Primal Surrender (20 page)

Going by the voicemails and text messages she had been deleting from her cell phone, Mack knew about her wild night with Ryker. He didn’t sound angry, but it was hard to tell from impersonal messages. If she was in his shoes, she would be livid and heartbroken by the betrayal.

Sliding her feet into a pair of navy blue
Jimmy
Choo
heels, she smiled at the brilliant splash of crimson on their soles. There was nothing better than a pair of
Choo's
with a new dress to ease a broken heart. Her dress looked custom, but had actually been a deal she found on the rack. Splurging on shoes made her happy, spending willy-nilly on other things seemed childish, and she loved a good deal. Navy and white fabric lined her curves, and a modest V-neck décolletage with a knee length hemline made the dress elegant but understated. She left her hair down, pulling it away from her eyes with a pair of silver combs adorned with moonstone and crystals. Dressed like this she almost felt normal again, and she lamented the fact that she would rarely have an opportunity to dress up once she was a permanent resident of small town Texas. Perhaps she would leave a few key pieces at her parent’s home so she could still indulge when she travelled home.

By the time she made it to the restaurant at the
Four Seasons
, she was running about five minutes late, and her nerves were fluttering. Saying goodbye to her parents was an obvious acceptance of her unemployed state, and since she still didn’t know what she was going to do with herself once she got back to Stone River, it left her feeling unsettled.

To her surprise, she was led back to the restaurants private room. Normally reserved for parties larger than two, she was frowning over the oddity when the door swung open and her eyes landed on the two occupants of the room.

Mack’s golden curls glinted in the dim candlelight of the room, and he flashed his deep dimples in a sheepish smile at her confusion. Next to him, Ryker looked like a man on the way to his death sentence. His hands were tucked firmly into the pockets of his slacks, and his eyes held the light of apprehension. They were a beautiful site, and yet seeing them was like a firm kick to the gut.

“Claudia, please don’t stop now. Come in and talk to us, sweetheart. You look stunning,” Mack said in a pleading tone that stole her voice so she couldn’t respond.

Forcing her feet to carry her into the room, she felt it shut behind her, leaving her ensconced in the small room with just the two of them. After several awkward moments, she took a shaky breath and asked, “How are you here? Why are you here?”

“We came for you, duchess,” Ryker answered, but he looked away when she tried to meet his eyes. “Your father wouldn’t give us your address, but he was willing to arrange a meeting, so here we are.”

Shaking her head, she felt her hair brushing across her over-sensitized skin, and she shivered. “I assume my father arranged this, but I don’t understand why? I didn’t return your phone calls, or messages, Mack, so why chase me to Austin?”

“Because I’ve fallen in love with you, Claudia.” His softly spoken response made her knees buckle, but before she could hit the ground he was there to catch her and help her into a chair. “I wish I had told you before you left, but I never expected you to leave without saying goodbye.”

“I slept with your brother. I betrayed you.” Her confusion and panic made her bluntly honest, and she cringed when the words left her mouth.

Mack just nodded, ignoring Ryker’s hiss of anger. “I know, sweetheart, but what you don’t know is I sent him to seduce you.”

Shame and guilt were suddenly washed away by fury, and she glared at him, “You did what?”

“This is all my fault, sweetheart. I screwed it all up. I thought if you were interested enough in Ryker to allow him to seduce you, I would have the strength to try a ménage relationship, and if you didn’t let him make love to you, then I would know your feelings for me were honest.”

“You didn’t trust my feelings?” She reached for the glass of water on the table, sipping it through dry lips as she fought to keep the glass steady.

“Not exactly. I guess, I didn’t trust my own. I was being selfish, and I’m so sorry, Claudia. The last thing I wanted is to hurt you.” He dipped his head, and reached for her hand. “Please forgive me for the dickhead move.”

She took several moments to absorb his explanation, but every second brought new questions to mind. Turning to Ryker who had remained almost completely silent through Mack’s explanation, she narrowed her eyes, “So you slept with me to prove a point?”

