Private Message (10 page)

I jump up and put my lovely pink plush peonies in a vase. From the kitchen, I speak.

"So, I hear you have quite the reputation with the ladies." I try to sound nonchalant.

He twists to look at me. "Now, who told you that?"

"My big brother says he's heard a thing or two." God, I hope he's not offended.

I walk back over and sit next to him on the couch. It feels impossible to keep a distance when we are in the same room together.

He takes my hand. "Look, I know your friend—what's her name, Erin?—has told you about the women I leave with at Chatz, but I can honestly say that since Friday night when I saw you there, I haven't been with a woman since."

I don't know if that makes me feel good or not. The fact that he has been with a lot of women worries me.

"How many women have you been with?" I take a large sip of my wine. Maybe that way when he tells me, I eventually forget by morning.

This time he shifts so his whole body is facing mine. "Does it really matter?" He asks me. I try to really think about that. I mean, it's in the past, right? You can't change how many people you sleep with.

"I guess not." I admit. I finish off my glass of wine. I stand to get another glass. "Refill?" I reach for his glass.

"Please." His smile is warm as he hands me his empty glass.

I stalk back into the kitchen, noticing that my legs are a little weak from the wine already.
Damn, I hate being such a lightweight
. As I fill our glasses I hear music coming from my stereo in the main room. I stop and see him setting his phone down next to my player with the cord connected to it.

He's playing his own music. He's got really great taste, from what I am hearing. I stare at his toned back, which is clearly visible through the thin white material of his tee. And in those jeans, his ass looks good enough to bite. He turns his head to see me in the kitchen, bends his arm, and crooks his index finger, inviting me to join him across the room.

I walk slowly to him. Taking in the soft melodic tune that he has chosen to play, my heart is beating a mile a minute. His hands go around my hips and he starts to sway with me. We slowly dance in the same spot, just holding one another. When the tempo picks up on the next song on his playlist, he takes my hand and twirls me around so my back is to his chest. Oh lord, he starts to move his hips into circles, with his finger in my hips he encourages me to follow suit. I circle and grind my backside to his front. I can feel the hardness of his chest at the back of my shoulders, along with the hardness at the lowest part of my back. Sending heat straight to my inner thighs. How can this man get me so riled up just from a few gyrations of his hips?

I lean my head back against his chest and he leans down close to my ear and whispers: "I need you. I crave you. You drive me wild. There is something different about you than any other woman I have ever met."

I let out a soft sigh and I just can't think. I don't want to think any more about him being with any other woman. I want to be with him. I want to be the woman he comes back to, and not be a one-night stand. But how do I truly know he can do that? Can I trust that he would stay true to me? I haven't known him long at all. We've never even been on a date. "But you barely know me Ben and I barely know you."

He nods slowly understanding. "What do you want to know?" He asks me.

What do I want to know? I want to know everything, but where to start. It's like one of those things when you walk into a music store and you want to pick up some new music, but your mind goes blank on what band you wanted to look for. I just stare at him for a moment. Ben chimes in, "Why are you still a virgin? How did I manage to find most likely what is to be the last and final one in the city?"

Ha. He would have to bring this up. I shake my nerves and start to talk. "He was a couple grades above me. He gave me my first kiss, but then quickly tried to grope me and I wasn't ready. So when I told him "no" he didn't stop. He kept trying to force himself on top of me, by shifting his body across the bench seat of his pick-up truck and pinning me. My shoulders and head up against the cold glass window and his hands were running up my thighs to my breasts. I decided it was now or never and I swiftly brought my leg up just enough to nail him right in his sack." Ben winced at this part of my flash back.

"He coiled back, called me a "fucking bitch" and a "tease." I took the opening and bolted out of the truck and he drove off…" A tear runs down my cheek. I never spoke about this with anyone, but I feel like I can tell Ben anything. If all else fails at least I can say I opened myself up to him.

Ben wipes my tear and wraps an arm around my waist. "You don't have to tell me anymore if it hurts Tess. I understand."

Needing to finish my story not only for Ben but for myself, I go on. "No. I need to tell you everything…He abandoned me in the parking lot at a local park, at night, leaving me to walk five miles home. After that night I didn't go out on any dates. I stayed home on weekends, cranking my tunes and painting."

Ben gently kisses me on my forehead, "Thank you for telling me this. I am sorry you had to go through something like that."

I huff, if he only knew half of what I've been through…

"So, what about you Mr. Man Whore? Why all the women?" I ask.
Hey if we're being honest here.

Rolling his eyes at my name calling, he starts in. "Well after being in a serious relationship for far too long with the wrong person, I may have taken the rebound phase a little too serious and kept rebounding."

"Sounds more like re-mounting" I say with a snicker.
Yep too much alcohol for Tess…

Before I can say anything he continues. "I am not asking to sleep with you tonight. I am only asking that you become mine."

What the hell does that mean? "Yours?"

"Mine. I want to know that you won't go on any dates with any men. That you won't give yourself to them. I want that. I want to be worthy of being your first."

Oh.

I huff out, "You're not the one who needs to worry about that. You're the man-slut who can take home a different girl, every night or two a night." OK, that may have sounded harsh, but seriously, does he really think he has that right to ask me not to sleep with a guy? Considering I have NEVER slept with a guy?

At this point we are facing one another completely. No distance between our bodies. "I know I don't have a right to ask this of you, but I promise the same to you. I will not sleep with anyone. I will not take a woman on a date."

OK, that makes me feel slightly better. "What do you want to do then?" I ask.

