Princess for Hire (12 page)

“You’re taller than me. I thought you’d be exactly my size.”

She was right. I was taller. My body still looked like hers for the most part, but I could feel my limbs slowly stretching out. “I don’t have my compact, so I didn’t know you were coming back. Besides, I think my height is the least of your worries. I think I just kind of…messed it up.”

“Did you fall into the fire pit? Every time I thought about doing the ceremony, the fire pit scared me.”

“No. The dance did me in.”

“Oh, don’t worry about the dance. It’s not as symbolic as the rest of it. The fire part proves I’m ready for adulthood. The rest is mostly for show.”

I pursed my lips. My heart was still beating fast, but now it was from the anger welling inside of me. How could she be so casual about the whole thing? “Well, no offense, but if the fire hopping and everything else is such a big deal, why did you leave? I mean, you had months of isolation to prepare. How was I supposed to walk in and do a decent job?”

“Well, you did it, right? It will work out fine. Besides, my father is chief. I’m not going to get punished because you could not complete your obligation.”

“Whether or not I could finish the obligation isn’t what I’m talking about here.” I folded my arms across my still-bare chest. “Being royalty is a privilege you shouldn’t take lightly.”

The girl tugged at her shirt before finally tearing it off. “How do you wear those clothes?” She poked through her bag, pulling out a pot of black paint, which she began smearing on her body to match me.

“Look, I’m not trying to lecture you.” I analyzed my toes while she continued to paint herself. It’s hard to look someone in the eyes when they’re shirtless. “I know it’s not my place to say this, but running away isn’t going to solve the problem, you know? You left a huge mess for me to wade through.”

Ama groaned. “I know. I didn’t mean to. I…got scared. After this ceremony, I’m an adult. I have to get married to whomever my father chooses, even if I don’t like him. I just wanted to see what else was out there before all these changes happen. Does that make sense?”

More than you know.
I swatted a bug on the back of my neck. I drew my hand back to see a squished mosquito the size of a rodent.
Get me out of here.
“Yeah. That must be hard. Wait—Kopenawa told me your dad was just mad when he said you didn’t have a choice.”

Ama looked astonished. “Really? She said that?”

“Yeah. And there was a nice-looking guy who wished you good luck. He talked to your dad.”

“Did he have strong arms and a nice smile?”

“Yep.”

“That was Tereis. You saw Tereis talking to my dad?”

“I think so. But then after the dance your dad came toward me with a spear. That’s when I took off.”

Ama laughed. “My dad always has his spear. He was-n’t going to hurt you. He would never hurt me.” She glanced back at her village. “Look, my people are kind and forgiving. I’ll just go back and explain I had doubts during the cere-mony, but a wise tree spirit enlightened me. You can’t argue with a tree spirit.”

Tree spirit. Yet another title
not
in the job description.

Ama brought out some scissors from the bag, and we got to work hacking off her hair.

Our task was briefly interrupted by the most beautiful sound in the world. A humming that wasn’t a giant insect. A bubble appeared, barely visible behind a tangle of vines. It looked different—smaller—with an actual door.

I raised my arms to the Amazon gods. Let there be bubble.

“Hey, that’s like the orb I traveled in!” Ama said as I finished the final snips. “And the things I saw! Have you ever seen a
car
? And I had no idea there were so many kinds of food!” She sighed. “I’m glad I had a chance to see it, but now I’m ready to go back. So, thanks.”

“Oh, you’re welc—”

Something whirred by my head, and Ama jumped away. A dart had lodged in my bubble, which was now shooting neon-green sparks.

“So much for the tree spirit,” Princess Ama said.

“Huh? What?” Another dart pierced my bubble. “Why are they bursting my bubble?”

“Two identical-looking princesses standing next to each other equals evil spirits.”

“But they shouldn’t be able to see the bubble. Unless…Oh great. I bet you
all
have MP!”

“Well, get out of here! Those darts are poisonous; you’ll be seeing evil spirits yourself soon.”

“Okay, well…” I wanted to end this “Kumbaya” moment on a high note. “Peace be unto you.”

“What?” Ama yelled.

“Bye!” I pushed the bubble door open and stumbled in. Instead of Meredith’s office, there was a jetlike cockpit with flashing sirens and the sign
EMERGENCY BUBBLE
lit above.

