Plain Proposal (29 page)

She stepped back from him. “Why? Why not? Saul, please don’t do this because of me. I’ve thought a lot about it, and I want to go out into the world. I want to experience things I’ve never been able to.” She reached into the pocket of her black apron. “Look! I found this in a magazine. It’s a person who helps you find houses—a realtor. And look at this.” She pulled another piece of paper from her pocket. “This is a list of things to do in Pittsburgh” She smiled. “Look, there’s museums and beautiful churches. All kinds of things for us to see and learn about.” He watched her take a deep breath, then her face brightened even more. “And. . . I’m so excited about this! There is a job for a preschool teacher right near where you work. Oh, Saul. I’ve always wanted to work with children. And this is a class for what they call special needs children,
kinner
who need lots of extra love and care.”

“That all sounds great, Miriam.” Saul tried to share her enthusiasm, and there was nothing he wanted more than to take her with him to Pittsburgh, if she truly wanted to go. “I just don’t think I can leave Ruben and James right now.” Miriam actually hung her head, and it saddened him to see that she was genuinely disappointed. “I—I thought you’d be happy about this. Now we can stay in the community, raise a family here.”

“But it’s your dream. I want to be a part of your dreams, Saul. What made you decide you can’t leave Ruben and James? Is your father ill? Does the farm need help? If so, maybe someone in the community can pitch in.”

Saul avoided her eyes, knowing he was going to give her a partial version of the truth. “Maybe when they’re older,” he said, careful not to get locked into her gaze.

“But what about your job?” Her forehead creased as she spoke.

“I’m gonna write a letter to the owner of the restaurant and turn it down. There will be others.” Although he knew there wouldn’t.

“Saul, if we get baptized into the community, then we can’t ever leave here without being shunned.” She put her hand to her chest. “My family won’t be happy if I leave here with you, but I won’t be shunned.”

Saul felt the life being zapped out of him. Too much was happening at once, and worry filled his heart. “I love you, Miriam. I want to marry you and be with you wherever we are.”

She cut her eyes at him, then put her hands on her hips. “Saul, I love you too. And maybe I should feel happy about staying in our community, but. . .” She took a deep breath. “It’s your
dream
.”

“I’ll build new dreams with you.”

Miriam studied him for a few moments. Something was different about him, as if his spirit ran dry. His eyes drooped with sadness, and the smile that normally filled his face when he saw her seemed forced. “Did you talk with your
daed
? What did he say? Did he disapprove of you leaving? Is that why you don’t want to leave? Because James and Ruben seem fine.”

He shook his head, then leaned back against the inside of the bridge. “Miriam, you’ll be happier here with your family. We’ll have a
gut
life.”

If that were true, then why did he look like he’d just settled for second best?

Saul shifted his weight, then pulled off his straw hat and wiped his brow. “I just changed my mind.”

Miriam folded her arms across her chest. This didn’t make sense. And she had a hunch who was behind this. Her parents. “Did
mei mamm
or
daed
talk to you?”

Saul scuffed one foot against the road and avoided her eyes. “Your
mamm
came for a visit, but—”

“I knew it!” Miriam stomped her foot. “I am eighteen years old and in my
rumschpringe
. She shouldn’t be doing this. I have a right to make my own choices.”

Saul gently grabbed both her shoulders and gazed into her eyes. “Miriam, you wouldn’t have made a choice to leave this place if it weren’t for me. I know that.”

“And you wouldn’t have made a choice to stay if it weren’t for—for my mother.” She pulled away from him. “You are letting
mei mamm
take away your dreams, and that’s not right.” She shook her head. “I’m not letting her do that. We are going to get married, go to Pittsburgh, and you are going to be a great chef in that new restaurant.”

Saul pulled her into a hug. “No, Miriam,” he whispered. “I’m not going.”

Such sadness in his voice.
This is not right
. Miriam wanted her mother to undo whatever she’d done to change Saul’s mind.

15

F
OR TWO DAYS
, R
EBECCA HAD PONDERED WHAT, IF
anything, she should do about Saul and his family. It didn’t seem right for those three boys to be taking care of Zeb, then— understandably—hiding it from the community. They were too young to carry such burdens. Even Saul.

“Just stay out of it, Rebecca,” Aaron said after Rebecca voiced her concerns. He raised his eyes above his Bible. “Be glad that Miriam will be staying here in the district. That’s the most important thing.”

“Keep your voice down. Miriam and Shelby are on the porch in the rockers.” She spoke in a whisper, then tapped her finger to her chin as she thought about what her husband said. Keeping Miriam in the community should be Rebecca’s only concern, but she couldn’t ignore the little voice in her head pushing her to listen to her heart. And her heart hurt for everyone involved. She leaned her head back against the couch while Aaron sat across the room in the rocking chair reading. Closing her eyes, she prayed to do right by all concerned. The boys were upstairs. The house was so quiet. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but she couldn’t stop herself when she clearly heard her daughter’s voice.

