depths of feral Africa and she a wildebeest

ripe for attack. The imagery had her feet shuffling, and, to combat this, she

glared at him.

“You mean to say that this man whom you have only seen the once and in

the moonlight, threatened your mother's life were you not to follow his

demands?”

Lily's fingers gripped the edge of his desk, the flesh turning white from the

force she used. Slowly, she nodded, wondering all the while if he believed

her. The moment the words had left her mouth, she had realized how far-

fetched it had all sounded, but then, was the truth not stranger than fiction?

“And why did this man select you?”

“I know not, Dorian. I wish I did. I wish I understood more about this

beastly situation, but I do not. All I know is that I was propositioned on pain

of my mother's safety. For the love of God, I-I even had to ask of my maid

what a seduction entailed! I was entirely innocent until that bastard came to

me and forced me into this situation.

"I have no clear cut answers, but I imagine you have noticed the similarity in

appearance between me and your late wife. Could that perhaps have

something to do with his selection?”

He flinched at her words. “Mayhap. Mayhap,” he spat. A frozen silence

settled between them and then suddenly, he spoke again. “You say you are

not sure if you are pregnant?”

Lily was surprised at the change of topic, and it showed on her face. She

shrugged awkwardly. “In truth, I may not be pregnant. It was simply

something my maid said. I-I have been ill these past few mornings. At first,

I believed it to be something I ate, but no one else in the house is so

plagued by sickness. My maid merely said that did she not know better, she

would say that I was indeed in the family way.”

“That is hardly proof of your state of health!” he remarked sourly.

“Pardon me, my lord, but have I not already said that?” she said between

gritted teeth. “I do not know if I am with child or not! I have said this three

times now!”

“If you are, there is a distinct possibility it is not mine, is there not?” he

commented softly, his eyes cold.

“Not your own? Not your own?” she repeated, her pitch increasing

dramatically as she stared at the impenetrable cloak he wore around himself

like a shield to hide his emotions from her. “If I am pregnant, then of course

it is your own! I have never . . . .” She swallowed. “I have never been with

anyone else . . . in that way,” Lily clarified. “God above, it was difficult

enough to have my Abigail explain a seduction to me, never mind cavort

around the country seducing hapless gentlemen!”

“Your behavior suggests otherwise. Sneaking in here to seduce me into

marriage . . . actually fucking me, and yet you are surprised that I wonder

at the bastard you may be carrying's father?”

Flinching at his use of such a coarse word and hurt beyond belief, Lily

gasped, and a feeling of faintness overcame her. She lifted a hand and

pressed it against her forehead.

“Why do you believe so ill of me?” she whispered and moved backwards so

that she could perch upon the armrest of the nearest armchair, one of the

two which were placed before the hearth. “What cause, until now, have I

given you to think so poorly of my nature?”

“Why else would you do what you have done? Seduce me in this way? It is

hardly proper behavior for a woman of your status! Had I not thought about

the situation, about your unlikely tale of not wishing to marry but to

experience the joys of what occurred between man and wife, I would not

have believed this of you. But your propensity for tall tales has felled you!”

“Proper? No,” she said with a withdrawn laugh. “It is not. And that my status

is so high should tell you that what I did, I did to protect my mother, to

ensure that she was, at all times, safe. I am the daughter of a Marquess, a

rich one at that. I have no need to seduce men into offering for me. I need

not marry unless I so choose. Until I met you, until you set my heart to

fluttering, I had been quite content to simply subsist through the Season

merely to be able to tell my mama that London and its society was not for

me, that I was not ready for marriage.

“I have not seduced you so as to force you into offering for me. To use force

in such a delicate situation as this is abhorrent to me. I would rather die

than have you as the coerced and blackmailed groom! And my propensity for

tall tales is meager, of that I can assure you. I have never truly been all that