Playing at Love (9 page)

“We can’t,” Tess said, rubbing a hand across her eyes. A line of black makeup was smudged in the corner of one. Jack wanted to reach out and wipe it away. And then he wanted to…

“We can’t do…this,” she added.

Jack didn’t understand what she was talking about. All he knew was that his arms ached for her. By now, the two of them had drifted to the shallow end. Speechless, Jack watched as Tess walked to the stairs in the corner, grabbed the silver handle, and stepped out of the pool. Her silhouette was mesmerizing and he couldn’t understand what had just happened.

Then it suddenly came to him. He’d almost kissed Tess Johansson. They’d almost…

He clinched his eyes shut and ran a hand over his face. How could he have been so stupid? So careless? Yes, she was beautiful. No denying that. Yes, she was fun and brave and amazingly sexy. And yes, she made him feel like a sixteen-year-old again: crazy with hormones and ready to explode.

Still, she was right. He knew he shouldn’t. Sure, there was the issue at school, which Jack admitted was pretty major. But beyond that, getting involved with anyone was a complication he couldn’t afford, not when his personal life was under a microscope. With Tess specifically, however, there was an additional issue, something that might’ve kept them apart now, no matter what.

“Tess!” he called out, not even thinking. “Wait!”

“No,” Tess said, not stopping as she padded toward the locker room, leaving a watery trail.

“Wait a minute. Please!” Jack heard Tess sigh, but she did finally stop. He rushed to the side of the pool and pulled himself out. “I’m sorry,” he said once he’d reached her. “I shouldn’t have…” But he didn’t know how to finish.

Tess crossed her arms. Jack noticed her shiver, so he grabbed his dry towel off a bench and handed it to her.

“Thank you,” she said, patting at her face. “It was my fault, too. If something
happened
between us…it would be a very bad idea. Don’t you think? Under the circumstances?” She wrung her hair out and then turned to leave.

“Hold on.” He hadn’t meant to, but he reached out and took her hand. She didn’t look irritated when she turned around. She looked more…unhappy. Which made his heart drop to his feet.

Jack didn’t understand what was happening inside his brain. Since his split with Susan, he hadn’t felt emotional about any woman. He’d dated around, but he never allowed himself to get close. There had always been obstacles, like juggling work and wanting to protect Jenna. There were even more obstacles when it came to being with Tess.

But he couldn’t seem to stay away from her.

“There’s something I want to tell you,” he continued, not letting go of her hand. “That night, that summer. That last night of vacation.” He paused, giving her a chance for her mind to catch up to where his had jumped. “I want to tell you why I didn’t show up.”

Chapter Ten

Tess stared at Jack, remembering when they’d been teenagers. It had been their last date before both families left for home. It was supposed to be the most important night of her life. She had waited, she was finally ready, and it was going to be perfect…and then Jack had disappeared, left her standing at the spot they were meant to meet. This explanation was something Tess had been waiting on for fifteen years.

At the same time—even as she relished the feeling of his long fingers curling around her arm—she felt an urgency to stay away from him.

She didn’t like how often she thought about him these days or how those thoughts confused her. He was still the enemy, the person standing between her and her job, plus everything that keeping her job meant. As she stared up into his eyes, fighting back the cliché feeling of “weak in the knees,” she wondered if giving in to her building attraction was more important than saving the music program and her parents’ house.

Of course not. And yet Tess couldn’t help letting her eyes linger on his chest and his perfect abs while something stirred deep inside her stomach. She quickly moved her eyes up before they dropped any lower.

With his free hand, Jack ran his fingers through his wet hair, making the front stand on end. Tess wanted to smile at how cute he looked. But right on the heels of that feeling was the dread again, the uncertainty about everything. She couldn’t let her guard down around this guy. No matter what.

“What night?” Tess said, taking a stab at playing dumb. But when Jack gave her a look, she sighed. Tess had never been very good at playing dumb.

She was curious, okay, but did she really want to drag up the painful past? “That was years ago, Jack,” she said. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does,” he snapped and gripped her arm tighter. “Sorry,” he said softly, letting go when she glanced down at his hand. “I’ve wanted to talk to you about it ever since I saw you that first morning in Walker’s meeting. But it never seemed like the right time.”

Tess lifted an eyebrow. “And
now
seems like the right time?”

Jack chuckled softly and glanced away. “Maybe not.” He paused for a second then moved his eyes back to Tess. “But I want to.”

Tess thought for a moment then nodded her permission, unfolding the towel and wrapping it around her shoulders.

Touching her arm more gently this time, Jack led Tess a few steps over to the long bench against the wall. They both sat.

“When we were together that summer,” Jack began, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, “I didn’t tell you about Lisa, did I?”

