Presidential Cleaning: A Psychological Suspense Novel (11 page)

‘Did they hurt you?’

‘They dragged me from my fucking house and locked me in a room. They taunted me night after night and day after day. Does it really matter that they didn’t chop my fingers off because I really don’t think so. But you know what hurt the most Joe?’

I didn’t know what part of what had happened to her hurt the most but I was afraid to ask. I stared at her, hoping that she’d see just how sorry I was. Hoping that she could forgive me for being who I was.

‘The worst part of all of this, Joe…’ she continued, ‘the part that really, really hurt me, was to see that you weren’t better than these bastards. That’s what really gutted me. That’s what really hurt me Joe.’

‘How could you say something like that, Lila?’ I felt the tears welling in my eyes. In a sense, she was right. I’d done some horrible things in the past. But I’d done horrible things to horrible people. These men, they did a horrible things to the best person I know- the best person there is. Surely, that made me better than them.

‘I can say this because I saw the picture.’

‘What picture?’ I was confused.

‘What you did to that guy. The way you strung him up like a fucking pig. You did that. So tell me, how can I not hurt when I see something like that? When I’m presented with something that’s referred to as my husband’s work of art.’

‘That’s not who I am, Lila. You know that.’

‘So you’re not going to tell me that they were lying. Defend yourself Joe. Tell me they just made that shit up. Defend yourself Joe.’ Tears streamed down her face and her breathing shortened and quickened at the same time.

‘I…’ I hung my head in shame. I couldn’t believe the picture of me these bastards had painted in my wife’s head. I couldn’t believe that rather than allowing me to be the knight in shining armor who’d saved her, they turned me into some kind of demon.

‘You what, Joe?’

‘I had to, Lila.’

She laughed. A forced and fake laugh. ‘You had to. Is that right? Stringing a man up and leaking the blood from his body was a necessity? Is there something that I’m fucking missing here?’

‘I had to send a message to them. I had to let them know that I was serious. I needed to get you back, Lila.’

‘Don’t touch me,’ she barked, flinging my hand from her shoulder. ‘You’re a killer. A
disgusting
,
filthy
killer. What kind of man does these kind of things?’

‘You’re right,’ I said, allowing the tears to stream from my eyes. ‘You’re right. But you know what, at some point I wasn’t a killer anymore. I’d given all that up. And then because of you, I relapsed.’

‘So this is my fault now. Typical, huh? Throw the blame in whichever fucking direction you please, but not here. Not in my fucking direction. I didn’t
make
you do the things you did.’

‘They took
you
, Lila. You made me love you. You made me love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything and they took you. So yes, I killed because I love you. I did this because I love you.’

‘And before? Before me, you were just this straight A MIT student who did homework and went to classes? Before me, you weren’t hanging people upside down?’ Her anger ceased to subside.

I took a deep breath. ‘You didn’t want to know who I was before you. You insisted that I didn’t tell you who I was.’

‘And you think that I expected to hear something like this. People have secrets and it’s okay to have secrets. So, no, I didn’t pry when you said you couldn’t fall in love with me because of your past. But that doesn’t mean that I thought you were a fucking
psychopathic
killer.’

‘I’ve never killed anyone who didn’t deserve to die.’

Again, one of those forced laughs left her perfect, but chapped mouth. ‘So you’re God now. You determine who’s good and who’s not. Who lives and who dies.’

‘Are you trying to tell me that the people that took you were
good
people?’

‘No, I’m trying to tell you that there’s a huge difference between shooting a man and what you did. There’s killing and then there’s fucking psychopathic killing. It just sickens my stomach to sit here and to look at you. To think of all the people who you’ve drained the life out of. To think of all the ways that you’ve tortured these people. It makes me
sick
. I can’t- not even for a minute, fathom how a human being can become like you.’

