Promise of Love (12 page)

"That she's quite a bit stronger and braver than she'll ever know,” Stuart continued, “Her dark eyes, black as midnight. Her hair when it's down, black and silky and shiny.” Stuart sighed. “It's gorgeous. Her body, she has such a great body, full hips, a nice bum, breasts just the right size with small round nipples, narrow waist, long pale thighs."

Stuart noticed Taylor's wide eyes, and paused. “The way her body excites me,” Stuart said. “How she just has to look my way to make my heart race. Holding her in my arms, knowing so much about her.” He felt as though he'd never really had such companionship with a woman before. “I like talking with her. She gets me to talk about things I didn't think I was capable of. She makes me want to be a better man."

Taylor sighed, and it pulled Stuart from his thoughts. Taylor's face held a satisfied look and Stuart wasn't sure why. “Why isn't all of that love?” he asked Stuart. “You're friends with her, right?"

Stuart nodded. “Probably even better than you in many ways."

"You like being with her?” Taylor continued.

"Yes."

"She makes you happy?” Taylor cocked his head.

"Very much.” Stuart nodded again, and narrowed his eyes.

"You spent lots of time with her?"

"Yes.”
What exactly was Taylor getting on about
?

"The sex is...,” Taylor paused for the word, “good?” He gave a coy smile.

"Of course.” Stuart couldn't keep the slight blush off his cheeks.

"You go to her when you have a problem?"

"I should do that more often, but lately, yes.” Stuart nodded his head gently.

"You care about her?"

"Very deeply.” He realized more and more how much he cared.

"So, why isn't all of that love?” Taylor asked. “She's your best friend, confidant, companion, and lover. What else do you think love is Stuart?” Taylor furrowed his brow and cocked his head more.

Stuart took a long sip of his beer. He didn't have an answer, so there seemed little point to try and provide one. Silence fell. Taylor continued to look at Stuart, and he grew increasingly uncomfortable. Stuart was just about to ask Taylor to stop, when the other man flicked back on the game. The noise of the recorded crowd swallowed the silence between them.

"So, why not just go for a field goal, instead of the fourth down...” Stuart stopped, having forgotten the correct jargon of the unfamiliar sport.

"Conversion,” Taylor finished. “They're outta range. ‘Sides they need more than three points to win."

"They're on the forty yard line. How is that out of range?” Stuart shook his head. A good kicker should be able to kick the ball, however awkwardly shaped an American football might be, that far.

"Well, ya gotta hike the ball back five yards from the line of scrimmage,” Taylor said. “Plus the goal post's ten yards back in the end zone. That makes the kick more like fifty-five yards or so. A kicker that good ain't easy to find."

"Why's the post so far back?” Stuart cocked his head. He felt glad the attention returned to a silly sport and off his relationship with Rieko.

"Well, it used to be on the goal line.” Taylor shrugged. “Players kept running into it and gettin’ hurt."

"They look like they're decked out for a third World War, helmets and all.” Stuart shook his head in astonishment. “How could they get hurt running into a little metal pole?"

"Don't go knocking my favorite sport.” Taylor waved a finger at him in exasperation. “I didn't go makin’ fun of cricket, now did I?"

"What do you even know about cricket?” Stuart raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest.

Taylor pinched his lips in thought. “It involves a flat bat, and a ball, and those funny little half pants.” His voice tapered off at the end, uncertainty showing.

Stuart sighed. “I'll teach you rugby sometime, instead.” He popped a pretzel into his mouth. “Be more up your alley.” He couldn't wait to teach Taylor a thing or two about one of his favorite sports.

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Stuart entered his quarters and rolled the small data chip between his fingers. Rieko was curious who from home had written him, but she'd asked no more when she handed him the chip to watch alone. He knew that getting any word from home meant only bad news. He would not have been written for good news. Stuart crossed the room and sat down at the desk. He placed the chip into his desk computer and waited for the image that he knew would emerge.

Madeline's face appeared before him. Her chestnut colored hair had more shine and luster than his darker tresses. Green tinted her blue eyes. A small smile graced her lips as it often did. She was the only one from home that would have written, no matter how bad the news to give was.

"Stuart.” Her voice rang clear over the light-years of space it had traveled to reach him. “I'm sending you this since I know no one else will.” She tightened her lips. “You should be told."

He smiled at the recording of her lovely face, thankful that, at least, Maddie was there to see he was not forgotten.

"Aunt Genna is quite sick,” she continued. The image of their favorite aunt sprang into his mind. Great Aunt Genna had an aged face with wrinkles from all the smiles that had graced it. Curls of silver surrounded her face, and crisp lucid green eyes showed the joy she still found in life.

"The cancer is back,” Maddie said, “in her liver now.” