Petals in the Storm (49 page)

Though ordinarily Maggie would not have wanted to return to Chanteuil, going for Rex provided a convenient excuse to be out of the house if Rafe called to see how she and Robin were faring. The day was as sunny and warm as high summer, which made the drive enjoyable.

When she reached the castle, the Prussian guards at the gatehouse told her that all of Varenne's servants had fled, leaving the estate empty. The sergeant in charge recognized her from the day before, so he was easily persuaded to allow her in when she explained that she had come for a cat, and perhaps to view the gardens.

It didn't take long to achieve her first objective; whoever said that cats were aloof had obviously never met Rex. Within five minutes of entering the castle and starting to call his name, he trotted out to greet her, ready for food and adoration.

Being no fool, Maggie had brought some sliced chicken with her. After Rex dined, he was quite happy to sleep off his meal while draped over her shoulder.

The lush, overgrown gardens were very lovely, the flowers bright with the flamboyant splendor of the last days before frost. She sensed no lingering trace of Varenne's evil, and for that she was grateful.

When Rex began to feel heavy, Maggie decided to sit and enjoy the sunshine. In a small rose garden completely surrounded by high hedges, she found a stone bench under a blossom-covered arbor. She sank down on it, grateful for the shade. The scene was extraordinarily peaceful, the silence broken only by the fluting of birdsongs and the gentle splashing of a small fountain in the center of the garden.

Rex slept with his head on her lap, the rest of him sprawled along the bench, one back paw in the air. The cat would be a fine tutor as she learned to live a normal, quiet life, for he had a truly remarkable talent for relaxation.

The tranquility soothed her strained nerves. Though the last weeks had been harrowing, the experience had been worthwhile, for she and Rafe had made a kind of peace. She also had an unforgettable night to cherish for the rest of her life.

Her musings were interrupted by the crunching of footsteps on gravel. She looked up to see Rafe walking swiftly along the path. Seeing her, he paused, then proceeded toward her at a slower pace, his expression reserved. Though his hair was uncharacteristically windblown, he was dressed with his usual damn-your-eyes elegance, and was so handsome that she realized she was forgetting to breathe.

Though this meeting would mean another night of tears, she couldn't help but respond to his presence. "Good afternoon, your grace," she said with a carefully casual smile. "What brings you to Chanteuil?"

"You. May I sit down?" At her nod, he settled on the other side of Rex. "It's rather eerie. Apart from the Prussian guards at the gatehouse who said you might be in the garden, the place seems deserted."

"Not so much as a cook or a scullery maid left," she agreed. "It's fortunate that I came for Rex. Perhaps he could have survived on castle mice, but he would have been lonesome. He's a sociable creature."

Instead of answering, Rafe studied her face, his expression intent. There was something subtly different about him this morning. Perhaps it was only imagination, but to her eyes he looked less like a duke and more like the young man she had fallen in love with.

Before the silence could become too uncomfortable, he said, "One reason I came out here was to offer you an apology. Northwood was the one who claimed that you had lain with him. Looking back, it's hard to understand how I was fool enough to believe him."

She would much rather discuss weather or the gardens, but there were some things that should probably be said, since they were unlikely to meet again. "I learned that it was Northwood yesterday, when he boasted of what he had done. It was clever of him to pretend drunkenness—it's easier to believe a whisper than a shout."

Rafe grimaced. "Lord knows that I have been punished for my unreasonable jealousy. I'm profoundly sorry, Margot. Not trusting you was the worst mistake of my life."

He hesitated, as if seeking the right words, then said haltingly, "My parents had a fashionable marriage. After they did their duty and produced me, they were seldom under the same roof, much less in the same bed. I wanted a different kind of marriage. When I met you, I thought I had found what I was looking for. Yet I don't think I truly believed that it was possible for me to attain such happiness, which may be why I was susceptible to Northwood's slander."

"I don't remember you ever talking about your parents before," she said quietly.

He shrugged. "There was very little to say. My mother died when I was ten—her demise made so little difference in my life that I scarcely noticed she was gone. My father believed in Lord Chesterfield's maxim that there was nothing so vulgar as audible laughter. He was quite punctilious about his responsibilities to his heir, just as he was conscientious about caring for his tenants and taking his seat in the Lords. A true English gentleman." Rafe glanced down and began stroking the cat's, silky belly. "Having Colonel Ashton for a father-in-law was a ... refreshing prospect."

His uninflected words made Maggie's heart ache. At eighteen, it had not occurred to her that tall, confident Rafe had not only desired her, but needed her. She wondered why he revealed that. Not for sympathy, she was sure.

Deciding to ask a question that had often occurred to her, usually late in a lonely night, she said, "If I had denied Northwood's charge, would you have believed me?"

"I think so. I wanted—rather desperately—for you to throw my words back in my face." He stopped, men added painfully, "The fact that you made no attempt to deny it seemed like proof of your infidelity."

"My wretched, wretched temper," she said sadly, feeling the ache of old anguish. "I was so angry and hurt that I had to escape before I fell apart in front of you. I should have stayed and fought."

"My lack of trust was far more reprehensible than your justifiable anger," Rafe said, his voice tight with self-condemnation. "If your father hadn't felt that he needed to get you away from London, he never would have died in France."

She shook her head. "It's my turn to apologize. In spite of what I said when we had that horrible fight, I never blamed you for his death. It's true that we originally left England because of my broken betrothal, but we overstayed our time in France because my father was sending reports to army headquarters. He was sure that the peace wouldn't last, so he used our travels as a cover for observing French troops and armaments." She gave Rafe a wry glance. "As you see, I came by my spying abilities naturally."

