Promise Me (9 page)

Six days after Grayson Mercado saved me from my horrific circumstances, I awoke before the sun had risen.  A preternatural quiet reigned, the cooler night air had not yet receded, and my belly was a knot of cramps. 

With a gasp I dove off the air mattress and ran into the tiny bathroom, my shorts already pulled down to see why I had been praying for.  The dark menstrual blood had stained my panties.  I weakly fell to the floor and sobbed with relief.

It was over.  Winston had no further hold on me. 

I pulled my shorts up and ran out the door.  I needed to say it out loud to someone else.  I’d already begun pounding on the door when I realized Grayson’s place was not the first one I should have gone to.  Was this really something I should blurt out to a man?  And what if he had a woman in there?

He came to the door grumpily but was instantly alert when he saw my tear-stained face.  “Promise.  What the fuck happened?  What’s wrong?”  He reached me in one fluid movement and cupped my face in his hands. 

“I’m not pregnant,” I whispered.  

Grayson stared at me for a moment and then his face broke into a grin.  He pulled me forward, pressing his forehead to mine.  We stayed that way until the shriek of a nearby vulture startled both of us.  Then he gently pushed my loose hair back and slowly withdrew his hand. 

“Scorpions out here,” he said in an odd, husky voice.  “You shouldn’t walk around barefoot.”   He turned and walked back to the door of his trailer and I abruptly realized that he was only wearing a pair of boxer shorts.  But instead of looking away, embarrassed, I stared after him with fascination.  He gave me one final look, saying, “I’ll see you later, Promise,” before shutting the door. 

“Yes,” I whispered, though there was no one there to listen. 

As it turned out I didn’t see Grayson later.  I was helping Rachel polish glasses in the bar when Casper breezed through and told her he would be gone a few days. 

She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and kissed him deeply, then yanked on his arm with a mischievous grin, leading him toward the office in the back.  I switched on the old radio which sat next to the bar.  It drowned out most of the noise they made. 

Ten minutes later Casper emerged, sweaty and with his shirt balled up in his hand.  He raised his eyebrows at me as if he’d forgotten I was there.  “Hey, can I get a quick shot of Jack?” 

I stared at him blankly and he laughed. 

“Never mind, I’ll grab it.” 

He hopped over the bar and poured himself a tiny glass full of brown liquid which he swallowed immediately. 

Rachel wandered in, adjusting her bra as Casper watched her. 

“Bye, cupcake,” he said with a kiss. 

“Just come back, lover,” she answered. 

The reigning quiet was interrupted by the harsh choke of engines; the sound of several motorcycles starting and then riding away. 

Rachel’s face was dreamily content as she began wiping the bar down. 

I grabbed a linen cloth and joined her.  “Where is he going?”

She smiled.  “Wherever he needs to, hon.” She raised her eyebrows meaningfully.
“Grayson is going with him. And a Defiant from town named Abel.” 

At the mention of Grayson’s name I tensed.  I hated the idea of him being gone.  Partly because being near him made me feel safer.  And partly because of something else I wasn’t quite ready to put a name to. 

Rachel beamed.  “We should celebrate tonight,” she decided, referring to the happy news of my non-pregnancy.  “Really.  Just you and me.  Kira will be busy entertaining Orion but the bar won’t be too busy.  How about we grab a pizza in town and come back here to enjoy the free booze?”

I wasn’t sure about the booze part.  “I’d like that,” I said.  I folded the towel and put it down.  “I told him, you know.  I ran over there without thinking this morning and just blurted it out.” 

She was interested. “What did he say?”

I blushed.  “He was happy.  For me,” I stammered. 

Rachel smiled knowingly.  “I’ll bet.”  She stepped behind me and started playing with my hair.  “He looks at you, you know.  Longer and more hotly every freaking day.” 

“He does not,” I insisted quietly.  Grayson Mercado didn’t see me that way.  Yet as I remembered the way he’d held my face this morning, I wondered. 

She pushed my hair over my head, blinding me in a wave of dark red.  “Have it your way,” she laughed. 

It was pleasant evening with Rachel.  Kira rolled by to take a brief rest from her intense evening with Orion. 

“Shit, little girl.  You should take it easy,” Rachel teased.  “You’re gonna wear him out.”

Kira smiled at her sweetly. “Not. Fucking. Possible.”

“You’re right,” Rachel shrugged. 

I was glad when Rachel offered to let me stay with her until Casper returned.  As I returned briefly to my trailer to retrieve a few things my gaze fell briefly on Grayson’s dark trailer.  He had called it an ‘Airfloat’ design and said it was manufactured back in the fifties, which explained its strange appearance.  As I stared toward the black eyes of its eerie round windows a bleak loneliness overcame me.  I disliked the idea that Grayson was untold miles away.  The security of his presence was something I’d counted on since the moment he pushed me safely behind him and dared Winston Allred to interfere.   

There was another part of it too.  The part of me which flushed at the sight of his body, at the possibility of his touch.  In Jericho Valley I’d been kept away from the boys when I became old enough to attract attention.  Though there were those here and there who caught my eye and rattled my nerves, I’d never had the indulgence of a tender moment.  Which, I supposed, was how I was able to accept Winston’s plans for me. 

