Planted with Hope (38 page)

A garden like this—and the quiet—was exactly what Hope had wanted. So why was there a pang of loneliness in her heart that she didn't expect? For the last two weeks Jonas had stopped by the garden every day on his way to school. Or rather, he'd gone out of his way to come to the garden since he had to walk right past the schoolhouse to get there. Yet today he was either running late or not coming at all. She hoped it wasn't the latter. She was getting used to seeing Jonas's smile. She enjoyed their morning talks.

Then she heard it, the sound of footsteps. She straightened her shoulders and her breath caught a little. His eyes met hers and her heart leaped. He looked different today, almost as if he was dressed up for church. Yet he still wore ordinary clothes. And then that's when she realized. It was his smile. There was something different about his smile.

His eyes stayed on her, and her throat felt tight, almost as if her kapp's strings were tied tight around it. He paused and tilted his head. Then he pointed to the tree behind her. “The way you're sitting there, there are a few beams of sunlight cutting through the branches and hitting your kapp.”

“Oh, I meant to sit here. I was planning it. I wanted to glow when you saw me.” She chuckled.

“So you were expecting me?”

She nodded, her heart in her throat. She swallowed hard.
“I—I was hoping.” She touched her kapp. The sun's warming rays caused a few beads of sweat to touch her brow.

Jonas's hair was dark, but his beard seemed lighter. It had glints of blond and red, especially up close. The only man she'd been this close to was her dat, and she never knew what a jolt of excitement could come over her just to be near a handsome man. He smelled of nature, warm and distinctive.

“I came by this morning to talk to you, Hope. As you know, school will be over soon and Emma and I will be moving back to Kentucky—back home.”

Emotion welled up in her throat and her heartbeat quickened as she waited for his words. “
Ja
.”

“I have something to ask you.” He glanced at his shoes and then back to her again. “I've talked to my sister Judith—she lives right down the road from me—and she said you'd be welcome to move in with her. She only has one daughter left at home and plenty of room… ”

Hope's brow furrowed. “But I don't understand. Why?”

“Well, so we could spend a lot of time together with the hopes of getting married. Then maybe by November's end… when harvest is done… ”

“Marriage?” Hope's voice rose an octave. “Is that what you're asking me, to court you?”

“That's what I'm saying, Hope. I care about you. I'm hoping you feel the same.”

Dozens of thoughts and emotions flashed through her mind. She wanted to say yes. She wanted to give Jonas all her heart, but seeing his beard—and remembering her mother's words—caused her to pause.

Hope reached up and rubbed her hand on his cheek. Then she moved her hand down to the roughness of his beard. “The first
time I saw you—there at the creek—I thought you were married… I mean, still married. I didn't understand yet about your wife.”

“
Ja
. I know what you're saying.” He sighed. “It bothers you doesn't it? About Sarah?”

“It's just giving me time to get used to it,” she said. She wanted to add
If we are going to be more than friends
, but she stopped. There was no if. They'd already moved past that point.

Jonas's hand covered hers. His teeth flashed—the largest smile she'd seen yet.

“What are you smiling about?”

“A simple thing really. We're having a real conversation, and you're not occupied with my daughter or the garden.”

She flashed a smile. “They both are wonderfully distracting, you have to admit.” She pulled back her hand.

He sighed and looked to the planter boxes. Green growth sprouted from every one of them. “It's hard to believe we'll be gone before most of this is harvested.”

She stepped back just a few inches, as if putting more space between them would protect her heart. “I don't want to think about that. I can't imagine Pinecraft—this garden—without Emma. What a boring place it'll be.”

Even as she said those words she realized she never responded to his offer of her going to Kentucky. She didn't know what to think of that. What if she moved there and things didn't work out? Besides, Eleanor had written yet again asking her to come.

“You'd just miss Emma?” Jonas's words interrupted her thoughts. His eyes held so much hope, so much love, she had to look away. It was almost too much to take in.

“I didn't say that.” Hope's heart swelled with love, and it was a frightening feeling. When one dared to love, one opened
themselves up to hurt, and to pain. Jonas—more than anyone else—knew that.

“It's
gut
that you care about my daughter, but I was wondering how you felt about me?”

Hope bit her lip. She knew what her heart felt, but how could she say it?

“You don't have to answer that now, but I'd like you to think about something. I'd like you to consider visiting Kentucky. Seeing my farm. And the garden.”

Hope took another step back. “Can I think about that?”

“It seems that you have a lot to think about.”

Jonas reached forward and grabbed her calloused hand, kissing it. He made her feel cherished, feel like more than just a gardener. So what was holding her back?

“Dare to hope… dare to believe in us,” he whispered. Then he turned and walked away.

