Playing with Monsters (19 page)

I continued to back away, unwilling to buy it. It was a mistake. It was a god damn fucking mistake! Tears escaped and I wiped at them hard and angry. You don’t cry when someone isn’t dead, and Joshua wasn’t dead! I backed into Kendra and spun around to look at her. Her eyes filled with tears.

“No, no. No! He’s not dead, he won’t leave me. He promised me. He isn’t. It’s a mistake, Kendra, it’s a mistake. A horrible mistake,” my words cracked. My head turned to watch as my mother fell to the floor on her knees. “They’re wrong! Josh is coming home, he said so! He’s coming home!” I was shouting. My heart was broken, shattered into a million pieces in that one single moment.

“Lena,” Kendra broke down; her hands reached for one of mine and I jerked it away hard.

“No, I said no! Joshua is coming home!” I spun around and ran from the manor. I didn’t believe it; they had to be wrong. His ‘baby’ was in the barn, covered for him for when he returned. His projects weren’t done,
he
wasn’t done! I ran to the old church in the woods, where Josh and I used to go to escape housework. It bordered the properties, dilapidated and abandoned and yet still beautiful and calming.

Inside the church I collapsed, curled into a ball and cursed him. I cursed him for leaving me alone. For lying to me when he told me that everything would be fine. I cursed myself to hell. It’s where the darkness first found me. Hopeless, alone, and broken on the ground of the abandoned church.

“Lena,” Lucian warned.

I know he sensed it, slithering over my skin. This time it was visible to us as we watched the memory. I chose to ignore him as I watched it take root inside of me.

“I let it in,” I admitted. I exhaled a deep breath, one I’d been holding since I’d first felt the darkness. “I know we’re not supposed to allow it to enter our minds,” I whispered, turning to look at him. He was granite, watching me as if he thought I was evil, or guilty of some terrible crime, maybe. “For months I allowed it to whisper to me, and then I shut it out. I locked it out of my life for good. I beat it.”

“Indeed,” Lucian said softly. “Why did you let it inside at all?”

“Because it promised to numb the pain,” I whispered. I tilted my head, watching as he nodded, but he didn’t look convinced.

“And you think you just kicked it out afterwards?” he asked with a frown.

“Indeed,” I spit his words back at him.

“Or that’s what it wanted you to think,” he countered, and I frowned.

“I beat it,” I snapped angrily. I didn’t wait for him to say more; I moved us to the next memory and flinched.

I stood beside my mother as the funeral droned on. My heart was empty, I was cold. I’d died with my brother. I didn’t feel anything, didn’t even cry. I watched as the people around me mulled through the line, feeding us the same fucked up line.
“He’s in a better place now.”
What the fuck does that even mean? In a better place, they don’t know that, no one does!
“He’d have loved the service, it was beautiful.”
The fuck you say! He’d have hated it. Country music playing, his family broken to fucking pieces, what the hell would he have loved about it? “
He’d want you to be happy.”
If he wanted that, he should have come home alive. Idiots.

“You show no emotion,” Lucian noted and I nodded.

“I felt hate. I wanted their blood, every last one of them. I wanted to bathe in it, to watch them die as they choked on their words and empty condolences. I know it wasn’t me who wanted their blood, but at that point in time, I wasn’t ready to feel anything. Being cold and empty was easier. I was weak, I know it,” I said softly, watching as Kendra sobbed and I stood as still as a marble statue, and just as cold. “He was my anchor, and he was just gone.”

He didn’t say anything, just nodded, and we moved into the next vision effortlessly. I groaned.

“That’s it, baby, damn. You’re so tight, yeah! Move like that, I like that, baby.”

I had looked bored. My head had been tilted away from his so that he couldn’t see the tears of loathing that I’d cried. He hadn’t even realized that I’d been crying. His pants were down to his ankles and we were jammed in the back of his outdated, piece of shit car. He’d pulled my skirt up, and pushed my panties to the side, and easily squeezed his little dick through the small opening. I was miserable; my eyes were open, locked on the back of the seat that my face was smashed into. He was grunting, breathing hard, and asking me if I liked it. My response was a nod, and then I closed my eyes to block him out, to block out what I was allowing him to do to me.

“That wasn’t even close to
fine
…” Lucian said beside me as he watched the memory play out. “That was fucking pathetic.”

“Maybe he was a virgin too?” I offered lamely; shit, it sounded lame even to my own ears.

“Now you’re going to make excuses for that sorry piece of shit?” he asked crossly.

“Wait for it,” I said with a grin on my lips.

