Pink Flamingoed (3 page)

Brad enjoyed listening to Cora and Harry go back and
forth. He also noticed that Frank, Cora’s husband, was smart enough to keep his
mouth shut. Brad was beginning to wonder if Harry and Cora were friends or foes
when Harry said something that answered Brad’s question.

“Cora, don’t you love me anymore?”

“You know I do, Harry, but you’re still a tightwad.”

“How about me, Cora?”

“How about you what, Melanie?”

“Do you love me, too?”

“Melanie, I love you so much I wish you were my own
daughter, so I could ring your neck every time I catch you chasing another
man.”

“But you’ve got a man, Cora.”

“Not only do I have a man, Melanie. I have a prince of
a man.”

“But I want a prince, too, Cora.”

“Melanie, if you’d quit chasing every man you see, I
might help you find your prince.”

It was then that Brad realized that all of these
people really cared about each other.

Come to think of it
, Brad thought,
they’re acting like a lot of families I know
.

“Just two more houses,” Amy said to Brad, “and then
it’s over to my place for the after-caroling party, so here goes. On our left
we have the home of Lady Catherine McPherson. Lady Catherine claims to be a
dramatic actress of the past, although no one on Aylesford Place has ever seen
her act, including those who have lived here far longer than I have. Actually,
all of us have seen Lady Catherine act, as she always dramatizes her every
word.”

“Sounds like Lady Catherine’s a character.”

“She is, although she might not be the biggest
character in her household.”

“So, there’s a Mr. McPherson?”

“There may or may not be a Mr. McPherson,” Amy
replied.

“You mean she might have someone tied up in the
basement?”

“You might be more correct than you think,” Amy answered.
“Supposedly, Lady Catherine’s grandson Norman lives in the basement. I have
never seen him, because he never comes out in the daytime.”

“So, we either have a vampire or a dastardly criminal
type? Should we break in some day carrying a crucifix?”

“I don’t know. I’m more in favor of the criminal
theory myself. And so, Mr. Holmes, would you care to guess what our
Norman
does for a living?” Amy asked.

“Well, Dr. Watson, from your  emphasis on the word    
Norman
, it seems elementary that our young recluse works at Bates Motel.
Am I correct?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Holmes, but being new to our hamlet
you’re probably unaware that Hopemont has no Bates Motel. While I have no idea
whether or not our Norman would hurt a fly, he is the night clerk at the
Resting Place Motel.”

“How interesting, Dr. Watson. And I assume it has been
Norman’s job to make it a final resting place for some.”

“Oh, no, Mr. Holmes. I have no idea whether or not our
Norman has discontinued the lifetime of any of the motel’s guests, but if so,
I imagine he was smart enough to dispose of the bodies.”

“You’re quite right, Dr. Watson. I say, does this burg
have a swamp, or would our Norman’s basement flat have a dirt floor, by any
chance?”

“I am enjoying your conversation immensely, Mr. Holmes
and Dr. Watson, but if you’ll save the rest of it for another time, I’ll ring
the bell so that we can sing to Lady Catherine and our alleged murderer,” Cora
suggested.

Cora pressed the doorbell.

“Now, remember, everyone. This is Lady Catherine. We
won’t start singing until after she’s greeted us.”

Brad wondered what Cora meant, but figured he would
soon find out.

In a matter of seconds the door opened and out stepped
a woman wearing a more than ample supply of make-up and the brightest red
lipstick Brad had ever seen. She also wore a red silk blouse adorned with a
large brooch, and long skirt that looked like Scarlet O’Hara had made it out of
an extra set of drapes. Brad wondered if this outfit was in style at some time.
His character sketch was interrupted by the woman’s address.

“Is this my neighbors I see before me? The night has
fallen and the nightingales are about to sing. Oh, beautiful nightingales. Sing
forth from your lips of honey.”

And this is the more normal one?
Brad wondered.

The group sang their customary three songs, and then
Cora asked, “Lady Catherine, will Norman be joining us this evening?”