Rafe sighed. "Thank you for telling me that. It helps a little."

"Life is a tapestry of interwoven events," she said slowly. "If we hadn't come to France—if Father hadn't been killed—if I hadn't gone to work with Robin— who knows what would have happened in Paris this week? Varenne might have been successful, and Europe would be sliding toward war again. So perhaps my father's death wasn't as meaningless as it seemed at the time."

"I hope you're right. There is comfort in believing that some good has come from the tragedies of the past." He pulled a velvet box from his pocket and handed it to her. "Another reason I came out here was because I wanted you to have these."

Recognizing the box, she tried to give it back. "I can't possibly keep the emeralds. They're too valuable."

His brows lifted. "If I gave you flowers, you would accept them. What is the difference?"

"At least five thousand pounds," she said tartly. "Probably a good bit more."

He laid his hand over hers where it rested on the velvet box. "The cost is unimportant. What matters is that they are from the heart, no more, and no less, than flowers would be."

The warmth that spread through their joined hands weakened Maggie's resolve. The truth was that she wanted the emeralds, not so much for their beauty and value as because they were from Rafe. "Very well," she said in a low voice. "If you really want me to keep them I shall."

"I would like to give you a great deal more."

His words triggered a rush of fury. Why did he have to say that and spoil everything? She rose to her feet, leaving both jewels and an indignant Rex on the bench. "I don't want you to give me anything more," she snapped. "This is already too much. Take those damned emeralds away and give them to a woman who will express her appreciation in the way that you want."

Back rigid, she stepped into the sunshine and plucked a rose from one of the bushes. As she broke thorns from the stem, she told herself that she was
not
going to lose her composure.

It was another resolution doomed to failure. Rafe came up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. Though there was nothing overtly sensual in the contact, his nearness undermined her good intentions with dreadful ease.

In his deep, mellow voice, he quoted, " 'Come live with me and be my love, Then we will all the pleasures prove ...'"

She yanked away, turning only when she was safely out of his reach. "Damn you, Rafe Whitbourne, we've been over this before! I won't be your mistress."

He could have followed her and used all the intoxicating weapons of the senses to try to change her mind, but he didn't. Instead, he said quietly, "I'm not asking you to be my mistress. I'm asking you to be my wife."

Maggie had believed that matters could not get worse, but she had been wrong. Rafe was offering the deepest desire of her heart—and his words triggered a numbing wave of fear and grief.

Not daring to investigate the roots of her distress, she said tightly, "You do me a great honor, your grace, but we both know that when men like you marry, they choose rich, beautiful, eighteen-year-old virgins." She gave a brittle laugh. "I am none of those things. High adventure can be like a drug—don't let a few days of excitement warp your judgment."

In spite of her flat refusal, Rafe felt a flicker of hope. Margot had said nothing about not loving him,which was why she had refused Robin, and which was the only reason that really mattered.

"I'm not 'men like me'—for better and worse, I'm the one and only Rafael Whitbourne," he said in his most reasonable tone. "I also have quite enough money for any two people, or even any hundred people, so fortune is not an issue. Beauty? That is in the eye of the beholder, and in my eyes you are the most captivating woman in the world. You always have been. You always will be.

"As for age"—he closed the distance between them and caught her gaze, willing her to believe—"the only eighteen-year-old I ever met who didn't bore me to paralysis is you—and the woman you have become is even more irresistible than the girl you were."

When her lips parted to reply, he touched his forefinger to them. "That being the case, why won't you marry me?" He thought he saw a flash of something dark and anguished in her eyes before she masked her expression.

Brushing his hand aside, she said coolly, "Because I know myself too well, Rafe. I could never share you with another woman. The first time you had an affair, I would turn into a raving shrew and make us both miserable. I suppose you might be able to conceal your other women from me, but I will never live a lie, be it ever so charmingly told."

"I didn't want a fashionable marriage when I was twenty-one, and I don't want one now," he said emphatically. "If we marry, I swear that I will never give you cause to doubt my fidelity."

Shrugging off his avowal, she said, "Everyone makes mistakes, Rafe. You don't have to marry me to atone for believing Northwood. I enjoy my independence, and have no desire to give it up."

"Are you sure? No one whose hands are clenched is thinking clearly, and this is too important to decide while upset."

With a choked sound between laughter and tears, she looked down and saw that her hands were white-knuckled fists. Carefully she straightened her fingers and saw that they were trembling. "The love we had when we were young was very real, and very special," she said unsteadily, "but we can never go back to it. Accept that it's over, Rafe."

He took her left hand and gently massaged the crescents that her nails had dug in the palm. "Why go back when we can go forward? Surely now we can bring a depth and wisdom to loving that we could not have done all those years ago."

She bit her lip, then shook her head.

"Can't we even try?" he said intensely. "Life doesn't offer many second chances, Margot. For God's sake, let's not throw this one away!"

She dared a quick glance at his face and saw that the layers of civilized detachment had been stripped away, leaving him open in a way that she had not seen since the morning he had ended their betrothal. Wishing that she could match his courage, she broke away and retreated to the fountain in the middle of the garden. In the center of the pool, a worn stone cherub held aloft an urn from which the water flowed. Staring at the cherub as if it were the most beautiful sculpture she had ever seen, she said bitterly, "You're deceiving yourself, Rafe. There
are
no second chances, in life or in love."

There was a long silence. She began to hope that he finally understood, and would stop trying to change her mind.

She should have known that he would not surrender so easily. He came to stand beside her, saying, "Don't keep retreating, Margot. You said yourself that it was a mistake to run away thirteen years ago. I won't let you do it again."