Picking Up the Pieces (16 page)

I had just looked down at my watch for the twentieth time when I heard the jingle of the bell on the door.
And as I watched Lily stroll confidently toward me, I felt a stupid grin creep across my face. Her black pants fit tightly to her legs, and my gaze traced the length of them before it made its way up to those eyes that I always loved so much. Eyes that I loved even more on days like today, when the sunlight brought out the specks of gold in them that I was sure she’d never even noticed herself.

“Hey, Max,” she said as she pulled the silky strands of chestnut hair around the back of her neck to rest on the front of her shoulder.
The sweet smell of her coconut shampoo washed over me, waking me from my trance. “I’m happy you asked me to meet.”

“You are?” Not only was I excited to tell Lily about the job opportunity, I was even more excited at the idea that she seemed eager to see me.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen you in a few weeks, and a lot’s happened.”

She paused for a minute or so to peruse the menu, and I motioned for the waitress to come take our order once Lily seemed ready.
I knew she had to be back in about forty-five minutes and didn’t want her to be late. “So what’s up?” I asked. I could tell she was in an unusually upbeat mood, and I was eager to find out why she was so happy.

I didn’t know what I expected her to say.
Maybe she’d won the lottery. Or she’d gotten a new puppy. Was it possible that she’d just found out Christmas break was starting a week early? Whatever it was, I hadn’t seen Lily that excited in as long as I could remember. I only wished that when she started to speak, I could have maintained my excitement for
her. Or at least faked it better than I had.

But the moment I heard Adam’s name leave her lips, I felt my face drop.
Trying to think of anything else than what she was saying, I did my best to tune her out. Unfortunately, my best wasn’t good enough. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t help but hear at least some of the words.
Adam and I . . . dating again . . . a few weeks . . . seems to be going well.

I felt my eyes glaze over as I tried to maintain eye contact.
Every word out of her beautiful mouth was like a nail across a chalkboard, making my blood run cold. And my visceral reaction surprised me.

I knew I should be happy for her.
She’d lost him because of me, and we were only
friends
now. What right did I have to think the thoughts that ran through my head—that pussy’s hand across her cheek as he kissed her, his words making her smile? I wanted her to smile at what
I
said.

“Enough about me, though.
What news did
you
have? You seemed so excited when you texted.”

“Uh . . . yeah, I do have news.”
I bit my lip to keep from saying what I’d gone there to tell her, though I wasn’t entirely sure why. Maybe I didn’t want my moment to be tainted by the sound of that douchebag’s name as it hung in the air between us. Or maybe I just didn’t think she’d give a shit about what I had to say. But most of all, I think I just didn’t give a shit about it
myself
anymore. “My dad got a new fishing pole the other day,” I said.

“That’s the big news?” she replied.
“You’re becoming more like him every day. Should I alert the authorities?”

I savored the sound of the subtle laugh that escaped her and focused on the smile that played on the corners of her
mouth. It was the best thing I’d seen all day. Because
I
had been the one to put it there.

***

Despite the fact that I managed to fake my way through enjoying the rest of our lunch, inside I felt like something was missing.
Like the part of herself Lily had been sharing with me for the past few months would now be suddenly shared with
him
. I didn’t even know what part that was. I just knew I didn’t want that asshole to have
any
of her.

But I could never tell her that.

So I told her I was happy for her.
Happy for
him
even. And happy for the two of them. Together. God, those words tasted bitter as I said them.

So by the next day, I was in desperate need of a night out with the boys.
I wanted something to wash the thoughts of Lily and Adam from my cluttered brain. And what better way to do that than with alcohol?

Chapter 18: Lily

My relationship with Adam had been progressing . . . slowly. Up until about two weeks ago, that was. It was as if Adam had experienced some kind of epiphany over Thanksgiving that had prompted him to kick our relationship up a notch. He had begun to call me every night, made an effort to see me as often as possible, and the sexual tension between us was palpable.

I looked in the mirror as I applied my makeup, gearing up for a hopefully hot date with Adam.
We were going to a new steakhouse that had just opened near us. The place was trendy, and I wanted to make sure I looked the part. Drawing back from the mirror slightly, I took in my deep blue wool dress that hugged my toned body. I paired it with a pair of patterned black tights that added a touch of naughtiness. Topped off with four inch black stilettos, even
I
had to admit that I looked smoking hot. Putting the cap back on my lip gloss and giving my lips one last pop in the mirror, I walked out of my room and into the living room to wait for Adam.

I looked around the apartment and took inventory of what was missing.
As Amanda spent more time at Shane’s, she had been slowly removing items from our house and taking them to his. I was bracing myself for the conversation where she told me she was moving out and tried to take half of my stuff with her when she went. We had already gotten into it earlier in the week because I noticed her walking out with our blender. That
I’d
bought.