“Fuck no. I slept with you because I wanted you more than I’ve ever wanted a woman. If Mack hadn’t even been in the picture I still would have wanted you, but knowing how much he cared about you made my feelings that much more complicated.” He rubbed at his chin, scratching his beard as it if to help him think. She could see the turmoil in his eyes, their normally gray-blue color had shifted to the bleak color of storm clouds, and his body was taut with tension.

“You had to sleep with me to know how you felt about me?” she asked.

Again he shook his head, “No. I always knew how I felt about you. I was just hoping after sleeping together you would admit you wanted both of us, and I would have a shot with you.”

“So, what now? I’m supposed to choose? Like selecting a main course or a dessert? I’m supposed to just decide which of you I want the most, and the other will gracefully bow out?” her anger spewed from her mouth. The hurt and betrayal she had felt on Mack’s behalf before now consumed her own heart as she realized they had played with her emotions.

The two men exchanged a look and shook their heads. “No, duchess. We’re asking you to give both of us a shot. We want you to come home with us, and date us both. Not a true ménage in the way the Brooks brothers or the Keegan boys do, but we both want a relationship with you,” Ryker’s words were icy cold against her bruised heart. They wanted to share her, but they were going to remain selfish about it.

“I seem to recall telling you I wasn’t a toy to be passed back and forth. You think you’ll be content on a Monday evening knowing it’s Mack’s night with me, and I’m screaming out my orgasm in his bed, while you sleep alone in yours? And, Mack, you’re going to be okay with Ryker and me taking off on a lover’s vacation one Friday evening because it’s his weekend with me? Like some sort of visitation and custody ruling? Are you kidding me?” Pushing to her feet, she propped her hands on her hips and glared at the two men in front of her, “No thank you, gentleman. You can take your ménage offer and shove it up your ass. I might not be perfect, but I damn well deserve better than that. If you can’t play nice then I won’t either. I want both of you, or neither of you. If you can’t come to grips with the fact that I’ve fallen in love with the two of you as a set, then stay away from me. Don’t call, don’t write, and you sure as hell better not show up on my front porch begging for attention and making promises you can’t keep.”

Her hair flew around her as her temper flared, and she spun on her sexy five inch heels, moving for the door. Mack jumped to his feet to stop her, but she could see Ryker’s emotional shut down in his eyes. “Claudia, wait! It’s not like that. We love you, but—”

Putting out her hand to stop his words, she sighed, “No. No but. There should never be a "but" when someone loves you. My father told me when I came back, I deserved to have happiness, and live every moment of my life without regrets. Well that means giving up people who are destined to continue hurting me, and if this is all you two can offer, than accept this as goodbye.”

“You don’t understand!” Mack argued, grabbing her hand, but she shook him off.

“I understand perfectly, and I can’t do this.”

The door shut silently behind her, or perhaps the blood rushing through her ears was loud enough she didn’t notice the added noise. Thankfully a taxi sat near the curb, having just dropped someone off at the restaurant. She hurried into it and managed to bark out the address of her home before the dam burst and the tears began to fall.

Chapter Eleven

Instead of driving straight home to Stone River, Ryker turned the car toward the Northeast. He figured taking Mack to visit their mom would distract him from what had occurred in Austin, now he just had to hope it didn’t backfire on him.

“She won’t remember us, so I’m not sure why we even bother coming,” Mack grumbled under his breath as they entered the Alzheimer’s care facility where their mother lived. It was odd to hear him being so down about anything. Mack was the bright light in the family, Ryker was the turbulent clouds.

“But we remember her, or at least that’s what you said last time we drove up here,” Ryker argued. He was hurting just as much as Mack. Claudia couldn’t have been clearer about her stance on a relationship with them, and now they had to figure out how to let her go.

“I get what you’re trying to do, Ryk, but it won’t work.”

Ryker shrugged, “Well then what’s the harm in it? You’re the one who tells me all the time that we don’t visit her enough.”

The potent smell of antiseptic and age stung his nostrils as Ryker led the way down the bland hallway to the plain wood door.
Considering the amount this place costs they should be able to hang some pictures on the walls or something
, he thought. In reality he couldn’t care less about the décor. It was the knowledge that his mother was a prisoner here that killed him. She became a prisoner of her own mind years ago, but putting her in a secured facility to protect her had felt like locking the cell door.

