Post-Apocalypse Dead Letter Office (5 page)

Regardless, no one around here that I’m aware of has starved to death. And, so that’s one of the other reasons I’m writing to you. I have some questions that I’ve been unable to get answered by those around here, which is frustrating, because there are so many very knowledgeable biblical scholars and leaders in the Springs. It’s one of the reasons I moved out here, to be around such good people.

Well, so I guess the questions are all kind of tied together in a certain way. So let me just start in with one. Me and pretty much everyone else in town have had pretty much enough to eat. There have been some kind of lean times, especially with not having much meat at all, but we haven’t had mass starvation here that I’m aware of. I and the folks I work with have gotten word that a multitude of people further south in Texas and New Mexico and Arizona and south California have starved, though. And just a few years ago, some woman rode into town half-starved and asking which way to Pike’s Peak. Poor woman, ranting about floods and pleading for brandy and cheese. We got her settled down after a bit and she’s turned into a good worker. Barbara... can’t remember her last name. But my question is, so there’s famine in some places, but not everywhere?

As I mentioned above, we do get some violent people here from time to time, but there has been no sustained campaigns or organized murder or violence. I heard a rumor that China or maybe aliens are to blame for all the problems, but I really have my doubts about that. And I haven’t heard of the United States going to fight anyone in the last six or seven years, so I don’t think there’s been any war.

Now, a lot of people in Colorado Springs have died over the last six years, this is true. But we haven’t had any mass deaths, except for a rash of suicides a couple years ago. All those lost souls. But... there are still folks in plenty here, and a lot of them are having kids. I know that there are a few places, like Junction City and maybe Kansas City, where there’s been some bad fever or other disease outbreaks. Word broke last spring that Denver had a huge fire a few years back, but no word on how many died. Has Death just not gotten around to us the living yet?

Finally, I don’t know how metaphorical hell is. I mean, I’m sure it’s a real place and I don’t want to go there, but I haven’t seen it here in southern Colorado. I’d say “Well, maybe Pueblo”, but this isn’t really very funny stuff. Pueblo is actually doing well. Their mills are all shut down, but there was still a whole bunch of steel in them, and the buildings that housed them were taken apart pretty quickly to build solar heater panels like I mentioned above. I mean, I’ve heard that a lot of cities up north and east have been through a lot of rioting and violence. Like New York, Philadelphia and even Des Moines I heard. So, is hell inhumanity to man so far, and is it sweeping from the northeast to the southwest?

I mean, it seems that there are some Signs here, but not all of them like Scripture says there will be or in the way that Scripture says they’ll come. I’m not really anticipating seeing horrible men on horseback wielding swords, but I think I’m encountering things that are really indicative of the End Times... but not in the way I expected.

Is the rapture on its way? Did it maybe happen somewhere else, like Israel, and we missed it? Were we all not taken up... due to our own sins? Or has it not happened yet, and the main events in Revelations are going on elsewhere and we should just wait to be taken up? Are my folks still there with you?

Like I said, I asked around, questioned a lot of deacons and pastors of all denominations in town. I even asked the priest at St. John’s near Old Colorado City. I just couldn’t get a good answer, and it’s starting to drive me a bit crazy maybe. In thinking of my folks recently, you came to mind and I thought you could help. Also, wasn’t Jesus supposed to return to reclaim his throne in Independence? I’m not imagining this, am I?

Please write back as soon as you can, and God bless.

Yours in Christ, Bobby Cox

To: Kathy and Irving Alford, De Soto, KS

From: Claire and Gerald Burnside, Salem, OR

March 20, 20+7

Dear Kathy, Irv and young ones-

Your letter arrived just five days ago! Gerry and I were absolutely delighted to hear from you. Had to read the letter three times out loud to dispel our disbelief over your plans. It’s going to be so wonderful to have you near us again so soon, and permanently! Gerry is at the kitchen table just beaming right now, hasn’t wiped that smile off his face for almost a week. Hopefully my handwriting isn’t too shaky – it’s all the excitement.

We spent the last few days planning out where you’re all going to sleep once you get out here. Now, don’t even think twice about it – we haven’t. And we’ll not have you showing up mid-fall or some such and trying to immediately move into and ready a house for winter. You may decide to move into a place of your own next spring, but feel free to stay as guests at our place for as long as you want. Things may be a little tight when you first arrive, if we don’t get the former laundry room in the guest house converted to a third bedroom in time. Rest assured, though, we will get it converted before this winter. Might be a bit cool in the winter, but we’ll load up whoever sleeps there – I’m guessing young Vincent or Anita – with plenty of extra blankets and some decent slippers. I mean, we have two bedrooms in the main house that any of you are free to use, but we anticipate you’ll all want to stay together.

And don’t even give food a second thought. The Willamette Valley has weathered the lack of pesticides and irrigation and hybrid crash extremely well. Had a couple lean winters there at the outset, but once folks got accustomed to gardening a bit to supplement what came from the main farms, everything got back to normal... well, considering. We’ve had surplus food for the last three years now, and by the looks of things, this year is going to be another good one weather-wise. It’s still raining here, of course, but that should reach its nadir once you’re out here.

