Pieces of You (11 page)

Chapter 14

I wake up in a cold sweat for the first time in months, except I don't know for certain what I was dreaming of. I don't know if it was Mel or the attack or what, all I know is I'm rattled. My body is vibrating with nervous energy, and my heart is pounding in my chest.

Sitting up, I wipe the sweat from my brow, throw my legs over the side of the bed and cradle my head in my hands. Rubbing my temples, I shake my head back and forth and throw the blanket off my body. Standing I walk to the kitchen and fill a glass with water. Downing the glassful, I refill it and walk into the living room.

I want to call Riley. I have the sudden need to talk with her, and I don't know why. That dream surely fluttered my brain, and it's going to take a little bit to calm down before I can get back to sleep. I sit on the sofa and look up at the green LED screen telling me the time. 4:37 A.M. There's no way I will be getting back to sleep. But what on earth was I dreaming about to make me wake up like that?

I turn on the television and flip aimlessly through the channels. There's a show about multiples. I can't tell if it's the marriage or the kids, but why on earth is this on TV? Turning off the television again, I throw the remote back onto the tabletop and stalk to the bathroom to take a shower. Might as well get today on the road.

As I turn on the water, I get a memory flash that I just can't place. I can't tell what it really was, but it has my heart hammering again. I place my hand up on the tile in the stall and brace myself. I don't know why but I'm feeling absolute dread. I wonder if this is an anxiety attack. I wonder if it finally hit me that I will be meeting her parents, or maybe it's the fact that I will be driving for fifteen hours on the interstate.

Slowly, I lower myself to the tub and allow the water to wash over me while I put my head between my knees in an attempt to both calm down and catch my breath. My chest feels like it's caving in on me, and my body is killing me. It's bad. This is so bad. Curling into a ball in the tub, I wait and pray for the feeling to stop.

I lay here until the water runs cold. Shivering, my teeth knock against each other as I slowly rise up and turn off the water. Reaching out I take the towel with my fingertips and drag it from the rack to the floor. With aching muscles, I climb out of the tub and wrap myself in the soft bath towel and stumble back to my bedroom. Climbing back under my blankets I tremble and wait for the cold to leave. My jaw hurts from being clenched so hard.

As I begin to warm, I look up at my clock and see that it's now 6:15, and I am thinking about calling Riley. I'm still shivering as I dial her number.

"Good morning, baby." She yawns into the phone. It's obvious that I woke her, but she won't say anything.

"I'm sorry, Ri, did I wake you?"

"It's okay. I slept in. How are you doing?"

""I-I think I had an anxiety attack." I tuck in tighter on the bed and continue to try to warm up while listening for her response.

"Oh, I'm sorry, baby. Tell me, how are you feeling now?"

"I feel tingly and lightheaded. And cold."

"Cold?"

"I kinda freaked out in the shower and stayed in it until the hot water ran out."

I hear her chuckle on the other end, which causes me to chuckle too. "I'm sorry, baby. I don't mean to laugh, but you have to admit it sounds kind of funny."

"It does." I sigh. "I'm sorry I-I just lost my shit. And the worst part is I don't even know why."

"You don't know what brought this on?"

"Not exactly, I woke up from a dream, and it wasn't Mel. At least, I don't think it was Mel. But I don't remember it and then I started feeling…" I whisper under my breath. "Dammit. I'm sorry."

"Why? Why are you sorry?"

"Because I'm not strong enough for this."

"Stop it. Ty. You are strong enough, but you will be living with this for the rest of your life no matter what. No one can take your past from you and you are always going to have that memory and guilt. There's nothing none of us can say to make it better. I wish I had the cure. I wish I could fix it so you didn't have to deal with this anymore. But I don't. And since I'm with you, I have to be here for you." She takes a breath and I hear her shuffling around. She's most likely shifting in the bed, finding a more comfortable position. "I'm here for you, Ty. But you need to let me in, and if I'm not there you need to find your calm. You need to see a doctor."

