Phoenix (15 page)

“You are
frightened of me now,” says Phoenix in a low voice as I remain glued to the
spot by the counter. He is staring at the floor and I am looking vacantly into
my empty hands.

“I’m just in shock,” I answer shakily.

“I wanted to kill him, Eve. I always thought I only killed for survival
or because I was forced, but I could kill your brother and I would enjoy it.”

“You’re not the only one.” My words are almost inaudible.

A stretch of silence elapses as we both stand several feet apart. When
our eyes finally meet something thickens in the air. A dark wave passes over
his eyes, causing lust and a touch of fear to coil deep in my belly. Seconds later
he is in front of me, lifting me up onto the counter and pressing his lips
harshly against mine. His tongue invades my mouth and I moan loudly.

My eyes are closed as his hands slip under my skirt and pull down my
underwear. His mouth moves to my neck, sucking and nipping. I tear at his pants
to get them open. When my hand brushes his cock I feel how hard he is. I need
him inside.

“I missed you last night,” I confess as he positions his head at my
entrance and slides into me quick and hard. He lets out a guttural grunt and
starts thrusting in and out fast.

“Missed you, too,” he replies, breathing harshly.

I grip his arms and bring my head to rest in the crook of his neck,
kissing him as he moves.

“You are so warm and tight. Fuck,” he swears. “I can’t be gentle right
now, Eve.” His hands fist on my hips.

“Right now I don’t want you to be gentle.”

The animalistic look he gives me causes goose pimples to rise on my arms.

I pull back then and he moves one hand from my hip, along my torso and
breast to rest on my throat. His fingers curl around my neck and hold it
gently. I feel vulnerable yet incredibly turned on. Beads of sweat formulate on
his temples as he stares down at me. I get lost in the depths of his eyes.
Abruptly, he pulls out and tries to catch his breath.

He lifts me off the counter and carries me to the living room before
laying me down on the sofa.

“I can’t come inside you unprotected again,” he explains hoarsely.

“Oh. I’ll go see the doctor this week and get on the pill.”

He nods, gaze perusing my body. “What to do…” comes his whispery growl.

I sit up and bring myself to the edge of the sofa, then grab his hand and
pull him to me. He remains standing as I press my breasts to his cock and he
groans.

“Eve,” he says, a warning in his voice.

“I want you to,” I tell him breathily.

He fists his hand in my hair and begins rubbing himself up and down. He
feels so hot and hard and slippery. Every time he tugs gently on my hair I feel
it shoot right down to my sex and I cry out. His movements become hurried as he
races for his release. Moments later his warm seed is shooting over my breasts
and he is making the most gorgeously masculine noise I’ve ever heard.

His chest rises and falls as he lets go of my hair and pushes me back
down on the sofa. He braces himself above me and seals his lips to mine. His
hand moulds my breast, smearing his cum all over my skin and provoking a
delicious sensation to spread through me right to the very tips of my nipples.

“You don’t know how much I want to smear this on your pussy,” he whispers
in my ear and I moan. “Touch yourself for me, darling,” he goes on, eyes
flickering intensely between mine.

I’m so aroused that I don’t even feel self-conscious as I let my hand
fall between my legs. I stroke lightly over the wet folds as he watches me.
Somehow, the connection of his eyes makes me feel my own touch so much more
intensely. With one hand he moves between each nipple, pinching them hard and
then rubbing my breasts.

“Oh, God,” I moan.

“Put your fingers inside yourself, Eve,” he says and I follow his
instruction, letting my hand move lower and slipping two fingers into my
channel.

“Phoenix…”

“Fuck yourself for me,” he continues. I can feel him harden again.

I thrust my fingers in and out, in and out.

“You’re so beautiful. Oh Christ, look at you,” he breathes. “Now, move
your fingers to your clit.”

Allowing them to slide out of me, I drag my fingers up my sex to my clit
and begin circling it slowly, teasing myself, not wanting this exquisite moment
to end. I love how he instructs me.

My breathing quickens and I dig my heels into the soft fabric of the
sofa. He draws away and lowers himself so that he can watch the show that’s
going on between my legs. A loud sigh escapes me when I see the aroused
expression on his face.

“That’s it, darling. Make yourself come for me.”

Moaning, my fingers quicken as an incredible orgasm builds inside of me.
I rub at my clit, my juices overflowing I’m so turned on. I’m burning from the
inside out.

“Mmmm,” I cry and he grips my thighs tightly in his warm hands.

