Private Scandals (31 page)

“I lost my temper,” she began, then caught sight of herself in the mirror. “Oh Jesus.” Her cheeks were suffused with
heat, dripping with wine. Her eyes were smoldering and smudged with mascara.

“Put the image back on,” Kate advised, handing her the damp cloth. “And when you walk out, walk out with a smile.”

“I think I should—” Braced for the worst, she spun toward the door as it swung open. Her already hot cheeks fired further as Finn strolled in.

“I beg your pardon, ladies, but as a reporter it’s my duty to ask what the hell’s going on in here. Somebody said—” He broke off, taking in the scene with one pithy glance. “Christ, Kansas, I can’t leave you alone for a minute.” He sighed, picked up one of the dry, fluffy hand towels on the counter and offered it. “I didn’t think that was a maidenly blush I noticed on Angela’s cheek. Which one of you slugged her?”

“The pleasure was Deanna’s.”

He leaned over to kiss her damp cheek. “Nice going, champ.” He touched his tongue to her lip. “You’re supposed to drink the champagne, baby, not wear it.”

Deanna set her shoulders and turned back to the mirror to deal with the damage. She would not be cowed, she promised herself. She simply would not be. “Just keep everyone out for five minutes, will you?”

“Your category’s coming up,” he said casually as he headed for the door.

“I’ll be there.”

She was, makeup freshened, hair fluffed, nerves raw. She sat beside Finn, her hand clenched spasmodically over his. Out of camera range, she hoped.

Her mind was as keen as a sword as she watched the presenters breeze or fumble their way through scripted jokes and into lists of nominees. She applauded politely, or occasionally with enthusiasm, as winners were announced and made their way to the stage.

She filed every instant, every gesture, every word in her memory. Because it mattered now, horribly. She’d lost a good deal of the sweet excitement she’d felt when they’d
rolled up in the limo. No, she thought, she wasn’t just the kid from Kansas now, dazzled by the lights and the luminaries. She was Deanna Reynolds, and she belonged.

It wasn’t simply an award any longer, a pat on the back for a job well done.

Now it was a symbol. The culmination of what had started so long ago. It was a symbol of triumph over the deceit, the manipulations, the ugly intrigue that had flashed into pathetic spite in a ladies’ washroom.

The camera was on her. She could feel that cool, objective eye focus in. She could only hope that for once her emotions weren’t so clearly mirrored on her face. She heard Angela’s name announced, then her own.

She couldn’t catch her breath. Then Finn lifted their joined hands to his lips and the sharpest edge of tension smoothed.

“And the Emmy goes to . . .”

God, how could it take so long to open one envelope?

“Deanna Reynolds, for
Deanna’s Hour,
‘When You Know Him.’ ”

“Oh.” All the breath that had backed up in her lungs came out in that one long sound. Before she could take another, Finn’s mouth was over hers.

“I never had a doubt.”

“Me neither,” she lied, and was laughing as she rose out of the chair to walk through the applause to the stage.

The award was cool and smooth in her hands. And solid as stone. She was afraid if she looked at it, she’d weep. Instead she looked out into the lights.

“I want to thank my team, every one of them. They’re the best. And I want to thank the women who appeared on the show, who battled back their fears to bring a painful subject out of the dark. I can’t think of any show I’ve done, or will do, that could be as difficult or as rewarding for me. Thank you for giving me something to remind me. Now I’m going backstage to stare at this beautiful lady.”

After the speeches, the applause, the interviews and the parties, Deanna lay propped up in bed, resting in the curve
of Finn’s shoulder. Casually, she crossed her feet at the ankles.

“I think mine’s prettier than your National Press Award,” she said.

“Mine’s more professional.”

She pursed her lips, studying the gold statue standing on the bureau. “Mine’s shinier.”

“Deanna.” He turned his head to kiss her temple. “You’re gloating.”

