Pretend With Me (Midnight Society #1) (35 page)

Instead of answering her unspoken question, I looked
down at the bed I was sitting on and began playing with
the ends of my t-shirt. “How’d you know?” I finally asked
after what seemed like an eternity of tortuous silence.
“Your mom told me. She’s really excited about it.”
Instantly I knew what she was asking. She wanted to
know how I felt about it; was I excited about being
married too. “It’s an arranged marriage; I don’t have a
choice…” I frowned.
She didn’t say anything right away, instead I found her
eyes studying me, decoding what I wasn’t saying. “Yo u
don’t want this?” she finally asked.
“I don’t know…” I said honestly. “There is a huge part
of me that doesn’t want any of this… I feel trapped and so
guilty. It feels as if I’m cheating on him… but Eric is great.
He’s sweet and kind to me, and any girl would be lucky to
have him… Kri,s I’m so confused because Eric is so good
to me, but Daren is gone… He’s gone...”
“Yes, Jen, but do you love Eric now?” she whispered.
“I can’t,” I mumbled not looking at her.
“I think you already do.” My head snapped up to her at
once. “Do you know what I saw just now, Jen? Guilt…
Guilt that you’re alive and he’s not… Not once have you
said that you don’t want to marry Eric because you’re not
in love with Eric.”
“I’m not.” I muttered, looking away.
“Maybe not… but there’s something there... Something
I saw as soon as I saw both of you… and you’re denying it
because you don’t think you deserve it… You feel pain
and guilt because Daren and Brandon died and you
didn’t… You think that it should have been you instead;
that there was something you could have done…” she
trailed off, her eyes intense.
She was right – I was guilty. How could I not be when
I was alive and two people I loved were dead because of
me? That night I had not only managed to get Daren
killed, but Brandon as well. How was it fair that I was alive
and they weren’t? In what universe was that right; that I
could actually be happy and live and laugh when they
couldn’t? I didn’t deserve to be happy, it was wrong. How
could I let myself love again after I took away their very
chance to do that?
I took a deep breath and finally after slow, long
minutes of avoiding her eyes, I looked up at her face.
“Saying I love Eric, is saying that I’m over Daren. It’s
admitting I’m moving on and replacing him... Kris, I love
Daren, I will always love Daren.” My voice was steady and
sure.
“I know that; a part of you will always love him. He will
always be with you – just as Brandon will always be with
me. They’re branded into our hearts and time will never
change that… But do you really think that they would
want us to keep hurting over them? Daren died so you
could live; he wanted you to grow old and fall in love
again. He wanted you to go to college, to get a job, he
would have wanted you to start a family Jen. He died to so
you could have a life.
“And the guy waiting outside… you can have that with
him. I’ve known him for only a couple of hours, barely
spoken two sentences to him and even I can see that. The
way he looks at you is the way Daren looked at you… It’s
the way Brandon looked at me… and how you look back
at Eric, even while your heart was breaking... Moving on in
life is not replacing those that we’ve lost or forgetting
them, it’s healing and learning to live with them being
gone. . .”
Goosebumps rose on my skin as I listened to her. She
raised her hands and wiped her face dry and I copied her
movements at once, realizing that we were both crying
again. She then inhaled, opening her mouth to say
something else, but before she could, I stopped her.
“I’m hungry,” I said instantly, jumping off the bed. I
didn’t want to hear about moving on anymore. She
nodded knowingly and then slowly followed me out of the
bedroom and into the kitchen.
We found Eric in the living room, not even pretending
to watch the TV in front of him. As soon as he saw us he
perked up, staring at me. I sent him a reassuring smile and
then led Kris to the kitchen where I got out two bowls, a
box of Cheerios and milk. A minute later, while Kris and I
were eating, Eric finally came to us and sat down opposite
me, staring at me like a lost puppy.
“Eric, I’m fine,” I sighed.
“I know… It was just hard to see you like that,” he
mumbled. I froze staring at him. I couldn’t get Kris’ words
out of my head and I began searching his eyes, looking for
any similarity between the way that he looked at me and
how Daren used to look at me. The minutes dragged on
and I came up with nothing. All I saw were Eric’s blue
eyes staring back at me intently.
Suddenly Kris cleared her throat and I let my eyes drop
to the bowl in front of me at once. After a short minute
Eric grabbed the box of cereal, digging out a handful.
“Where are you staying?” he asked Kris. “If it’s at some
cheesy motel or something, we have a lot of empty
bedrooms,” he suggested.
I perked up at this. “That’s right, Kris stay with us.”
“Actually,” she frowned turning to me, “now that I
know you’re not lying in a ditch somewhere, I need to get
back home. I’m not staying,” she whispered looking at me.
I frowned at her confused, silently asking her why.
Immediately she understood and before I could ask she
answered. “Everyone still thinks that Brandon is on
another bender and he’s going to come back… Someone
has to tell his mother...” she trailed off looking down, away
from me. A silent moment washed over us and then she