“But I
need
it,”
she had whined
.

“Tough shit.
And Shane’s a friggin’ nutritionist. There’s no way he doesn’t have a blender.”

“His makes my smoothies taste weird,” she continued as she clutched the blender like I was trying to steal her firstborn.

“It does not, you blasphemous liar.
Now put it back.”

“Is 'blasphemous' a real word?”

I looked at her with irritation, partly because she dared to question my vocabulary and partly because she was a conniving thief.

“He always puts gross things in his blender.
Like kale. Who the fuck drinks kale? I can’t share a blender with him. All of the healthy stuff will seep in.”

I just continued to stare at her, making it clear that I wasn’t going to back down.

“Fine,” she huffed as she turned to return my property to its rightful place. “You need to get some,” she muttered.

“What was that?” I asked with an edge to my voice that I didn't really feel.

“Bitch, you heard me.”

I let loose a deep laugh, shaking my head at the craziness that was Amanda.

I started keeping a mental inventory of my shit after that. But as I glanced around at the empty spaces scattered throughout our living room, I couldn’t help but let a little sadness creep in. I was going to miss that crazy bitch.

Just then, the buzzer rang.
I walked over to the intercom and held down the button. “Hello?”

“Hey, Lily.
It’s me.”

I could hear the smile in his voice.
It made me melt a little. “Me who?”

“Uh, hopefully the only guy you’re expecting tonight.”

Even though his voice was playful, I immediately regretted teasing him when I heard his response. I wondered if his mind had traveled where mine did: to the fact that there had been times when he hadn’t been the only guy who had made visits to my apartment. Dropping my head slightly, I tried to compose myself quickly before I replied.
You’re not that girl anymore. You won’t fuck up this time.
I lifted my head and interjected happiness into my voice. “I’ll be right down.”

Throwing on my coat, I hurried from the apartment and descended the stairs to meet Adam. He was waiting in the foyer, his blond hair gelled to messy perfection, a black pea coat stretched over his solid arms, his hands shoved into his dark jeans.
His back was to me, giving me a moment to eye-fuck the shit out of him through the glass door that separated us. Adam and I had done our fair share of making out and allowing our hands to roam each other’s bodies, but we hadn’t been intimate yet. And God did I
need
to be intimate with Adam. It was all I could do to keep myself from throwing open the door, tackling him to the ground, and straddling his face.
Keep it in your pants, Lily.
Inhaling deeply, I pulled open the door.

Upon hearing me, Adam spun around, a wide smile lighting up his beautiful face.
I felt the familiar slickness between my legs as his eyes appraised me from head to toe, spending a little extra time on the good parts.

I sauntered over to him with
my sexiest strut. “Hey,” I breathed as I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and lifted my lips to his. My intention had been to simply share a quick kiss, but as soon as our lips met, the need spilled out of us. Our tongues intertwined, invading each other’s mouths roughly, wildly. His hands skimmed up my body before pressing firmly into my lower back, pulling me tighter to him. I had no idea how long we stood there, and it didn’t matter. I could’ve stood there forever wrapped up in the moment, in him, in us. He eventually pulled away, letting a low growl escape from his throat.
Just when I thought I couldn’t be more turned on.

“Hi,” he said breathlessly.
We laughed softly as we both backed up slightly. “You ready to go?”

“Yup,” I said as I looped an arm through his and let him lead me outside.

***

It only took us about ten minutes to drive to the restaurant. Adam and I fell into easy conversation about who-cares-what. I would’ve happily talked about knitting, as long as I got to be near him while I did it.

Once inside the restaurant, we were shown to a table nestled in a corner.
The lighting was dim, and it instantly made me think of how hot it would be to make love to Adam by candlelight. Attempting to push this thought from my mind, I opened the menu and studied it. But I couldn’t focus on the words.
Jesus Christ, the man’s sexiness has made me forget how to read.

“What looks good to you?”

My eyes snapped up and drank him in.
Oh, I know what looks good to me, alright.
“Uh, the New York strip maybe.”
Shit, is there even a New York strip on this menu?

“Hmm, that sounds good.
I’m thinking of going with the prime rib though."

As I contemplated whether or not I could stealthily finger myself under the table and relieve some of the desire that had settled there, our waiter appeared.

“Hi, folks. How are you both doing this evening?” He filled our water glasses as we replied that we were fine. “My name is Chris and I’ll be your server this evening. Can I get you started with something from the bar?”

“Want to share a bottle of wine?” Adam asked me.

“I’d share anything with you,” I blurted out dreamily before realizing what I had just said. My eyes widened as Adam tried to suppress a smile and Chris shifted his weight slightly.

“We’ll take a bottle of your house Chianti.”

“Certainly, sir. I’ll be right back with that.”

I watched Chris hurry away before turning my attention back to Adam.
He was staring at me intently, a sly smile playing on his lips.

