Pretend With Me (Midnight Society #1) (9 page)

“I know,” I muttered and buried my face in his chest,
suddenly aware of just how tired I was. I closed my eyes
and soon in the comfort of his arms, I slowly began to
drift off.
That was the first time since Daren died that I didn't wake
up either crying, screaming, or both. It was the first time I
slept and wasn't haunted by the bloody nightmares. I
actually slept and when I woke up hours later my first
thoughts weren't how much it hurt to breathe or how easy
it would be to shoot myself in the head…

“What,” I moaned, annoyed and yanking the cover
over my head.
“We're in Hawaii and since we got here all you've been
doing is sleeping. Come on, get up, let's go out.”
“You go out,” I muttered. “Who knows maybe you'll
find a nice girl to settle down with.”
“I have found her, and for the past five days all she's
been doing is sleeping.” This caught my attention, and I
forced my eyes open under the cover. Had it been almost a
week already? I barely remember Eric waking me up more
than twice with a glass of orange juice and my medication,
insisting I take it. Of course I threw them up after he'd left,
hence the reason why I was always so tired, but I couldn't
believe that five days had gone by already.
“If our honeymoon is anything like this, I'll literally
have to shoot myself, Jen.”
“Good,” I muttered and a second later the covers
vanished from over me, and were a pile on the floor at his
foot.
“Eric,” I moaned, feeling naked and cold.
“Yes, darling?” he smiled suddenly on top of me.
“Sitting on me is going to make me get up?” I asked
raising my eyebrows. His only response was a nod.
Somehow he had captured my hands and now his hands
formed cuffs around mine at my belly.
“I'm very stubborn,” I smiled, closing my eyes.
“And comfortable too,” he chuckled. He waited a
minute and when I didn't give any response, he raised both
of our hands over my head. I felt him lay a soft, gentle kiss
on my forehead. “Jen...” he whispered kissing a path to my
ear. “Get up.”
It continued like this for a few minutes before I
realized he wasn't going to give up. I sighed annoyed as I
opened my eyes, staring daggers at him. “Eric,” I sighed
again aloud. He pulled away from my face and looked at
me, studying my expression. “If I get up, will you get off?”
“I promise,” he smiled, knowing he'd won.
“Fine, get off me,” I snapped as he rolled over me and
sat up on the bed at my side waiting. I sat up looking at
him with death in my eyes.
“Get dressed, we're going out.”
“Can we stay in?” I pleaded
“No,” he shook his head. “I'm tired of being stuck here
and besides I want you to meet someone. Something nice,
not that you don't always look nice. Even now, in one of
my old t-shirt and uncombed hair...” he trailed off staring
at me, then shook his head and left the room.
About an hour after, I was in a red, knee length dress. I
gave myself a final check, and once satisfied walked out of
the room, my shoes dangling in my hand. I didn't really
like them. They were red and high and consisted of so
many straps I could hang myself with it if I wanted to. I
was more of a Converse and jeans kind of girl, not stilettos
and dresses.
I walked up to Eric, stopping behind him. “I'm ready,”
I declared and he turned around. “I just have to put on
these things,” I said not looking at him as I walked over to
the sofa and sat down. The shoes were surprisingly easy to
put on, and like everything else, they fit perfectly. I stood
up then, and turned to face him.
My heart was beating loudly in my chest. I was sure he
could hear it. My palms were sweaty and my stomach was
in tight knots. I was nervous, but I didn't know why. And
the fact that he was staring at me as if I were food wasn't
helping ease the tension. “Why are you staring at me?” I
asked, feeling naked and self-conscious.
Since I had emerged from the bedroom he had not
taken his eyes of me. It was like he was seeing me for the
first time, like he was staring into the soul of an angel.
“You look like a girl,” he grinned.
“Well that's what I am apparently,” I snapped,
frowning at him.
“I know, but now you actually look it. I'm so used to
you wearing my clothes, and though you wear them better
than I do, I don't mind seeing you like this.”
My eyes narrowed at him. “Well of course you don’t.
I'm showing cleavage and legs and more skin than I'm
used to. I'm in a frickin’ heels, with makeup on. Of course
you think I'm hot now,” I snapped at him, my annoyance
growing.
“What just happened?” Eric asked confused, and I
rolled my eyes at him as I walked out of the house, leaving
him standing there completely lost.
“So are we really meeting a friend, or did you just say
that to get me out of the house?” I asked after I'd done
fuming. Unfortunately it had taken the entire drive, and
Eric had just pulled into the parking lot of a small, cozy
looking restaurant. It was completely wooden with red
lights wrapped around the posts, and hanging from the
ceiling. It looked warm and safe.
My comment made him laugh, and I swore I saw
sparks fly around his face. Not taking my meds was having
a more serious effect on me than I thought. Apparently, it
was making me crazy too. “Of course there's a friend.”
I nodded, unbuckling the seatbelt and began to open
the door. Eric's hand was suddenly on mine, stopping me.
I turned to him confused, instantly engulfed in a smoky
cloud of his scent. He was leaning to me, his face literally
inches from mine.
I sucked in a breath, already feeling my brain cells
clicking off. Electric currents were running along my body.
I bit my lower lip, and felt the stinging pain of my nails
biting into my palms.
“Stay,” he whispered and when I nodded too dazed to
do anything but agree, he opened his door, rounding the
car. Eric then opened my door, offering me his hand. I
took it still dazed, climbing out of the car without saying a
word.
