Poison Me Sweetly (29 page)

“You've been awfully quiet since we left the clinic,”
Caleb says to me as we enter my apartment early that evening.

“Just lost in thought.” I set our fast food bags on
the counter top and go to a cupboard to grab some paper plates.

“I get you have a lot going on, but I don't want to be
left feeling like I've been shut out.”

The way he says it has me pausing as I set the paper
plates on the counter top. He's just standing there, watching me and looking
frustrated. “I'm not shutting you out,” I deny.

He gives me a look that says otherwise. “You've said
one sentence to me since we walked out of the clinic and that was, 'Sure, I
could use a burger'.”

Oh. I guess he has a point. I sigh, grab the bags, and
start pulling out our burgers and fries. “I'm not good at sharing my feelings.
I told you that.”

“You don't have to share what you're feeling. I just
want you to talk to me, not give me the silent treatment.”

My hands go still, then I stop what I’m doing. I walk
over to him and slip my arms around his neck, my eyes serious as I look up at
him. “I'm sorry. I wasn't aware I was ignoring you.” His eyes search mine.
“Work in progress, remember?” I say as I remind him of our earlier conversation
on the way to the clinic. He’d told me to go into the appointment with an open
mind and not to expect results over night once I start dealing with my issues.
This was going to a long process, a work in progress of sorts, as he put it.

His lip tilts up slightly in the corner. “I hear you.”

“I'm starved.”

“Me too. Let's eat before it goes cold,” he agrees.

We sit down on the stools at the counter and begin to
eat. My eyes shift to the white pharmacy bag on the counter near my purse. The
doctor definitely thinks I'm suffering from PTSD and depression. He prescribed
anti-depressants, and on Thursday I'm supposed to meet with one of the
therapist's he's recommended.

I scowl.

The doctor also said my medication and alcohol don't
mix, and I'm to stay away from liquor while I'm on the anti-depressants. He
just took away the one crutch I've always relied on to get me through the tough
times.

“Hey,” Caleb says, breaking into my dark thoughts.

I tear my gaze away from the pharmacy bag to find that
Caleb is watching me. My lips flatten slightly as I push away my plate and
reach for my soda. “I'm not supposed to drink alcohol. At all,” I say sourly as
I sip from my straw, trying not to feel annoyed over the situation.

Caleb reaches down and squeezes my thigh. “The alcohol
never did anything to help you, Zoey. Your drinking was part of the problem,”
he points out.

“I know, but...” I push aside the soda and face him.
“Partying is what we do in college. That's all I ever do, and now I'm not
supposed to go out drinking? How am I going to explain that to the guys?”

“They'll understand.”

“But...”

He reaches out and catches a hold of my chin between
his thumb and forefinger. The glint in his eye makes my body warm in certain
places. “I'm going to keep you so busy that you're not going to want to be out
partying and drinking.”

I arch an eyebrow. “So you're just going to keep me
flat on my back in your bed twenty-four-seven?”

“Not a bad idea,” he concedes with a chuckle. “But I
was also thinking more along the lines that we'd go out and do some stuff
together between all that
sex
. Like dates and whatnot.
There's a lot that Long Beach has to offer.” He releases my chin and looks at
me questioningly. “When was the last time you went on an actual date?”

“Hmm.” I shrug. “Try never. I don't think Alex, my
only ex-boyfriend, ever took me out.”

“Well, looks like we've got three or four years to
make up for.”

I can't help but smile at him as I stand up and start
cleaning up our paper plates and empty wrappers. Caleb rises to his feet and
helps me clean up before we settle on the couch.

I'm about to slide over onto his lap to heat things up
a bit when Caleb gives me a wary look. “Can I ask you a question without you
getting mad at me?”

That doesn't sound good. I look at him warily. “I
can't promise you a reaction if I don't know the question.”

He nods. “True. You brought up Micah's grave today at
the quad,” he says, his eyes watchful now.

