Picks & Pucks (17 page)

“What words?”

“To the music you skated.”

“‘Mi Mancherai,’ yeah,” I said. “The first few lines are
I’ll miss you if you leave
.
I’ll miss your serenity
. Or at least that’s what the translation on the Internet reads. My mom loved Josh Groban, especially that song. I don’t know why. I never asked.”

“The program is beautiful,” he said.

Before I could say another word, CJ dragged me to the locker room to piece together enough gear to fit me so I could safely play. He tossed me a jersey. When I slipped it over my head, it was like sniffing pure sex. Once again, I had to think of weird things so I didn’t get a full-blown hard-on. Having my dick pressed against a cup while trying to play hockey was not my idea of fun.

“Er, I don’t have a stick,” I said.

Kris took one from Rusty’s locker. “He’s on his way over to play so he said you could use one of his as long he gets to be on your team.”

“Thanks.”

I walked down the tunnel with CJ. “Gonna show me what you got?” he asked.

“I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours.”

“That’s so bad,” he said, shaking his head.

“I know.” I winked at him and raced to the ice, hitting it full stride and flying around the rink. Kris passed me the puck and I did some stick handling around all the guys.

“Holy shit,” CJ said when I came to a quick stop. “You are good.”

“I know.” I took off again, with him in hot pursuit.

We played a normal game of four on four, until we were all clinging to the boards, about ready to cough up our lungs.

“Best trick shot?” Rusty shouted. He did some fancy stick handling and scooped the puck off the ice with his stick, slapping it out of the air straight into the net.

“Your turn,” Rusty said, sweeping me a puck. I skated down the ice, bent down and flattened my stick on the ice before I turned backward and lifted the puck, tossing it over my shoulder and straight into the net with a sharp backhand.

We spent about an hour showing off some of our best stuff.

“Hey, Justin,” Rusty yelled. “Can you still do that stick and puck routine you did when you were fourteen?”

I laughed. “I can’t believe you can remember that shit.”

“It’s sort of hard to forget. I still have no idea how you can make the puck stay on the stick and spin in a circle. It makes me dizzy,” Rusty said. “Give it a shot.”

He flipped the puck to me, and I went to the center of the ice, taking a deep breath before I started the dance I used to do to irritate the shit out of my brother. When I finished, everyone was staring at me.

“Wow,” CJ said. “You are better than good—you’re absolutely incredible.”

“Of course I am,” I said, smiling brilliantly. “But that’s all for me today. I’m starving.”

“Let’s go home,” CJ said. “I’ll make you lunch.”

“Thanks, dear,” I whispered, and he laughed. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Danny stepping on the ice. I knew he noticed me, but he didn’t even glance my way. The demons told me I still craved attention from him. I scoffed and shot them a sneer. They laughed, not believing me.

“We have to do this again,” Rusty said.

“I can’t promise anything. My coach comes into town on Monday, but thanks for the offer. I had fun.”

Danny skated by and nailed a slap shot. It hit the post with a loud clang. I forced myself not to look at him, but I could feel his stare boring into the back of my head as I walked down the tunnel with CJ.

“I’ll meet you out front in twenty minutes,” CJ said as I headed toward the locker room.

“Okay,” I said. “Twenty minutes.”

I took a quick shower and was pulling on my pants when I heard the door open.

“Man, you’re fast. I’m not dressed yet,” I answered.

“You like him.” My head snapped up, and I met Danny’s blue eyes.

“What?”

“You like him,” Danny repeated, coming closer until I could smell his sweat.

“Who?”

“CJ.”

I stepped back, but Danny followed.

“He’s a nice guy,” I said.

“No, you
like
him,” he said.

“I barely know him,” I said.

“Doesn’t matter. You look at him like you used to look at me.”

He leaned forward, pressed his mouth against mine, and slipped his tongue inside. A moan escaped, and he grabbed me and held me tighter. Demons filled the small room, telling me to push him away or fuck the living daylights out of him.