I consider her words, and although I appreciate them, the fact that she wants me to see someone, hurts. It stings like a slap to the face, and the realization strikes me that her words are true. I should have seen a doctor a long time ago. I should have had the closure a long time ago. But I didn't and now I have to deal with this pain and the memories forever. I'm still a teenage girl, and I'm so done with feeling like this. Maybe when we come back from Salt Lake City, I will talk to the doctor here in town.

"You going to be okay, Ty?"

"I will be. I don't even know why I called you. There’s nothing you could do for me from there." I shake my head and run my fingers through my hair.

"You called because you knew I would support you. I'll be home in two days and we can get ready to go on our road trip."

"Sounds good, Riley."

"Call me again if you need anything. I know it's a tough thing to do, but you need to talk about this. You need to allow yourself to ask for help."

"I know. Thanks. I can't wait to see you."

"Two days." I can hear her smile on the other end of the line. "Two days, and you won't be getting rid of me for a couple of weeks."

"Only a couple of weeks?" I pout.

"Yeah. But as soon as this house here is done, you won't be getting rid of me for a while. I'll be a permanent resident there, and I can't wait."

"It will be amazing." I agree. "Just be safe okay? Call me when you're leaving and no texting and driving." I warn. I'm still shaken and unfortunately I know it comes across as wussy.

"I will, I promise," she responds. "Talk to you later, baby."

"Bye, Ri." We disconnect the call, and I sit up wondering what I should be doing now. I decide to get dressed and head over to Sue's early to take care of those shutters. Pulling my pants on, I stand and look around for my work shirt. Once I find it, I pull it over my shoulders and button it.

I turn on the coffee pot while I toast a bagel to eat on the road. I know I can eat lunch at Sues and there's a good chance she will refuse to allow me to pay for my pizza, and that's okay by me.

I fill my thermos and butter my breakfast, taking a big bite. I slide my phone and wallet into my pants and head out the door to my job for the day. Climbing into my truck, I throw it into reverse and pull onto the street. The roads are very quiet this time of day, living in a small town there's no rush to get to work before traffic begins. I am the traffic right now, and I love it. I can roll down my window and smell the dawn as it welcomes me and the only thing I hear are the birds greeting the day.

I hold my hand out of the window and allow the breeze to guide my hand up and down, like it's flying. I do this until I reach Sues. Pulling up out front, I back into the stall so I can access the materials easier.

Her shutters are about thirty years old and are in drastic need of revamping. We've decided to do all the windows on the building. I can see this being a two day job, easy. Lugging my sawhorses out of the back, I set them up in the stall next to me, followed by the pieces of wood that I will need to make these. Attaching the slat of wood to the saw horse with vice grips, I begin to measure and cut. Measuring twice and cutting once, Dad taught me that when I was younger, and I still do it today.

Two hours of measuring and cutting brings me to a large pile of wooden slats, waiting to be pieced together and attached to the building. With the sun rising, so is the heat. I wipe my brow with the back of my arm and retrieve my water bottle. Swallowing the last gulp, I return it to the gate of the truck and sit in the shade of the porch for a little. I look out at what I've accomplished and think back to the crazy anxiety attack this morning.

"Mornin', Ty. Early start today?" Sue asks as she parks her car on the other side of my sawhorse parking stall. She's chipper this morning and full of smiles for me while she approaches and pulls her keys from her purse.

"Well you know, Sue, I like to get the show on early. Challenge myself to try to finish most of the job in one day." I squint as I look up at her. Her glasses sit on her nose and they are attached to a jeweled glasses band that hangs down around the back of her neck. She reminds me of an old librarian.

Sue cackles and pants as she climbs the three stairs. "Well, Ty, I'll put the coffee on. Come on in and have some breakfast in about ten minutes. I'll whip you up some buttermilk pancakes and sausage with some hash browned potatoes. Sound alright?"

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you."