I’m almost there as I press my fingers into myself in hard circles and
then I am coming, undulating and shivering all over. I don’t know how many
waves flow through me. I lose count after five. And then, Phoenix is shoving
his hard cock into me again. I’m so much more sensitive now that I’ve come and
I can feel every inch of him hit against my walls. He fucks me hard, the noise
of flesh slapping against flesh filling the room.

Just before he’s about to come a second time he pulls out quickly and spurts
all over my abdomen. His face falls to the hollow between my neck and shoulder
as he breathes in and out for a few moments. Then he lifts me in his arms and
carries me upstairs to my room.

That night we sit
in bed together, eating cheese and ham toasties that Phoenix made on the grill.
I’ve got a sheet wrapped around my naked body. My every pore still tingles. I
have never experienced an evening quite like this one. I have almost forgotten
that Maxwell had been here today.

Phoenix has thrown on his boxer shorts and sits crossed legged in front
of me. He takes a bite out of a toastie and I reach over to wipe some
breadcrumbs from the side of his mouth. His eyes track the movement of my hand.

“Tell me about your brother,” comes his unexpected request.

“Maxwell?” I ask in surprise. “What do you want to know about him?”

“When did he begin treating you the way he does?”

“Almost as far back as I can remember. When I was really little, around
seven years old, I walked into his bedroom and found him kissing his best
friend. His best friend was another boy. I didn’t even understand what I was
seeing at the time. That’s when he started beating me. It wasn’t until I was in
my teens that I would remember that day and realise exactly what I had walked
in on. My brother hates what he is. He could never stand for me to reveal his
secret, so he decided to turn me into a person who was afraid of her own
shadow. Somehow he projected all of the things he despised about himself onto
me. I was the reason for all of his problems.”

“You were not the reason. Your parents should have protected you. Some
people are just born miserable and no matter what the circumstances they will
find a victim to abuse. I know that more than most.
You
know that more
than most,” says Phoenix. “How strange that we should find each other.”

“I’m glad I found you,” I whisper, kissing his jaw.

“I’m glad I convinced you to allow me to drive you home from Montgomery’s.
If I hadn’t you might not have invited me to dinner and we might not be here
right now.”

“Oh, we’d be here,” I disagree, smiling playfully.

One end of his mouth tilts up. “What makes you say that?”

“The way you looked at me in the bar. I felt like prey.”

“I wanted you. Even that early. Even when I threw your poem at you and
your eyes grew watery…” he trails off and smirks. “Perhaps even because of
that. I find it fascinating how freely you show emotion. I lost that ability a
long time ago.”

I can’t decipher the faraway look in his eyes so I change the subject.
“Speaking of the poem, I have it here,” I say, standing from the bed and going
to retrieve it from the box in my wardrobe.

Walking back, I hand it to him and he unfolds it and spreads it out on
his thigh, reading to himself.

“It’s so short and yet every time I read that one it shows me something
new.”

Phoenix looks up at me with interest, so I continue, “Like at first I
just focused on the green glass, thinking it reminded me of a flower. But then
I’d think about the back of the hospital being a place where nothing will grow,
despite the fact that life and death is happening right inside the building.”

“You have a good eye for imagery,” says Phoenix, folding the paper back
up and reaching for his trousers. He slips it in the pocket and puts them back
on the floor.

“Thank you,” I reply and then go to lie down on the bed. A few quiet
moments pass before I speak. “When you were a fighter, what way did you live?
You said you were enslaved, does that mean you were kept locked up?”

Phoenix stretches his body out beside mine and trails the tip of his
finger up and down the inside of my arm.

“I was when I was first brought to England,” he says. “I would fight
tooth and nail to escape, so I was kept in my room unless I was being trained
or brought to a tournament. Richard lived in a compound where he ran lots of
illegal trades; guns, drugs, you name it. The fights were only a tiny aspect of
what he was involved in. You could even call it a hobby. My life was nothing
but entertainment to him. I managed to escape the compound a few times but it
was located in the middle of nowhere and I was chased down my dogs. Richard
rarely allowed me to wash back then so it was easy for them to track my scent.
But then the years passed and I became less impassioned. I was dead inside, no
longer hoped for freedom. Eventually, Richard saw that I was not going to leave
and allowed me to move freely about the compound. He even had me doing jobs for
him.”

“What kind of jobs?”

“You don’t want to hear this. Let’s talk about something else.”