“Warning! Warning! Bubble malfunction!” said a robotic voice.

“No!” I pounded the green GO button. “I have to get out of here! I don’t even have my manual!”

The bubble choked and rose into the air, tossing me up, down, and around. It flew for about ten seconds before the voice said, “Bubble is unable to function and will self-destruct in ten seconds. Please vacate the bubble immediately. Your agent has been contacted and another bubble will be sent.”

“There’s flying darts out there. Where do I go?”

“Out is a good option. You have five seconds. Four, three…”

I crawled through the bubble door, not knowing how far I would fall. I flew through some tree branches and thorny leaves before crashing onto the forest floor. Oy. Ow. Ouch. One of those snapping sounds on the way down wasn’t a branch. It was a rib.

The floating bubble was just visible through the hole my body had made in the branches on my descent. The pitch of the bubble’s hiss increased, piercing my eardrums. Just when I thought the sound couldn’t get any higher, there was a soft popping and the bubble disappeared, leaving a puff of purple smoke.

I sucked in short gasps of air, clutching my side. “Help!” I sobbed. “Please, mighty tree spirits, if you can hear me! Help!”

Chapter
13

“T
ree spirits? Oh, please.”

I squinted through the agony. My super-understanding and empathetic agent had come to save me.

“It’s one rib. Maybe two.” Meredith wiped some slime from her brown crocodile boots. Her green A-line skirt, white blouse, and enormous sunglasses were more New Yorker than Amazon adventurer, but the heat didn’t faze her. “Once, I broke both legs in a malfunctioning bubble crash. Here.” She plucked a gnarled stick out of her green briefcase and waved it over me. The pain eased.

“Magic wand?” I spit out a bug.

“Amazon healing stick. Useful little souvenir.” She pulled me up and led me into her bubble. It was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen, although I could have done without the chartreuse. I’d gone greener than Greenpeace in that jungle.

“You can sit at my desk.”

“I’d rather lie down.”

“Fine. But try not to bleed or throw up on the upholstery. It’s Italian and I just got it cleaned.”

Ignoring her, I collapsed onto the couch. “I hope I earned a break before the next job. Where are we going anyway?”

“
We
aren’t going anywhere.
You
are going home.”

“Really? When’s my next assignment?”

“You really think I’m giving you another job after that disaster? Leaving the gig before I got there is bad enough, but destroying an emergency bubble is in clear violation of Item Six of your contract. Oh, and I found your manual and rouge. Anyone could have, thanks to your arrow, which would have been yet
another
mess to clean up.”

“Um, hello? I was naked! No private, safe places. What did you want me to do with my stuff? And I didn’t destroy a bubble! It malfunctioned! They were shooting blow darts at me. The contract said mortal danger is an exception, remember?”

Meredith fixed me with a hard stare. “But you did run out of that village early. Got spotted with your client. True, you didn’t have your timer, but that emergency bubble got there fast enough. You would have been fine if you hadn’t hung around chatting. Luckily, the villagers believed you were a spirit, and you got off without a Sub Spotting on your record. But the blow darts wouldn’t have happened if you’d done your job. So it’s on you.”

On me.
On me?
I’m a responsible teenager. I got a job before I’d even started high school. I do my homework every night. I help old ladies cross the street. I brush AND floss. I am willing to accept when I make a bad choice, like the time I wore leggings with my
SPROUTVILLE SUPERHERO
shirt and everyone called me Captain Toothpick for a week. But I was not about to take responsibility for this.

“So we’ll agree to disagree on the bubble thing. I still think…I want to stay, Meredith. Please.”

“You’re a liability, Desi. Shaking things up for Simmy, and now running away from the village and right into your client?
Talking
to her?”

“Of course I ran. You said we don’t do major life moments, and there I was doing a Becoming a Woman tribal dance.”

Meredith looked up and rubbed her chin. “That was a translation error. We thought you were going to a
trivial
dance.”