“No,” I mumbled and bit his bottom lip. He stepped back and frowned at me, then left the room before I could say anything.

“He let me go,” I mumbled to the demons. They laughed and called me a fucking moron.

The door opened again. “Hey, you almost ready?” CJ asked.

“Oh, yeah,” I said, staring at him. Did he notice anything about the way I looked at him? “Sorry, I couldn’t find a clean shirt.”

I finished getting dressed, and we left the arena. The loud bangs of pucks being shot rang in my ears.

CJ almost freaked out when we got home and I started to make myself a peanut butter sandwich. He took the bread away from me.

“But I’m hungry,” I whined.

“Then let me make some decent food.”

“Fine,” I grumbled and licked the knife.

We had some leftover chicken, so he made up some sort of fancy salad, giving me shit about never having had a Cobb salad. I told him he was a food snob, but I couldn’t deny that it was awesome.

“You’re handy in the kitchen,” I said, patting my full stomach.

“Thanks. I love to cook for people.”

“You can cook for me anytime,” I said.

“I used to want to be a chef,” he said.

“I suppose you want to be a hockey star now.”

“Not really,” he said. He stood, cleared the table, and put the dirty dishes in the sink.

“CJ?”

He ran his hand through his hair. “Hockey is a means to an end for me. Nothing more, nothing less. I have no aspirations of playing in the NHL unless the money is too good to pass up.”

“I don’t understand you at all,” I admitted. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you think I’m like all the hockey players you’ve been around, but I’m not like any of them. The only thing I have in common with them is that I can shoot a puck.”

“Uh, I’ve seen Spock shoot and believe me, your shot is nothing like his.”

He snorted and burst out laughing.

“Don’t tell him I said that. He’s actually nice to me now.”

CJ sat back down and relaxed. “So where’s Eli? He’s an interesting guy.”

“Studying. I need him tomorrow.”

“You’re lucky to have a friend like him.”

“I am.”

We spent the rest of the afternoon together. He decided since my short program was going to use the music from
Harry Potter
, I needed to watch some of the movies. I fell asleep and drooled on his shoulder during the third movie.

“You need to go to bed,” CJ said as he gently shook me awake. When I could sit without closing my eyes, he got up and put the snacks back into the kitchen. Janae would freak if she came home to a dirty house.

I blinked and looked around the room. For the first time in a very long time, no demons surrounded me, which was a tiny bit freaky. But I decided to enjoy it.

The calm I had found didn’t last long. For some reason, Janae called and asked me five hundred questions about my day off. My voice started to increase in volume as I tried to tell her I hadn’t practiced because it was a day off. CJ took the phone out of my hands and tried to calm her down.

She was shouting so loud he had to hold the phone away from his ear. She called him a fucking nosy-hockey-player-know-nothing-about-skating guy. He handed the phone back to me, stomped up the stairs, and slammed his door. My demons woke up and floated around the room like they were having a cocktail party. I told Janae to quit hollering. When she continued, I hung up on her and hightailed it up to my room, leaving my phone on the table.

In the middle of the night, I heard noises coming from CJ’s room. I tiptoed into the hallway and peeked into his room. Blankets were wrapped around his legs, and he was clutching his pillow so tightly I thought he was going to tear it apart. Since he had saved me from one of my night terrors, I thought I should return the favor.

“CJ,” I whispered. I lightly touched his shoulder, and he sat straight up in bed. I jumped back and gasped. “I’m sorry, but you were having a bad dream.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay. Janae got me all wound up and I couldn’t sleep. I’ll just leave you alone.”

I started toward the door, but he grabbed my wrist, stopping me in my tracks. His arm was shaking, and I could feel the demons hovering near his bed.

“Move over,” I said without thinking.

He lifted the covers, and I crawled in with him. He was still trembling so I flung my arm over his waist and pulled him close to me, pretending this was a normal thing to do.

