Phoenix (26 page)

“I thought that was how we were playing it.”

“I mean with regard to this particular issue.”

“Sure.”

She could trust Natalie to help her figure it out. Right? Otherwise her therapy sessions really were pointless. “I had this dream about Jack. And all I kept wishing was that I could do anything to get my mind off of it. Anything. I was hoping maybe I could get some real sleep. Uneventful sleep. I slept a little but when I did, I dreamt about Chrissy instead. Why do you think that is?”

“From what you’ve told me, Christine is a safe space for you. Right?”

A safe space whose memory chipped away at her every day. “I guess so. But it was weird because I couldn’t help thinking it was totally subconscious. Chrissy and Jack practically hated each other.”

“They hid it pretty well.”

“Oh, they would never snap at each other in public,” Caroline said. “Imagine the bad press that would result.”

“Why didn’t they get along?”

“You want to know what I think?”

Natalie gave her a mock frown. “No, Caroline. I want you to lie to me.”

The woman had a mind like a steel trap. Caroline was liking her doctor more and more. “Touché.”

“Tell me why they didn’t get along.”

“They’re too much alike.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I take it this has never come up in Jack’s therapy sessions?”

Natalie smiled. “Nice try. My lips are sealed. That’s an interesting theory. I’ll have to think about it. Tell me about your dreams.”

Dammit. Caroline thought maybe that time she could catch Natalie off guard. Too bad. “Jack said something to me yesterday and it triggered something.”

“Do you think that’s what triggered your dream about Christine as well?”

“No. It was a happy dream but it didn’t sit right for some reason.” Caroline ran a hand through her hair. She hadn’t gone into specifics, not really. Not aside from Katie. She’d slipped a couple of times but managed to stop herself. Natalie couldn’t know what happened to Jen or anyone else at The Fed. “I miss so many people but Chrissy is the one I can’t let go of.”

“You were close.”

They’d talked about Christine before but never in too much detail. It would have been disrespectful for Caroline to analyze her best friend with someone who didn’t know her, but it didn’t seem odd anymore. “Extremely. Even though we were opposites in a lot of ways. You think I’ve got issues, you should take some time to study her. I mean, if she were here.”

“You really loved her, didn’t you?”

More than almost anyone.
“She was the best friend I ever had.” Caroline pressed her hand to her lips. “That’s why I don’t like thinking about her. It’s a reminder of what I lost.”

Natalie squeezed her shoulder. “You need to let go of this idea that you can’t remember happy things. It’s making your recovery more difficult.”

When it broke her heart to even begin to contemplate them? “It’s hard.”

“I know it is. But you can’t wipe out your past. It may hurt now but you’ll regret pretending it never happened.”

Sound advice. People were always giving Caroline sound advice. And she never wanted to take it. But after months of practice she could lie convincingly. “I’ll try.”

“Okay.” Natalie pulled away from her. “I want to ask you a favor.”

“I already had lunch.”

Natalie laughed. “I’m not asking you to eat with me. I’d like you to consider having a joint session with Jack.”

Oh boy. “Natalie-”

“Let me rephrase that,” she said. “I am requiring you to have a joint session with Jack.”

Well, shit. Caroline didn’t bother hiding a scowl. “Are you serious?”

“I think it might help.”

She found that extremely doubtful. But she could try to frame it positively. Even in her darkest moments she could try to find the light. “Will it help me get back to work faster?”

Natalie smiled. “If that’s what it takes to convince you to do it, then yes.”

Maybe this was her excuse to scoot out early. “Should I go tell him now?”

“May as well. I want to give the two of you an assignment beforehand. I’d like you to write down your biggest fears with regard to your relationship.”

What was this, a psychological game show? Maybe Natalie wouldn’t notice if Caroline didn’t do it. “Fine.”

“This was another good day, Caroline. Remember that.”

Oh, yeah. She’d write it in her diary and draw little hearts around it when she got back to her room. “I’ll go talk to him.”

Jack McIntyre told people to jump and they jumped. But he wanted much more from Caroline than that. His wife would come when he summoned her. He had that kind of power. And he would make sure she’d never forget it.

He smiled when she arrived. “Thank you for coming in today, Major.”

Caroline nodded hesitantly. Her trepidation amused him.

“How is your therapy going?” he asked.

“Fine.”

“Do you know why I asked you to come in today?”

“No,” she whispered.

Jack marched over to her. “You miss me, don’t you?” He twirled a finger in her hair and leaned down to kiss her collarbone.

She shivered. “I don’t-”

“Don’t lie, baby. You’ve never been any good at it.” He kissed her neck. “Do you miss me?”

It took a while but she finally answered. “Yes.”

“How much?” Jack asked, tracing a trail down her upper torso.

“I-”

“I miss you too.” He squeezed one of her breasts. “More than you’ll ever know.” He smiled as her knees buckled. “I miss playing with you. Do you want to play, Caroline?”

She stiffened. “I don’t – I don’t know.”

