Phone Calls From a Rock Star (16 page)

Lance called me every day and ended each
conversation with ‘I love you.’ I said the same to him, but I
wasn’t exactly sure I meant it. My feelings for him soured a little
bit after the party, and the little incident in the guest bedroom
hovered constantly over our heads. Neither of us spoke of it but it
couldn’t stay tucked away forever. I figured we could sort it all
out when we went back to school.

I avoided Jake’s calls. I listened to his
messages but I was too mortified to call him back. I was almost
certain he’d hear the guilt in my voice and demand to know what had
happened. He’d be so ashamed of me he probably wouldn’t want to
speak to me again. And I couldn’t blame him. If I’d had so much as
one more drink that night, I didn’t think I would have been able to
stop Lance. I probably wouldn’t have wanted to, either. That’s the
thought that had me tossing and turning each night.

I returned to school early Saturday evening.
While unpacking, I listened to Jake’s CD over and over, sometimes
succumbing to tears. I closed my eyes at the raw emotion in Jake’s
voice, picturing him on the stage. Those images would disappear
only to be replaced by ones of him on the hood of Seth’s car, arm
around me, pointing out constellations. I missed that night
terribly. I missed the closeness we’d had even after only a few
hours together.

Dropping my unpacked bag, my eyes drifted to
my cell phone on the desk. So what if he was seeing Monique again -
I wanted him to be happy. He deserved it. I had to get over my
jealousy - after all, I did have a boyfriend.

I bit the bullet and called his cell.

“
It’s about time you
returned my calls,” he teased. I smiled, heart
hammering.

“
Sorry, Jake. How are you?
Is everything okay?” I gushed. I realized I hadn’t even called him
to see what had come up to keep him from visiting. What if he was
sick? Or his father? How selfish I’d acted.

“
Everything is okay now,
don’t worry.”

“
So no one is sick?
Everyone is okay?” I asked, anxious for his reassurance.

He chuckled and it tickled my ear. “Yeah.
Monique got herself in a little trouble and she called me. I had to
help her out of a jam. It’s not the first time.”

“
Oh,” I muttered. A knife
jammed into my heart, and I frowned. I knew he was with her so it
shouldn’t have come as a surprise. “Is she okay now?”

“
Yep.” His laughed softly.
“Don’t tell me you’re jealous.”

“
No,” I denied too
quickly.

“
Um hm,” he said. “What
about Mr. Wonderful, huh?”

“
Jake, I’m not jealous,
okay? If you like her and she likes you and she treats you good,
then I’m glad,” I managed to choke out. “I just want you to be
happy.”

“
I know you do, Iz,” he
said quietly. “So tell me what you’ve been doing?”

My heart crumbled at his
lack of denial. Did that mean he
was
seeing her again? “Um, I’ve just
been a little busy. You know.”

“
Sure,” he said with a
sharp inhale. I hoped he wasn’t smoking again. That was a terribly
nasty habit. “Sorry I couldn’t make it to your place. I hope your
parents weren’t upset.”

“
They weren’t even home,” I
muttered. “It’s okay. Maybe Christmas, huh?”

“
Definitely,” he laughed.
“So what did you do?”

“
Hung out with Lance. He
had a party at his house - nothing too exciting.” I waited for his
response. The silence was definitely deafening. And awkward. That
was strange. Jake and I always had tons of things to talk about.
What I really wanted was to spill everything but I couldn’t stand
to hear the disappointment in his voice. I couldn’t lose
him.

“
Lance again, huh. Is he
treating you okay?”

I flinched at the flashback from the guest
room. “Of course. He’s not as bad as you think.”

“
What are you holding back,
angel?” he asked. I couldn’t ignore the desperation in his voice,
and it tore at my already fragile heart. He was giving me a chance.
He was pleading for the opportunity to talk to me. But I couldn’t
do it.

“
Nothing,” I said a little
too firmly. “Everything really is fine. Really.”

Silence. I unconsciously shook my leg,
waiting for him to say something – anything. But he didn’t. He just
took deep breath after deep breath.

“
Well, I guess I should go.
I have some reading to catch up on.”