“Alas, but fair Master Norman is slumbering below to
gain strength so that he can leave to collect his silver coins. But hark, let
us embark on our journey to the Mitchell’s and then on, on, on to the feast of
the gods.”

“But Lady Catherine, the night is still young. It is
only 7:40 and Norman does not have to be at work until 11:00.”

“So true. So true. But Master Norman must continue to
repose to maintain his strength for the call of the night.”

“Hey, Amy. What happened to Mr. McPherson, or was
there ever a Mr. McPherson?” Brad whispered.

Amy did her best not to laugh, knowing what Brad must
have been thinking.

“I tried to warn you. Really I did,” Amy replied as
she suppressed a giggle  that wanted to emerge.

“One other thing, Amy. Does Melanie know about Norman? After all, Norman is single, isn’t he?”

At this point Amy could control herself no longer. She
laughed and then turned red as the group’s attention turned to her. Luckily, it
was dark enough that no one noticed that she was blushing.

“Something you’d like to share with the group, Amy?”

“Later, Cora. Later,” Amy replied.

“Control yourself, oh fairest of the tour guides. We
still have one more house to go,” Brad reminded Amy.

“Well, your comments aren’t much help. Luckily, we
will end our journey with one of the street’s saner couples, Jim and Kathy
Mitchell. Jim’s a salesman. He sells office equipment and travels extensively.
Fair Kathy hibernates most winter days and nights cuddled up with the latest
novel. When summer comes, she spends her days shopping with her newlywed
daughter, who teaches at an elementary school.  The two of them run around
looking for bargains at specialty stores and yard sales. And now, this
concludes today’s tour. You are now invited to the home of this year’s tour
guide for refreshments and a time of mingling with your new neighbors.”

“Thank you so much, my lady. I accept your gracious
hospitality.”

Once the group had sung to Kathy and a seldom-home
Jim, Cora made an announcement.

“Okay, everybody, let’s head to Amy’s, put on a few
pounds, and visit with one another.”

Amy exchanged her role as a tour guide for that of a
hostess. Now the leader of the group, Amy mounted the front steps of her home,
inserted the key in the lock, and turned to face the group.

“Okay, everybody. We’re through singing. Now all of
you come in and get all of the food you can eat and something to drink.”

“Come on Brad. I’ll race you to the Christmas tree
cookies,” Cora challenged.

“How about if I just escort you in?” Brad replied as
he held out his arm for Cora.

Brad entered Amy’s house and saw that she was quite
prepared for the season and the crowd. Mistletoe hung from the light fixture in
the center of the living room and from the door casing between the living room
and the dining room. Christmas trees stood in two corners of the spacious
living room. One contained lights of many colors, tinsel, and many ornaments.
Each ornament looked much different than any other. A tree skirt wrapped around
the bottom of the tree, and the first of what Brad assumed would soon be many
presents snuggled next to the tree out of the way of straying feet. A tree
which contained white lights and dozens of Chrismons stood in another corner.

Brad turned and looked at tables containing many kinds
of food and drink. It took one table to hold each of the drink containers.
According to the cards placed in front of the urns, Amy had prepared hot
chocolate, spiced tea, three types of coffee, and eggnog. A much longer table
held sandwiches, vegetables and dip, and other finger foods, and a third table
held fruit and cream pies, and three cakes; red velvet, chocolate, and
applesauce raisin, and two types of brownies; chocolate walnut and
butterscotch.

Wait until Harry sees all of this,
Brad thought.

“Okay, everyone, just throw your coats in the study
and help yourselves. I’m not going to feed you,” Amy said in a manner that told
Brad she felt comfortable with her guests.

“Let me show you where to put your coat, Brad,” Frank
offered.

Frank led Brad through the house and into the study,
arriving before the others.

“I hope Cora’s manner hasn’t offended you.”

“Oh, not at all, Frank. She makes me feel like one of
the family.”

“And you are. I think you’ll really like it here.
Other than Amy, Allison, Melanie, and the Armbrusters, most of us have lived
here for quite some time, and although we don’t always act like it, we’re quite
fond of each other.”