“Are you coming?” he asked breathlessly, his dick already limp because he’d been done less than five seconds into the actual act. He hadn’t even lasted a full minute. “God, baby, tell me you’re coming,” he begged.

“Mmhm,” I whispered already pushing him off of me to cover myself up. “Couldn’t you tell?” I asked as I stood up in the crisp air and pulled my skirt down and back into place.

“You didn’t tell me,” he said with a pointed look. “You want a guy to know, you got to tell him.”

“Only once with him?” Lucian asked with a sharp look that boarded on anger and derision.

“Once was enough,” I said with an embarrassed frown.

He snorted and shook his head.

“Best you ever had, girl?” he asked with a puffed up chest and a cocky grin.

“Best sex I ever had,” I replied as I started back to my apartment to wash him off of me.

“Thanks, I don’t get many complaints,” he assured me with a self-satisfied smile.

“I don’t imagine you get many callbacks,” I smarted off. “Can’t beat perfection…” I amended, trying to put more distance between us, which wasn’t working since he was following me.

“Hey, you going to call me or something?” he asked.

“Or something,” I shot over my shoulder as I disappeared around the corner.

“Remind me to remedy your opinion of sex,
soon
,” Lucian said offhandedly as we watched the memory fade.

“He was
fine
,” I said with a straight face.

I moved us into the next one, and then a few of my wild memories of being away from home before we entered my small apartment
.

I was at the table with Luna in my lap, cramming for a big test. Coffee was on in the kitchen, and I’d just downed my third cup. My finger made a circle as the spoon stirred the liquid inside the cup, soft music played through the house as I tried to memorize the chapter I’d been reading.

I sang softly with the music, enjoying the way Luna butted her head into my chest if I went off key. Magazines and a few books lay around the apartment, mostly naughty romance novels I’d checked out from the library.

“See, no books on how to make bombs or kidnap anyone, or set houses on fire,” I said softly, as if I was afraid to disrupt the memory.

“You lived in this shithole for three years?” he asked, instead of answering me.

“It’s not a shithole, and the rent was cheap. Neighbors kept to themselves, so it worked for me. Plus the landlord reduced my rent in exchange for shampoos and soaps I made in my spare time. I kept to myself after the first couple of months, did what was needed, and then got notified that the Awakening was coming, so I moved home. The rest you already know.”

As if it wasn’t enough, we began moving into the next memory.

I was outside of the party, staring at the backdoor as Lucian approached me. I watched as he kissed me, and then as my own eyes grew heated with the need for him to do more, so much more. A total stranger, and I’d almost allowed him to distract me from the opening ceremony.

“You enjoyed it,” he mused beside me. I turned to see his cocky half-smile back in place.

“I never said otherwise. Still doesn’t mean I want to kiss you again,” I retorted with a smirk.

“We’ll see about that,” he said as we both watched a dark figure step out of the bushes after Lucian entered the house a few moments behind me, oblivious to the figure that watched us.

“I don’t remember anyone else out there at that time,” I said.

“Neither do I,” he agreed.

I pushed off the blankets and looked around. I sensed that something was wrong. Horribly so. I sat up, moved Luna off of me and moved towards the front door. Smoke, putrid and thick wafted from the main house towards the cottage. I opened the door, and tried to scream, but nothing came out. My heart hurt with how badly it beat against my chest as I moved towards the house barefoot, half-naked, and uncaring as I tried to find a way inside.

I ran from the front of the house to the back, and rushed inside.

“That proves you didn’t set the blaze to your house, nor did you have time to consort with bombers or kidnappers,” he said as he turned to look at me. “Now, what do we do about the darkness?” he asked carefully, his eyes narrowed and I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“I beat it; there’s nothing to
do
about it.”

“Your ancestors will see it inside of you, and you won’t be chosen for the Awakening if they do.”

“Then I’ll deal with it when it happens,” I said softly, watching him. He was up to something.

“There are ways to hide it. If you want help, let me know.” His twisted smile sent chills racing up my spine.

“Are you going to tell the coven?” I asked with trepidation and fear rushing through me.

“That isn’t my baggage to carry around. I’m only here to see if you’re innocent. If I’m asked though…”

“If you’re asked what? You’ll tell them?” I demanded.

“Unless you offer me something in exchange for my silence.” The heated look he gave me made my knees weak.

“That’s blackmail,” I pointed out.

“Yes, it is. Sue me,” he laughed.

“Do me a favor, Lucian. Hold your breath while you wait for my answer,” I growled with a deadly glare.