“I think you do.” Jack pulled up her sweater and blouse, swiping his palm over her stomach. She was appealing as hell in uniform but street clothes made her much more attractive. “Tell me you want to play.”

“We’re at work,” Caroline said. “We shouldn’t-”

“
I’m
at work,” he corrected. “You’re off duty, technically speaking. And I’m the commander. I can do anything I want.”

She gazed upon him with wide eyes. “Anything?”

“Anything,” he said. “I know you want it too. It’s okay to admit it.”

“I don’t-”

She’d get on board soon enough. A slow seduction would get her up to speed. “Don’t say no,” he whispered.

“Jack-”

He nuzzled her neck, kissing his way back up to her lips. “Tell me you don’t miss me and I’ll stop.”

“Jack-”

He loved the way she kept saying his name. So needy. So reluctant. “Say it. I’ll know if you’re lying.”

“I can’t-”

He kissed her deeply, chuckling against her lips as she laced her fingers through his hair. She wasn’t able to hide her feelings anymore. “We need to cover some ground rules,” he said. “I find your behavior to be inappropriate.”

She backed away from him. “In what sense?”

“You have not shown the proper respect to your superior officers.”

Caroline cleared her throat, regaining her composure. “My only superior officer is you.”

He smiled. “I know. But you are sorely lacking in certain areas of performance.”

She took another step backward. “What do you mean?”

She was trembling again. He liked that. “Your conduct around me has been, shall we say, less than acceptable.”

Caroline blushed and stared down at the floor.

“Look at me,” Jack said.

She brought her eyes to his. “What have I done wrong?”

His strides were confident. Smooth. Aggressive. A few short steps toward her and she was backed against the wall. “Don’t even think about leaving,” he said. “Do us both a favor and lock the door.”

Jack waited. Would she listen to him? Desire lay dormant in her eyes, but he could sense her apprehension. He tried not to laugh as she walked her fingers across the wall. What kind of silent debate was raging inside her mind? This was going to be quite entertaining. “Do it.”

Caroline felt her way toward the doorknob and pressed in the lock. Jack leaned into her ear.

“We need to get something straight,” he whispered. “You will listen and you will obey, or you will be punished further. Do you understand?”

She closed her eyes. “Jack-”

He loved the way she choked out his name but he wanted a little more. He needed more. “You will refer to me as ‘Commander’ or ‘sir.’ Do you understand?”

Caroline bit her lip, one hand still pressed to the door.

“Do you understand?” he repeated.

“Yes,” she said softly.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir.”

Jack toyed with her hair again, laughing when she shuddered. “Do you remember what I used to do to you when you were naughty?”

“Yes,” Caroline stammered. “I mean, yes, sir.”

Oh, this was going to be fun. “And what was that?”

“You would spank me,” she said, so softly he could barely hear her.

He smiled. “Look at me.”

Caroline blinked at him with damp eyes.

“Don’t cry,” he said. “We’re going to have fun. You’ll see.”

She tugged at her sweater. “I don’t-”

“You’ve been very bad. You know that, don’t you?”

“I – yes.”

Jack pulled her into the center of the room. Showtime. “Pull down your pants,” he said. “Slowly. I want to watch. Leave your underwear on for now.”

Her fingers shook as she reached for her waistband. “Sir,” she said. “I can’t-”

“You can. And you will,” he said, taking a seat on the couch. “Do it.”

She fumbled with the button on her pants. Jack laughed as she struggled with the zipper. “Pull them all the way off,” he said, watching her. “Very good.”

Caroline wasn’t entirely sold on the game, but she’d give in eventually. His cock stirred at her feeble resistance. He would enjoy the chase almost as much as the catch. “Come over here.” Jack patted his knee. “You know what to do.”

She laid over his lap. He stroked her backside. “Calm down,” he said. “I promise, you’ll enjoy it.” He tugged at her panties, pulling them down to her thighs.

“Jack-”

Oh, he couldn’t allow that. He swatted her hard, and she cried out. “That is not the proper way to address me.”

“Commander,” she whispered. “Please. Won’t your assistant hear us?”

He smiled again, rubbing her ass. “I assure you, he’s going to enjoy hearing you scream as much as I do.”

Caroline turned to him, the tears in her eyes spilling over. “Please don’t hurt me,” she said.

Fuck, he was turned on by her reticence. She loved to play hard to get. “Don’t worry, baby. I’m not going to do anything that you don’t deserve. That you don’t need.”

“Please-”

He smacked her again, harder this time. “Begging will get you nowhere.”

Jack pressed her head down, leaving her enough room to breathe but very little space to maneuver. He relished every blow, every cry, every swear she uttered, every tear she shed. She squirmed beneath him, struggling to get away, but he kept her in place. He had never hit her this hard before and knew he was causing her pain, but he didn’t care. She wasn’t telling him to stop.

He swatted her dozens of times in succession without a break, until she was hoarse from screaming and he was practically coming in his boxers. His fingers glided lazily over her ass, and she whimpered. She was bright red, the imprint of his palm still visible. Purple bruises were forming. She was struggling with her reaction to what they’d just done. With her loss of control. Jack smiled. He had done well indeed. He started to slide his fingers between her legs and she stiffened.