“Oh, there you are, Brad. I was wondering where you’d
gotten off to. Don’t talk him to death, Frank. This boy’s got to eat.”

Frank and Brad smiled at Cora’s comments. Cora took
Brad by the arm and led him to the food.

“Help yourself, Brad,” Cora encouraged, acting like
the hostess.

“I believe I will. I’m famished and I’d better make
sure I get there before Harry does.”

“You learn fast, rookie, and if I see Harry coming
this way, I’ll trip him to buy you some extra time.”

Brad looked around. Amy’s house looked nothing like
his, and  not  just  because  it  contained  furniture  and  Christmas
decorations. While both houses contained living rooms that occupied the front
left of the house, the dining room resided at the right front side of Brad’s
house. In Amy’s house, the front door emptied into a hallway, and to the right
of the hallway was a small office which led to a study. Everyone reached Amy’s
dining room through her living room, and on this night,
everyone
reached
Amy’s dining room.

Brad looked around at the smiling faces of those who
welcomed him as if he had lived there all his life. Suddenly, Brad didn’t feel
as lonely as he did on his long drive that morning. He had been in Hopemont
only a few hours, but already felt comfortable in his new surroundings.

Brad perused the table, trying to decide what to take.

“Take some of everything,” he heard the voice beside
him say, and turned to face a smiling Barney, wearing a now visible red, white,
and green shirt with Christmas trees all over it.

“By the way, I’m Barney Flowers. You must be the new
guy.”

“Yeah, I’m Brad Forrester. But I thought your name was
Sweet Pea.”

Barney laughed and both men began to fill their
plates.

“Bertha can call me whatever she likes as long as she
keeps on calling.”

“She seems like a nice lady.”

“The best.”

The two men continued to talk and followed those in
front of them until they had a chance to peruse both tables and take what they
wanted to eat and drink. Both men held plates filled with delectable treats.
Then, Barney ended the conversation.

“I’d better let you find a seat. It’s hard to eat and
drink standing up.”

Brad turned to face a walking soliloquy. But then she
couldn’t  be a  soliloquy  if  she  was  talking to him, instead of herself.

“A Christmas cake, a spot of tea, and thee. Is this a
new neighbor I see before me?”

Brad tried not to stare at Lady Catherine’s more than
amply supply of make-up.

“Why, dear, Lady Catherine, it’s so good to see you
again.”

“We’ve met before?” asked a surprised Lady Catherine.

“Only as one person meets another from the stage to
the audience, my dear lady.”

“Oh,” Lady Catherine exclaimed.

“And who was I that evening?”

“The star, as always, Lady Catherine. The star.”

Lady Catherine blushed, tried to remain humble, and
began to reply when someone cut through the crowd, freeing Brad from his
audience with Lady Catherine.

“I saw that,” Amy said from behind. “You naughty boy.”

Brad turned around and smiled sheepishly at his
beautiful new neighbor.

“I’m sorry, fair maiden. I couldn’t resist. Norman must’ve made me do it. Besides, Lady Catherine is always on stage. Maybe I was
referring to her greeting just a few minutes ago.”

“Well, you’re still a naughty boy, but I’m impressed.
You’re fitting in quite nicely for a newcomer. Now you’d better find a seat
before you spill everything all over my fine oriental rug.”

“You bought your hairpiece in the Far East, did you?”

Amy shivered as she realized how much she was enjoying
the new guy’s company.

“You’d better start behaving or I’m going to call
Melanie.”

“Did I hear someone call my name?” interrupted the
real estate agent whose antennae were always up.

“Yes,” Brad answered. “I believe Amy said she could
use some help in the kitchen.”

Before anyone could answer, Harry came charging
through heading for more food and almost knocked Brad off balance.

Amy grabbed Brad by the arm much as a teacher would a
disobedient schoolboy.

“I told you to sit down. Now, sit here next to Cora
before you mess up my orien...uh, carpet,” Amy ordered before turning away to
talk to some of the rest of her guests.

Brad continued to watch his next-door neighbor as she
turned and walked away. He focused in on Amy so well that he almost did not
hear Cora.