Chapter Twenty-Two

I slept most of the following day, only to be awakened by one of Lucian’s men with a letter written in a masculine scrawl and a capital L at the bottom, which formally gave me approval to attend tonight’s festivities.  I trudged sleepily to his bathroom to ready myself and tried to ignore the idea that I could totally snoop through his room with no witnesses. As if, but I knew that I could.

Lucian had made good on one of his promises, and my clothes had been brought up from the cottage. As I didn’t see any new items, I had to assume that Lucian must have been willing to say just about anything to get me to agree to stay at his home. Sorting through my clothes, I realized I didn’t have much to wear, not in the traditional sense of glamourous evening wear, so I’d settled on a little navy blue dress that was chic and pretty. It had a deep V-neck, and while it brought attention to the girls, it didn’t scream
look at me
. I’d paired it with nude heels to make it look more dress-up than country chick, and added a silver clutch purse for a bonus. My hair was down, reaching my bottom in gentle wavy curls that somehow I’d managed to not screw up. Curling hair and looking perfect wasn’t something I could usually manage alone; I just hadn’t been born with those skills.

Kendra had, and she leaned closer to the mirror as I applied a luscious shade of cherry red lipstick to my full lips. She was dressed in a longer dress; her own deep V-neck exposed more flesh than I would have been comfortable revealing. Her hair was in an updo, with a few stray strands that had been left out to frame her face. The dress was silver, with dark navy blue embroidery that was woven intricately though the material.

“You look amazing,” I said as I turned to look at her.

“You look underdressed,” she replied with her nose scrunched up. “Everyone else will be wearing evening wear.”

“Then I’ll stand out,” I announced as I shifted back to the mirror to apply mascara.

“You do know that Mom has enough money saved to buy you clothes for the events,” she replied.

“I don’t want her to,” I snapped, much harsher than I had intended to. “Look, Kendra, Mom needs to save her money to get the store back. It’s not going to change anything if I wear what I already own instead of some designer dress that she’d have to donate a kidney to be able to afford. Besides,” I continued softly with a gentle smile. “You’re the one who needs to look beautiful tonight. You and I both know that you hold the power and the family legacy is up to you to uphold. Which, thankfully for me, lets me off the hook,” I laughed as she made a face.

“Jerk; no pressure, right?” she giggled as she checked her make-up and asked if I was ready to go.

“I’m ready, but not sure my stomach is.” My nerves seemed to be having a massive battle inside me, and I was feeling a little sick at the idea of yet another party.

“Is there something between you and Lucian?” she asked, catching me off guard.

“Why do you ask?”

“Because I’d have to be blind not to see the way you two look at each other. He’s trouble; Grandmother is wary of his presence here.”

“I don’t plan on doing anything with him. I’m here for the ceremony, Kendra. Besides, he isn’t signed up for it and doesn’t plan to be. My options are open, same as yours. Have you decided what to do about Todd? If you really want to be with him…” I paused, swallowing past the lump in my throat. “You know there are ways to make it so he would be your selected partner for the Harvest.”

“Marry him,” she whispered as she shook her head. “He’s still in love with you, Lena. I’m not stupid; I called him last night. He doesn’t want me when he thinks he can get you back.”

“He isn’t getting me back, Ken,” I said, using the nickname Joshua had given her when he’d dubbed me Lenny. “Not even if we were the last people in this universe and the human race was dependent on us repopulating it. I’d die first,” I announced as I smacked my cherry red lips together and watched her through the reflection in the mirror. I hated that he’d upset her, or that the bastard had told her that.

“You know I don’t like that name, and that’s pretty dramatic, Lenny, even for you.” And just like that, she closed off her emotions, and my heart clenched for the sliver of pain I felt coming from her. “He would say your name when we had sex; I’m such an idiot. I thought if I loved him enough, he’d love me back. I’ve been crushing on him for a long time; you know that. Whatever,” she dismissed the subject with a wave of her hand. “Ready?”

I turned to look at her and smiled. “You’re not an idiot, Kendra. You expected him to be honest, and Todd can’t handle that. He had problems when we were together, but like you, I figured I could change him. The truth is, he doesn’t want to be changed.”

“You should be pissed at me, scream at me, do something besides be okay with me getting together with him after you left.”

“I’m not angry at you,” I whispered as I felt the turmoil of her emotions that she failed to hide this time. “Oh, Kendra,” I hugged her to me, giving her a tight squeeze. “He’s just a stupid boy, and you’re my sister. I love you for suggesting I get angry, but I’m not going to. He’s simply not worth it, and I kind of want to kick his ass now for upsetting you.”

