Promise Me Forever (2 page)

It was the most intense lovemaking ever. Jon dropped his body beside her and reached out to pull her against him. She curled up in his arms, her hands on his chest. “I’m sorry I ignored this part of our lives, Abby. I didn’t mean to.”

Abby licked the skin on his throat and he shivered. She giggled. “Who cares, Jon. You made up for your neglect with that earth shattering lovemaking.”

He pulled her closer. “I wanted it to hold you for a while because I plan to do what you said. I need one week to get it together.” He rolled her on her back and dropped kisses on her face.

She stilled. “What do you mean?”

He placed a finger over her mouth. “No questions, please. You said I had a week to get it together. I’m taking a week. I’ll see you in seven days.” He sat up in bed. Jon never took his clothes off, so he stood up and righted himself, then turned around and gave her a deep kiss.

“But-”

Jon shook his head. “I love you Abby, but I need this. You were okay with it outside on the beach. You even told me I have a week.”

“I know what I said.” Abby sat up and pulled the sheet over her naked body. “I didn’t mean for you to leave me!” Fear tugged at her emotions. She didn’t want him to leave, she needed him so bad right now. How could he leave after what they went through?

“I’m not leaving you, baby. I need some time to myself.” He turned to her. “I realize now you were right, that I need to get my head together. No one knows how it affected me when I lost my Mother. I kept it all inside for many years and still do. Now Kevin’s loss is so profound I’m not sure what to do about this loss.”

“We can do this together.”

He shook his head. “We’ve done this together but I still can’t shake the doom I have inside of me. I want to, I can’t let it go on. Don’t you see I can’t bring this to a marriage with you? I need to let it go and I need to find out how.” He sat down on the bed and took her hand and held it to his mouth. “Let me figure out how to handle this loss.”

She took her other hand and cupped his cheek. “Jon, I can let you go if I have to and I can’t because I’m so scared you won’t come back. My love, I can’t take it if you don’t. I am not a whole person without you in my life.”

“I’ll be back in one week. I need space, I’m suffocating inside.”

Anger rose up inside of Abby. “How can you love me like you did and then walk out of my bedroom like this?”

“I should be ashamed but I’m not because I wanted to take the feel of you with me, to remind me what I have here.”

“That’s selfish.” She wouldn’t let him off the hook. What he was doing could destroy them.

Jon rose off the bed. “Dammit Abby. I’m not leaving you.”

She hissed. “Call it what you will, but make sure, Jon Hatfield, when you get done with your week away, that I’ll even want you back.”

He turned. “What are you telling me, you won’t let me back in to your life?”

She shrugged. Let him think whatever.

“I see. You’re adding so much more to this than what it is.”

“How so? Because I think running away will make things worse?”

He nodded his head. “You think I’m running away?”

Abby crossed her arms over her chest.

“You act like a spoiled child Abby.” He went over to the dresser where he kept his things and opened a drawer to grab some clothes. After a few minutes in the shared closet, he came out with a backpack. The zipper strained against the material and the clothes hung out where he couldn’t get it to shut.

Abby jumped out of the bed, the sheet falling to the floor. She stood there in all her nakedness. “Spoiled? Jon, I doubt anyone ever called me spoiled before and I know I’m not. I work for everything I have.”

“Your Grandfather handed you everything you have.”

“I’m not talking about my inheritance, but whatever I do, I work hard for it like anyone else. I am not a slouch! Why are you saying such cruel things?” He knew how she worked hard to keep her pets trained. She volunteered every single day. Her head pounded and her blood boiled.

Jon opened the bedroom door. He slammed it shut and turned to her. He stormed to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, his forehead against her own. “I’m so sorry. It wasn’t fair.”

“Get your hands off of me.” He backed up like someone lit him on fire. His eyes bore in to hers. She wasn’t about to give in now.

“Abby.” She ignored the warning in his eyes. He was the one leaving her.

“Go, Jon. Go find yourself but make sure you call me before you return.” She turned away and slipped through the bathroom door. She couldn’t watch him leave. Her body shivered at the coolness of the wood as she stood against the door and waited for him to go.

A long sigh sounded from the other side of the door but she wasn’t about to open it to him. If he wanted to go away for a while, she wouldn’t stop him. Her emotions rocked back and forth. She understood and yet the childish, immature part of her wanted him to stay.
I made it worse for him! Why did I act like a spoiled brat? He’s right!

“I love you.” His voice was soft and husky and strained. His heavy footsteps receded as he walked out of their bedroom and out the front door. Abby stood still when the motorcycle roared to life. She squeezed her eyes closed and put her hands over her ears. She couldn’t listen because then it would be real.

The house was silent except for the tiny sobs that escaped from her throat.

Chapter 2

Jon slammed gear after gear on the open road as the bike went faster and faster. He didn’t mean to make her so angry, so heartbroken. He wanted to stay and hold her, to reassure the woman he loved. But he knew in his heart if he wanted to get over this loss, he had to get away.

Other people with heavy burdens weren’t able to run away when things got tough. Was that what he was doing, running away? He tried to deal with his emotions, day after day since they got home from Memphis but the pain and heartache seemed to get bigger for him. He thought being home with the ocean and the lure of the tropical breeze on his face would calm his heart, but it was no use.

His heart ached for Kevin so bad. From the moment he saw the boy’s tiny face and heard his story, he knew in his heart Kevin would come home with him. What he didn’t know was it would be in a silver urn. It seemed too difficult to get over the pain.

He didn’t want to take Abby down with him. What if she got pregnant and something happened to her or the baby? Did he want to take the chance? As a doctor, he knew the chances of anything happening were slim, but his heart said it could happen. Then what? He’d be alone. Alone like the day his mother died as he watched horrified from the side of a hospital bed while machines kept her alive.

