Planted with Hope (40 page)

“Oh,
ja
. I… ” She couldn't think of a good excuse, and she didn't want to lie.

“Henry said you gave him your pie.” Jonas smiled, but his gaze displayed worry as he studied her face.

“Yes, I—uh—was going to order another piece.” She forced a smile. “There's always more where that came from.”

“I'll get it for you then.”

He strode away with determined steps, and Hope's stomach sank, as if it was filled with lead. She watched him as he
approached the counter and asked one of Lovina's clerks for another piece. He smiled as he chatted and placed a few folded bills in the tip jar after he paid. Hope's heart broke watching the interaction. She was certain that she'd never met a more caring and thoughtful man. And up until fifteen minutes ago she'd even dared to dream that man could be her husband. But now… now she knew she'd never let him go through with marrying her. She cared for Jonas too much to let him settle for someone he didn't love with all his heart, no matter what he said.

He returned a moment later with a plate. He placed the pie before her and Hope said a quick thanks.

Hope looked down at her plate. The last thing she wanted to do was eat, but if she didn't Jonas would start asking questions, and how could she ever explain that she'd overheard him and Ruth Ann? How could she explain that after four months of appreciating every moment with him and Emma, she now wished she'd never even met them? Maybe then the ache inside wouldn't be so intense.

She picked up the fork, keeping her head adverted and her eyes on the plate. She took a bite of pie. It tasted good but she couldn't swallow.

Jonas sat across from her, but she didn't trust herself to catch his gaze. She didn't want to try to read more into Jonas's gaze than he was really wanting to give. And she didn't want him to see that her heart had just broken in two.

Jonas leaned over the table, and she dared to glance up at him. “Hope, I know I've only known you four months, but it seems like years. You're an answer to a prayer I had been too timid to pray. I never thought I'd find someone again. But from the first moment I saw you, when you were dripping wet and Emma was in your arms… well, it seemed so natural.” He lowered his head. “It was
hard losing Sarah. I'd known her since I was a child, and even before
rumspringa
I wanted her to be my wife. But what broke my heart most was knowing my little girl would be raised without a mother… ” He paused as if trying to find the right words to say.

A cold chill traveled though her, and she knew what she had to do—where she had to go. Yes, it was true that some couples married because they were a good match and love came later, but that wasn't what she wanted. Hope wanted—needed—someone to know her and understand her quiet ways. She wanted to be an adored wife, not simply an adored mother. She couldn't think of anything worse than being lonely in marriage.

When Jonas returned to Kentucky he'd return to his farm, his community, his friends. And where would that leave her? Yes, he'd have someone to be a mother to his daughter, but was he ready to share every part of himself with her? His life and his heart? Hope questioned that.

Hope stood. She leaned down toward him so only he could hear. “Jonas, I've been thinking about the future, too, and I think we're rushing things. My moving to Kentucky is a big step. A big commitment. I've enjoyed spending time with you. Seeds of affection have been planted—in both of our hearts. Now, I think we need time to water them. We need time for them to grow.”

Jonas's mouth gaped opened, and she could see that it was the last thing he expected to hear. “Hope, what are you saying?”

“Well, I'm saying, we don't need to rush things. You'd never want to dig up a carrot before it's time—”

“Hope—”

“I care about you, Jonas, I really do. And you know how I feel about Emma. That little girl means so much to me. I'm going to miss you.”

“So you're not coming to Kentucky?”

“
Ne
, I'm going to move back to Ohio to help my cousin. We can keep in touch. There are always letters.”

“Letters?”

“
Ja
.” She straightened her shoulders. “We can spend some time writing letters. To really get to know each other better.”

“Hope, we've spent nearly every day together for the last few months.”

“I—It's—We… ” She pressed her lips together.

“You're not ready for this. Not ready for marriage. Is that what you're saying?”

She nodded and tried to make herself sound convincing. “I'm not ready.” She continued the thought in her mind.
I'm not ready to be loved as a mother more than a wife. I'm not ready to risk my heart.

“I understand.”

