Private Emotions – Promises (The Private Emotions Trilogy) (5 page)

Sighing on my bed, I knew that I had to get up and go to work but now that I was thinking of my own boutique, working for my boss seemed trivial and unwanted. She was so close to giving me the reigns, but now I was taking a different path that was scary and exciting at the same time. My palms were shaking at the thought of it all coming together.

Ethan picked me up at my apartment and we drove together to their place of residence. I’ve only been there once before but somehow it was different this time, as if a dark cloud was lifted from over the house.

They opened the door and Julia’s first words were, “It’s great to see you again, Emily. So, this has to be Ethan. We’ve heard so much about you that we feel we already know you. Come in and take off your coats, we are just having light snacks and drinks, unless of course you want something heavier.”

“No, that won’t be necessary. I think we can forgo a formal dinner for something a little more casual.” Ethan was nodding his head in agreement and then Scott joined us with a bottle of wine that he got from his wine cellar in the basement. They seemed to be in better spirits than I thought they would be. I could tell that Julia was itching to say something but was waiting for her husband to give her the go-ahead. Touching her shoulder, she reached up, took his hand and then the waterworks started.

“Is everything okay, guys? If you would rather postpone then…”

“Oh, these are tears of joy not sadness, Emily. We are going to have another child.” Two baby announcements in one week, this week was turning out to be an unforgettable one. Ethan and I looked at each other and broke out into wide smiles. Being a part of one life-changing announcement was amazing but two…that was just incredible. “We’ve decided that if it’s a boy, then we will name him Kevin after my husband’s father and if it’s a girl she will be named Katherine in the memory of our daughter, Kelly.” That made us all tear up, including Ethan, who could barely contain his emotions.

Scott said, “This is not the time for tears people, this is a time of celebration, so raise your glasses and let us toast our soon to be newest arrival.”

“Wouldn’t it be something if the soul of our Kelly was in the new baby and we could somehow feel that was the case?” Julia was thinking wishfully, but in this life, I suppose anything was possible.

“Julia, even if Kelly isn’t in the new baby, then I think we all know that she will be looking out for him or her from above. You would literally have a guardian angel watching over your little bundle the whole time. We all knew that Kelly was a special child, a guiding light that was taken from us too soon but at least now we knew that she would always be with us. I still remember meeting her for the first time when she lost her ice-cream cone and you allowed me to replace it for her. I will always be grateful for the little time we had together and know that she is probably here smiling at us right now.”

“That is a nice thought, Emily, and that is one of the reasons why we love you so much and have decided that we want our baby to have you as her or his godparent.” They definitely left me speechless as no one had ever asked me to do such a thing before. I would definitely look forward to helping raise a little one with them. I found out that they were two months into the pregnancy but they didn’t want to know the sex until the birth.

We finished the evening and they invited me back for the baby shower. I couldn’t have been more touched. I felt my heart flutter with the thought of Kelly and of the memories that I was going to create with their new child. The thought of a new life was somehow fitting and it gave a sense of hope to everyone who had lost anyone in their lives. You just had to see the silver lining even when it remained hidden, until destiny took you in hand and showed you a new path.

As Ethan drove us back to my place, I could see that we were both on similar paths and it was obvious that we had come into each other’s lives for a purpose, even if we didn’t know it at the time.

“Penny for your thoughts, Emily.”

“I was just thinking how everything in life seems to have a purpose, how everything changes and is always moving forward, whether or not we are willing to move forward with it. It just makes me look ahead to the future and what it may hold for me.”

Taking my hand in his, he said, “I know exactly what you mean and you never know what life is going to place at your feet. Can you imagine hearing two baby announcements in one week? It only goes to show you that with adversity comes opportunity. I’ve never known anyone like you. You make me want to be a better person, even though you infuriate me and make me feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. You have been one of the biggest surprises in my life and I wouldn’t want to lose you for anything in the world.”

“I think for the first time you’ve left me with nothing to say.” He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed it before placing it back beside me. He actually said that I was making him a better man but I thought it was the other way around…that he was making me a better woman.

We walked hand-in-hand to my apartment and I offered him a nightcap before he made his way home. I couldn’t deny him anything and soon we were sitting in my living room enjoying a glass of wine together.

“Lift your glass to the future.” We clinked glasses and he said, “The future is looking bright, my dear. With your friends all having babies, you could say that we are giving birth ourselves. With our new ventures around the corner, we have everything to look forward to and it’s all out there for us to have.”

I smiled at him and said, “Your enthusiasm for the future is intoxicating, and I have to say that even though I am terrified to step out on my own, I would be kicking myself if I didn’t go for it. I have the encouragement from my friends and you to thank for that.”

He took my glass from my hands and said, “It was all in you, Em. You just needed someone to help you tap into your inner self confidence and I’m glad that I was one of the people who helped you do that.” A feeling of euphoria washed over us and we just couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Our clothes became a memory as they fell from our bodies and left a trail to the bedroom along the way.