“Saul is so sad, Shelby. It’s like his spirit has withered. I want to be with the Saul I’m in love with, the one with hopes and dreams. He’s adventuresome, and it’s one of the things I love about him.”

Rebecca opened her eyes and leaned one ear closer to the window, her heart heavy as she listened.

“Are you going to talk to your mom?”

“
Ya
. I am. I cannot believe that she would ruin Saul’s life like this. And mine. Whatever she said to him, now he is refusing to go to Pittsburgh and follow his dreams. It’s not right. In the
Ordnung
, it’s clear that we get to experience the outside world and decide for ourselves if we want to leave.”

Rebecca brought her hand to her mouth and held her breath, not wanting to miss what Miriam said, but with each word, her heart ached.

“Miriam, I probably sound like a broken record, but . . it’s a rough world out there, and there are so many things that you don’t know anything about. It’s dangerous. There are bad people everywhere. I just don’t understand why you would want to leave here. It’s so safe, and everyone is so loving and kind. It’s all about family, and I love that.”

Rebecca heard Aaron grunt, and she looked at him.

“Guess you were wrong about Shelby, no?”

“Shh, Aaron.” She narrowed her eyes at her husband, who could evidently hear the girls talking even though he was across the room. She listened as Miriam responded to Shelby’s remarks.

“I could’ve been happy here, Shelby. But I can be happy in Pittsburgh too. I’m a Daughter of the Promise, and if I take those beliefs with me and live by them, it doesn’t matter where I live.”

Rebecca glanced at Aaron and whispered, “I don’t want her to go, Aaron, but you must admit, we raised her right.” Aaron scowled, but together they kept listening.

“What’s a Daughter of the Promise?”

“It’s a spiritual journey that a woman takes when she finds true meaning to the words
faith
,
hope
, and
love
. I have a strong faith, hope for my future, and I love God with all my heart.” After a pause, Miriam added, “And Saul.”

“I think you’re lucky, Miriam. I would have loved to have grown up in a place like this, especially with your family. I love your family.” She giggled. “Even your mom. I wish my mom cared about me even half as much as your mom cares about you.”

Rebecca brushed away a tear.

“Let’s go to bed, Rebecca. We’ve intruded on those girls enough.” Aaron spoke in a whisper as he stood up and reached for her hand.

“I’ve been so wrong about Shelby.”

“
Ya
. You have.” Aaron put his arm around her as they moved toward the stairs, then he let her edge in front of him. She took a few steps, then turned around to face him.

“We got what we wanted today, Aaron. Saul isn’t leaving, and Miriam isn’t going anywhere with him.” She looked down at her husband. “Why do I feel so bad?”

“I don’t feel so
gut
either,
mei leib
. I don’t like to see Miriam hurting. And my heart hurts for Zeb and those boys.” He paused. “But I can’t bear the thought of Miriam leaving.”

Rebecca turned and started back up the stairs again, wondering if sleep would come tonight.

Miriam was nervous to face off with her parents, but by Friday, she’d made up her mind.
Mamm
still wasn’t hosting suppers, and Miriam knew that it was partly because she was still mourning Uncle Ivan’s death, but also because of the money that was stolen during the last meal she hosted.

After supper Shelby coaxed Miriam’s brothers outside, challenging them to a game of basketball, so that Miriam could speak privately with her parents. She wished she could talk only to her mother, tell her how wrong she’d been to convince Saul to stay here, but the decisions about her life affected her father too. Normally
Daed
was more easygoing than her mother, but when it came to her leaving,
Daed’s
behavior went from calm to crazy. She wasn’t looking forward to talking to either of them, but if there was any chance that they might see her side and convince Saul to accept his job offer, then it was worth a try.

“This is about Saul, no?” Her father eased into one of the rockers.
Mamm
sat in the other one while Miriam took a seat on the couch across from them.

“Ya.”
Miriam folded her hands in her lap, then took a deep breath. She looked from one parent to the other. “
Mamm, Daed
. . . I love Saul. I’ve always loved him. I want to marry him. And his dream is to live in Pittsburgh and be a chef in a nice restaurant. Without that dream, he’ll never be completely happy. He’s carried that dream for a long time. I don’t know what you said to him,
Mamm
, but now he’s not going. Saul said he wants us to get baptized, married, and live our lives here. But I know that’s not what he really wants. I don’t think it’s fair that—”

“Fair?” Her father scowled as he spoke. “It’s not fair for Saul to take you away from here.”

“
Daed
, he didn’t talk me into this. And don’t you think I’m scared and nervous?” Miriam felt the lump forming in her throat. She swallowed hard, then hung her head. “I need the blessing of my family.”

“Miriam, what if you both get to Pittsburgh and you don’t like it?”
Mamm
rubbed her eyes and shook her head. “Then what?”

“Then we come back. Or we do something else. We won’t be shunned.” Miriam wondered if there would be some type of private shunning if she left. “Will we? Because I don’t think I could stand that.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I need you both. I need your blessing.”

Mamm
blinked back tears but didn’t say anything. Her father abruptly stood up from his chair. “You will not have my blessing if you choose to leave here.”