"Come in when you're ready. I'll be cooking for you." She disappears inside the building leaving me alone once again on the porch with my pile of measured and cut wood. I scoot off the porch and set up a sheet of plywood on top of the sawhorses to make a table to work on. Sliding the wooden pieces together, I create one shutter in the ten minute allowance Sue gave me, and I decide to follow her suggestion and go claim a meal.

The bell above the door rings, and she calls out from the kitchen. "Grab yourself a coffee, Ty. Breakfast is almost ready."

I have to admit, the smell coming from the kitchen is amazing. My mouth begins to water and my stomach growls in anticipation. I can't wait to sink my teeth into the meal she's making for me. I step behind the counter and pour a coffee from the waitress stand. Walking from behind, I grab a stool at the counter and stir in some cream and sugar.

I cradle my head in my hands and look down at the countertop and close my eyes. I'm starting to feel the effects of a horrible sleep. My eyes aren't closed for long before a large plate is placed in front of me.

"Tired this morning, darlin'?" she asks and pours herself a coffee before sitting in front of me on the stool that's too tall for the counter.

"Horrible sleep. But I survived and I will be giving you the best damn shutters you've had in - well, forever really." I pick up my fork and stab it into the potatoes scooping some up and taking a big bite. Not only does she make a killer pizza, she also makes killer everything. My taste buds explode with the first taste. Moaning in appreciation, I look up longingly at Sue and nod while chewing.

"Oh, my God, Sue, this is amazing."

"Thanks, sugar. So tell me." She pauses to take a sip of her coffee. "Why did you sleep so rough?"

I finish chewing the bite of sausage and swallow. "I don't know. I think I had an anxiety attack and I don't even know what from."

"Were you thinking about your accident?"

"I don't think so." I rub my head and put down my fork. "I don't know what I was dreaming about. It was so weird." Leaning back in my chair, I sigh. "I think I'm just nervous to take the road trip to Salt Lake City and meet Riley's parents." I lean back on my elbow and stab the sausage with my fork and scoop it into my mouth.

"That's the problem right there!" She slams her hand down on the counter and stands. I look at her with a mouthful of food. Puzzled and confused. "Oh don't look at me like that. The problem is obvious. You have to take a long road trip! Come on, you can't tell me that you didn't figure that out."

When I think about it, I know she's right, on both accounts. It hadn't even crossed my mind that I might be nervous about the road trip, and it's feeding into my dreams. The only thing I was concerned with was the anxiety attacks. "Is it just cold feet?"

'"Pfft. I would bet a year's supply of pizza on it." Sue scoffs and waves her meaty hand at me. "You'll have a great time when you go, and I think this is the best thing you could do. You've made a great choice, Ty." She lets me know as she slugs back the last of her coffee and stands up to busy herself around the restaurant.

Finishing my meal, I wipe my mouth and take the empty plate back to the kitchen, rinsing it off before placing it on the dish rack. Wiping my hands on the towel I step into the restaurant and refill my coffee before going back outside to work. I have a lot of shutters to do and only a few days to do them.

After lunch, the crowd starts getting bigger at Sue's. Mostly old timers having coffee with their buddies like they've been doing for years. The sun is getting warmer, and I was hoping to be on the shady side of the building by now, but it's not going as I planned and am behind a little bit. I still have three shutters to put up on this side. Wiping my brow, I put down the tools and step inside to claim a nice cold drink to cool me down.

"You still working out there, Ty?"

"Yes, ma'am," I reply to Sue as she pours me a tall glass of lemonade.

"How many of these shutters do you have left to finish?" she asks and pours more coffee for the group of men sitting beside me.

"I have 3 to put up on this side." I motion with my hand toward the front door. "And 4 on the other side. Most of them are dry already, but it's just so warm out there I needed to come in and cool down."

"You take as long as you need, Ty. The building has gone this long without a facelift. If you want to call it a day already you can, just try to finish it before your trip." Sue leans in nice and close. "But if you don't, it's not the end of the world."