“Yep. And I’m going to keep right on gloating. You’ve won all sorts of awards, Overseas Press Club, the George Polk. You can afford to be jaded.”

“Who says I’m jaded? And when I win my Emmy it’ll be every bit as shiny as your Emmy.”

With a delighted laugh, she rolled over to lie on top of him. “I won. I didn’t want to admit how badly I wanted that statue. After that scene with Angela, I felt I had to win. For me, yes, but also for everybody who works with me. When they called my name, I was flying. Really flying. It was great.”

“An interesting evening all around.” He ran a hand down her spine, enjoying the way her body curved to his touch. “Tell me again how you demolished her.”

Deanna’s lashes fluttered down. “I did not demolish her. It was a particularly effective but ladylike slap.”

“Like hell.” Grinning, he tipped her face up, then laughed out loud at the unholy glee in her eyes.

“I shouldn’t be proud of it.” She chuckled and sat up to straddle him, her body pale and naked. “But for just an instant, before I was horrified, I felt wonderful. Then I was numb, then I was furious all over again.” She linked her fingers, lifting her arms up high. “Besides, she started it.”

“And you finished it. You can count on her coming after you with both barrels now.”

“Let her. I feel invulnerable. Impervious.” She stretched high. “Incredible. It just can’t get any better than this.”

“Yes, it can.” To prove it, he reared up, running a line of kisses up her torso. Her soft sigh glided through him. Her
hands fluttered down to cradle his head.

“You might be right.”

The sky was pearling with dawn, chasing the shadows from the room. Her body arched back, already fluid and ready for his. They had loved once in delirious haste, and now moved together slowly, letting the needs smolder and the air spark.

Gliding fingertips, whispering sighs, quiet urgings for more. Torso to torso they pressed together, tangled sheets pooled around them and morning sliding softly into the room. A touch, a taste, a subtle shift in rhythm. They lowered together to roll lazily over the bed, length to length.

No rush, no hurry. Quiet explosions shuddered through her blood, then streamed away like silk until others built. Her mouth sought his, sighs merging, tongues dancing. Even when he slipped into her, filling her, the flash of heat was as comforting as a sunbeam.

Across town there was another hotel room bed that hadn’t been slept in, or loved in. Angela sat on the edge of it, her robe held protectively over her breasts. The dress she had worn was a tattered heap of silk on the floor, a victim of her temper.

Most of that temper was spent now, and she huddled like a child on the big bed, fighting back tears.

“It doesn’t mean anything, honey.” Dan urged champagne on her, the equivalent to a kiss where it hurt. “Everybody knows the fucking awards are a sham.”

“People watch.” She stared straight ahead, sipping the wine she’d ordered chilled for celebration and now served as commiseration. “Thousands of people, Dan. They saw her walk up there, when it should have been me. They saw her pick up my award.
My
award, goddamn her.”

“And they’ll forget about it tomorrow.” He stifled both impatience and disgust. The only way to handle Angela, and to keep them both riding high, was to cajole, flatter and lie. “Nobody remembers who got what when the glitter fades.”

“I remember.” She tossed up her head, and her face was icy again, eerily controlled. “I remember. She’s not getting away with it. With any of it. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make her pay. For the slap, for the award. Everything.”

“We’ll talk about it later.” He’d already gotten word on the incident in the lounge. Too many people—people who couldn’t be easily bought off—had heard that Angela struck first. “Now you’ve got to relax. You have to look your best when we fly home later today.”

“Relax?” she spat at him. “Relax? Deanna Reynolds is getting my press, my ratings, now my awards.” And there was Finn. Oh, no, she wouldn’t forget Finn. “How the hell can you tell me to relax?”

“Because you can’t win if you look like a resentful has-been.” He watched her eyes flare with fury, then chill to an icy gleam.

“How dare you speak to me that way? And tonight of all nights.”

“I’m telling you this for your own good,” he continued, assured he had the upper hand when her lips trembled. “You need to project dignity, maturity, confidence.”