It will be nice to have a few extra hands at the house to help with chores and gardening. (We’ve been getting along fine, but we’re no spring chickens and can occasionally get a bit overtired during the initial plantings and the fall harvest.) From the tone of your letter, it sounds like you’re all well-experienced in the art of tending a decent multipurpose garden. We’ve stuck to vegetables only, and leave the narcotic and hallucinogen production to the real pros, and you’ll not be surprised to learn that there is a multitude of them around here. The syndicates don’t have any kind of foothold here as far as the pharmaceutical trade is concerned. It’s all super local and super potent stuff, whoever grows it.

We have been smoking a bit less lately, as a lot of the people who sell it take our purchases as opportunities to socialize and, frankly, we’re not that eager to be friends with them. But, as far as intoxicants (or “medicine”, if you prefer) go, you – and even moreso Irv, we imagine – will also be happy to know that Gerry has taken up brewing and lately become quite proficient. His house specialty is hard cider, but we’ve had such a decent supply of grain the past couple years that Gerry has hooked up with a few old friends and started a kind of collective brewing operation. Everyone pitches in labor and ingredients and everyone gets a pretty good share of some fine beer.

Salem proper has been quiet lately, as has most of the entire northwest coast, for that matter. Biggest news recently was that Halls Ferry burned down last fall right during harvest season, almost none of it left. Apparently a big sack of hops caught fire somehow and didn’t get noticed until it had spread and was totally out of control. It spread to the rest of town and didn’t stop until it was almost all ashes. Folks got plenty of notice, though, so virtually everybody was able to get out of town before it went up. Rains a day and a half later put out what was still smoldering. One or two old folks died, unfortunately, but the evacuees were few enough in number that folks in Albany were able to take them in over the winter. Could have been much worse, there’s no doubting that.

But the city has been fine. Gerry got kept on as Secretary of Transportation after last year’s election. So proud. He’s been doing wonderful work as of late. Not nearly the budget, and there’s been a bit of tension between he and the Ag Secretary. Gerry’s in charge of the state-owned courier service, which is limited to mainly intra-city deliveries between the state agencies. All the inter-city parcel and letter deliveries are left to the syndicates’ courier services, mainly because they’re way more streamlined than a state-owned service could or would be, their prices are cash or barter and still fairly reasonable and they’re fast. But the Ag Secretary has been trying to revive the idea of a state-run postal service. Not federally-operated (that’s a laugh), but owned and operated by the Oregon state government. And he wants to use horse-pulled buggies to make the deliveries. Now, there’s nothing wrong with this idea. Gerry has said so, and thinks that it’s only a matter of time before the idea becomes a reality. That’s not really the issue. The real complication is that there is not even remotely enough horses around yet to have a functional “fleet”. There are scarcely enough to meet the needs of farmers, loggers and other folks whose business just simply must take priority over an inter-city postal service. Despite this argument – which amounts to him basically getting told his own business – the Ag guy hasn’t let up or even started long-range planning. Instead, he’s been pushing the idea – just the idea, with no details or action plan – to the governor non-stop since after the election. He’s even gone so far to suggest that Gerry’s in the pocket of the Portland syndicate. Such nonsense. Now, the governor really trusts Gerry, so there’s no real chance that the plan will happen before Gerry brings it to the table as an actionable plan. But it’s increased the stress a little bit in the Burnside household.

This is all totally ad hom, and Gerry would be angry with me if he knew I was setting it to paper, but the Ag Secretary is an exceedingly odd little man. Divorced, lives by himself in a disproportionately large house on the outskirts of town, has a completely unconcealed opium habit and openly and frequently patronizes burlesque houses. Queerest thing: he rides a little specially made goat-pulled cart all around – to work, to church, just everywhere – instead of walking or riding a bicycle like normal, respectable folks. The most ridiculous sight. Oh, and did I mention he’s the governor’s brother-in-law?

Oh, just forget all that. I’m sorry I got onto such a tangent. We’re absolutely ecstatic that you’re coming out to stay. Gerry is confident that – despite the unpleasantness mentioned above – due to the shortage of qualified and experienced attorneys out here, he can get Irv a clerkship at the very least, and will probably be able to work him into a higher position soon after a year or so. The schools have rebounded a bit, and Vincent and Anita will definitely have places reserved for them at Saint Vincent De Paul, one of the best in town. (We know you’re not Catholic, so if you want them in a different school when you arrive, just let us know and we’ll make it happen.)

Now, we want your trip out to be as expeditious and hardship-free as possible. While we are currently unable to commission a regiment of cavalry to escort you out, we have been able to considerably supplement the Portland syndicate’s delivery fee for this letter with half a barrel of Jerry’s homebrew. In return, the various couriers that will have a hand in delivering this letter will write a few and perhaps even annotate the attached maps regarding decent places to stop, rest and resupply; towns and areas to avoid; and general travel time across the various terrain you will encounter on your trip. (At least, we sincerely hope they do this. That half-barrel was Jerry’s favorite, seeing as how it was the half with beer still in it.)

All our love to you, Irv, Anita and Vincent. Safe travel, and we will see you in a few months.

Most Sincerely, Claire and Gerald B.