I swallow the lump in my throat and put on a brave face. “I do. Tell me.”

On the inside I feel such hate for Richard that if Phoenix had not
already killed him I would want to do it myself. I wish I could have saved him
from his fate. Go back in time and somehow make it so that his father never
sold him to fund his gambling.

“If one of his men was caught spying or selling information he would have
me beat or torture them. Sometimes he even made me kill them.”

He closes his eyes, his mouth set tight. “I am sorry. I know you want to
hear this but I cannot speak of it anymore, Eve. It took so many years of
solitude to escape what he had made me. I can’t relive it, not even for you, my
darling.”

“I shouldn’t have…”

“Don’t apologise. I can’t bear it.”

“Why?” I whisper.

“Because I deserve no sorries. I deserve nothing and the fact that I have
found you is more than I should be given.”

“You deserve all the sorries in the world you silly man,” I say, taking
his face into my hands and kissing his cheeks, his eyelids. “None of it was
your fault.”

He stares back at me, eyes turned down in sorrow. “Then why do I feel so
guilty?”

I spend the rest
of the evening holding Phoenix in my arms. He tells me that sleeping with me is
the first time he has had a proper night’s rest since before he was taken from
Greece as a boy. I turn away from him to hide the tears prickling at my eyes.

When I finally see that he has fallen under, I caress his face. In the
dark I remember the lines from Victor Hugo’s
Les Mis
érables
, a
book Harriet had given me to read when I was just fourteen.

“
If the soul is left in darkness, sins will be committed. The guilty
one is not he who committed the sin, but the one who causes the darkness
,”
I whisper tenderly.

Phoenix’s eyes flutter open. I’d thought he was asleep, perhaps my mutterings
woke him. He doesn’t say anything, but I can see the wetness shining in his
eyes. He pulls me to him, wraps his entire body around mine and doesn’t let go
for the rest of the night.

The next morning I set out for work as usual. I don’t hear anything from
Mum or Maxwell and I have my fingers crossed that they’ve decided to go back to
Wales. Hopefully, Phoenix scared them enough to stay away from me. In the evening
Phoenix is busy with deliveries again. I’m sitting correcting homework, as is
my usual habit, when Margaret calls to the door. I invite her in for a cup of
tea and she asks me how I enjoyed her son James’ birthday party.

“Oh, it was great,” I tell her smiling.

“You seem in a good mood, dear. Any reason for that?”

I focus my attention on buttering a scone. “Not really. I’m just happy to
be settling in here nicely.”

“That’s good,” says Margaret. “And how are you and Phoenix getting along?
You seemed close at the barbecue.”

“We get along fine. He’s been a good friend to me.”

 “Friend, you say,” Margaret chirps with amusement. “Well, all I know is
that man has lived here for going on a decade now and you’re the first person
to be able to claim him as a friend. Are you sure there isn’t more to it?”

She’s digging for information. Images from last night flit through my
head and I blush. Margaret seems to notice and lets out a soft chuckle.

“Look, you don’t have to tell me anything. I’m just glad that the two of
you might find happiness with one another. God knows poor Phoenix deserves it
after all of the years he’s spent alone. But be careful, Eve. I can tell he is
a good man but if the story that nurse told me is anything to go by he’s got a
dark past. Men like that can be unpredictable.”

I nod but don’t say anything. Instead I change the subject and tell her
about the conversation I overheard between Deborah and Cathy in the grocery
shop. Margaret’s response is to tighten her lips and sip more harshly at her
tea.

“That woman is a heathen. She uses people for her own amusement,” she
declares with distaste. “Somebody ought to inform her husband of what she gets
up to while he’s away.”

I couldn’t agree more but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be the one to do
it.

“And you know,” Margaret goes on ponderously, “when she was running for
her seat on the town council she had some stiff competition from another local
woman called Valerie Tower. In the beginning it seemed Valerie was in the lead
and set to win the seat, but then a big scandal was revealed about her
apparently taking bribes in her previous position. I never believed the rumours
but she didn’t win the seat in any case. I always wondered if it was Deborah
who planted the rumour to disgrace her.”

“I wouldn’t put it past her,” I say. “Especially after hearing how she
plans on speaking with Principal Helstone about me to see if I have any
skeletons in my closet.”

Margaret nods, a solemn expression on her face. “Yes. Be wary of her,
Eve. There is no worse enemy than a woman like her once scorned.”