“
You’re changing, Iz,” he
said, surprising me. My breath hitched. “I wish you wouldn’t. If
you decide you want to tell me what’s going on, give me a
call.”

He hung up.

I listened to the dial tone for a few
seconds before carefully dropping my phone to the bed. In a fit of
desperation, I turned on the CD again. I stumbled to the bathroom
and stared at my face, searching for the changes Jake mentioned.
Other than the dark circles under my eyes, everything else looked
the same.

Stupid
girl
, a little voice in my head yelled. Do
you actually think you can
see
those changes?

I hung my head over the sink. Maybe I wasn’t
looking hard enough because I wasn’t exactly anxious to see
them.

Chapter Twelve

December brought bitter cold and the
constant threat of snow. It also brought tryouts for the spring
musical. I rehearsed the lines Ms. Norbert assigned for those
wanting the part of Abigail for hours every night. I had them down
and couldn’t wait to impress Ms. Norbert with my acting skills.

The week of tryouts was torturous as I had
to sit through every single one, being a member of the Drama Club.
At lunch and between classes, I ran the lines over and over in my
head. Lance grew impatient with my lack of attention, but I
promised when tryouts were over, I’d return to normal. He nodded,
but I don’t think he believed me. I asked him to help me and then I
wouldn’t be ignoring him so much, but he laughed and gave me a
‘thanks but no thanks’ reply. I was disappointed, but I figured not
everyone was as obsessed with acting as I.

Once the final bell rang on the day I was to
tryout, I raced toward the Arts building, eager to get through the
ordeal so I could move on with my life. I was relieved to see only
five other girls had signed up to try out for my part. Well, I
hoped it would be my part. I sat in the auditorium and watched as
three girls stumbled through the lines and one flattened nearly
every note. I knew it was probably just nerves and that any of the
girls would be excellent for the part, but I couldn’t help but
cheer inside each time they made a mistake.

When Ms. Norbert called me to the stage, she
gave me a warm smile and told me to start. And wouldn’t you know, I
nailed it. Perfectly! I was so pumped up I nearly launched into a
song and dance number. I didn’t think that would impress many
people so I refrained. Ms. Norbert would have probably loved
it—especially if it was a popular musical song. But, I just took my
seat and waited to hear what she had to say.

“
Thank you, ladies, for
trying out. I will post the results in the morning,” she told us
with a bright smile.

Are you kidding me?

I leapt out of my seat and flew out of the
auditorium in a fit of rage. I couldn’t wait that long! It would
kill me to sit in my room all night and wonder.

I stalked down the sidewalk, ignoring the
horde of students entering the cafeteria. Dinner was being served
but I had no appetite.

“
Bella!” Lance called. I
stopped as he jogged to catch up to me. “Hey. Aren’t you going to
eat?”

“
No,” I said in a petulant
tone. I launched into my story about tryouts and how unfair it was
to make us wait. When I finished, I waited for Lance to console me
and rail against Ms. Norbert but he didn’t. He only nodded and took
my hand.

“
I have just the thing to
cheer you up. Come with me.”

Lifting a confused shoulder, I followed,
happy for some sort of attention. I was only slightly surprised
when we ended up in front of the boys’ dorms. He stuck his keycard
in the slot and directed me to his room. It was empty, save for us,
and he sat on his bed. He smiled and I returned it nervously as I
stood in the doorway, contemplating what to do.

“
Don’t be so shy, Bella,”
he said with a laugh. “I promise I won’t bite. Come sit with
me.”

I did so, hesitantly, perching on the edge.
“Why are we here?”

He wrapped his arms around my waist and
pulled me to his side. He eased me back on the bed and pressed a
soft kiss on my cheek, very near my lips. I released a long breath
as my heart pumped a furious beat. His kisses grew more passionate
and his breath was hot on my skin. I tried to relax in his arms but
I couldn’t. I didn’t want to be here, doing this. I wanted to talk
to him about the whole sex thing and make him understand that it
wasn’t something I was ready for just yet.

But he hardly gave me a chance to speak.
Every time I opened my mouth, he covered it with his own. I prayed
Dean would return to the room soon as dinner wouldn’t last a lot
longer.

