Promise Kept (Perry Skky Jr.) (13 page)

“Yeah,” I said finally speaking, “what about them?”

“Well, he just died over there I want to go get payback.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Cole said as he went over to try and lay his hand on Damarius’ forehead. Of course Damarius slapped it off.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I know what I have to do. It’s a family thing, plus I want to protect our homeland.”

“Damarius, people are really killing people over there, man. You just talked about your cousin. You’re in school—why would you let that all go to go join the army?”

“I told my cousin that if anything ever happen to him while he was in the army that I would go and defend his honor. But I’m going to be honest with y’all, y’all my boys and have been since grade school. I’m a little nervous.”

“When do you head out?” I asked.

“I leave tomorrow and only for a month, but I just wanted to wait until you guys came home for the holidays. Really, I don’t want anyone to talk me out of it. I know once I get there I’ll do my thing. School wasn’t for me, I do want a purpose to my life. I just wanted to ask you Perry, what if I don’t make it over there? What’s going to happen to me?”

I had talked about God for the last couple of years. We had got into it so badly that I had vowed never to bring it up again and now he was asking me what I thought would happen to him if he went to fight on foreign soil and didn’t return.

“I don’t know what you did when it came to your salvation Damarius, but I know you have to make sure that it is secure. We never know when our last day is. Cole and I could leave and get into a car accident, though it is unlikely. But when you go off to war the risk of death becomes heightened. So you just need to make sure your house is in order, and I don’t mean financially and all of those things. I know the government has stuff in place for all of the soldiers, but I’m talking about your heart,” I said as I looked my friend in the face. I put my index finger straight into his chest. “Does God know you? Is your name written in the Lamb’s book of Life? If a bullet went through you and caused you to never breathe on this side of Heaven again, would your soul move on?”

The three of us were becoming emotional, but we held back the tears. The reality was that what Damarius was about to do was dangerous. But as we held hands and got on our knees and prayed Damarius said, “God, I don’t know if I know who You are or not. I know I pray to You sometimes and I know there are times when I am so angry with You, please just forgive me. Know that I need You in my life and I want to be with You in Heaven.”

I didn’t like the fact that I basically had to come over to my friend’s house to say goodbye, but if this is what it took to make sure he knew God, it was well worth it, spreading God’s word.

“W
here in the world have you been?” my sister screamed at me as soon as I got out of my car at my folks’ house on Easter Sunday.

“I told y’all I would be right back, dang,” I said, not wanting to give her the same attitude she was obviously giving me. But a brother was saddened about the news of his friend departing for overseas. She didn’t want to mess with me at that point, but when I tried to get around her she stood in front of me. “Payton, come on now. I’m trying to change out of this suit.”

“We’ve been waiting here for you for two hours; you said you would be right back, Perry. Does everything have to be around you all of the time?”

“Y’all could have ate if that is what this is all about. Obviously something came up and I was there for someone else. It’s not about me, I’m tired of you always alluding to that, girl, dang. I remember you bossing me around when we were little but if you haven’t noticed, I tower over you now.”

I glared at her, and when she wouldn’t move I shoved her slightly out of my way, letting her know that I did have power. I wasn’t playing with her. She was away at college just like me, and when she was at home she was spending time with Tad, so she really wasn’t home that much, either. So now, just because I was away for a little longer than she thought was okay, I had to get the third degree.

But before I could step in the house she said to me, “Dad has cancer, okay.”

I put my hand on my head and rubbed it a bit. I couldn’t move. Surely she didn’t say what I thought she said. I know it had been a while since I had talked to my parents and I had just come up this morning for church, and my dad had asked me via voicemail to come as soon as I could. Was this what he had wanted to talk about? Was what Payton telling me for real? Did my dad have cancer?

“Hmm hmm. See, now you want to listen. I hate you Perry, I hate you. It’s all your fault.” She came over to me and pounded her fists on my chest. “I told you a month ago that we needed him to get tested and you wouldn’t help me. He waited, and maybe he waited too late, and now he has cancer.”

I didn’t budge. She was right. I had dismissed what she was saying then, and now I wished I would have believed her, I wished I would have helped, I wished I would have done more. Oh my Gosh, THIS WAS MY FAULT! I couldn’t even hold my sister but I let her cry next to my heart.

My mom came outside and said, “Payton, you cannot stand here and say this is anyone’s fault. Yes, early testing helps, but a few weeks ago? Come on sweetie, he should have gone in two years ago, five years ago at age forty-five. He’s been stubborn for the longest time. Your father doesn’t blame either one of you for this.”

