Playing Well With Others (63 page)

Copyright © 1979, 2008 c.e., Isaac Bonewits

4J: Pocket Reference to Dealing With Law Enforcement Provided by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom Law Enforcement Outreach Program,
www.ncsfreedom.org

• In dealing with officers . . .
  

  DO stay calm.
  

  DO be respectful, polite and courteous.
  

  DO use your common sense.
  

  DON’T have a “bad attitude.”
  

• Statements and Communication . . .
  

  You have the right not to make statements.
  

  You have the right not to incriminate yourself.
  

  Be honest in whatever you decide to say.
  

  Use simple language — clear and easy to understand.
  

• Entry to your property . . .
  

  You do not have to allow a “consent search” or a “voluntary entry.” Attempt to handle it outside/at the door.
  

  If the officer demands to enter, voice your objection and stand aside.
  

• Miscellaneous . . .
  

  Volunteer for your partner to talk to the police.
  

  Transport toys in a secure location and in trunk of the vehicle. Do not consent to a search.
  

  Keep in mind those things that demonstrate that consensual SM is different from abuse.
  

  If you are arrested, do NOT make any statements, and ask for an attorney.
  

© Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams –
Playing Well With Others
. Permission from authors is given to photocopy this questionnaire only for personal use.

¹
Alan Guttmacher Institute. (1994).
Sex and America’s Teenagers.
New York: Alan Guttmacher Institute.

²
I use the consent definition formulated by therapist and SM educator Dossie Easton: “An active collaboration for the benefit, well-being, and pleasure of all persons concerned.”

T
his is the book we wished we had when we began our own forays from private kinky sex to public playful and profound perversion.

It ate up our life for a year. Well before that, the seed had been planted and germinated for quite some time. LqqkOut was around to brainstorm with Lee a few years back on the idea, and Lee blames his friends for saying that yes, it would be a good idea. Mollena joined the project with brilliant ideas all her own . . . and here we are.

Mad props to the kink communities who invited us out to create, educate, celebrate and fornicate with them, from Sydney to San Francisco, Baltimore to Berlin, Gothenburg to Pittsburgh, Boston to Austin, London to Long Island, Christchurch to Columbus, Maui to Milwaukee . . . you opened up your pervy playgrounds, mini munches, boisterous ballrooms, frenetic fetish balls, beautiful bathhouses, fun floor parties, hidden haunts, kinky cafes, delightful dojos, kinky campgrounds and delicious, down-n-dingy dungeons to this pair of proud perverts, and we can’t thank you enough. It’s been a wild ride thus far, and we are so proud to consider this community our home.

This book would not be what is without the talented kd diamond. Her artwork brought this project to life with a sense of humor, and we cannot thank her enough for putting up with our “art direction.” kd, you are a delight.

To flesh out the book, we decided to call on the insight and skills of an amazing team of appendix contributors. Aiden Fyre, Barak RN, Dossie Easton, Janet Hardy, Jay Wiseman, Leigha Fleming (
NCSFreedom.Org
) and Scotty Thomson all wrote insightful words on their respective fields, for which we are grateful. Deepest gratitude to our copy editor, Lillian Pike, for her assistance. Special thanks go out to Phaedra Bonewits, who generously gave us permission to use the work of Isaac Bonewits. Isaac, you are missed.

Along the way we got feedback from a bundle of folks, a bunch of readers, and accepted the critique of some amazing allies and associates. Your guidance has helped make this project what it is. Thank you.

We of course have to send a big shout-out to Janet Hardy and Aaron Silverman at Greenery Press! When sent a book concept and sample writing, they believed in the dream . . . and even gave us some flexibility to follow that dream to its conclusion. Thank you so much for guiding us through our first collaborative book project, and giving us a firm hand when we needed it in turn.

From Lee:

To my partner in passion and adventure, Aiden, thank you for putting up with long and crazy hours, time away, and for all of your loving. You are a blessing for all that you are.

To my parents, for believing I should follow my dreams, no matter where they end up taking me.

To my tribe(s) at large — hugs for taking the time to share your stories, filling out surveys, replying to tweets, making me baked goods, sending me support texts, cuddling at conferences, and commenting in my journals throughout the process, even before the book was a book project. I cherish the whole lot of you.

From Mollena
:

To Mom, for squeezing me out in the summer of ’69 and subsequently supporting this crazy, kinky kid.

To my Dad, for giving me the gift of travel in my youth and insatiable curiosity about everything.

Thank you to my many circles of friends: theater people, perverts, leatherfolk, storytellers, geeks & nerds, and artists across all media.

You keep me alive & sober. Special props to Laura Antoniou & Karen Taylor, the most amazing mal’akh a Negress could possibly want.

To my Demon, Bubbles and my Higher Power . . . Jai Ganesha! Thank you for pushing me to the edge and bringing me back. Over and over again.

And of course this book goes out to all of you who taught us that playing well with others is so, very, worth it.

With love, so much love . . .

Your Sexual Sherpas,
Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams
New York City 2012

Table of Contents

Appendix 1

Chapter 3

Appendix 4H:

Chapter 7

Chapters 4

Appendix 4F

Chapter 5

Chapter 1

Appendix 4I

Appendix 4B

Chapters 2

9

Chapters 10

11

Appendix 2

Appendix 3

Appendix 4E

Chapter 8

Chapter 6

Appendix 4C

Appendix 4D

Appendix 4

1

2