The memory of Winston brought a surge of bile into my throat.  For days I’d avoided dwelling on Jericho Valley and its people.

Jenny
. 

I knew if I return
ed then not only would I be unable to take Jenny away, I would be held captive there myself.  It had happened before, to other women who fled and tried to return for children or for sisters.  The thought was enough to make me feel faint.  I would kill before I would return to Winston. 

Rachel was closing up the bar.  A few patrons lingered slowly, smoking cigarettes and staggering away into the night.   Rachel took a second look at
my face and came right to me.

“What’s wrong?”

I could hardly choke out the words.  Of shame, revulsion, disgust.  “How could I?” I moaned.  My voice became more shrill.  “How could I have been so fucking stupid?” 

I’d never said the word ‘fucking’ before.  I understood now the empowerment of such words.  It felt good to say it.  It felt like a fitting expression of outrage. 

“FUCK!” I screamed at the top of my lungs and the remaining nearby customers turned around in the gravel parking lot.  A woman tittered with laughter. 

“Go back to your own goddamn business,” Rachel glowered at them as she swung an arm around my shoulders and shepherded me away. 

She walked me briskly over to her trailer and set me firmly against its cool exterior.  The light of the moon let me see the intensity in her face.  “That’s right, Promise,” she said firmly.  “You let it out.  What they did to you, what they’re still doing, it’s so fucking wrong there aren’t words strong enough.  But if it helps with the pain some, scream them anyway.  They are evil; my father, your father, that bastard who abused you, all evil wrapped in a false cloak of godliness.  But you know the truth.  There is nothing pious or moral about them.  They have built a house out of lies and stood on the back of their victims as they preached righteous bullshit.”  Her voice softened.  “It’s hard to realize how wrong something is if it’s all you know.” 

“You knew,” I whispered.  “You knew how fucked up it was.  You didn’t let anyone turn you into a victim.  I was out in the world, Rachel.  I knew where to find help and I didn’t.  And because I was too weak to stand up my little sister has been handed over to a madman.”  I sank down into the coarse sand and pulled my knees up to my chest. 

Rachel let out a painful sigh and sat next to me.  “You know,” she said softly, “I often wonder how I could have done things differently.  What if I’d gone to the state ten years ago when I escaped?  Maybe filed a statement with Child Protective Services.  It might have helped someone.  It might have helped you.  And it might not have.  Promise, there are a lot of long years ahead.  You can’t spend them all torturing yourself with ideas about what you might have done differently.” 

“Rachel, what would they do to me if they found me?”

Her voice was bleak. “I think you know.  In their eyes you are married.  You are the property of your despicable husband.”  She hugged me.  “But they won’t find you, Promise.  And if they ever tried to take you away they would pay mightily.  I would kill them myself.” 

I let my head drop wearily against my cousin’s shoulder.  “Love you, Rach.”

She took a cigarette out of her purse and lit it, staring off into the inky night.  “Love you too, hon.” 

The next day Rachel took me back to Callie Lopez for a follow up. 

The doctor smiled warmly when she saw me.  “You look
much
healthier, Promise,” she noted before examining me.  Most of the bruising had faded to nearly nothing.  My ribs were still a bit tender but with every passing day it lessened. 

Callie was pleased with my healing progress.  Though I had received my period, she performed a pregnancy test anyway. 

“Negative,” she confirmed and I breathed with relief. 

Callie noted a few things in my chart before looking at me thoughtfully.  “Rachel tells me you’ve been to school.  Midwifery, right?”

I nodded.

“And you finished your studies?” 

“Yes, I passed the exam to join the North American Registry of Midwives.” 

Callie was
pleased.  “Wonderful.  You know, Promise, there are a lot of women in this part of the state and not enough medical support.”  She tapped her ballpoint pen against her arm.  “Are you interested in using that knowledge to help them?”

I paused.  A big reason I had followed through with college and then returned to Jericho Valley was due to the idea that I would be able to help women who needed it.  “Yes,” I said slowly.  “I would love that.  But wouldn’t the Registry require updated contact information?”  I kicked my legs against
the exam table, feeling anxious.  “There are people who can’t find out where I am.” 

Callie shook her head.  “Yes, I know.  We’ll find a way out of that when all the dust settles.  Perhaps we could set you up with a post office box in Phoenix.  At any rate, I’m glad to hear that you are interested.”   She took a small square of paper and pressed it into my hand.  I stared at the words.

“In case you need to talk about it,” she said gently.  “Mia has been a rape counselor for many years.  She runs a group which meets on Thursday evenings.”

“Callie,” I whispered, “do you think I’ll ever be able to have, you know, a normal relationship?  With a man?”

Her face was kind.  “Yes, Promise, I do.  Allow yourself to heal.  To conquer your demons.  I have no doubt that you will.” She touched my arm and grinned at me wryly.  “And dear girl, I speak from experience.”