I know that I should have remained calm. That the insults were normal. She was innocent. She had no idea that the world wasn’t as bright and pretty as she viewed it. But it angered me. The way that she ripped me apart and made it seem as though I was still that person; it truly angered me. ‘Your government. Your president. The man you stood in line to vote for. He’s the one who creates people like me,’ I shot back. This seemed to shut her up and though I couldn’t hear the thoughts that were running through her mind, I knew that she was about to understand. I would make sure that she understood. ‘You see, Lila. There are people in this world who you trust. But remember, everyone has a dark side to them. That president that’s out fighting for your rights. The one who wants free healthcare and the elimination of poverty, he’s got a dark side too. But because he can’t take care of all the monsters in this world by himself, he creates people like me to handle them. So yes, after years of being trained how not to feel, I developed a skill that he was never reluctant to put to the test. I was asked to do unmentionable things for
your
president. I was trained to be who I am, by
your
president.’

‘That’s one weak fucking alibi. You think I really believe that the President of the United States of America trains serial killers.’

‘I’m not a fucking serial killer, for crying out loud. And yes, I expect you to believe it. As a matter of fact, I know that you believe it. And if you don’t now, you will in a matter of time.’

‘Yeah?’ She turned her head away, hiding the horror that was plastered all over her face.

‘Yeah Lila. When you watch the news and realize that there’s no mention of Harry Peterman, you’ll know that I’m telling the truth.’

‘There’ll be no mention of him because you probably dug the deepest hole to bury him in.’

‘And those guys. The ones that were shot right beside you. Did you see us stop to pick them up?’

She didn’t answer.

‘Of course not,’ I continued, ‘because we left them there. But don’t worry, you won’t hear about them in the news either, because the president’s pretty damn good at keeping this information a secret.’

‘Oh great,’ she waved her hands in the air. ‘This is just great. So, I’m guessing you want me to say thank you for all the hard work you’ve done. For protecting our nation from demons like yourself. You want me to just understand how important the job you’ve done over the past few years is. You want me to come to terms with the fact that the hands that have been holding me at night are the same hands that are capable of killing. The same hands that enjoy killing. But it’s okay, because you did it for the president.’

‘I never said that any of this was okay. And no, I don’t expect you to understand. I just need to you to remember that I love you. That I’ve always loved you and that I’ll do anything in the world to protect you.’

‘Just get out,’ she barked. ‘Just leave me the fuck alone.’

‘So you want to stay here? You don’t want to take me home.’

‘I don’t want anything right now Joe. Except to never see your face again.’

***

‘Iron,’ I yelled, having arrived in the living room to a television show being played at full volume.

Iron reached for the remote and clicked the ‘mute’ button. ‘Yep,’ he turned around.

‘Just wanted to ask if you were hungry. I’m thinking of tossing in some pizzas or something.’

‘Yeah. Pizza sounds good. How are you doing by the way?’

‘Alright, I guess.’

‘She’s not too happy, is she?’

‘More like completely pissed off. It’s tough but I’m sure we’ll get through.’

‘Good luck man. That’s all I can say. Thought she was about to chew your head off in there.’

‘Is that why you turned the volume up so loud?’

Iron gave what seemed like a smile- slightly denting the corners of his emotionless eyes. ‘You could say so.’

I made my way to the kitchen to see that Adam’s freezer was overly stocked with Pizza. Not having a wife to take care of cooking meant that frozen dinners were what his diet mainly consisted of. I tossed three pizzas in the oven and waited in the kitchen while they baked. Though I knew that the chance of Lila eating was low, the least I could do was bring a plate and set it in front of her. She hated me. That was clear. But I knew what it was like to hate me. I’d done a lot of self-hating throughout my life. However, I’d learned to love myself again and I hoped with all my might that she’d be able to do the same. Was the ‘me’ that she’d happened to discover hard to accept? Absolutely. But nothing was impossible.

Once the pizzas were ready, I plated them, dropped one off to Iron and headed to the room where Lila was still snuggled up in the thick floral blanket.

‘I know that you’re still mad at me,’ I started, ‘but please eat something.’

‘I don’t have an appetite,’ she yelled back angrily.