“Well, we could kick his ass, but that might affect our chances at the selection,” she whispered through thick tears.

“No crying,” I said as I pulled away and rushed to grab a tissue. “You’ll mess up your make-up and then we’ll be late,” I dabbed gently at her eyes and smiled. “Besides, we can’t let Cassidy sink her claws into the good guys. I’d be devastated if she got a better match than you did. I think part of the reason I came back was to watch her get jealous when you to get the better partner.”

“You’re insane,” she whispered with a soft frown. “But, I’ve kind of been looking forward to that too, honestly.”

“Good, let’s get going. We have heads to turn,” I whispered as I grabbed my clutch and guided her towards the door.

*~*~*

I’d had three tumblers of scotch, twenty-five mock interviews—or at least that’s what they felt like—by men who were both from town and out of town, and one confirmed marriage proposal by a guy who was more freaked out about the coming Harvest than I was—but I was pretty sure he’d been throwing a Hail Mary into the wind to cover up that he was playing for the same side. I’d seen him throwing Dexter some pretty big
come hither
looks.

I was moving towards the small bar when a hand touched my shoulder, and I turned around to see who it was. I stopped short, my eyes taking in the man who’d stopped my progress towards the bar. He was drop dead sexy, with a killer smile that said he knew exactly how hot he was.

“Magdalena Fitzgerald, I assume?” There was a soft hint of an accent in his words.

“You assume correctly. And you would be?” I inquired, my lips tugging in the corners as I fought off a smile. Shit, why didn’t we have men who looked like this here?

“Devlin St. James, from the Park City Utah coven,” he announced dramatically and gave me a mock bow. “At your service, beautiful.” His wicked smile indicated that his services could be anything but chaste.

“And what services do you offer?” I asked, openly flirting as I allowed a smile to twitch at the corner of my mouth.

“I can’t tell you yet…first, I need to get you another drink,” he announced as he headed towards the bar before turning around to smile at me. “Find us a table, and I’ll meet you there.”

“You assume I want you to get me a drink?” I replied, my eyes smiling as I tried to keep a straight face.

“I do, because right now Thatcher is trying to work up enough courage to approach you, and he spits when he speaks, so I’m doing you a solid by distracting you and keeping the vultures at bay,” he said as he tipped his head to where a red haired guy stood with overly thick glasses watching me. 

“Oh good lord,” I whispered with a small laugh that I hid behind my hand. “Fine, but you better bring me something that isn’t too girly.”

“Indeed my fair lady, it will be strong enough that I can get you drunk enough to have my way with you,” he grinned as he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Oh, you are a naughty boy,” I laughed and moved away to find us a vacant table.

I found one, took a seat, and looked around the room. I’d felt the weight of his stare for most of the night, and knew exactly where he was. Lucian was in a darkened corner of the room where the wall was at his back, and he had a vantage point of the entire room. Once again he was wearing an expensive suit. At this stage of the game, I would have been disappointed if he hadn’t been dressed in a bespoke suit of some kind. I’d done my best to ignore the feeling of his eyes, as they seemed to track me down no matter where I was in the room, but it was a hard thing to do when it made my body respond, even when he wasn’t close to me. I watched him from beneath my lashes as he smiled wickedly and continued to swirl the two fingers of scotch in his glass. 

The way he looked at me was predatory, with a heat that slid over my skin. It made the butterflies take flight in my belly, and my body responded to him every time he was in the same room. The man was sinfully gorgeous, with a bad boy flare that made me want to see just how bad he could be. It pissed me off. He shouldn’t be having this effect on me, not on this level.

“Wow, who pissed you off?” Devlin interrupted my thoughts as he sat across from me, unfortunately doing nothing to block my view of Lucian.

“Nobody,” I mumbled as I accepted the glass he offered and took a sip. I closed my eyes and gasped with a small giggle as the liquid burned on its way down. “Mmm, that’s good,” I said softly as I opened my eyes to find Devlin watching me.

“That was sexy,” he said as he took another sip, then set his own drink down. “Do you always make that face when you drink? Because I can go back and get the entire bottle and we can find some place more secluded.”

“You move fast,” I noted, my eyes taking him in.