“What are you thinking? You're so quiet” he said taking
my hand, leading me into the restaurant. I looked up at
him deciding whether I should tell the truth or not.
“Nothing,” I finally said after a long moment of
silence.
When we walked into the restaurant, a server instantly
greeted us and then showed us into a room at the back.
The room was dim and had five private tables as far away
from each other as possible, all separated by wooden
partitions.
A boy that looked around our age was already seated at
our table. He stood, smiling when he saw us. “Jen,” Eric
said wrapping a hand around my waist possessively. “This
is Kai. Kai, Jen.”
“Nice to finally meet you,” he said in a thick Hawaiian
accent. “I've been waiting nineteen years for this,” he
laughed, holding out his hand to me. I took it but instead
of shaking my hand, Kai led me towards a chair at the
table.
“Really?” I asked when he sat down.
“Are you kidding? I've had to listen to him bitch about
marrying you ever since he could talk,” Kai laughed and at
my side I saw Eric shoot him a hateful glare that clearly
meant shut-the-fuck-up-Kai.
“Really?” I asked again, amused. “Like what?”
“Well... he thought you'd be ugly, mean or a dumb
blonde. Obviously you're not blonde or ugly.”
“I am mean, however,” I admitted.
“Well he can't have everything, can he?” Kai laughed.
“So how are you two really getting along? Is he being good
to you?”
Without answering, I looked to Eric at my side, not
sure how I should answer. Eric's only response was a light
squeeze of my hand under the table.
“Well,” I mused turning back to Kai. “It's been rough,
but Eric's not so bad,” I answered truthfully. Kai nodded
and was about to say something when our server came
back giving us our menus, and Eric and I a glass of water
each.
Eric and Kai talked while we waited for our food and
then while we ate. Except for the questions about me, they
mostly caught up with each other. I only joined the
conversation when I was asked a question or occasionally
offered a comment. After eating I excused myself and
went to the washroom.
By now I was so tired I wanted to fall to the floor and
sleep for a century. My eyes pained as if someone was
continuously sticking tiny, dry needles into them and I had
a searing headache. I wanted a bed, I didn't care whose.
When I got back Eric was gone. “Eric got a call,” Kai
explained before I could ask. My only response was a halfhearted smiled. “He's a really good guy, you know.”
“I know,” was all I said.
“But..?”
“I'm seventeen; I'm not ready to be a wife to someone.
I don't want to be married. I want to have a choice...”
Kai was silent for a while. “Eric didn't want this
either,” he whispered. “All my life, I've been hearing him
say he wasn't going to marry someone for his parents...
someone he didn't love. He was not going to ruin his life
or yours. Eric's always insisted he would marry the girl he
loved, and only her... and I believed him...” he paused. “I
still believe him,” Kai said. I was shocked by this.
Thankfully, I was saved from responding, because just
then Eric walked into the room.
We stayed about a half an hour after, talking and then
we parted ways. I had nothing against Kai, but I was
thankful when we left. The drive back was silent, but when
Eric pulled into the driveway, he turned to me and broke
that silence. I wished he hadn't.
“Jen, I have something to tell you.”
I swallowed at once. I knew by the tone of his voice I
wouldn't like this one bit. Reluctantly I turned to him,
waiting for him continue. “At dinner it was my parents on
the phone. They can't postpone the wedding. It’s already
set, I'm sorry.”
I took a deep breath, steadying myself. “How much
time do I have...?”
“Just over two months. Almost two thousand
invitations has already been sent out. I know you wanted
more time, I'm sorry...” he trailed off stealing glances at
me.
It took me a long while to answer. Everything had
already been done for my wedding... and I had nothing to
do with it. I hadn't picked out the dress I was going to
wear, what cake I wanted... nothing. I hadn’t even gotten
to choose what type of wedding I wanted.
Since I was little, I’d always wanted a really traditional
Hindu wedding – the full works. A traditional Hindu
wedding could last for hours, and I wanted it all, from the
henna tattoos, being rubbed down with saffron, right
down to walking around the Holy fire. I was never going
to get any of these things though.
It was only now dawning on me just how trapped I
was. I had known it all the time, but now I fully
understood what was going on around me. My life had
been decided for me and I had nothing to do with making
those decisions. Those decisions were taken by people
who didn't understand me, and complete strangers.
Here, Eric had been making me feel free, but I wasn't.
My feelings for him had made me doubt my decision but I
had been right all along in not taking those tiny life saving
pills. It was the only decision I had left - the only decision
I could make - and the choice was clear. I couldn't live like
this. I couldn't stay in a gilded cage, because to me that was
all it was - a pretty cage. Eventually, it would chip away at
me until there was nothing left inside me.
I'd gotten a taste of this already. Daren dying already
killed a part of me, and Eric was going to kill whatever
little was left. There were things a lot worse than death.
Dying inside was one of them. Your body lived when truly
you didn't. Instead, all that you were left with was pieces of
the person you once were.
“I am too...” I finally whispered, turning away from
him.
“There's more,” he paused. When I didn't respond he
continued. “We leave here in two days.” I didn't say
anything; instead I continued to stare blankly out the
window. Eric took my hand and reluctantly I turned to
him. “I tried,” he said, almost pleading.
“I know you did, thank you,” I whispered back. He
really did try, and so did I.
* * *