“Lisa?” Tess repeated, searching her brain for that name and any kind of connection with Jack. “No,” she answered.

Jack shook his head. “I didn’t think so. By then I was trying to not even think about her.”

“Who was she?” Tess asked.

Jack didn’t answer for a moment and Tess couldn’t see his expression clearly in the dim room. “She was my girlfriend from back home,” he finally said.

“You had a
girlfriend
?” Tess shrieked, leaning away from him in shock. “That summer we—”

Jack sat up straight and held out both hands to stop her. “Sorry. No.
Ex
-girlfriend, I mean. By the time I left for vacation, we’d been broken up for a couple of months.”

“So, what about her? What does she have to do with why you stood me up?”

“Lisa and I had been going out that whole school year. It was pretty serious. About the time when we should’ve been thinking about our midterm exams, we found out she was pregnant.”

“Oh.” Tess had not expected this.

“Yeah. Well…she lost it after three months, but the whole thing really freaked me out, both of us. And we stopped seeing each other, almost immediately.” He crossed his arms, leaning forward again. “After that, I decided to swear off girls for a while, at least until I got my head together and figured out what I could handle.” He chuckled darkly, dropping his chin. “I was really turned off by the idea of sex.” He lifted a weak smile. “When I told my brothers that, they said I needed therapy.”

Tess laughed uncomfortably, pulling her knees into her chest.

“Anyway, my family was going away to a Po-dunk beach town and I figured I would spend my summer surfing with my brothers, playing guitar, and thinking about football. And then I saw you.” He took a beat and then turned to face her. “Game changer.”

Tess squeezed her knees tight as she pictured the fifteen-year-old Jack strolling over to her that night at the talent show. How she’d fallen for him instantly.

“
You
approached
me
,” she said. “You were the instigator.”

“Yeah.” Jack smiled. “I know.”

“Even after you swore off dating?”

“There was something about you.” He looked down. “I saw you that first night, laughing with the group at your table. I didn’t know the word ‘vivacious’ back then, but that’s exactly how you were. Alive and dazzling. And then you got up in front of that whole room and sang.” He ran his hand across his mouth. Tess thought he was attempting to wipe away the hint of a smile. “I didn’t know anyone could be so brave.”

A warmth of reminiscence crept into Tess’s chest, slowing her breathing…

Softening her heart.

Jack leaned back against the wall and stared straight ahead toward the diving boards at the other end of the pool. Tess watched a drop of water trail down the side of his neck, following the cords of muscles until it got lost in his chest hair.

“Anyway,” he continued, “once we started hanging out, that promise I made to myself was all but dead. I was so in love with you, Tess.” He looked at her. “As I’m sure you could tell.”

The self-deprecating twinkle in his brown eyes made Tess’s heart start to ache. There was a struggle going on inside, and she was losing.

“Every other girl I’d known completely disappeared from my memory when I met you. I loved kissing you and holding you and just hanging out together. I knew you weren’t ready to go any further—and that was okay, but then you told me you wanted our last night together to be special.” He dropped his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “I thought I knew what you meant. Was I wrong?”

“No,” she answered after wetting her dry lips. “I was ready.”

“We were supposed to meet at the boathouse that night,” Jack added.

“I know,” said Tess sadly, remembering the pains she had taken about what dress and how much perfume to wear. And then there had been no one there to see her.

“About an hour before I was going to meet you, Lisa called. Our conversation wasn’t long and I can’t even remember what we talked about. But I do know that after we spoke, I was completely freaked out again. Sweaty palms, feeling like I might throw up.”

“Romantic,” Tess said, pulling back a little smile.

Jack smiled, too, but it quickly disappeared. “I was ready for our night together—
prepared
,” he corrected. “But I knew nothing was foolproof and suddenly, I couldn’t go through with it.” He exhaled a bleak chuckle. “Can you imagine, a sixteen-year-old high school quarterback being afraid of having sex on the beach with the most beautiful girl in the world?”

Tess felt tears prickle behind her eyes; she didn’t know where they were coming from, or why.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Jack said. “I couldn’t talk to my father, and I knew my brothers would just tell me to get over it. It was cowardly and unforgivable, but I just took off.”

“Took off?” Tess blinked. “Where?”

Jack shrugged, staring into the distance. “I don’t even know. I just started running. The second I stopped moving, I saw your face. I heard your voice and I could smell you. So I kept going.”

“You ran away from me?” She rose to her feet, taking a few steps away from him. She heard Jack following behind. “I waited for you. For
hours
.” After she swallowed down the hurt, her throat burned with anger, and she swung around. “I loved you, too, you jackass!” she shouted, right in his face. The towel slid off her shoulders as she stepped forward and shoved him in the chest. Hard. Jack stumbled back. “Why did you do that?”