As I climbed up onto the bed, I felt him behind me. He used his tongue to pleasure me from behind. Two fingers had joined his tongue and the passion of the moment was coming on to me quickly. I was already in the throes of ecstasy, when he pierced my interior and drove himself into my loving arms. Our passions were unleashed. I had a death grip on the sheets under me as I was splayed out before him. I reached back and used both hands to spread myself out even more and I heard him breathing deeply behind me.

“Oh god, Emily, you look so sexy that I just can’t stop myself from wanting you again and again. I can feel you around me…and oh, god …and I love how tight and wet you are…fuck, Emily.”

“Ohhhhhhh.” I creamed all over him and felt him lose himself in the moment. Our bodies were covered in a fine sheet of sweat that made us stick to each other’s skin.

The lust was over as it was only a quickie but this time the quickie felt more alive than the first time. Something was definitely different. He had become my best friend and lover, and I could see in his eyes that he felt the same way. We were giving each other something but neither one of us realized what it was. A void that was lacking in our lives was being filled, one day at a time.

He curled behind me and pulled lightly at my shoulder that brought me to his body. Feeling his arms around me made me realize that I didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.

“Ethan, I am glad that you came into my life.”

“I’m glad you feel that way, Emily. I feel the same way and can’t imagine my life without you in it.” I sighed deeply and fell asleep with his body next to mine…I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Chapter Three
Toys and Tricks

I still needed to find a way to get Ethan to loosen up and tell me about the loss of his first love, Henrietta. If I could get him to do that then ma
ybe I could convince him that what we had was real and worth taking a risk on. Neither of us mentioned Henrietta again after the night I had confronted him about her. I may not have gone about it in the best way but I felt that unless he dealt with his feelings and released his past, then our relationship would always be just an agreement. There were so many times when Ethan had dropped his guard, only to put it up again when he realized that he was showing feelings beyond what our arrangement supported.

“I don’t know what to do, doc. I know that after what happened the last time, I should give him the space and time that he needs to communicate but I can’t help the way that I feel. If he doesn’t let go, then it will only be a matter of time before we have to go our separate ways. I made a promise to myself to stand behind him every step of the way and I plan to honor that promise but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a relationship that can’t be anything more than great sex. I want to be in a ‘real’ relationship with someone who I feel loves me with all of his heart, not just pieces of it. I know that I am grasping at straws here, but how about I talk to him about coming to see you with me? It’s the only way that he will even consider it, if he thinks it’s all about me and nothing to do with him.”

“Emily, you are playing on a slippery slope and I have to counsel you on not tipping your hand. I know that you have his best interest at heart but do you remember what happened when your friends thought the same thing about you?”

“Sigh. You’re right, doc. I didn’t even think about that. It almost destroyed my friendship with Ronnie and Mark, and it took some doing to find our way back to one another. I can identify with how dreadful that feeling of betrayal felt. I was so angry and hurt by what they did. I would never intentionally make someone else feel that way, especially Ethan. I guess if he is not ready then I should just let it be and let him know that I’m there if he wants to talk. It is hard to do though.”

“I know that it is hard, Emily, but I do feel that it is probably best and he’ll open up to you in time…in his own time. If you allow him to come to you, then the process for him to move on will feel more natural to him. He will feel this way because it will come from a place inside of him, where he feels no external pressure or expectation to share his pain. You still don’t know what his reasons are for not wanting to talk about it, Emily.”

“What do you mean reasons? It is simple to me. He lost his first love and now it has ruined any other opportunities for women to come into his life. He has shut his heart down because he can’t let go and love again. It is a plain as day to me.”

“Things are not always as simple as they may seem, Emily. There are many reasons that could contribute to Ethan’s behavior. How we as human beings process information differs vastly from one person to the other. If you were to show the same movie to two people and then ask them to describe it, I can almost guarantee that you will get a different explanation from each of them.”

“I suppose, Susan, but until he shares the description of his real life movie with me, then I will never know what his reasons are for remaining closed. I love him, Susan, and I just want to help.” That was the first time that I told anyone how I felt about Ethan since I had admitted it to myself. I had not even confessed this to Ronnie, although she knew how I felt about Ethan.

Susan had shown me many things over our time together and today was no disappointment. I was seeing things clearer than I ever had. I had to accept the fact that Ethan had his reasons for not wanting to discuss Henrietta and that he would do so in his own time. As much as I wanted to know more about her so that I could understand more about him, I had to drop the topic and give him the space that he needed.

The following day I made an early start for work as I had much to do. I kept my head down and completed all that I had scheduled on my ‘To Do’ list. I left work and decided to pop into the grocers to pick up some basic supplies. As I was walking out of the shop, I noticed the fresh bell peppers on display. I smiled as I remembered how Julia had help me choose between the red and yellow for my salad, and how Kelly giggled at my over-the-top frustrated expression. I was so happy knowing that Julia and Scott were expecting another baby. Not that anyone could replace Kelly but Julia and Scott would have another bundle of joy that they could love as much as they loved Kelly. Humm, I wondered if the baby would be another little redhead girl who loved strawberry ice-cream. I felt a peace inside, a strange happiness and knew that my heart was starting to heal.