“Mama?” he called out, knocking softly and pushing the door open.

She was seated in a wheelchair, staring out the window blankly. The blue eyes that turned to meet his were confused and ringed with deep grooves that age had drawn on her face.

Judy Thompson was a beauty before the Alzheimer’s stole her away, but Ryker still remembered the way she used to smile at him when he came home from school. It wasn’t uncommon for her to have a plate of Oreos and a large glass of milk waiting for him and Mack. They would all sit at the kitchen table and talk about their day while they ate their snack. By the time their father came home from work, chores would be done and supper would be nearly ready. They were a happy family that supported each other in good times and bad.

Ryker couldn’t remember the last time they sat at that kitchen table and ate together, or the last time he shared his daily life with his mother. His most vivid memories now consisted of doctors telling him that his mother would never regain herself, and angry confused words from the woman who had always been his rock, because she didn’t remember who she was.

“Hi, Mom. It’s Cormac and Ryker come to visit.” Mack might have started this journey reluctant, but he quickly took the lead moving to pull out a small chair and take a seat near her wheelchair. “How are you today?”

“The birds built a nest in the attic. We’ll need to clean it out before it snows.” The words made no sense, and pain filled Ryker’s chest. It was clearly not one of her good days.

“You got it, Mama. We’ll take care of it,” Mack answered, meeting Ryker’s gaze with disappointment of his own.

Clearing the lump in his throat, Ryker moved closer and reached out to cover her age spotted hand. “How are you feeling, Mama?”

“Tired today. I need to clean up before Danny gets home. Have you seen my boys? They go to the school a block over. Good boys.”

Damn it hurt to hear the absence of reality in her voice. She had no idea who they were, or where she was.

“We’re your boys, Mama. It’s me, Ryker.” He knelt next to her, tears burning his eyes as he searched for any sign of recognition in their blue depths.

“Oh Ryker, yes, he’s a little devil he is. Keeps me on my toes. Last week Mrs. Martin called me to tell me he was putting spitballs in Lily Colton’s hair. Danny was so disappointed. He had to send poor Ryker to bed without his supper.”

Ryker remembered that punishment. He had been angry at his father, thinking he overreacted. Looking back he could see how he deserved far worse. The spitballs had been scattered all throughout Lily’s dark brown hair, and it took the teacher a good half an hour to pick them out.

“I remember, Mama. I deserved it.”

“My Ryker is going to college to play football. He’s going to be a big name someday, you wait and see. I was afraid he would skip college to play that silly game, but no sir, he’s a good boy. He’s going to study hard so he can help his brother become successful. Cormac needs him.”

The heavy silence that followed stole Ryker’s breath. That had been the plan fifteen years ago. He knew Mack wanted to build his own business, and needed his brother’s business smarts to help him, but Ryker was so focused on being successful himself that he let him down. Guilt burned in his gut. Now he had let Mack down in a whole new arena, and possibly cost him the love of his life.

Jumping to his feet, he headed for the door. It was too painful to hear her reminisce about the past and not know the present. Why stay here and inflict this kind of agony on himself?

“Ryk, wait.” Mack’s voice caught him as he stepped out the door, and he glanced back, “Please don’t run away. I know she doesn’t know us, but she’s our mother. If this is the fate that we face one day ourselves, I’d like to think that karma will come back to us.”

“Do you know my husband Danny?”

Mack turned back to face Judy, leaving Ryker to make his own decision about whether to stay or go. With a sigh of frustration he stepped back into the room and took up residence against the wall out of her line of sight.

“I know Danny,” Mack answered, bringing a wide smile to their mother’s face.

“Wonderful man. Good father, even better husband. He takes such good care of me. Always worried about my happiness and comfort first. I think he’d rob a bank if I asked him to,” she laughed. “He told me once that any man worth his salt would give up his very soul for the woman he loved. I never thought much of it until he died. Did you know he died? Had a heart attack, and died. It broke my heart.”