“She’s ruining my life. It’s just like when I was a kid. Someone was always taking what I wanted.”

“You’re not a kid anymore, Angela. And there’ll be other awards.”

She wanted
this
award. But she held the words back. He’d only become more remote and disgusted. She needed him beside her, supporting her, believing in her. “You’re right. Absolutely right. Tomorrow, in public, I will be gracious, humble and dignified. And believe me, Deanna Reynolds is not going to win another award that should be mine.” Forcing a smile, she reached out a hand and drew him down beside her. “I’m just so disappointed, Dan. For both of us. You worked just as hard as I did for that Emmy.”

“We’ll work harder for the next one.” Relieved, he kissed the top of her head.

“Sometimes it takes more than work. God knows I’ve had
plenty of experience there.” She sighed and drank again. She’d drink all she wanted tonight, she promised herself. At least she deserved that much. “When I was a kid I did all the chores around the house. Otherwise we would have lived in a pigsty. I’ve always liked things to look right, to look pretty. To look the best they can. I started doing cleaning for other people. Did I ever tell you that?”

“No.” Surprised that she had now, he rose to fetch the bottle. He topped off her glass. “You don’t like to talk about your childhood. I understand that.”

“I’m in the mood for it.” She sipped again, gesturing toward her cigarettes. Obligingly, Dan picked them up, lighted one for her. “I earned extra money that way, so I could buy things. My own things. But I earned more than money. You know . . .” She took a contemplative drag. “It’s amazing what people leave lying around their homes, tucked into drawers, closed in boxes. I was always curious about people. That’s why I ended up in this business, I suppose. And I found out a lot about the people I worked for. Things they preferred to be kept private. I might mention to a certain married woman the name of a man not her husband. Then I might admire some earrings, or a bracelet, or a dress.” Through the haze of smoke, she smiled at the memory. “It was magical how quickly what I admired became mine. Just for doing the small favor of keeping information to myself.”

“You started young,” Dan observed. Her voice was only a little slurred, so he added more wine to her glass.

“I had to. Nobody was going to fight for me. Nobody was going to lift me out of that hellhole I lived in but me. Mama drunk; Daddy off gambling or whoring.”

“It was tough on you.”

“It made me tough,” she corrected. “I watched the way people lived, and I saw what I wanted. I found ways to get what I wanted. I improved myself and I broke my back to be the best. No one’s going to take me off the top of the heap, Dan. Certainly not Deanna Reynolds.”

He tipped her face back for a kiss. “That’s the Angela I know and love.”

She smiled. Her head felt light, dizzy, her body free. Why, she wondered, had she been so afraid of relaxing with a bottle or two? “Prove it,” she invited, and slipped the robe off her shoulders.

T
he snow outside the cabin was fairy-tale white. Rocks and shrubs caused the white covering to heave into mounds and bumps so that it resembled a blanket under which dozens of elves might burrow, waiting for spring. No cloud marred the eerie, icy blue of the sky, and the sun glinted off the glossy bark of trees.

From the window, Deanna watched Finn and Richard help Aubrey build a snowman. In her bright blue snowsuit, the toddler looked like a little exotic bird who’d lost her way going south. Curling tendrils of hair, as red as a cardinal’s wing, escaped from her cap.

Beside her the men were giants, bulky in their heavy coats and boots. She watched as Richard showed Aubrey how to pat and mold a snowball. He pointed at Finn, and with a giggle that carried through the glass, Aubrey bounced it lightly off Finn’s knee, but he crumpled convincingly to the ground as if hit by a boulder.

The dog, the mop-haired mongrel Finn and Deanna had dubbed Cronkite, sent up a din of barks and a shower of snow in his desperation to join the game.

“Sounds like quite a snowman.” Fran shifted her infant daughter from her right to her left breast. Kelsey latched on, suckling happily.

“They’ve started a small war,” Deanna reported. “Casualties are light, but it looks to be an extended battle.”