***

Three days passed quietly and quickly.  Then Rachel had a call from Casper; he and Grayson were expected back early in the morning.  I was just getting out of the shower in my trailer when I heard the low rumble of the bikes. 

For a moment as I stood there and dripped onto the cracked linoleum my heart skipped around in my chest.  I toweled off quickly, eyeing the plain capris and t-shirt I’d planned to wear.  I heard Rachel’s voice talking about how she’d seen Grayson looking at me.  Critically I stared at my reflection in the cloudy vanity mirror.  I didn’t know quite what to make of what I saw.  But as I glanced back at
the casual clothes which hung on the doorknob I felt like it wasn’t enough.  I felt like I really wanted him to see me. 

I hadn’t yet worn the dresses Rachel had talked me into ordering.  One was cream colored with dark blue stripes.   The neckline was cut just above my breasts and the sleeves rolled slightly off my shoulders.  The feel of the flared skirt was delicious as it fluttered just above my knees.  Looking down, I was pleased at the swell of my breasts under the fabric and wished I had a larger mirror to see what the full effect was. 

Rachel had purchased some cosmetics for me and I tentatively dabbed on a little bit of power and blush.  I dried my hair, brushed it, and returned to the mirror.  I was sure I was not beautiful like Rachel, but the image staring back at me seemed pleasant enough.  I bit my lip and went to the door. 

The sunlight was as fierce as ever and I squinted into it, the extreme heat pricking at my skin.  I didn’t see anyone at first.  Grayson’s trailer sat there in stoic solitude and I couldn’t tell if he was already in there or not.  I looked down at my dress, suddenly feeling foolish.  I didn’t know where Grayson Mercado had been or what he had been doing.  It seemed very unlikely that he would be in any rush to see a needy neighbor. 

With a sigh I started to walk toward Riverbottom.  Rachel would certainly be busy with Casper all afternoon, but maybe Kira needed help in the bar or around the house. 

I saw him before he saw me.  He was bent at the waist
and fiddling with something under his bike handlebars.  He straightened up, arching his back, a grimace on his handsome face.  I had stopped in my tracks, watching him, but the movement of my dress fluttering in the hot breeze caught his eye and he looked up. 

His arms fell to his side
s and he stared at me as if he didn’t know who I was.  I tried to smile.  “Grayson.” 

“Hey, Promise,” he said slowly.  Then he immediately turned back to his bike and began rooting around in one of the saddlebags on the far side. 

With my head lowered I started to walk toward the entrance to the bar. 

“Where are you going?” 

I crossed my arms over my breasts, feeling suddenly very exposed.  “Uh, I was just looking for Kira.  Have you seen her?”

He stared at me.  “No.  Come here, okay?”

When I stood next to him I was struck again by the powerful contours of his muscled body.  He had to have been hot in his dark biker clothes and black boots but he didn’t seem eager to be on his way.  Grayson pulled my arm out and placed a rough object in my hand.  I blinked.   

“It’s a rock,” I said. 

“It’s a rock,” he agreed. 

I turned it over in my palm and touched the rough gray surface.  It weighed about a pound and was more or less round.   When I looked up at him he read the question in my eyes and smiled broadly.  He took it out of my han
d and scavenged around his bike compartments again.   I was rather at a loss when he removed a hammer.  Grayson set the rock on a flat piece of clay tile.  With a swift and deliberate lunge which made me jump he brought the hammer down expertly on the center point of the rock.  It broke cleanly in two and Grayson knelt in the sand, examining the pieces. 

“It’s a geode,” he explained, handing one half to me. 

“Wow,” I breathed, kneeling down beside him and turning the geode toward the light.  The plain exterior completely belied the crystallized wonder on the hollowed inside.  I touched the shimmering crystals, marveling at their complexity.  “I missed you,” I whispered. 

“What?”

I shook my head, embarrassed.  “Nothing.”  He was still down his knees, only about two feet away from me.  My own knees began to burn from contact with the scorching sand and I rose quickly, brushing off my dress.   “Where did you find this?”

Grayson got to his feet.  “You kidding?  Shit’s everywhere if you know what to look for.” 

“Oh.”  I started to hand the geode half back to him, but he shook his head.

“Nah, you keep it.”  He tossed his half lightly in the air and caught it.  “How about this? You keep half and I’ll keep half.”

“All right.  Thank you.” 

He tossed his rock up and caught it again.  His dark eyes searched me intently.  “How are you, Promise?”

I shrugged.  “I’m good.”  I told him about going back to Callie Lopez.  And then, with halting words, mentioned the group she recommended for me. 

“Today’s Thursday,” he observed. 

“Yeah, I know. But I hate to ask Rachel to take me since she’s busy with Casper and the bar.”

Grayson was thoughtful.  “I’ve got some business in Parker.  I’ll take you.” 

The idea hadn’t occurred to me.  “You would do that?”

He nodded, grinning as if I’d said something funny. 

“Thank you,” I said quietly. 

He nodded and started to walk away, turning back abruptly when he hadn’t gotten more than a few steps.  “You got a pair of jeans, right?  You’ll want to change from that dress.”  He winked.  “No matter how pretty you look in it.”