“Please,” she whispered. “Don’t.”

“I don’t think we’re done yet.” He scissored a hand between her thighs. “You’re dripping all over my pants. You loved that, didn’t you?”

Caroline stayed silent. Jack swatted her again with his free hand before sliding two fingers inside her. He waited. Let her tighten around them. Listened to her shallow breathing. To her unspoken requests. He pulled his fingers out, bringing them down to tease her clit.

She shifted toward him. “Please, Jack.”

So very disobedient. “What was that?”

“Please, Commander,” she said quickly. “Sir.”

Good but not good enough. “I’ll have to think of a more creative punishment for next time. I love when you get off on this.” He stroked her harder and she cried out, bucking against his hand in a silent but clear hint for him to keep going. She was right on the cusp. Jack withdrew his fingers. “I think that’s enough,” he said. “Don’t you?”

She struggled to lift her head up. “But-”

“You need to behave better in the future to earn your rewards. Understand?”

Caroline rubbed her eyes, her legs still trembling from his touch. She was close and he denied her.

“Yes, sir,” she said.

Enough of that game. He had time to play another. “Get up,” he directed.

“I can’t.” She winced when he squeezed her ass. “It hurts. I need a minute.”

Jack rubbed her back until she stopped shaking. “Better?” he asked.

“I think so.” She stood up clumsily.

“Put your pants back on,” he ordered.

Caroline pulled up her underwear, her eyes on the floor. Her cheeks were flushed, and giant wet drops of moisture fell onto her disheveled sweater.

Oh, please. Like she hadn’t loved every minute of what he’d done to her. “Major?” he said.

She kept her gaze riveted on her feet, her hands shaking as she buttoned her pants. “Yes, sir?”

“Look at me.”

She drew her head up, looking him square in the eyes, wiping away her remaining tears. Jack thought he saw a flash of shame but it was gone, replaced by what appeared to be…defiance? Anger? He couldn’t tell, but he had her exactly where he wanted her. He walked over to her, smiling as her breath hitched. He reached around and patted her ass. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Caroline barely concealed a wince. “N-no.”

She’d screwed up once more. That couldn’t be tolerated. “No, what?” he said.

“No, Commander.”

Jack smiled. He’d forgive her this one time since her correction had sounded so deferential. “Very nice. Would you like me to do that again soon?”

“No!”

An outburst he hadn’t expected. “Why not?”

“It hurt.”

“You didn’t tell me to stop.”

“I – no, sir. I didn’t.”

“I may want to use something other than my hand next time. I know you’ve always enjoyed that.”

Caroline took a deep breath. “I don’t-”

Her deference was fading. “What was that?”

She cleared her throat. “Whatever you want, sir.”

“Good.” Jack stroked the growing bulge in his crotch. “I think there’s one more thing you can do for me. Do you know what that is?”

“Jack-”

“What was that?”

She took a shaky breath. “Commander-”

“On your knees,” he said. “Now.”

Caroline sank to the floor, her hair obscuring her face from his view. He crouched down and tucked it behind her ear.

“You know you want this,” he said. She needed to learn how to behave herself. How to treat him properly.

“Please,” she whispered. “I don’t-”

“You know how much I love seeing those pretty lips on my cock.” He caressed her cheek. “You don’t want to get in any more trouble, do you?”

She gulped. “No, Commander.”

Jack guided her hand toward his zipper, ignoring the tears rolling down her cheeks. He was finally going to get what he wanted. What he deserved. And so was she.

“Good girl,” he said, moaning as Caroline brought her hand inside his boxers, pulling him out. He could imagine how it would feel once she placed her tongue on him, guiding him into her warm mouth. He resisted the urge to yank on her hair to get her to move faster.

She gazed up at him in a final plea for mercy. “Please don’t make me do this, Jack. I don’t want to.”

Her deference had vanished. That was unacceptable. He was done playing around. “What was that?” he snapped.

Caroline stumbled away from him, tumbling onto the carpet. “I don’t want to play this game.” She choked back a sob. “I don’t like the way you’re making me feel.”

“You don’t get a choice,” Jack said. “Get over here.”

She scrambled to her feet. “No,” she said. “I don’t want this. I don’t want you.” She straightened her shoulders. “I want you to leave me alone.”

He marched toward her as she moved to unlock the door.

“No more,” she said. “I’m finished.”

Jack took a good look at her, at the anguish in her eyes, and realized what had occurred. What he had done to her. “Caroline, wait-”

But she was already gone.

*              *              *              *              *

The phone rang and Jack pulled his head up, startled. It had to have rung more than once. He picked up before Schroeder burst in.

“What is it, Captain?” he asked.

“Major Gerard is here.”

Fuck
. Of all the people in the world to come in at that moment, practically unannounced…why
her
? His cock was practically jumping out of his pants. Jesus fucking Christ. He’d been turned on by that dream.
Really
turned on. What the fuck was wrong with him? He widened his stance. “Do you know what she wants?”