"I want to take this as slow as you need to. I want you to trust me." He looks desperate. Why does this mean so much to him?

"Why though? You can go out and sleep with any woman. Who's to say I'm going to sleep with you? What if I said I was saving myself for marriage?" I test him.

His mouth pops open and he takes a moment to think about it…
yeah I thought so, I'm not sounding so great, now, am I? Not if I'm talking about marriage and waiting to have sex…

"Uh huh! See!" I screech out. "There's no way you could wait that long!"

He grabs the sides of my face with his hands. "I would wait for you." He is serious. I can tell. Wow.

"Just so you know, I'm not waiting till I get married." I confess.

He gives me that killer sexy grin and says, "I don't want to say that I am relieved, but on some level I am, because I don't have a ring to give you right now."
What?

I snort. "Whatever."

"I meant what I said. You would be worth the wait." He kisses me softly.

As we begin to kiss lightly I pull away slightly, I look into his eyes and I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks before I even say the words. "I'm not against other things in the meantime."

A low growl to which I have become accustomed returns from deep inside his throat. He pushes his forehead into the crook of my neck and shoulder. "You're going to kill me, you know that? Keep saying things like that and I will take you to your bed."

I take his hand and lead him to my queen-sized bed. Looking up into his warm eyes, I grab the hem of his shirt and pull it up over his head. I run my hands over his lean toned abs, but he grabs them and brings them up to his mouth and kisses my knuckles lightly.

"We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. What is the most you have done?" he asks, but it doesn't offend me, which shocks me.

I shrug and look at our feet. "Nothing."

He lifts my chin with his hand and looks at me for a long moment. In his smooth-as-silk accent, he says, "Then I want to be the one to make you come first."

He takes my mouth with his passionately, exploring every nook of my mouth, and I can feel my knees shaking. No man has ever touched me. Anywhere. He runs his hands down my shoulders, my ribs, and rests them on my hips. He reaches around to my backside and I can feel him getting hard again. He's kissing my neck, down to the dip in my throat. I am holding onto his biceps for dear life. I feel like I am going to collapse at any moment. As if he can read my mind, he backs me up to the edge of my bed and lowers me slowly. I am on my back when he stands up and looks over my body. I have never felt so exposed.

I nod, knowing he's asking permission with his eyes to remove my fitted pants. He leans between my legs, I lift my hips, allowing him to slip his fingers beneath the waistband and pull them down over my backside, down to my knees, and off my body. He gasps when he sees my baby blue lace panties. He adjusts himself from the outside of his jeans. He looks almost uncomfortable. I sit up quickly and I startle him by the look on his face. I reach for the button of his jeans. He eyes me wearily, and stops me. He steps back, undoes the button, and slowly lowers the zipper. He's wearing black fitted boxer briefs and I can see his erection much more clearly now.

Wow.

Ben leans down and slowly raises the bottom of my black tee up over my belly and my small chest, up over my head. I didn't even realize that I didn't have a bra on…oops.

He lays me back on to my bed, tracing soft kisses from neck, down to my heaving chest. No one has been this close to me. The next thing I know he has my right nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the sensitive mound. A moan escapes me and I bite my lip to prevent another one to come out.

"Don't hide from me, baby. I want to hear you. I want to know that I am the one pleasing you. The first one." And so I do. I let out another soft moan as he makes his way to the left. I plunge my hands into his dark hair and pull. With that he groans and pushes his concealed length against the soft tissue at the apex of my thighs. Holy crap, this is amazing. I can't even imagine how good it's going to feel when he's actually inside of me.

I tease him back and raise my hips to meet his. He bites down a little on my nipple and I almost scream.

"Oh, not yet baby. I'm not going to make you come like this…well, not tonight." He talks in a breathy tone. I can feel myself getting wetter and wetter. He reaches down to my panties and slips them off in one swift motion. I am completely bare before him now. He lowers his body to my bed, kissing a trail from my belly button to my hips, where he gives me a little nip and I let out a small giggle.

"Ticklish, are we?" His grin is sly.

He continues his journey down my body. To my knee, then down my calf. Thank god I shaved my legs this morning. To my ankle, and he licks my instep of my foot. He then repeats this trail back up the right leg before stopping at the core of my lower body. He flashes me a little grin and bows down to lick the slick flesh of my folds.

Oh. Oh my.

"You taste so sweet. And you're so wet for me. I want you to come for me, so relax, because I am going to take care of you." And with those last few words I fall for him. Because I know that when he says that he's going to take care of me, he means more than just pleasuring me.

He goes slowly at first, circling and circling. I am involuntarily moving my hips to his tongue. It's as if I have no control over my own body. As my panting becomes more rampant, he starts to suck on my clit. I begin to tense up and my body starts to shake. I can feel the build, and then he nips at me, and that's all it takes. I come around his face. My body is shattering and I don't want this to end.

"That's my girl." He begins to slow his pace, letting me come down.

I am his.

I didn't see Ben for the next couple of days. But he texted me often and called at night. He's been really busy at work; apparently he's really working on this huge piece for the magazine. Which is all right with me, because Dave asked me to cover for him tonight at the coffee shop, which means I'm pulling a double shift. I can use all the extra cash I can get. The late-night customers like to tip big. I think they like to show off to their dates proving they have money. I'm not complaining.

It's almost eleven o'clock and I'm wiping the counters down and re-stocking the mugs for the morning shift, about to close, when I get a text from Ben:
So where is it that you work anyways?