Private Affairs (4 page)

“We should talk.”

My eyes watered, but I didn’t want him to see me cry. I’d cried for him years before, and I didn’t need to do it again.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I need you, Key.”

I snapped my eyes shut, but it didn’t prevent the tears from dripping down my cheeks. He smoothed his thumbs over my face, wiping away my tears.

“Look at me.”

I opened my eyes and peered into his. “I thought you loved me. I thought we had forever.”

“We still can.”

“I…I can’t. Not after what happened.”

I reached out for his chest, playing with the ring on the end of the chain he kept around his neck. My ring. The future that was stolen from me.

“What would it take for you to believe me? I would never betray you. You’re everything I want. More than I thought possible. How could I cheat on you?”

That’s what I’d spent the last few years trying to figure out. It didn’t make sense. “I saw what I saw. I can’t ignore that.”

“Do you still love me, too?”

“That’s not important.”

“That’s the most important thing to me. When you disappeared, I never thought I’d see you again. And now, I’m not going to let you go. Answer me.”

I gulped down the knot in my throat and stepped away. But he pulled me back to him. And I wanted to embrace him back. I wanted to get lost in the safety of his arms, like I used to. I wanted to get lost in his touch, like I used to. But I couldn’t forget the image of him betraying me.

“You should go,” I said shakily.

“I’m exactly where I need to be.” His head tucked closer to mine, our lips dangerously close.

I studied the deep lines in his bulging arms trying to avoid his lips. He had on a tank top and a pair of jeans and at that moment, I wanted him to use those arms to rip my clothes off.

An image of him slamming me onto the concrete and fucking me straight through the sidewalk overran my mind. I was so angry at him; why couldn’t I get those thoughts from my head?

He cupped my face, forcing our eyes to meet. My body froze as I tried to speak, tried to push him away. Getting away from him shouldn’t have been so hard, but my groin rumbled and my heart ached.

“I’m not trying to pretend that everything will go back to how it was. But what I do know is this: we’re meant to be together. And all the dreams and plans we discussed are still possible. I just need you to say yes to giving me another chance.”

He moved his hand from my face down the front of my body, his fingers grazing over my hard nipples poking out through my shirt. We were close enough for me to feel the movement in the crotch of his pants, and I wanted to be even closer.

“No one will ever be able to love you like I can; no one will lift you up as high as me. And no one will be able to fuck you better than I can. What we had was paradise in every way. And after the wedding, I realized you need to feel me just as badly as I need to feel you. And you know it.”

Yeah. I knew it. But he didn’t need to know I knew it. Because it didn’t matter. I wasn’t in the business of making the same mistake twice.

“Leave me alone, Wes.”

I gathered enough strength to brush past him.

“Mirage.”

I turned around. “What?”

“Come to Mirage Nightclub tonight.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re stressed, and that’s your favorite way to blow off steam. I’ll be there.”

I scoffed as I went into my house and slammed my door shut. I was going to let off some steam, alright. I was going to have another glass of wine, finish myself off, and then go to bed. It was going to be a depressing night.

And I did go to bed. I just didn’t stay in bed. It was just after eleven as I looked over at the clock for the umpteenth time. I re-adjusted my pillows and blanket again, trying to get comfortable, but nothing worked.

I jumped out of bed and paced around the house. I stared at the clock, chewing on the inside of my cheek. If I got dressed quickly, I could be at Mirage by midnight. That would leave me about an hour and a half before they closed for the night. And it was just dancing, right?

I put on a tight red dress and combed my hair out, leaving before I had a chance to change my mind.

4

I was in the club, Long Island Iced Tea in my hand, before the clock struck twelve. Wes was no good for me- I was drinking more with him back in my life. I slammed it down and ordered another before heading out to the dance floor.

I hovered around the perimeter of the floor, eventually stopping by a wall. As I downed the rest of my drink, my hips swayed to the thumping reggae blasting from the speakers above.

A man asked me to dance, so I followed him to the middle of the crowd. The next song started and I wasn’t sure if I should’ve stayed with my dancing buddy, or go out to find Wes. It shouldn’t have been hard; he was probably the only white person in the crowd.

I decided against it. After all, I just came to the club to dance. I was doing just that, so I didn’t need to go out of my way to find him.

But he found me. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me away from the massive huddle of swinging bodies, back to the wall. Without speaking, he turned me around so my ass was against him. I gyrated to the beat pumping through the speakers, leaning my body against him as we swirled to the music.

He wrapped his hands around me as I pressed into him, his erection poking me in the behind. Even though it was late, the crowd continued to thicken, and eventually, we were mostly hidden from view. I turned around to face him at the start of the next song, our skin flushed with sweat from the room’s dense body heat.

He lifted the front of my dress, my heating pussy one layer closer to his hard-on.