When Lance tugged my shirt out of the
waistband of my pants, I pulled away and jumped to my feet.

“
No, Lance. I can’t right
now.”

He rolled to his back and pinched the bridge
of his nose.

“
You’re my girlfriend,
Bella. What’s the big deal?” I bit my lip, trying to find the words
to explain. He flipped to his side and his face relaxed into a
huge, knowing grin. “It’s that time of the month, huh?”

I nearly collapsed in relief.

“
Yes,” I said a little too
quickly, managing to keep the lie off my face. “That’s it.
Sorry.”

Standing, he clutched my shoulders, kissing
me lightly. “I understand. Come on, I’ll walk you back to your
dorm.”

Annie looked up from her desk when I walked
through the door. “Where have you been?”

“
Tryouts. Then I hung out
with Lance for a little bit.”

Nodding, she dropped her eyes. After a deep
breath, she raised her face to me. “Cammy and I haven’t seen much
of you lately. We thought maybe we could all go shopping this
Saturday. What do you think?”

I smiled my first genuine smile of the day
as I sat at my desk. “I would love it.”

She got up to hug me and pulled her chair
next to mine. “Let’s tackle this stupid Calculus homework, shall
we?”

***

Skipping from the auditorium toward the
dorms, ecstatic energy coursed through my heart. I’d been assigned
the part of Abigail and I made a mental list of people to tell.
Lance caught up with me and snagged my arm.

“
I heard you got the part,”
he smiled and my heart flipped. “Good. I’m taking you to celebrate
tomorrow.”

My eyes lit up as I threw my arms around
him. I couldn’t believe he was as excited as I was. “Okay.”

He unlocked my grip and kissed me again. “I
need to go make some arrangements. I’ll call your cell phone
later.”

I nodded and ran back to my dorm.

Annie did not share my excitement. She
nodded and turned her eyes away when I told her what Lance had
said. I sank to my bed, brow furrowed as I fought the
disappointment at my friend’s lack of enthusiasm. It took several
minutes of uneasy silence before I remembered the shopping trip
.

“
I’m sorry, Annie,” I said
in my most earnest voice. “Do you think we can do it Sunday
instead?”

“
No. Cammy’s parents
invited me to brunch Sunday,” she said, curt. That stung. Cammy’s
parents always invited both of us to brunch once a month. I hadn’t
been able to attend last month, and I suspected Cammy must have
told them I wouldn’t be able to this month either. Embarrassment
joined my other conflicting emotions as I slunk away to the
bathroom. I spent more and more time in the shower than anywhere
else lately.

***

I met Lance at his car Saturday and was
surprised when he took me to Portfield, the largest town in the
area. He parked his car in the lot of a swank hotel and hurried me
to a glamorous suite. My heart froze as I walked around the room,
admiring the lush décor and the heart shaped tub. I knew what he
expected, and I hadn’t a clue how to get out of it this time.

“
Don’t be so nervous,” he
said. He popped the cork on a bottle of champagne, pouring the
bubbly liquid into a glass before handing it to me. I sipped it
slowly, the bubbles tickling my nose. “We don’t have to do anything
you don’t want to do. I just thought this would be romantic and
quiet. We can be totally alone here.”

I nodded and sat on the edge of the bed. I
continued to sip at my glass just to have something to do. Lance
watched me carefully but didn’t make a move.

“
This is really nice,” I
said slowly. “But it’s a little too much, don’t you
think?”

He shrugged. “Christmas break is next week—I
wanted to do something special before we both leave school and get
so wrapped up in the holidays that we have no time for us.”

I swallowed his excuse and accepted his
refill. I fought my conflicting emotions. Was I ready to commit
this way to him? Did I want to lose my virginity in some expensive,
yet cheesy, hotel room? Did I love Lance enough?

The champagne relaxed my body but not my
mind. Oh, my head was growing foggier with each sip, but I wouldn’t
allow the alcohol to totally take control.

Lance slipped the glass from my hand and set
it on the night stand. He lowered me to the bed, peppering my face
with soft kisses before focusing on my mouth. He edged back to
smile softly and he ran a knuckle down my cheek.