“You can go out and spend some of that nervous energy. You don’t have to stay in here with me.”

“No, I like watching. I’m so glad all of you could come up for the weekend.”

“Since it’s the first free one you’ve had in six weeks, I’m amazed you’d share it.”

“Getting away with friends is one of those luxuries I’ve had to do without too much.” She sighed a little. There was no use thinking about all the weekends, the holidays, the quiet evenings at home she’d missed. She had what she’d asked for. “I’ve discovered I need things like this to keep me centered.”

“Glad to help. Richard found the idea of fishing in this weather just primitive and macho enough to pique his interest. As for me”—she stroked her daughter’s cheek as she rocked gently in the chair Finn had hauled in from the porch and scrubbed down for just that purpose—“I was ready to go anywhere. When we get snow this early in November, it’s going to be a long winter.”

“And not a particularly pleasant one.” Fran was right about the nervous energy, Deanna realized. She could feel it swirling inside—white water in the bloodstream. Deanna turned away from the window to sit on the hearth, where the fire crackled hot and brightly behind her. “I feel like I’ve been under siege, Fran. All this—this tabloid crap about Angela and me brawling in the ladies’ lounge at the Emmys.”

“Honey, most of that’s died down, and everyone knew it was crap to begin with.”

“Most everyone.” Restless, she rose again, prowling. “All those sly allegations in the press about her bearing up stoically after I supposedly refused her offer of friendship. Friendship, my butt.” She shoved her hands in her pockets, dragged them out again to gesture. “And that nasty undertone of glee in some of the stories. ‘Talk show divas in cat fight.’ ‘Claws bared in ladies’ room.’ And it was just close enough to the truth to make us both look like idiots. Of course, Loren
couldn’t be happier. The ratings have skyrocketed since the Emmys, and there’s no sign of a downswing. People who couldn’t care less about the content of the show are tuning in to see if I lose it and punch out a guest.”

Fran snickered, then caught Deanna’s quick glare. “Sorry.”

“I wish I could think it was funny.” Grabbing the poker, she stabbed viciously at the flaming logs. “I did think it was funny, until I started getting letters.”

“Oh, Dee, the majority of the mail has been supportive, even flattering.”

“So I’m perverse.” Her shoulders jerked. Oh, she hated the fact that she was being a fool. Hated more that she couldn’t seem to stop thinking about the whole ugly incident. “I keep remembering the ones that weren’t. The ones that ranged from ‘You should be ashamed of yourself,’ to ‘You should be horsewhipped for your lack of gratitude to a fragile little flower like Angela Perkins.’ ” Her narrowed eyes were as hot as the flames. “Belladonna probably looks like a fragile little flower.”

“I wouldn’t know.” Fran shifted the baby to her shoulder. “Most of that’s blown over. Why don’t you tell me what’s really eating at you?”

Deanna gave the fire one last poke. “I’m scared.” She said it quietly, as a fresh frisson of ice skated up her spine. “I got another note.”

“Oh God. When?”

“Friday, right after I spoke to the literacy group at the Drake.”

“Cassie was with you.”

“Yes.” Deanna rubbed at the dull ache at the back of her neck. “I don’t seem to go anywhere alone anymore. Always an entourage.”

“Cassie’s hardly an entourage.” But Fran recognized the twist of topic as avoidance. “Tell me about the note, Dee.”

“We ran a little long with the photo session afterward. Cassie left—she had a few things she wanted to finish up at the office before the weekend.”

She flashed back to it, the scene as clear in her mind as
a film loop. Another handshake, another snick of the camera shutter. People crowding around for a word, for a look.

“Just one more picture, Deanna, please. You and the mayor’s wife.”

“
Just
one more.” Cassie spoke up, her smile amiable, her voice firm. “Miss Reynolds is already running late for her next appointment.”