It’s okay. We’re just dancing.

He reached around and cupped my ass as we rocked our bodies in unison, my breathlessness becoming less about the dancing itself and more about the feeling of his body on mine. He briefly removed one of his hands from my butt. I could feel him re-adjusting his jeans. When his hand smoothed back over my ass, he smashed us closer together. I gasped as I felt his rock hard erection roaming freely against between my thighs.

I viewed the people swarmed around us. They were all too drunk to notice what was going on next to them, too wrapped up in the music to pay attention. Or maybe they were up to their own versions of no good. I shot my wide-eyed expression to Wes, who had one side of his lips curled up.

We continued moving, his dick scorching over my moistening panties.

It’s okay. We’re just dancing.

Our movements slowed as we focused more on the throbbing between our legs and less on the throbbing of the music. I closed my legs tight around his member and rolled my hips back and forth from his body, pumping him with my thighs.

He gripped one of my legs and propped it on his hip. No one batted an eye at the move as many of the women dancing had their legs stretched in various positions. They also didn’t bat an eye as his finger moved down my ass and slid my panties to the side. He jutted his tip in and out of my warm hole, my skin flushing as we stared into each other’s eyes.

I tilted my pelvis into him, but he refused to give me more. He kept his eyes on me as I squirmed.

I leaned over and spoke in his ear, just loudly enough for him to hear me over the music.

“If you’re going to give me your dick, then do it.”

I didn’t want a repeat of his teasing at the wedding.

“Yes, ma’am,” he mouthed before plunging inside of me.

It’s okay. We’re just fucking.

My head flung back as I cried out, and I noticed a man next to us watching. He knew what we were doing.

Instead of stopping, I simply smiled at him when our eyes met and gave him a quick wink.

He made no attempt to hide his gawking, and I didn’t care. Wes dropped my leg and turned me around. I bent at the waist and took him even deeper. I started grinding on his lap, appearing no more out of place than the other women who were bent over dancing except, we were definitely off beat.

I closed my eyes and let Wes take over, his hands on my hips hammering my body around. I screamed out as loudly as I wanted to, the music drowning out my wails of pleasure. The feeling was liberating and I came harder than I ever had before, crying out at the top of my lungs as I exploded around him.

I could feel his body quivering behind me, and soon after, warm liquid began running down my legs. After, he discreetly tucked himself back in his pants and I pulled down my dress. We finished our dance before parting ways.

I was in a pretty good mood after that, and I didn't even care that what I did was stupid. Ready to leave on a high note, I went to the bathroom to straighten up before heading out. As soon as I left the building, my phone rang. I rolled my eyes when I saw who was calling me.

“What?” I said when I placed the phone to my ear. “And why are you calling me so late?”

“Please don't speak to me like that.”

“I don't know why I decided to give you my number. What is it, Ann?”

“Well, I've spent the evening trying to decide if I should tell you, if you’d even care.”

“You have until I get to my car to tell me what you want, and then I'm hanging up.”

She exhaled loudly on the other end, my patience growing shorter by the second. I wasn't going to allow her to ruin my night, and that meant ending the conversation as soon as possible.

“I'm- I'm dying.”

I stopped mid-step. “What?”

“Doctor says I only have a few months. Six to nine at the most.”

“Okay...”

“Well, I'd like you to come visit me if you can. I think we should make amends.”

I threw my free hand up in the air. “Why? So you can die in peace? I have no interest in giving you the satisfaction. I hope you die a slow, painful death. Goodbye, Mother.”

I hung up my phone and went to put it in my back pocket.

“Son of a
bitch
!” I screamed when it slipped from my fingers and crashed to the ground.

I snatched the phone up and inspected it for any damage.

“What? No goodbye?” I glared at Wes, who was walking towards me. “I saw you trying to sneak out.”

I turned away and started for my car again. He reached for me, and I shoved him away.

“Not now.”

He was actually the last person I wanted to see at that moment. I pulled my car keys out of my clutch, cursing as I fumbled around to get to the keypad.

Wes groaned behind me. “What is your problem now? Key. Key, look at me!”

He grabbed my arm and spun me around, his eyes blazing with the anger he was trying not to show in his voice. I didn't care if he was upset with my antics. It was a bad idea to meet him, and I just wanted to get away from him as soon as possible. So much for a good night.

“Get off me.”

“Not until you tell me what's wrong.”

I slammed my purse on the roof of my car. “You're what's wrong! I had no business coming here tonight. Don't contact me again.”

“Key-”

“My mother just called me,” I said, blinking back tears.

He dropped his hand away from me once I said that.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Hearing her voice made my blood boil. I hate her for what ya'll did. I have no plans on forgiving her, and I'd be smart to do the same for you.”

Images flashed in my mind that I couldn't ignore. Images of Wes, my then fiancé, with my mother. Ann had always been a piece of shit- I would expect something like that from her.