Jonas motioned for her to sit, and she did. Then he leaned forward and threaded his fingers through hers. “And I want you to know that seeds of love
are
growing in my heart. I'd love to start a life with you, and if it's later—rather than sooner—I'm willing to wait. If it's letters you want, then I can write letters.”

Hope dared to look in Jonas's dark eyes, and for a moment her resolve nearly faded.

He pulled her hand close, kissing the top of it. “I just want you to know again that I want you as part of my life, of Emma's life.”

Hope took his words in, but the worries filling her heart soon buried them.
Time will help us both know the truth,
she tried to convince herself. Time would bring out the true motive of Jonas's heart.

 

Luscious Lemonade Pie

1 5-ounce can evaporated milk

1 package instant lemon pudding

1 8-ounce package cream cheese, softened

¾ cup lemonade concentrate

1 graham cracker crust

Combine milk and pudding; beat on low speed 2 minutes. Beat cream cheese until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in lemonade concentrate. Add to pudding mixture. Pour into crust. Cover and refrigerate.
^*

^*
Sherry Gore,
Simply Delicious Amish Cooking
(Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2013), 190.

Chapter Thirty-Two

I
t was the day before school ended, and all the students and parents had come to Hope's garden.

“I know that many of you are full-time residents.” Her eyes scanned the crowd. “Children, I know that so many of the things you planted haven't come up yet, but I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to stick around to see that happen. I'm going to be moving up to Ohio soon, but I want you to know that you'll be in good hands. My dat is taking over the garden, and he'll have lots of helpers. There are a lot of people in Pinecraft who have found great joy seeing you learning so much about gardening. They'll be coming by to help you too.”

The children looked at each other. Some of them contorted their faces in both sadness and disbelief. Two girls looked at each other lifting their eyebrows. One older girl bit her bottom lip. A boy peered at her with a look of dismay. Their surprise and sadness was displayed without words. Emma's head was down and her shoulders slumped. Her whole body seemed to melt forward, reminding Hope of the melting ice cream cone she'd held when Hope first saw her standing in front of the store.

Jonas had decided not to come. He used the excuse that he was
finishing end-of-year reports at school, but Hope was happy for that. She didn't know how she'd hold up if she saw him.

“I have to say that spending time with all of you in this garden was the highlight of my year.” Emotion caught in her throat. “I have to go see a friend, but there are many helpers here today to help you pick the vegetables you worked so hard to tend.” She offered a quick wave. “I hope you enjoy them. And know these are here because of your hard work.”

Without another word, she turned and left. She walked slowly, expecting Emma to come after her, but no one was following. With great sadness Hope walked to the car waiting for her. She had someone else to say goodbye to. Someone else she needed to thank.

The driver waited outside while Hope went into Janet's new home. Gold Sun Senior Citizen's Home wasn't as large or as beautiful as Janet's home, but it had a flower garden out front. With everything in her Hope hoped that Janet had a view of those flowers from her room.

The air-conditioned building was refreshing as she entered. Hope paused just inside the doorway, looking around.

“Can I help you, miss?” A nurse eyed her kapp curiously.

“Yes, I've come to see Janet Walker.”

“Oh, Janet is sleeping. I'm so sorry. She didn't have a good night.”

“Oh no.” Hope's hand covered her mouth. Then she lowered it. “Can I leave her a note and peek in? I'll be moving out of state soon. I'd like to see her.” Hope refused to end the sentence with
one last time
.

The nurse nodded. “Yes, of course. Let me get you paper and pen.”

Hope waited, and a minute later the nurse returned. She handed Hope a piece of notebook paper—nothing fancy, but it would have to do.

Dear Janet,

Words cannot express how much getting to know you has meant to me. I'll forever be thankful to you for offering your mother's Victory Journal for me to read. I don't have much left to read, and I was hoping that you'd let me borrow it a little longer. I promise to mail it back when I'm through. I have to mail it because I'll be going back to Walnut Creek, Ohio, where I was raised. My cousin needs help with her children and her garden. I'm thinking about inviting some of the local children to help me too.