“Sleep, CJ,” I mumbled.

He settled down, snuggling into my body. We both slept the rest of the night without dreams or demons disturbing us.

Morning came and I didn’t have time to feel awkward about waking up next to him, because Eli was downstairs, shouting about being late for practice. CJ shoved me out of bed, and I grabbed some sweatpants and a shirt off his floor. I brushed my teeth and raced out the door before Eli could yell anymore.

I had a tense day on the ice. We knew Marina would be there in the morning, and the fate of the program lay in her hands. I was nervous as hell and the clock seemed to be ticking at double time. It didn’t feel like we got anything done. The only good thing was my jumps were perfect, so I didn’t spend the day sliding across the ice on my butt.

Janae came home after we’d had a late dinner. I’d just finished clearing the table and Eli was talking to me about the test he had tomorrow.

“Why aren’t you at the rink?” Janae snapped. “She’s coming tomorrow.”

I sat down and rested my head on the table.

“We’ve been at the rink all day,” Eli said. “He needs to rest.”

She growled and disappeared into her bedroom.

“Go to bed before she comes back,” Eli said, shooing me upstairs.

I climbed to the top of the stairs and stared at CJ’s door, wishing I had the balls to crawl in bed with him.

I sighed and went into my own room. CJ was sitting on the edge of my bed. I almost backed out, thinking I had gone into his room instead of mine.

“Um,” he said. A blush rose up his face. “I slept really well last night. First time in almost a year.”

“No one has to know,” I whispered and cringed when the words came out of my mouth. It was turning into Danny all over again, except without the sex.

CJ shrugged and slid under my blankets. I disrobed and followed him, then immediately settled into his warmth. He sighed and closed his eyes.

The demons perched on my desk and stared at us.

B
Y
M
ONDAY
afternoon, we were all certifiably crazy. Janae cancelled all her lessons. I’d finished my dryland workout early and came home to eat lunch. After pacing around the house and talking to myself, I called Eli to beg him to come sit with me.

Eli took his test and skipped the rest of his classes, which freaked out Taylor, because he kept texting him, making sure he wasn’t avoiding him.

“Maybe you two should just fuck,” I snapped after the sixth text message.

“You told me taking it slow was good,” he said.

“I’m sorry. I’m nervous. I shouldn’t say shit like that to you.”

“You don’t get nervous.”

“Marina can make anyone nervous, so I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’d like to get with him, but I want to make sure I’m not some rebound guy. Plus I haven’t decided how I want to have sex yet.”

“I get it,” I said. “And don’t worry about the sex part. You’ll know what’s right.”

“How’s CJ?”

“I’ve slept with him for the past two nights.” I gulped and covered my mouth.

Eli’s eyes widened. “You’re sleeping with him? Jesus, that was fast.”

“We’re not fucking. We’re just sleeping, and please don’t tell anyone. I don’t want him to get hurt because I have a big mouth.”

Eli sat down and put his arm around my shoulders. “Calm down, Justin. I won’t say anything.”

My shoulders relaxed and I exhaled, resting my head on his shoulder. “It’s like Danny all over again.”

“Tell him how you feel.”

“I don’t know how I feel. Danny seems to think I like CJ, but I barely know him.”

“What’s Danny got to do with this?”

“He cornered me in the locker room yesterday.”

“Ignore Danny. He made his choice. You need to get to know CJ.”

“He’s a hockey boy,” I grumbled just as Janae shot into the living room like a cannonball.

“Let’s go over to the rink. I think you should warm up or something. Maybe we should tweak the section with the spread eagle right before the straight line footwork sequence.” She stopped and stared at us. “Oh shit, what’s wrong? Please tell me you’re not injured or—”

“He’s fine. Just nervous, and you’re not helping,” Eli said.

“You don’t get nervous,” she huffed and left the room to bang around in the kitchen. We could hear her talking. I hoped the pots and pans didn’t answer her.