I placed the plate with her pizza on a small table that was situated in the corner of the room and made my way over to her. ‘Lila, I know that this is hard. Trust me, I get it. You fell in love with a man that you thought you knew, only to find that there are things that he did that seem completely unforgivable.’

‘They don’t
seem
unforgivable. They
are
unforgivable.’

‘Okay, sure, they’re unforgivable. But the things these men did, they’re unforgivable too. They’ve killed hundreds of innocent people with their senseless bombings. They’ve ruined lives. Destroyed families. And I’m sorry that I’m one of the guys who was in charge of making them pay. I never imagined that my life would have turned out the way it did. At first, yes, I was that MIT student. And then at some point I wasn’t. I had no idea what I was getting myself into until I was already in it. And after all that, the last thing that I had on my mind was to fall in love. At some point, I didn’t think I had a heart and then you came. You helped me to erase so many of those memories from my past but still, I was who I was. And the day they took you, I became who I used to be. I can’t change any of that, Lila. If you want to leave me. If you want to write me off as a monster, that’s completely up to you. But, I’m sorry if I don’t feel bad for going the extra mile to get you back. I’m sorry that all I want in this world is to know that you’re safe. There’s no one in this world who can protect you like I can and I need you to know that.’

‘There’s no one in this world who has put me in as much danger as you did.’

‘You thought I saw this coming? I thought that part of my life was over. But these people, they sniffed me out. They sniffed you out and if I didn’t do what I did, you’d end up like Jones’ fiancé. Those same people who took you, they took her first. They blew her head into bits right in front of him.’

Her hand shot to her mouth and for the first time that night, she seemed humbled. ‘I just can’t do this Joe. I can’t erase what I saw. I can’t unthink what I thought of you. I can’t. I just can’t.’

‘Is it going to be hard? Yes. But does that mean that we should just give up? Absolutely not. We can go to counselling. We can move. We can…’

‘Yes. There’s so much that we
can
do. But there’s also a lot that we can’t do. And as much as I love you,’ she took a deep breath, ‘I don’t know if I can forget. I don’t know if I can ever go on pretending like that part of you doesn’t bother me. I just don’t think I can do this anymore.’

Chapter 15

It’s been two weeks and five days since my wife packed her suitcase and traded the chilly DC air for the warmth of South Florida. It’s been two weeks and five days since I last saw the only face I cared about seeing. She said she needed time; that she wasn’t sure she could continue to be with me. I thoroughly understood the sense of disbelief that had casted itself upon her when she learned about the person I was. However, I couldn’t understand how she could just turn her back and walk away from
us
. Each minute I was away from Lila was another minute I worried that she’d fall into the hands of another Harry Peterman. She didn’t need to be on the sand forgetting about her husband. She needed to be home, allowing me to provide her with the highest degree of protection. Tracking her phone was an option and one that I’d exercised. My attempts to keep an eye on her led me to seeking Iron’s assistance. He’d helped me to obtain one of the best spy software in existence. And so, I was able to not only know where she was, I was also able to witness her smile, to enjoy the sound of her laugh and to watch her sleep at night. I saw the moments where she broke down just thinking about me; the moments where everything became too much. Just one click of a button. That’s all it took for me to tap into her camera and get a glimpse of what forgetting me was all about. But even with all that, I didn’t feel as though I was in control. I needed more. I needed her.

Knowing that parts of her day were filled with joy gave me comfort. She’d been staying with a friend she met in college. Though she knew not to divulge the information that had sadly fallen upon her, there were moments that I worried about the president’s secret slipping her tongue. Her friend had pried; wanting to know what it was that came between us. Lila’s constant response was that she didn’t want to speak about it just yet.

As far as my friends were concerned, there was only Iron and Tony left. Adam and Jones had disappeared. They’d more than likely picked back up the lifestyle we used to have. But as far as drinking my sorrows away were concerned, there was hardly anyone who I could turn to. The friends that Lila and I had made together were ones I avoided as the only interest they had was in knowing what had happened to Lila and why she’d left. This conversation wasn’t one I wanted to have; it’s not one I could be honest about. So, I was left to my lonesome. Just Joe and Joe alone.