“Aw, Mom,” Payton said, leaving my arms for my mother’s. For some reason my mother was saying that it wasn’t my fault, but whatever. I didn’t even agree with her logic, how could I not blame myself? I hadn’t been the best son; I had been consumed with my life, my friends’ problems, my world, my drama. I could have made my parents a part of my world, but I had stepped away, I had pulled away. I had been every place but connected to them, and finally I showed up late and got the news that my father had cancer. If I was a super hero I would have torn the house down—that’s just how bad I felt, that’s just how angry I was. My mother and sister went inside and I just leaned my head up against the bricks. I looked up at the sky and I couldn’t even manage to argue with the Lord. God was all powerful, all knowing. Here I was telling people how He would make things right, so why didn’t He take care of my dad? I could see if I wasn’t doing things His way, but I had been good, I had been strong—and then I felt someone touch my shoulder.

“Dad,” I said, tearing up.

“So, you heard the news huh? Your old man has colon cancer. Your mother has been on me for years to go get checked, your sister started doing it too, and so I finally went, but sometimes you know that you know, but you don’t want to hear the diagnosis. But you’re looking like this is the end, son.”

“You’ve got cancer Dad. I mean, that is what a lot of black men are dying from now. I just never thought that you…I mean…” I just reached over and hugged him. “How could God allow this to happen?”

“God has a reason and purpose for everything and I’ve got treatment options.”

Treatment options. I walked over to the other side of my car and said, “Come on, Dad. I’m a big boy.”

“No son, it’s not a grim prognosis. I’ve got to have some chemotherapy and some radiation and some other stuff done, it’s a fifty-fifty chance I’m going to be alright. Just because God doesn’t give it to us how we want doesn’t mean we give up on Him. At the end of the day we don’t want to stay here forever.”

“But Dad, didn’t you just lose a high school friend last year?”

“It’s not on our time, we have to trust and obey that God can work it out, not get mad and get angry and give up on Him when we disagree with His methods. And with this deep conversation that I am having with you now, maybe it is worth it. I missed you, son.”

He walked straight to me.

“I missed you too.”

“What’s wrong with y’all? Y’all look like somebody just died,” I said when I got back to my place and saw the defeated look on Deuce and Collin’s faces as they sat somberly in the living room.

Deuce quickly came over to me. “It’s Lance, man.”

“What’s wrong with Lance?”

“His family wanted him to go home for Easter and he didn’t go, and he just got a call last night that his grandma died.”

“Aw man, are you serious?”

“Yeah man, and he ain’t taking it too well. We thought since you lost your grandma earlier that you would be able to say something to him.”

“What happened to her?”

“She had a heart attack and didn’t overcome it.”

Collin came over and said, “We’ve been praying for him, but Deuce is right. He’s been hysterical and won’t talk to anybody. Clearly he’s angry. You’ve got to be able to get through to him.”

This day was just getting worse and worse. My drive back was full of thoughts that my dad might not make it, and even though God has to take us all, I’m not cool with that. So what could I say to Lance not being okay with the fact that his grandma is gone.

Dang it, Lord,
I thought.

As I walked into my bedroom on the other side of our place, Deuce came in and said, “Unh-uhh, man, you need to go try and talk to him.”

“I’m just not up to it right now, alright. If you want to talk to him then go talk to him. Sometimes a man just needs space. How can you expect me to do what you couldn’t do?” I sat down quickly. “Quit being a punk and stop putting stuff off on other folks, dang. Leave me alone.”

“Oh, well if it’s like that then fine,” Deuce said.

“Wait, wait, wait,” I said quickly, coming to my senses. “I’m sorry man, I’m sorry.”

“Whatever man, if you feel that way, cool. You talk about brotherhood and unity and all that stuff, but obviously that’s not how you felt. Those were the words you spouted, not the ones you intended to live by. I’m glad I know now though.”

“Naw, naw. Deuce, seriously. I’m sorry, man.”

“How come you two are fussing now?” Collin said, entering the room.

“I just found out that my father has colon cancer, alright. I don’t think I’m the best candidate to talk to him right now, alright. Lance ain’t the only one that’s going through stuff, that’s all I’m trying to say. Maybe I was a little harsh with my words and I am sorry about that, Deuce, but I’ve got my own issues you know.”

“Aw man, I didn’t know, man. I’m sorry.”

“Well, don’t stay in your room and wallow and be alone and stuff,” Collin said to me. “Deuce is right, we have to be here for each other. Y’all were here for me. When I wanted to give up on myself y’all were there for me. Come on man, let’s go sit in the living room.”

We all sat down on different sides of the living room. What was happening to me? My dad was right—when things didn’t go my way I started to doubt my faith, when it should be tested to make me stronger. I was rebelling, going off on Deuce like that. Although I had a reason, it was inexcusable. I didn’t know what to say to Lance, but I knew that I did need to try and say something.