“So, you’d share anything with me, huh?”
His tone was teasing, but there was a heat in his eyes that caused a warmth to spread over my body.

I figured I could play this one of two ways.
I could either be embarrassed by what I had said and try to change the subject, or I could embrace my words and set about my primary goal for the evening: seducing Adam Carter. Needless to say, I chose option B. “Pretty much. Why? Are you offering?”

He leaned back, allowing his cream sweater to pull
deliciously over his taut body. I wanted to unravel it with my teeth. “Well, you know me. I like to know all of the specifics about the person sitting across the table from me before I entertain an offer.”

Chris returned with the wine, and poured a little in Adam’s glass so he could taste it.
But instead of taking a sip, Adam handed the glass to me.

“Taste this and see if it’s the one you want.”

My eyes jerked from the glass to him. He was gazing intently at me, and I knew his words carried weight beyond the wine. I wrapped my hand around the glass and brought it to my lips. I let a small moan escape as I let the wine fill my mouth. Handing the glass back to him and looking directly into his eyes, I replied. “Yes, this is definitely the one I want.”

His eyes gleamed as he set the glass down and settled back against the chair.
Chris realized that he was intruding on a private moment that was about much more than a simple bottle of Chianti. He asked if we had any questions about the menu and took our order swiftly before leaving us alone.

Adam sat up straight and placed his forearms on the table. His eyes never left mine as he seemed to be trying to work something out in his head.
Finally, he spoke. “I meant what I said. I need to put everything on the table before this goes any further.” He watched me warily, clearly unsure how I would react.

I also straightened up then, mimicking his body position and leaning closer to him.
“This looks like a pretty sturdy table. I bet it can handle whatever strain we put on it.”

I watched the tick in Adam’s jaw.
He looked uncomfortable. And I knew there was only one thing that could make Adam feel this way. “Is it Max that you want to talk about?”

He hesitated briefly before releasing a sigh.
“Yes,” he said simply.

“What do you want to know?”

“I haven’t wanted to ask this, mostly because I’m not sure I really want to know the answer, but . . . do you still see him?”

Now it was my turn for a simple answer.
“Yes.”

His posture sagged just slightly, but it was enough for me to notice.
“How . . . uh, when . . . um . . .” He ran his hand roughly over his face, instantly making me feel guilty for making this such an issue between us.

I reached over the table and grabbed his hand.
“Adam?” I waited for his eyes to meet mine before I continued. “You need to ask me whatever it is you want to know. Nothing is off limits. I want this.” I motioned between us with my free hand. “More than you could ever know. But it’ll never work if we don’t clear the air. So ask.”

Adam eyed me cautiously as he got his thoughts organized.
“In what capacity do you see Max?”

“Strictly as friends.”
My eyes never left his in the hope that he could see the truth that resided there.

“Friends?”
he scoffed quietly and pulled his hand back from mine, lowering both to his lap. “I seem to remember being told that before.”

I took a steadying breath.
“You’re right. You were.”

“And it was a lie then.”

“Yes. It was," I answered, though I knew it wasn’t a question. I kept my voice low and neutral. Everything was riding on this conversation, and I didn’t want it getting muddled in a haze of emotions.

“But I’m supposed to believe that it isn't this time?”

“I don’t expect you to believe me at my word. I’ve given you a lot of reasons to doubt me. But . . . I don’t know what else I have to offer you other than that.” I couldn’t help but feel a sliver of defeat crawl through me. I had no other way to assure him of my feelings other than to say them. But my words weren’t credible to him.
If he gave me time, I was sure I could prove it to him. Was he willing to take the risk and give me that time? That was the million dollar question.

“Here you are.”

My head whipped toward the source of the intrusion.
Fucking Chris.

Chris lowered the salad plates in front of us and backed up a little.
“Anything else I can get for you right now?”

We shook our heads.

“Okay. Your dinner should be ready shortly.”

We stared at the food in front of us for a minute before picking up our forks and starting to eat.
The silence that descended upon us was heavy and constricting.

Chris came back and cleared our plates before returning with our main course.
Adam and I made small talk about how good the food was and what other restaurants the chef owned. It was brutal.

Once we had both eaten the bulk of our meals, Adam cleared his throat and set his fork down.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Lily.”

Tears sprung to my eyes and I tried to regain my composure before any of them fell.
I played with my napkin on my lap, trying to think of something, anything, that I could say that would fix this.

“Hey,” Adam said gently.
“Look at me.”

I slowly dragged my eyes to his.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Lily. But I don’t want to get hurt either. What happened last spring . . . it ripped me apart. I can’t go through that again.” He continued to look at me and I could see his struggle. “I think we could have something truly amazing. But it would take a lot of work to get there, on both of our parts. And I just don’t think I can put that kind of effort in if you still see Max.”