After another half an hour of chatting about lighter topics, I wave
Margaret off from my door and go to make a phone call. Even if I do want my
family out of my life for good, I can’t leave my own father to be killed
because of a debt. He was never much of a dad, but I couldn’t live with myself
if I didn’t try to help.

“Who’s this?” my sister Charlotte answers snottily, not recognising the
number I’m calling from.

“It’s Eve, Charlotte,” I tell her. “How are you?”

“Eve! Where the hell are you? Maxwell’s been an absolute horror these
past few weeks after you left without a trace.”

“I couldn’t care less about Maxwell. What’s happened with Dad?”

She sucks in a long breath. “Oh, the scandal! You wouldn’t believe it,
Evie. Just the other week he announced to Mum that he was divorcing her and
moving to Benidorm with his new girlfriend. Mum was out of her mind with rage.”

I shake my head at my own stupidity. I’d almost believed their lie.

“So he’s not in any debt?”

“Debt? No. He got laid off at the factory but they gave him a good
redundancy package. That’s the money he used to swan off with the new
girlfriend.”

“Right. Well, I hope he’s happy with her. I have to go now, Charlotte.
Goodbye.”

“Wait. You didn’t even say where you are. And you know, I was wondering
if you could loan me some…”

I hang up before she can say any more. If Mum and Maxwell are still in
town they aren’t getting a penny out of me. I can’t believe I’d almost fallen
for their lies.

In the silent living room, sitting by my piano, I play some music to calm
my mind. On the inside I’m simmering with anger. It feels as though a lifetime
of taking abuse, of being a silent punching bag, is finally festering into something
a lot like rage. I want to fight back. For a long time I simply hated them, feared
them, wanted to escape them, but now that they have invaded my new life,
poisoning it, I want them to be punished.

I can already feel how their presence in this house has ruined it. It can
no longer be the haven I envisaged. No place where Maxwell has stepped foot can
be good for me. I slam my fist down hard on the keys and the out of tune clang rings
through the house. If it is so easy for my haven to be corrupted, then how am I
ever going to find a place to be free?

Perhaps it isn’t a place I should be searching for, but a state of mind.

If my mind is strong enough, then nobody can touch me.

Drawing in a deep breath, I pull my back straight again and resume my
playing. The music enables me to stop thinking, drowns out the words and images
in my head until all I can hear are the mellifluous notes.

My hands are sore and I’ve played for so long that I’m now sitting in the
dark, the faint evening light having turned to blackness. I hear my front door
open and shut. My heart gives a quick jolt when I realise I had left it
unlocked. What if Maxwell has come back for me? Now I am all alone and despite
my angry thoughts about fighting back, I’m not sure if I’m capable. Sometimes
you have learned the role of victim so well that it is no longer a role, it has
become an intrinsic, unchangeable part of you.

I’ve stopped playing now and I’m shaking in fear and anticipation.
Footsteps sound down the hallway and then someone flicks on the light switch. I
glance up to find Phoenix there, still in his work clothes. He has an overnight
bag hanging from his shoulder.

Air gushes from my mouth in relief. I can’t believe I’d been so careless
as to leave the front door unlocked. My head is in such a scramble today.

Phoenix echoes my thoughts when he says, “The door was open. Make sure
that doesn’t happen again, Eve. We are in the countryside, but that doesn’t
always mean that we are safe.”

I swallow and nod. With his bag still on his back he strides toward me
and picks me up effortlessly, before carrying me from the room. I wrap my arms
around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder. His strength makes me feel a
little better, his body so hard and impenetrable. We ascend the stairs and
Phoenix carries me to the main bathroom where there is a large claw footed tub.
He puts me carefully down on the seat of the toilet and then goes to draw a bath.

I watch in silence as he takes some bubble bath and pours it into the
steaming water.

“What are you doing?” I whisper.

“Running us a bath, darling,” he answers with smoky eyes, lids at half-mast.

“Mmm, that sounds like a nice idea.”

He shoots me a lazy smile. “It will be more than nice. Take off your
dress.”

“Phoenix!”

“What?” His tone is playful. “You can hardly bathe with it on.”

I narrow my gaze at him but I can’t help the smile tugging at my lips.
“You’re incorrigible.”

“And you’re edible. Come on, the tub’s almost full.”

Rising from my seat, I grab the hem of my dress and lift it over my head
in one single movement, revealing the matching black underwear set I have on beneath.
Phoenix sits on the edge of the tub, running his hand back and forth through
the water to test the temperature.

When he fixes his stare on me his eyes heat up.