“What? No! I had the whole village there. And based on what Ama said, I probably did it right. Which is pretty tough considering there was fire! And—”

“Stop. You made mistakes. Big mistakes.” She shook her head. “I’m going to have to think about this. I still haven’t made up my mind about you. I’ve got to go back to the agency now and sort out this bubble business. In the meantime, I’m putting you on probation. Go home and think about the rules and see if this is something you can really do. I’ll be in touch and let you know what I’ve decided, but don’t get your hopes up.”

I hunched my shoulders, collapsing into my failure. She made me sound, like, incompetent. I mean, okay, so maybe I shouldn’t have assumed Ama’s dad was going to kill me. And I could see how talking to the princess might be a problem. But what would Ama have done without me, really? I still believed this was something I could do. That maybe I had a talent for understanding people and making a difference in their lives. An impact.

But the Celeste Junipers of the world were right: Desi Bascomb isn’t
that
girl. The only thing to do was go home and try to make my regular life as tolerable as possible.

I clenched my jaw. I wouldn’t let Meredith see me cry. “How long until we’re home?”

The bubble thumped.

“Ask and you shall receive.” Meredith pointed to the door without even bothering to wave good-bye.

Fine. It was a pleasure doing business with you too.

I walked right back into my bathroom. The floor was still wet. I touched the water. Warm. If my ribs hadn’t been sore, I might have convinced myself nothing had ever happened.

It was only seven thirty according to the clock in my bedroom, but I didn’t care. I slumped into my bed and slept. Forget a pea—not even an invading army could wake this princess.

Ahem. Former princess.

Chapter
14

“D
esi. Wake up. We have to go.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. Did I
ever
get to sleep on this job? Where was Meredith taking me now that I’d crashed the…Wait. My eyes fluttered open. There was a woman in a tiara hovering over me. I yelped and tumbled out of bed.

“Honey! What is wrong with you?”

I rubbed my eyes. My room came into focus, as did my mom, decked out in a black sequined evening gown and pink lipstick. Gracie squirmed in her arms.

“Des, I need to be on the Idaho Beauties of the Past car in forty-five minutes, and I have to get Gracie into her pioneer dress for the costume contest.”

“The parade? That’s today?”

Mom stopped patting Gracie’s back for a second and pulled me up. “June twenty-eighth. Same weekend it’s been every year since 1910.”

“Right. It’s June twenty-eighth. And yesterday was the twenty-seventh. I worked yesterday. I took a bath yesterday.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Mom smoothed my hair out of my face. “Oh honey, you look awful.” She puckered her lips. “All right. Go grab my under-eye cream, the volumizing mascara, and my pink eye shadow. I know you don’t like makeup, but I’m giving you a five-minute quick fix.”

“Who said I don’t like makeup?”

“Well, you never wear it.”

“No one has ever shown me how to put it on,” I said.

“Don’t be silly. I showed you the basics in charm school.”

“That was Celeste. I gouged my eye with the mascara wand, so you had me hold the curling iron while you made up her face.”

Gracie rested her chin on Mom’s shoulder, the perfect mommy-daughter pair. Sometimes I wondered if Celeste should be in the family instead of me. They could do catalog ads, or life insurance commercials together.

Mom readjusted a stray bobby pin. “Get some blush too. You look pale.”

Blush. Rouge. I almost laughed. I’d just danced in the Amazon rain forest, and now I was arguing over beauty products with my mom.

I found Mom’s makeup on top of Grandma’s handme-down bureau and dug through the bulging bag for the blush. Good thing my mom wasn’t like Meredith, who’d probably pluck out my eyebrows, just for fun. Although Meredith did have style, I’ll give her that. That skirt she’d worn the other day was totally Audrey.

Gosh, why was I even
thinking
about Meredith? I. WAS. HOME. Princessing was O-VER.

So why’d I have to feel so, I don’t know, unfinished?

I actually did feel better after Mom worked her makeup magic in a record three minutes. She parted my hair on the side and twisted it into two loose braids. “More flattering for your facial structure,” she said. Translation—the swoop covered up my big forehead.

She patted my shoulder and gazed at us in the mirror. “You’re prettier than all the float girls combined.”

“Yeah, right,” I said, a bit harsher than I’d intended. “I mean, I’m just tired of being compared to them.”

Mom flinched. “You don’t need a tiara to be beautiful, honey. I hope you know that. Beauty comes from embracing who you are.”