“I did,” I agree as I wait to see where he's going
with this.

“That was all you. I haven't brought it up since that
night you had that nightmare and confided in me.”

I begin to tense up warily. “What are you getting at?”

“I think you
want
to go to his grave. I think
you've wanted to for a while now, but you stay away, because you feel like he
wouldn't want to see you. You pretty much admitted it yourself. You said you
feel ashamed for all the things you've done.”

I look away and study the coffee table.

“I can tell it's eating away at you that you don't go
see him. This isn't me trying to fix you, Zoey, but do you want to go out to
Pasadena together? I'll go with you so you're not on your own, if that'll help.
If you need to go to his grave, if you want to go to his grave, I think you
should. I think you need it, but that’s for you to decide. These are just
things that I think I've noticed, but I could be wrong. And if I'm wrong than
I'm wrong. I mean no pressure, all right?”

My heart thuds in my chest at the thought of going to
Micah's grave site. I can feel a sense of longing within me, but I also feel
that shame that he mentioned. “I want to...” I say faintly.

“But?” he prods gently.

I turn my head and look at him sadly. “I don't know if
I can. I've stayed away for so long. The Micah that sometimes visits me, I can
see the disappointment in his eyes when he speaks to me. I know I'm making him
up in my mind, I get that. But I think the real Micah, wherever he is, I think
he's disappointed in me as well,” I say as my mouth turns down.

Caleb moves to sit closer to me as he draws me to his
side, his lips pressing against the crown of my head. “I think he's more
disappointed that you're not moving on than anything else. Life is all about
mistakes. No one's perfect.”

I cuddle into his side, enjoying his warmth and the
feel of his arm around me. “I guess things are changing,” I admit as I trace a
design on his jean-clad thigh. “I can talk about him a little more now without
breaking down. I know I need to start facing these things. Including his
grave.” I bite my lip and ask, “You'd really go there with me?”

“Yes.”

My eyes close as I process what I'm feeling. I almost
destroyed myself this weekend, because I'd been running from everything I've
been feeling for so long. If I'm going to get better, I need to do the things
that I've put off for way too long. “Maybe tomorrow?” I whisper, my voice
almost too faint to be heard. The minute the suggestion is out of my mouth, I
want to take it back, but I won't. I told Caleb this morning that I wasn't
running anymore. I need to try to make things better for myself. And that means
facing one of my greatest fears from the past three years.

“My last class is at four. Does that work for you?” he
asks, his tone deliberately light.

“Yeah.” Now that I've agreed to it, I am desperate to
take my mind off it. I lift my head and look up at him with renewed interest.
“You mentioned you have a bunch of cousins. Are you close to them?”

He doesn't seem surprised by the sudden change of
topic. “Some of them. I have fifteen, and nine of them are close to my age.
What about you? Any cousins?”

I shake my head. “My parents were both the only child
in their family. We never had any big family functions or anything.”

Caleb chuckles. “You're in for it with my family.
Things get pretty intense when we all get together. It's not very often, but
when it happens, you'd be wise to stick close to me.”

“Why? What'll happen?” I ask curiously.

“The last time Dirk brought a girlfriend with to one
of our family gatherings, she was caught behind the barn with Brayden—without
her panties on,” he muses.

“Seriously?” I snicker.

“Yep,” he says with a laugh. “Dirk and Brayden went at
it until Dirk had a broken nose and Brayden's arm was broken.”

“Then what happened?”

“While they got drunk together, I was kind enough to
take the poor girl home.”

I shake my head and laugh. “I highly doubt you have to
worry about me losing my panties behind the barn. Unless I'm with you,” I say
mischievously.

He grins. “That can be arranged,” he says as he
reaches over and tugs me onto his lap so that I'm straddling him.

I wrap my arms around his neck and relax as I grin.
“Sounds like you've got a great family.”

“I do. We fight like any other family, but when times get
tough, we band together,” he says, and something flickers in his eyes,
something dark with a hint of anger.