took a deep breath, steadying herself. “She’s been sitting at
home waiting for him to come back, and as much as I wish
I didn’t have to do this, I have to tell her.”
“I’m sorry Kris, I really am,” I breathed out
immediately feeling guilty.
Her head snapped up at me instantly. “It’s not your
fault so I do not want your guilt and I sure as Hell don’t
want you constantly apologizing to me…” She paused for
a moment wondering. “So are you going to tell me about
the eyes? They’re blue.”
“Contacts,” I explained, offering no reason as to why I
would need blue contacts.
“Hmm,” was all she said, clearly picking up that I didn’t
want to talk about it, letting the subject fall flat.
“So, is there anything that you need, anything that we
can do?” Eric asked staring at her.
“Nope, I’ve got everything covered…” Kris said. “So
Eric, you’re going to marry my girl.” Her eyebrows
knotted together at the same time that Eric began shifting
uncomfortably in his seat.
“Um... yes,” he mumbled and I began to wonder why
he was acting so nervous.
“Well you seem like a really nice guy and everything,
but I have to say this; if you ever hurt her I will rip your
hands out and kill you with them, ‘kay?” she smiled at him.
“Kristen!” I blurted out horrified even though I wasn’t
shocked that she’d tell him something like that.
“No it’s fine, Jen,” Eric told me but he was looking
directly at Kris. “I believe you and I’m fine with it because
you know what? I will never hurt her, no matter what.”
“Good. Welcome to the family then.”
Eric grinned at her suddenly. It was a bright smile that
lighted his eyes and showed in his entire body. “You’re so
awesome.”
“I know, right,” Kris beamed at him and at the sight a
smile plastered my own face.
For the next couple of hours Kris, Eric, and I just
chilled out. We talked about almost everything and
everyone back at home. She filled me in on what I was
missing out on, the things my friends were up to. We also
talked a lot about the past. Like the crazy, psycho mini
missions we’d been on; all the stupid things we’d done and
somehow survived.
A few hours after the sun had risen, Kris got up from
the sofa staring at me apologetically, and I instantly knew
that she was going to leave me now. “Sorry, Jen, but I still
have stuff to take care of before I leave tomorrow.”
“I know,” I mumbled getting up and walking with her
to the front door. I gave her a tight hug, not wanting to let
her go. I knew and understood why Kris needed to leave,
yet there was a huge part of me that didn’t want her to.
How could I be so selfish, after everything that I had put
her through? She had to go back and tell Brandon’s
mother that he was dead because of me. It was my fault
and here I was, being selfish and not wanting her to leave
me.
With tears threatening to spill out, I quickly released
her taking a step back. My back bounced into Eric’s and
instantly I felt his hands caught and steady me. “I’ll be
back tomorrow to say goodbye,” she whispered and I
nodded. “Eric, it was nice meeting you; you’re a great guy
but don’t forget what I said.”
“I won’t,” he chuckled as he wrapped his arms around
my waist protectively, and then with that Kris was gone
until tomorrow. I remained staring at the door she’d closed
behind her. “She really means what she says, you know,”
Eric commented as he turned, leading me back to the sofa.
“What?” I asked looking up at him. He sat down and
then pulled me down next to him. I laid my head on his
chest and in response he draped his arm around me.
“Her threat if I ever hurt you, she really means it.”
“Oh,” I said yawning. The exhaustion was finally
catching up. “Kris usually does mean whatever she says,” I
murmured closing my eyes.
“Well in any case, I’ve seen what she did to that guy’s
car and she makes me very nervous,” he admitted and I
couldn’t help laugh at him. “So on the rare chance that I
do unintentionally hurt you, Jen… can you please not tell
Kristen about it?” A small smile pierced my lips at this.
“Eric, you’re the big bad pureblood, Kris is only
human,” I laughed, snuggling closer into his chest.
“Yes, but she’s still scary... the things she’s done… the
things that she’s willing to do for those she love… it’s very
nonhuman…” he mused but there was something in his
voice that made me think he knew more than he was
telling me. I opened my eyes looking up to meet his.
“What are you keeping from me?” The question came
out as a dry comment.
“Do you promise not to tell her?” he asked and I only
nodded, not taking my eyes off him. “She’s pregnant,” he
stated without looking at me.
“What?” I blurted out shooting up. “Does she know?
Wait, how do you know?” I frowned.
“She doesn’t know yet, and that’s why you can’t tell
her. She has to find out on her own. I can tell because I
read her body language Jen; it’s there even if she doesn’t
know, the way she moves… At first I couldn’t figure it
out, but then while you two were talking it hit me. I didn’t
know I could even tell these type of things…” he trailed
off, speaking more to himself than to me now. I placed my
head back on his chest. Kris was pregnant; it was amazing.
I felt a tiny tinge of hope now. At least now Brandon
wasn’t really gone; Kris still had a part of him.
I looked up and found Eric staring at me, and once
again I began to wonder about what Kris had said. I still
couldn’t see any similarity between Eric and Daren. When
I looked at Eric, all I saw staring back at me was Eric. It
had always been Eric.