Deanna remembered feeling amusement. Her next appointment, thankfully, was throwing a few sweaters into her suitcase and heading out of the city.

She posed again, with the mayor’s wife and the plaque for her work for literacy, then eased her way along, with Cassie running interference.

“Good job, Dee. Here, let me take that.” Cassie slipped the plaque into her briefcase while Deanna bundled into her coat.

“It didn’t feel like a job. They were great.”

“They were—you were.” Cassie cast a leery eye over her shoulder. The elegant lobby of the Drake was still crowded with people. “But take my word on this. Just keep walking and don’t look back or you won’t get out of here until midnight.” To hurry her along, Cassie took her arm and led Deanna out of the lobby and onto the sidewalk. “Listen, I’m going to take a cab back to the office.”

“Don’t be silly. Tim can drop you off.”

“Then you’ll think of something you just have to do while you’re there. Go home,” Cassie ordered. “Pack, leave. Don’t show your face in this town until Sunday night.”

It sounded too good to argue. “Yes, ma’am.”

Laughing, Cassie kissed her cheek. “Have a great weekend.”

“You too.”

They parted there, heading in opposite directions through the snapping wind and swirling snow.

“Sorry I’m late, Tim.”

“No problem, Miss Reynolds.” With his long black coat flapping around his knees, Tim opened the door of the limo. “How’d it go?”

“Fine. Really fine, thanks.”

Still glowing with the energy of a job well done, she slipped inside the cushy warmth.

And there it was. Just that plain envelope, a square of white against the burgundy leather seat . . . .

“I asked Tim if someone had come up to the car,” Deanna continued, “but he hadn’t seen anyone. It was cold and he’d gone inside the building for a while. He said the car was locked, and I know how conscientious Tim is, so I’m sure it was.”

Too many notes, Fran thought, as her stomach muscles jiggled. And they were coming too often in the last couple of months. “Did you call the police?”

“I called Lieutenant Jenner from the car phone. I don’t have any control over this.” Her voice rose as much in frustration as fear. And it helped, she realized, to have something, anything other than fear coursing through her. “I can’t analyze it and put it in a slot. I can’t tidy it up or toss it away.” Determined to calm herself, she rubbed her hands over her face as if she could massage away the panic. “I can’t even discuss this rationally. Every time I remind myself that I haven’t been threatened, I haven’t been hurt, I feel this little bubble of hysteria building up. He finds me everywhere. I want to beg him to leave me alone. To just leave me alone. Fran,” she said helplessly, “I’m a mess.”

Fran got up to lay Kelsey in the playpen. She crossed to take Deanna’s hands in hers. There was more than comfort in the contact—anger simmered just beneath. “Why haven’t you told me this before? Why haven’t you let me know how much this is upsetting you?”

“You’ve got enough to handle. Aubrey, the new baby.”

“So you took pity on the new mother and pretended that you were shrugging this whole business off as a by-product of fame?” Suddenly furious, Fran slapped both hands on her hips. “That’s crap, Dee. Insulting crap.”

“I didn’t see the point in worrying you,” Deanna shot back. “There’s so much stuff going on right now—the show,
the backlash from Angela; Margaret’s teenager wrecked the car, Simon’s mother died.” Despising the need to defend herself, she turned back to the window. “Finn’s going off to Haiti next week.” Outside the dog leaped at flying snowballs. Deanna wanted to weep. Resting her head on the cool glass, she waited until her system leveled. “I thought I could handle it myself. I wanted to handle it myself.”

“What about Finn?” Fran walked over to rub her hand over Deanna’s stiff back. “Does he have a clue what’s going on inside you right now?”

“He has a lot on his mind.”

Fran didn’t bother to repress a disgusted snort. “Which means you’ve been playing the same game with him. Did you tell him about this last note?”

“It seemed best to wait until he got back from this next trip.”

“It’s selfish.”

“Selfish?” Her voice cracked in surprised hurt. “How can you say that? I don’t want him worried about me when he’s thousands of miles away.”