Jack frowned. “I just said why. I was…scared—”

“You should’ve told me that, Jack. We didn’t need to have sex if you didn’t want to, but you should have
talked
to me. Not just disappeared.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Tess scoffed, ignoring the regretful look in his eyes. “We made plans, Jack. For after the summer. Do you remember that? We were going to stay in touch, stay together. And then you bailed without a word?”

Tess waited for any further explanation. When it didn’t come, she felt like screaming.

“Jeez, Jack. I cried for
weeks
.” She shoved him again, harder this time. She remembered how she’d felt that night. Totally hurt and humiliated. She wanted to take that teenage boy and shake him by the shoulders for being so thoughtless. “It wasn’t even about sex,” she added. “You broke my heart. You broke my
trust
. Do you know what that did to me? I couldn’t trust any guy after that. Not for years.”

When she went to push him again, he lurched forward and grabbed her arms. For a moment, they just stared at each other in silence. Tess was breathing hard, adrenaline making her heart race.

“I’m sorry,” Jack repeated. “Tess…I…”

A second later, he pulled her in and she crashed against his bare chest. She didn’t struggle when his arms went around her, hugging her tightly.

When he whispered her name again, Tess felt his breath on her skin.

Despite the irrationality, anger turned to sadness, and Tess was blinking back tears from fifteen years ago, crying for the girl she used to be—the girl who’d been betrayed by the first boy she trusted with her entire being. When she inhaled a shaky snivel, Jack squeezed her tighter. And suddenly, something inside her woke up.

She opened her eyes and stared straight ahead into the darkness. She was thinking reasonably enough to know her judgment was hanging by a very thin thread. She had forgiven him long ago, or at least found some sort of closure. But how could she trust him again? She wasn’t a glutton for punishment—once she was burned, she wasn’t in the habit of going back for more.

But that was logic. When Jack’s hands started moving, rubbing circles over her bare shoulders, Tess wasn’t thinking logically anymore. She didn’t have her anger as a shield, either. That was out of her system, and there was nothing vindictive between them now. When he dipped his chin and she felt his breath on her neck, her entire body trembled—and it wasn’t from the cold. Rational or not, wise or not, Tess felt herself slipping, wanting. It would be so easy to give in. No one would know but them. It would be one night—the night they should’ve had all along. A night the universe owed them.

His mouth moved to her ear, and his light touch made her insides fill with butterflies, warmth, and anticipation. As that heat spread through her body, she knew she’d have to make a decision quickly—or it would be made for her.

…

It took just about every ounce of strength in his body, but somehow Jack was able to pull his face away from her neck, from the smell of her soft skin. He looked down at her; her blue eyes were twinkling brighter than the water they had just been playing in. And the way she was gazing up at him, so beautiful, so willing. It made every muscle in him ache.

“Tess,” he said as he unleashed his firm grasp from around her back. When he rested his hands on the tops of her shoulders, she didn’t move away.

“Yes?” she whispered, causing his stomach muscles to tighten even more.

Jack swallowed and stared into her lovely, expectant face.

“I want you to understand something,” he said, brushing his hands down her arms, stopping at the curves of her elbows. “Months later, after I fully realized what I’d done—how I not only ran out on you that night, but also on our future—it killed me.” He let his hands slide all the way off her arms. “Just like it’s killing me now. I want this. But you know we shouldn’t. Our jobs…”

Jack didn’t bother to add that having a relationship might jeopardize his chances with Jenna’s custody arrangements. Not that tonight was about starting a relationship. In fact, neither of them had said anything about it. In Jack’s mind, tonight was about a do-over, fulfilling a single act that was unfinished.

Before he had the chance to voice that thought, Tess dropped her chin and nodded over and over, almost as if she were trying to convince herself of something. When she looked up, she was biting her lip, her arms folded across the front of her thin bathing suit. The regret in Jack’s chest jumped a notch.

“I know,” she said, her voice filled with what sounded like the same regret he was feeling. “I should go.”

Jack felt like a stone-cold idiot as he watched her leave. But what was he supposed to do? Forget his responsibilities? Forget everything and call out to her? Sweep her lovely body up into his arms? Drag her into the deep end so they could finish what they started?

When Tess stopped at the locker room door and turned back to him, Jack clenched his jaw and took a slow, deep breath through his nose, fighting back every natural urge.

“Good night,” he said, lifting a hand to wave before he did anything he would regret.

“Good night, Jack,” Tess replied. “And…” She seemed to be thinking about her next words. “Good luck at the game on Friday.” Then she was gone.

Jack stayed at the pool for another hour, sitting on the edge with his feet in the shallow end. He hated to admit it, but, after tonight, things were even more complicated.