I woke up and instantly found myself staring at Eric,
who was standing at the side of my bed, holding out a
white coffee mug, staring apologetically. Rubbing my eyes,
I sat up and gratefully took the coffee he offered, inhaling
the sweet nectar before I took a slow sip. “Is it time
already?” I asked, frowning.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I let you sleep as long as I could,
but the hair dresser and make-up people are downstairs…”
he trailed off as I continued drinking the warm, heavenly
liquid.

“Okay,” I said. I hadn’t realized I had make-up people
and a hair dresser. I’d thought that this was just a simple
high school dance that I could get away with flat ironing
my hair myself, slapping on minimal make-up and that’d
be fine, but apparently not.

Tonight was the school’s Black and White Ball, and I
really didn’t want to go to that thing. It’d only been a few
hours since Kris had left; I was tired from not sleeping last
night, or the night before that and I felt raw inside, from
letting out all the pent-up emotions. My insides throbbed.

“Are you done?” he asked, nodding to the cup in my
hand, breaking me out of my thoughts. When I didn’t say
anything, Eric sighed, sitting on the side of the bed as he
took the cup from my hands. “We have to go, Jen… My
family is on the school’s board and we have to be
represented tonight,” he explained, frowning. “We won’t
stay long; I know you’re exhausted so thirty minutes and
we’ll be out of there, I promise.” His frown deepened and
instinctively I reached up to his forehead, smoothing it
away. He was worried about me; I could see it clearly in
his eyes and coloring every inch of his face.

“I know,” I sighed, forcing myself to smile at him.
“Maybe tonight will be fun after all… Don’t know about
you, but I could use a little fun right now.”

“True,” he agreed, then stood up. “I’ll send the girls in
as soon as you’re done showering.” Eric hesitated a
moment, then he turned away from me and walked
towards the door. I watched silently as his back retreated
and then disappeared behind the wooden door, still
dreading tonight.

I was tired of pretending that I was okay when I wasn’t.
I didn’t want to pretend tonight; I didn’t want to be d olled
up when inside I felt sore and broken or have to smile and
be sociable. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and let the
grief and pain have me.

When I was done showering and dressed in only my
underwear and a thick, white robe my ‘prep-team’ knocked
on my door, then without waiting for a response, they
walked into the room, bringing with them cases of makeup. I was so exhausted that from the second they started
on me, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

When they woke me up an hour later, I was completely
flawless, or so it seemed. My make-up was all natural and
not bold or bright. It was simple, yet elegant at the same
time. Most of the colors they used were neutral. My hair
was curled and half of it was up and pulled away from my
face, while the other half fell to the middle of my back. My
cheeks were flushed, my lips were pink, and eyes were
bright and so awake that looking at me now, you’d never
guess I was dead on my feet.