“He
wants
to worry about you. Jesus, Dee, how can anyone so sensitive, so compassionate, be so obstinate? You’ve got a man out there who loves you. Who wants to share everything with you, good and bad. He deserves to know what you’re feeling. If you love him half as much as he loves you, you’ve got no right to keep things from him.”

“That wasn’t what I meant to do.”

“It’s what you are doing. It’s unfair to him, Dee. Just like—” She cut herself off, swearing. “I’m sorry.” But her voice was stiff and cool. “It’s none of my business how you and Finn deal with your relationship.”

“No, don’t stop now,” Deanna said, equally cool. “Finish it. Just like what?”

“All right, then.” Fran took a deep breath. Their friendship had lasted more than ten years. She hoped it would weather one more storm. “It’s unfair for you to ask him to put his own needs on hold.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“For God’s sake, look at him, Dee. Look at him with Aubrey.” She clamped her hand on Deanna’s arm and pushed her back to the window. “Take a good look.”

She did, watching Finn spin Aubrey around and around, snow spewing up at his feet. The child’s delighted shrieks echoed like a song.

“That man wants a family. He wants you. You’re denying him both because you haven’t got everything neatly stacked in place. That’s not just selfish, Dee. It’s not just unfair. It’s sad.” When Deanna said nothing, she turned away. “I’ve got to change the baby.” Gathering Kelsey up, she left the room.

Deanna stood where she was for a long time. She could see Finn wrestling with the dog as Aubrey leaped into her father’s arms to slide a ragged cap onto the top of the big-bellied snowman.

But she could see more. Finn crossing the tarmac in a torrent of rain, a cocky grin on his face and a swagger in his step. Finn exhausted and asleep on her couch, or laughing as she reeled in her first fat fish. Gentle and sweet as he took her to bed. Gritty-eyed and grim as he returned from observing some fresh disaster.

He was always there, she realized. Always.

She went through the motions that evening, serving up big bowls of beef stew, laughing at Richard’s jokes. If someone had peeked in the kitchen window, they would have seen a jolly group of friends sharing a meal. Attractive people, comfortable with one other. It would have been difficult to spot any tension, any discord.

But Finn was a trained observer. Even had that not been the case, he could judge Deanna’s moods by the flick of an eyelash.

He hadn’t questioned her about the tension he sensed, hoping she would tell him on her own. As the evening wore on, he accepted, impatiently, that he would have to push. Perhaps he would always have to push.

He watched her settle down in the living room, a smile
on her face. Unhappiness in her eyes.

God, the woman frustrated him. Fascinated him. For almost two years they had been lovers, as physically intimate as it was possible to be. Yet no matter how open she was, how honest, she managed to tuck away little pieces. Closing them off from him, locking them tight and hoarding them.

She was doing it now, he realized.

Her hand might reach for his, holding it with comfortable familiarity. But her mind was elsewhere, methodically working through a problem she refused to share.

Her
problem, she would say in that reasonable tone that by turns infuriated and amused him. Nothing she couldn’t handle on her own. Nothing she needed him to deal with.

Hurt, Finn set his glass aside and slipped upstairs.

He built up the fire in the bedroom, brooding over it. He wondered how long he could wait for Deanna to take the next step. Forever, he thought, with an oath. She was as much a part of him as his muscle and bone.

The need that had been growing in him for family, for a steady, rooted life, was nothing compared with his need for her.

What was much worse, as well as totally unexpected, was that he wanted, quite desperately, for her to need him.

A new one for Riley, he mused, and wished he could see the humor in this realization. The need to be needed, to be tied down, to be . . . settled, he realized, wasn’t a particularly comfortable sensation, and after several months, he understood it wasn’t going to go away.

And he was beginning to hate the status quo.

She found him crouched at the hearth, staring into the flames. After closing the door quietly at her back, she crossed over, brushed a hand through his hair.