I pull back slightly and peer at him. “Caleb? What's
wrong?”

He reaches up and rubs a hand over his face. “I have a
cousin that's going through some real tough stuff right now,” he admits. “I was
actually with her for a week before classes started. I wanted to stay longer,
but I couldn't miss anything, not with just transferring here to Long Beach.”

“Do you want to talk about it? I mean, if you don't
want to, you don't have to,” I quickly add.

“No, that's fine. I don't mind telling you what
happened,” he says as he runs a hand through my hair. “My cousin, Faith, she
was almost murdered three months ago,” he says tightly.

My eyes go wide with shock. “Oh my God. Is she okay?”

“She's making a full recovery,” he assures. He reaches
up and rubs his jaw before shaking his head and giving me a frustrated look.
“Turns out, her longtime boyfriend has been abusive for years. They’d been
together since she was fourteen. All this time, she didn't tell a damn soul,
and when she tried to break up with him this summer, he took a knife to her
back. She kept struggling to escape, so he kept stabbing her until she tried
lying still. Once the fight left her, he bailed and fled the house—more likely
thinking he'd killed her. She managed to get to the phone and call for help
before she passed out.”

“That's horrible, Caleb. Why would he do such a
thing?”

“If he couldn't have her, no one else could, I guess.
Or else he simply wanted to make her pay for not wanting to be with him
anymore.” He looks away, his expression angry as he tries to control his
emotions. When he turns back to me again, he looks calmer. “Somehow, the fucker
managed to miss any important vital organs, and Faith made a full recovery. Her
parents have her in counseling and her boyfriend's trial is set for next
month.”

I reach out and frame the side of his face with my
hand as I gaze at him soberly. “How old is she?”

“Eighteen. She just graduated high school this past
spring.”

“That's a lot for someone to have to deal with. How is
her family coping with it?”

“They're struggling. Especially her older brother.
Faith's his baby sister, so he's still reeling over the fact that she never
said one word about the abuse.” He looks at me with confusion. “I don't
understand why she didn't tell anyone. This could have all been avoided if
she'd told her parents or her brother.”

“Maybe she was worried what you guys would think of
her, staying in a relationship like that. Has anyone asked why she kept it to
herself for so long?”

“She just says she got used to it. That it just became
a way of life for her.” He groans and shakes his head. “She's the sweetest
girl, Zoey. She's the type who likes to see goodness in everyone, and he took
advantage of that. Now she's just this broken shell of a girl, right now. It's
like she's lost, like she doesn't know how to move on.”

“I'm glad she's in counseling and that her parents
sound great.” I smile tenderly at him. “It’s good that you were there for her.
With so many people that care surrounding her, I think she'll be able to move
on when she's ready.”

“You think so?”

I nod. “She needs time to process it all. That's
probably what she's doing right now. Give her six months to a year, and she'll
be itching to move on. Of course, I've never been in that situation, so I can't
know that for sure. But...she's got the support she needs. I think she'll be
okay.”

“I hope so,” he says as he pulls me close and buries
his head in the crook of my neck. I can't help but run my hands through his
hair, massaging his scalp as I try to give him some comfort. “Mm... That feels
good,” he says against my throat.

I smile and continue running my hands over his scalp
for a couple minutes before allowing them to slide down to his neck, and then
to his shoulders. His body relaxes against me as I massage his muscles. Then I
feel his head shift slightly and his lips touch my neck. A shiver of awareness
sweeps through me as I realize I am straddling his lap, my legs spread. Caleb
takes advantage of it as he grabs my hips and pulls me up against his growing
erection. A soft moan escapes me and his head lifts, his lips claiming mine.
Our lips meld to one another for a brief moment before I open them to allow the
kiss to grow more intense. The velvety warmth of his tongue seduces me as I
begin to rock against him. I want him so badly. My fingers fumble for the hem
of his shirt, and his lips suddenly pull from mine.