The next two days were anything but noisy. Eric and I
barely talked. He spent most of his time on the phone,
making arrangements for our trip, while I occupied myself
with packing. I wasn't complaining though, this made
keeping my distance so much easier.

I had stretched out packing for as long as I could.
Now all the clothes that had once been stacked neatly in
the wardrobe and closet, were stuffed into three large
suitcases. Using all the strength I had in me, I pulled the
last of my suitcases out of the house. Even though this one
was the smallest of the three, it weighed a ton. I had no
idea how Eric managed with the other two at the same
time.

As soon as he saw me, he leaned off the trunk of the
car and came up to me. He then took the suitcase from me
and hauled it to the side of the car as if it weighed nothing.
Without pausing, he picked it up and somehow stuffed it
into the back seat.

“Are you ready? Do you have everything?” he asked. I
nodded and climbed into the car. I wasn't worried about
the drive to the airport, that was only ten minutes. The
flight, however, I was terrified of. It had nothing to do
with the airplane or being in the sky, and everything to do
with sitting in a confined space with Eric and awkward
silence as my only friend. I hadn't bothered to ask where
we were going, but I knew it had to be far away, and I
couldn't handle more than an hour alone with him.

As it turned out, my body was too weak to stay awake.
Fifteen minutes into the trip I fell asleep. I had been off
my medication for almost two weeks now, and the toll it
was having on my body was horrible and painful. Every
part of me ached. I was always sleepy and exhausted, and
doing simple everyday tasks like brushing my teeth or
showering made me even more tired. I couldn't stand for
too long or stayed awake for more than an hour at a time,
and as of yesterday the fainting had started. It happened as
soon as I had gotten off the bed and was on my feet.
Dizziness overtook me and then the next thing I knew I
was waking up on the floor. I'd gone through a lot of
trouble to hide this from Eric. He never saw me tired or
weak or sick. Around him I was always perfectly fine.

I slept through most of the flight but when we landed I
was awake and fully aware. Eric lived in England, and for a
while that amazed me. As soon as we stepped off the
plane, Eric's entire mood shifted. He was suddenly tense
and more alert than he needed to be. He wrapped a hand
around my waist protectively, leading me outside to where
a black limo was waiting. The driver was already lifting my
suitcases into the car. Eric scanned around us for a brief
minute, then opened the door for me. I quickly climbed in
and a minute later he did the same.