“You two seem to be getting along quite well for two
people who’ve just met,” Cora interjected, wearing a smile Brad could easily
decipher.

“Oh, didn’t you know? We’re cousins on my mother’s
side.”

“And how is your mother’s side?” Cora asked.

Brad mentally reprimanded himself, forgetting for a
moment that no one got the best of Cora. Then, without losing step, he returned
Cora’s volley.

“Oh, it’s much better, thank you. The appendectomy
worked wonders. I’ll be sure to tell her you asked about her.”

“Yes, please do, and please remember to let her know
you caught up with Cousin Amy. I’m sure she’d be pleased to know.”

“Oh, very pleased. Although mother never let on,
Cousin Amy was always her favorite.”

“And my favorite, too. And is she your favorite
cousin, Brad?”

“Absolutely. Cora, I don’t know how I’ve been able to
live all these years without her, or without you, dear Cora.”

“Nor, I without you, Brad. But we were talking about
Cousin Amy. Tell me, how long has it been since you last saw her?”

“I’m not sure. I’m terrible when it comes to time, but
my guess would be about two minutes now.”

“Sometimes two minutes is such a long time.”

“But when I am with Cousin Amy, time always seems to
pass so quickly.”

“It does, so it pays to work quickly, as well.”

“And just what am I to take from that comment, my dear
Cora?” Brad asked, knowing full well what Cora meant.

“Brad, Amy’s a good girl. Well worth getting to know,”
Cora replied, suddenly turning more serious.

“Am I supposed to read something into that comment,
Mrs. Henderson?” Brad asked with his eyebrows raised and his smile still in
place.

“I would hope so, Brad. Otherwise, I’ve wasted my
words.”

“Oh, Cora. Any words coming from your mouth are never
wasted.”

“Then try these on for size. You’re not married, and
she’s not married. Understand?”

While Cora was not yet pleading, she was at least
strongly suggesting.

“I believe I do,” Brad answered, still unable to
suppress his smile. “But tell me, Cora, why haven’t you been able to get her
married before this? Could it be that she’s hiding a family secret? Any
skeletons I should know about?”

“No, it’s more because today was the first day a
suitable gentleman moved into the neighborhood.”

“An asset to the neighborhood. Isn’t that right,
Cora?”

“Oh, most definitely.”

“Cora, you’re one in a million.”

Only a plate full of food kept him from reaching out
and embracing his new neighbor.

“That’s what I keep telling Frank.”

Cora looked around and noticed that everyone was
having a good time, but then the residents of Aylesford Place always had  a 
good  time  when they got together.  After a while, Cora decided most of the
people had had enough of a good time. If enough people left, only a group of
two would remain, and a group of two was what Cora wanted.

“Look how late it’s getting.” Cora yawned to get her
point across. “Some of us older people need to get to bed,” Cora said, loud
enough so everyone could hear.

No sooner had Cora spoken than Harry made one more
dash for the food to see what he could find to take home with him.

“I’m glad I’m not one of the older people, Cora,”
Melanie purred.

“Oh, but I need you to walk me home, my dear Melanie.
Frank doesn’t see so well at night anymore.”

“Really, Cora, I didn’t know. But what I do know is
that Melanie sees quite well. And do you know what Melanie just saw? She saw a
man’s hand with no wedding ring,” Melanie said triumphantly.

“It’s the new custom,” Cora replied, knowing that she
had lost the battle.

“Sorry, Cora, but I believe this hand is fair game.”

“Not this one, Melanie. This one was made for Amy.
Let’s you and I go look for the next one,” Cora begged, probably for the first
time in her life.

Melanie saw the pleading look in Cora’s eyes and
shrugged.

“I’m more inclined to let the man decide for himself,
but I’ll grant you your wish for tonight. I’ll wait and see if Amy is the one
for Brad, or if it’s someone else. If perchance they were made for one another,
do you really have someone in mind for me, Cora?”

“Not yet, Melanie, but I’ll be looking. I really will.
I really do think there’s someone for you, but you’ll have to slow down long
enough to let him catch you.”