I reach behind my back and unclip the bra, letting it fall to the floor. My
heavy breasts fall free. Then, stepping out of my knickers, I walk to the tub
and lift my leg to get in. Just before it hits the water Phoenix catches my
ankle and I stand transfixed as he brings it to his mouth. He feathers tiny
kisses along my shin all the way down to where the bone juts out at my ankle. It’s
such a vulnerable spot and his lips feel good there. His tongue emerges from
his mouth and he licks a trail back up again.

The next thing I know he has ducked his head and his face is nuzzling
into my sex as I do my best not to fall down. He licks at my already swollen
clit, his brown eyes glancing up at me devilishly as I let out a throaty cry of
pleasure.

“Have you ever come standing up?” he asks darkly.

I shake my head and he gives me an approving sound in response as his
tongue returns to my clit, licking and sucking. He takes my hands and settles
them on his shoulders. He’s still fully clothed and I grip his work shirt
tightly in my fists. I feel two of his fingers slide over my folds and then
further, seeking entrance. They slip inside and back out, slicking some of my
wetness over me before going back in again. He finger fucks me as his tongue
dances circles around my clit. I’m heaving and moaning and Phoenix is watching
me, soaking up all of my reactions.

His other hand moves over my lower belly, caressing the soft pillow of my
skin before reaching up to massage my throbbing breast. It’s almost too much to
take, his mouth on my clit, his fingers inside of me and his hand torturing my
overly sensitive nipple.

The combination of all three sets a fire burning in me and I feel a red
blush spread over my entire body. The clip that had been holding my hair up
falls out and my long locks cascade over my shoulder.

“Christ,” Phoenix mutters, still tonguing me. “You’re a Goddess. Come.”

His command is deep and it hits me low in my stomach. I move one hand
from his shoulder to grip his hair as I feel myself rolling towards a chaotic
orgasm. I tug on his hair, unable to help myself, my toes curling, as he gives
my clit another hard lick and I erupt with pleasure.

“Yes,” he growls and keeps going, licking at me as I come, his tongue
making circles, ensuring I feel every wave.

I stare down at him and I want to profess my love. Confess that I am
falling. But I keep my lips sealed tight. I’m unsure if he would respond in the
way I want him to.

Then he is lifting me into the bath and withdrawing so that he can
undress. I let my body sink into the warm bubbles, enjoying the foggy high of
orgasm as I watch him remove his clothing.

“You’ve got a really good body, Phoenix,” I tell him shyly.

He gives me a pleased grin. “As do you. I love your curves.”

He steps forward and climbs into the tub behind me. His legs are around my
hips and my back is pressed against his chest. He picks up a wash towel and
soaks it in soapy water before drawing it over my breasts. I can feel him hard
and ready at my back and I move a little to give him some friction.

“Eve,” he groans, plucking sharply at a nipple.

“What?”

“If you want this bath to last longer than thirty seconds I suggest you
don’t do that again.”

“I wasn’t aware I was doing anything,” I reply sweetly and take the
washcloth from him.

I pour some liquid soap onto it and then slide it up and down his arm. He
lets his head fall back and I feel his body relax as I wash him. I do the other
arm and then both of his legs. Without warning I throw the washcloth aside and
slip my body down into the water. I turn once I’ve reached his waist so that my
head is at his crotch. His penis is still rock hard and I gasp as I come face
to face with it, wanting to run my tongue up and down its silky length.

“Eve,” he growls in warning. “What do you think you are doing?”

Glancing up at him, I whisper, “I want to put my mouth on you.”

He groans and gives me a beseeching look. I know he doesn’t like not
being the one to lead things, but I need this almost as much as he needs to get
past his phobia of being touched intimately by a woman. He has come so far and
this will be the ultimate test of faith. He is going to have to trust me
completely.

“Go slowly,” he says, his head falling back to the edge of the tub.

“Always,” I tell him. “If you want me to stop, just say the word and I
will.”

He swallows and nods, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his corded neck.

Bringing my mouth to his cock, I place a tender kiss to his length and
his entire body shudders.

“Jesus,” he groans, his hands gripping the sides of the bathtub.

I kiss him tenderly, all the way from the base of his cock to the head.
When I get to the top I swirl my tongue around in a circle before sliding my
mouth over him completely. I go down as far as I can and then back up. His cock
falls from my mouth with an audible smack before I take him back inside again,
this time moving my mouth up and down in a steady rhythm.