Without either Deuce or Collin saying anything to me, I got up off my tail and went to his room and banged on the door. When I didn’t get a response I just talked, like when I had to talk to Lenard after he had found out that his aunt and uncle got killed in a car crash on their way to our game. Even then I didn’t know what I was going to say, but God had given me everything I needed to help him out. Lance and I had a connection; just him knowing I cared was all I needed to share. So I said, “Listen guy, you probably want to be alone. I lost both of my grandparents and both times it affected me, it hurt me really badly. I still miss not being able to eat my grandma’s chitlings and collard greens. But I still remember her loving the Lord and seeing her in Heaven is what sustains me, and God is sending others into my life—new family, so to speak. You and Deuce and Collin and I have a brotherhood. I don’t know, it’s real and it’s strong enough to get us through the pain, and all we want to do is be there for you, guy. You can hit us, hug us, whatever—but you don’t have to go through this by yourself. Let’s pout together. Your world will be changed forever without your grandma and that ain’t cool, but all that she made you to be, and the three friends you’ve got in this apartment, is something to hold onto. Come on man, let us in?”

It took a few minutes, but I finally heard footsteps walking to the door. Lance opened it, and Deuce and Collin were right behind me. We just smiled at him—after the pain was goodness.

A week later the Deltas were having a party on campus. Another reason why my sister and I weren’t close was that my sister was on line. I wasn’t going to go to the jam, but when she came down I went out to support her and see her step. Knowing how stubborn Payton Skky was, imagining her as a Greek was something I couldn’t imagine. But seeing it for myself I was impressed that my sister had the fly moves.

“She’s cute, ain’t she?” Tad said, all proud and everything.

“She’s your girlfriend, not mine,” I told him. “You’ve got your hands full.”

“I know she told me you two got into it when you were at home last weekend. Your dad’s going to be alright, man.”

“Thanks, Tad.”

I just happened to look over to the left of the dance floor and I saw Jordan the basketball dude, who was supposed to be going out with Savoy, with his lips all over some other chick. Now I have to admit that the AKA was fly, but how he gon’ disrespect Savoy like that and be with somebody else? No sooner had that dance ended than another girl grabbed his hand and he started feeling her up and down on the dance floor. Savoy didn’t deserve that treatment at all.

“What’s wrong with you?” Tad said, noticing that I looked ticked. I had forgotten Savoy was his cousin. Did I even want to get him involved in all that when part of me was mad at myself? Knowing that if I had done my job as her boyfriend she wouldn’t have to be treated any kind of way by jokers who didn’t respect her. But I couldn’t cry over spilt milk. I still cared for her deeply and I was a man of action, but I didn’t know what I was going to do until I saw him with yet another girl, kissing her in front of everybody. Yeah, he probably wasn’t going to stay at Tech after his freshman year. Unlike football players, basketball players only had to come to school for one year, but for football they had to play at least three. So even though the both of us were supposed to do real well in the pros, he’d be seeing his green sooner than me, and the honeys were buying into the hype.

“I’ll be back,” I said to Tad.

“Man, I ain’t going to be here. I’ve got to find your sister, you know how that goes. Parties aren’t my scene at all, but we’ll dance a minute and then we’re headed out, so if we don’t see you.”

“Alright dude,” we said as we slapped hands.

Then I lost Jordan. I looked to the left, he wasn’t there. I looked to the right, he wasn’t there. And then I saw Savoy. She was sitting in a corner by herself and she looked so sad, like she lost her best friend or something and desperately needed someone to rescue her from her gloom. I couldn’t believe she was waiting on him to return. Had that ever been her nature? She never waited on me like that. Why would she reduce herself to that? And then I saw him go over to her and talk to her, and she started smiling. What in the world—she had to know that he was a jerk! This wasn’t cool.

I went over to the two of them and said, “Unh uhh, wait Jordan. You ain’t gon’ front on my friend like that. You’ve been with three different honeys, I’ve seen you myself. Kissing on them, feeling on them, all of that stuff. And then you gon’ try to come over to your girl and act like you’ve been an outstanding model guy. Naw, it ain’t gon’ go down like that. Savoy deserved way more than you.”

Savoy’s mouth was wide open and Jordan just started laughing. I thought he was going to be mad and say something to me, go off or whatever, but he was just laughing. Why didn’t I get the joke? I knew what I saw, I wasn’t making it up. She didn’t even seem to be appalled by it, she was just sort of blushing. What was going on?

“Man, me and her ain’t been together for a month—Savoy?” She nodded. “This girl is still into you and it’s apparent that you’re still into her. We friends though, she keeps it real and gets on me. She was just chastising me about the exact same thing, saying I’m too out there, so I have to come to her every now and then. It’s just like you thought we were still together—it works with the girls too. Y’all need to work that thing out. It’ll mess up my groove, but hey, y’all two good people. I couldn’t get nowhere with your partner, she was still hooked on you. But you ain’t gon’ mess up my game with these other ladies, believe that. I’m out of here. Bye Savoy,” he said, kissing her on the cheek. “You think people were looking?”