He shifted gears to slow the bike as he caught up with traffic. He realized he never dealt with the death of his mother. Something happened that day to his family and life was never the same. He watched his dad become a different person as the life drained from his soul. His brother Jake, who loved life, turned quiet and brooded because he felt as if his mother dying was his fault. Jon reassured him it wasn’t for years, but Jake never forgave himself. After years, Jon gave up because he knew his twin brother would have to come to grips on his own.

Like he needed to do now. After Jon graduated from high school, he enrolled in med school. His drive to become a doctor forced him to push his past to the back of his mind for so many years. With Kevin’s death it brought every hurt and emotion he tucked away out in the open like a fist that punched him in the face.

There was no way around this. He had to face his past. But first he wanted to slip away and forget.

He turned right on to Roosevelt Boulevard towards Key West. Not sure how he even got this far, Jon took his time weaving in and out of traffic, gliding along with the palm trees and ocean on one side of the road. He rode along, the noise of the bike in his ears, ignoring the other traffic and sounds around him.

Somehow he wound up in Josh and Sara’s driveway, but they weren’t home. He left the bike sit and text Jake because they had a pact whenever the other went on the bike, they would let each other know. It was something they did from the beginning when Jake first bought his motorcycle. Jon insisted he keep in touch because Jake would take midnight rides and the chance of breaking down or going down on the side of the road and no one knowing was a reality.

After Jon rode Jake’s bike a few times, he bought one of his own. The power of two wheels sang to Jon and when his stress level rose no matter what time of day or night, he would hop on and get in to the wind. He understood why Jake rode and did the same thing now. Get on the bike and go wherever it takes you and so he did. Now he was in Key West and all he wanted to do was forget the last few weeks.

Key West was the perfect place to forget. Plenty of bars and music and people to get lost in. His steps propelled him to move towards the music scene. Lights flickered and voices grew louder. Jon stopped in the corner bar closest to Josh and Sarah’s place, but they weren’t there either.

Josh was one of the undercover agents that helped Sara with the gun-runners on her property before they left for Memphis. He went undercover with her parents and she knew Josh when she was homeless on the streets with her mom and dad for years. Josh kept in touch now, calling every week or two and he said if they were ever in Key West to stay at their place, an old bed and breakfast they converted in to a big house.

He could get a hotel room but it seemed like too much energy in this little town filled with tourists and partiers.

Jon stood outside the bar and text Josh to let him know whose bike sat in his driveway. The thought of having his bike towed because they didn’t know who it belonged to was a possibility.

Sometime later, Josh returned his text, but Jon was sitting in a strange bar on Duval street having his second or third drink or maybe fourth. He stopped counting. Yes, this is what he needed, he thought. He’ll drink tonight and tomorrow get it together. The longer he stayed at the bar though, the more troubled he felt, as if the loss of Kevin closed him in a deep, dark tunnel and he couldn’t find the end. The bartender smiled and filled up his drink. She was a petite, dark haired girl in her early twenties, a tattoo of a red rose with thorns peppered down the side of her neck.

“What’s your name?” she asked him. The wash sink was in front of him so she stood there, her frame bent over. Jon could see down the front of her low cut top as she rinsed bar glasses.

“Jon.”

“Nice to meet you, Jon. I’m Becki.” She wiped her hand off and held it out. “Slow down on your drinking. I don’t want to flag you.”

He nodded and pushed the empty glass to the edge of the bar. “One more.”

She picked up the glass with long salon painted nails. Abby didn’t have long nails. Hers were short but he could still feel them rake his skin. He liked that about her, hard working hands that touched him and knew every single spot on him to make him moan with pleasure. He groaned out loud when he realized what he said to her earlier.

“Lady troubles?” the bartender asked.

“I’m not sure,” Jon told her while he raked a hand through his hair.

She leaned over the bar. “That looks sexy when you run your hand through your hair.”

He looked up at her. She was pretty with a petite frame and small nose set in an oval face with kissable full lips. She leaned forward more. He knew he could stay here and drink all night because she wasn’t about to flag him. She’d rather take him home, drunk or sober.

He wanted to drown in the booze and forget about everything. He wanted to make himself numb. Why did he think alcohol would help? Jon knew better, but the pain drove him to take another drink because with each one, he got fuzzier and light headed and he could punch the pain so far out in to the universe it would take a long time to reach him again. He couldn’t do that if she flagged him. Even if he could go to the next bar, he wanted to sit right here and forget.

Her hand brushed across his as it clasped on to the plastic cup. “Do you have a girlfriend?” she asked.

He doubted she cared if he had a girlfriend. It wouldn’t stop her at all. He tilted his head and decided he would never lie to get another drink. Jon laughed.

“What’s so funny?” she said in a low voice, her body leaning yet closer. By now her breasts were on the top of the bar, smashed against the counter top. She picked up a cherry and pulled it off the stem in her mouth. A dribble of liquid dripped from the corner of her lips.

Jon watched mesmerized. His head was fuzzy, but he knew it wasn’t Abby. “You’re not her,” he said and picked up his drink. He figured it would be the last one allowed tonight. He reached for the scattered bills on the bar and tried to stand up but she slammed her hand over his own.

“What’s the hurry? You can pretend I’m her tonight.”

He didn’t want her, how clear did he need to make it but his emotions were blurry. Everything looked blurry. He sat back down on the stool and laughed out loud. “How desperate are you Becki, to give yourself up to a stranger?”

The look on her face was priceless. He turned the tables on her and she didn’t know what to say. So he watched her shrug. “What does it matter as long as you get what you want and I get a little action.” She reached across the bar and caressed his cheek. Abby would do that. He closed his eyes to remember her touch. He had to get out of here, tell this woman she’d never have him because his heart belonged to one person.