But Wes? He was the love of my life. Once I finished getting my Master's degree at Texas A&M, we were going to start a life together. He was going to whisk me away from my terrible past, and we were going to start a beautiful family. But it turned out he was just a piece of shit, too.

I stormed over to the driver's side of my car, pausing to look at him when I opened the door.

“You know what the worst part of it is? You've never apologized for it. Never even admitted to it.”

He walked to me, seizing the back of my head to force me to stare in his eyes. I tried to turn away, but he held onto me as he spoke.

“I've never admitted to anything because there's nothing to admit to. I've never apologized for anything because there's nothing to apologize for. You
know
me. You know me!”

I choked on a sob, tears streaming down my face as I looked at his wide eyes. His nostrils flared as he spoke, and he had a grip on me that made me feel like he was never going to let go.

“I loved you so much, and you ruined everything!”

I shoved him away and collapsed to the ground, my face in my hands. He sat on the ground next to me, speechless, the only sound in the parking lot my uncontrollable sobs. When I calmed a bit, he spoke, in a whisper.

“You never let me explain, never gave me the chance to say my side of the story. You just… left me.”

There was nothing to explain. I didn't want to sit through him trying to make up a story. My mother used to talk her way out of her misgivings, and I always forgave her- until the last time she betrayed me.

“It's too late for us.”

We sat in silence for a while; eventually he reached over and took my car keys.

“I'm driving you home. You're in no condition.”

“Wes-”

He stood and scooped my exhausted body off the ground, carrying me to the passenger side of my car. On the ride home, we said nothing. I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes.

Once parked in front of my house, he handed me my keys and walked away without another word. How was he going to get home? I shook my head; it wasn't my problem. The night turned out ugly, but it was for the best- we needed to sever ties.

“Jesus, what the hell happened to you?” Kevin asked, jumping off the couch when I entered the house.

I shook my head and waved him away; I wasn't in the mood to talk. I kicked off my shoes and crawled into bed.

The next day at work, Steven showed up during lunch time. My assistants studied him wide eyes as he walked to me.

“You said we need to talk, and you don't respond to me when I call. What's going on?”

With Wes showing up at my doorstep the evening before, I’d forgotten all about him. I looked over at Amira, who was all smiles as I spoke to him. To her, Steven was a keeper. I was sure he was a keeper for a lot of women. He had a high-paying job, a super sweet personality, and he was gorgeous- cinnamon brown eyes that were prettier than mine, a fit body, and an always perfectly lined up fade.

His dark brown skin looked like smooth melted chocolate, and the brother had style for days. He was a great man; he just wasn't the man I wanted.

The man I wanted was no good, and I knew we'd never get the future we’d always spoke about. I knew this, and I still made no attempt to move on with any other man. Why?

Pushing other men away wasn't going to help me get over Wes; I'd been doing that for the past three years, and made no progress. There had to be men out there that were honest. And my mom would be dead in a few months; at least I wouldn't have to worry about her fucking any more of my men.

“Let's do dinner tonight,” I said to Steven. “Something nice and romantic.”

His eyes lit up. “Well, I didn't expect the 'we need to talk' conversation to go this way. I'll take care of everything.”

“Don't get too ahead of yourself; it's just dinner. We'll see what happens.”

“Yeah, yeah- casual. Got it.”

He skipped his way out, leaving me to work.

“Whoa, that's him?” Amira said once he left.

I shrugged, exhaling a long sigh. “I don't know yet. But maybe I should try to find out?”

“Absolutely! Where can I get one of those?” she said with a wink.

I laughed. “Sounds silly, but we met on match.com.”

“Really?”

“That's where I meet all of my dates.”

“Well, I need to give that a try.”

I figured meeting someone online was safer than in person. Online profiles are scanned, and personalities are matched. That's not possible meeting someone off the street. I figured I’d have a better chance of meeting a good guy- and maybe Steven was that guy.

After work, I changed into some nicer clothes- a simple little black dress. I was making an effort tonight.

“Where the hell you going looking that good?”

I turned around and smiled at Kevin. “Date... with Steven.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Looks like a real date.”

I nodded, taking a shaky breath. “We'll see.”

Why was I so nervous? I'd know Steven for months, and we'd had plenty of alone time. But it was different this time- I was making an actual effort. I was considering putting my heart out there, and things could go wrong.

He instructed me to come to his house. He smiled when he answered the door. “You look amazing.”

“Thanks,” I said. He'd complimented me before, but for some reason, I blushed that time.

He welcomed me into his home, placing his hand on the small of my back to lead me to the dinner he prepared.

“I thought we'd give this another go,” he said, lighting a few candles on the table. “I have all your favorite drinks: Pepsi, apple juice, or sweet tea.”