She was waiting for him outside the schoolhouse. He paused with his hand still on the doorknob. The children were gone, and the other teachers too. He's stayed late to grade papers. Jonas turned and locked the door and then hurried to her.

“How long have you been waiting there?”

“Long enough to meet a new couple who just bought a house here, talk with a few Englisch ladies who were taking photos, and help a little boy get his cat from the tree.” She pointed to the tree in front of the school.

He approached her. “And how did you manage to do that?”

“I lifted the boy up, and he grabbed the scared thing.” She squeezed her arm. “I'm stronger than I look.”

“I hope so… because there's a lot of work on a farm.” He turned to wave at an older woman riding by on a bicycle, noticing she didn't answer that.

Jonas ran a hand down his beard and dared to look at her. Her eyes were blue-green and today they were the color of acceptance. She smiled, and with that smile the loneliness of Jonas's life faded like a chord from a guitar string. Until this moment he hadn't realized how strong the note had been, always ringing around the edges of his heart. His hand touched her arm and he smiled.
Of course her name is Hope… for that's what she's bringing me.

“Would you like to get some ice cream at Big Olaf's?” She pointed down the road.

“
Ja
, I'd like that.”

As they walked in silence side by side, Jonas sent up a silent prayer, thanking God for her. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve two women to love—two women who loved him—but he was thankful.

They each ordered two scoops. They considered sitting at the tables behind Big Olaf's, but instead kept walking and made their way back to the garden. They sat side by side, listening to the parrots chattering above and staring at the garden beds that held so much promise. Above all the things he'd missed, this had left the greatest void—just being with someone. Being side by side and knowing that you were wanted there.

They sat on the two chairs that they'd borrowed from Lovina's pie shop weeks ago and never returned. Hope ate her ice cream in silence and he knew she wanted to talk. He also knew not to rush her.

“I've been reading in the Victory Journal and Pauline—Janet's mother—remarried after her husband's death. She seems happy, but I've been wondering about that. Wondering if it's possible to fully love again when you've already given your heart away.”

Jonas moved his fingers, sliding his between hers until they locked together. “I'm not sure about Pauline. I haven't read the journal. But if you're really asking about me, the answer is yes.”

She turned to him and her eyes widened. “Oh… ” was all she said.

“Yes, Hope. My love for you is full and complete. Please don't ever doubt that.”

Hope's heart beat like the wings of a hummingbird, so fast and yet so fragile. She'd never felt this way about anyone before, and she didn't know if she liked feeling so vulnerable. She had a garden, but she couldn't hide away. She'd never be able to hide away again after hearing Jonas's words.

It was what she wanted to hear but was afraid of at the same time. And deep down she knew she felt the same. She'd opened herself up to love, which also meant opening herself up to heartbreak.

“Hope, is there something bothering you?”

The silence turned tense, but she couldn't answer. Not yet.

Jonas crossed his arms over his chest. She could see from his face that he was confused. The problem was, so was she. She wanted to confess her love in return, but the words wouldn't come. She wanted to be with him, yet she was fearful of that very thing. The fears were small, but there were many of them, and they joined forces to choke out all the hopes she had in her heart. She should have known better. She should have plucked each fear, like a weed, when it first planted itself in her mind. Hope could see that now, but that didn't make ridding herself of them any easier. Instead of telling him she loved him too, she knew she had another question. One she needed an answer to.

“Jonas, I've been wanting to ask. Did you ever get angry at God… for allowing that to happen to Sarah?”

“Angry, no. Confused, yes. I know God has a right to do as He chooses. I just didn't understand why it had to be her. And why Emma had to hurt so.” He sighed. “It was harder seeing Emma's struggle than anything. One day she had a healthy mem who'd chase her around the yard and dance with her in the grass, and the next… well… ” He shrugged.

“My Bible is what helped me most. And there was one verse that played over and over in my mind.”

“What's that?”

“ ‘They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.' It's in the Psalms.”

“That seems fitting for a farmer, but how did it help?”

“The rest of the verse talks about going forth and weeping, carrying precious seed. Preparing soil takes work. The planting takes labor. But in the end we rejoice and bring sheaves. That verse helped me because even when we discovered Sarah was getting weaker, not stronger, I was encouraged that I couldn't give up on my family or my farm. I had to trust that there would be a good harvest in the future, even though I couldn't see it. For Sarah that meant stepping into her eternal life. For Emma and I—well, I'm just now starting to get a glimpse of what that could be.”

She smiled at that, thinking that God had written this as part of her story—his story—even before they'd met. “I wish you didn't have to hurt so.” She reached over and took his hand, feelings its warmth, its strength.