This guy was hot as hell; his eyes were the color of the scotch that was currently swirling in Lucian’s glass. They had flecks of black, which created a beauty that was almost otherworldly. He was tall; even sitting, he engulfed the chair, and I had the strangest urge to peek beneath the table to see if his knees were touching it. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows; both covered in tattoos that made my bad girl rear her head with curiosity. His hair was longer than most of the guys here, touching his shoulders in strands of deep chocolate to burgundy. Totally a dye job, but who cared? He was panty dripping hotness, and right now, I needed a distraction.

“Only when I find something I want,” he said with a half grin that lit his eyes.

“And have you?” I asked, my eyes moving to his tattoos.

“Have I what?” he countered.

“Found something you want,” I placed my elbows on the table and lifted my glass to take another drink as my eyes met his over the rim of the glass.

“Let’s see, a woman who’s hot as fuck, doesn’t give a shit about impressing the men here with some ridiculous, overly fancy dress, one who also prefers whisky…I think I have,” he stated, his finger tracing the rim of his glass as his eyes held mine.

“I didn’t have anything formal to wear,” I replied to his words, my eyes holding his. “I’m not rich, and couldn’t afford to buy so many different formal dresses for so many events. I sort of dropped it all on the opening and wasn’t about to shake my family down for more.” I cringed inwardly, waiting for him to move on to the next table.

“That was meant to turn me off, wasn’t it?” he asked carefully, his eyes probing me as he narrowed his eyes.

“Yes,” I scrunched up my nose. “Sorry, I’m used to warding off men, not selling myself to them.”

“Nah, that would make you a hooker, and I’m kind of glad you’re not a hooker,” he said with a lopsided grin. “I prefer not to pay for sex, but I’m not totally against it if it’s with you.”

I laughed and it felt good. I smiled wide and shook my head. “I was right about you. You are naughty.”

“I’m also not partial to rich bitches that think they’re entitled to everything their little heart desires. Same goes for educated women who think they’re superior because they have an education while others don’t. So trying to scare me away won’t work, pretty girl. Now if you tell me you like biting delicate flesh, me and my boys might run away. You don’t look like the biting type, though, but then I’ve been wrong before,” he replied easily as he watched me set my glass down and reached for my hand. “May I?” his eyes heated to liquid amber as I accepted and placed my hand in his.

His fingers trailed over the palm of my hand. “You have soft hands,” he traced the lines in my hand a bit like a palm reader would, “yet you’re not afraid of hard work,” he continued, gently tracing the life line in my palm as his finger sent shock waves through my entire body. They weren’t as powerful as Lucian’s, but they were affecting me. “You haven’t had an easy life, but you don’t choose to blame others for it. You have pain, but you won’t share it or let anyone see it, because you’re not willing to…yet. You’re strong, but not because you want to be; it’s because you have to be.” He smiled, his fingers continuing to read my palm as he sent a trembling sensation through my entire body with a single touch. “You also want to skip the whole Harvest ceremony thing, mostly because you want to marry someone sinfully handsome who has great hair.”

I laughed, and pulled my palm away from him. “You do have really great hair,” I replied as a blush colored my cheeks.

“I do, but yours would look better covered in sweat and spread out across my sheets.”

“Is that so?” I whispered as I chewed my bottom lip.

“Indeed,” he pushed my glass closer towards me. “So, now we play one hundred questions…and I get to know you better.”

“It’s supposed to be fifty questions,” I countered.

He smiled wickedly. “It’s one hundred because I figure if I ask them slow enough, you’ll marry me just to shut me up.”

I laughed causing eyes to turn in our direction. “You’re horrible,” I giggled with an amused smile. “Go for it, but I’m not marrying someone I just met.”

“Isn’t that why we’re all here? To listen to the wisdom of the dead who don’t know jack about our century, who plan to slap us together like livestock to breed the next generation for your coven?”

I laughed again and shook my head. “You don’t agree with tradition?”

“I don’t think the dead should be allowed to dictate to the living or decide who we end up with for the Harvest, I’m the kind of guy who prefers picking his own fuck buddy.”

“There’s always a way out of it,” I paused and looked him steadily in the eye. “You could always just randomly marry one of the girls, and be excluded from the entire process.”

“Oh sure, and be the reason the divorce rate spikes? I think it’s high enough without us adding to it. Don’t you agree?” he asked as he sat back and slung his arm behind his chair in a laid back position. As if he didn’t care what anyone else thought of him; it was refreshing.

“Yes, I can agree with that, but then I’m just one of many who aren’t entitled to question those who came before us.”

“Tell me this, Magdalena. Are all of the women in your line this hot and open-minded, or did you break the mold when you fought your way into this world?” he asked smoothly, his eyes lowering slightly to the neckline of my dress.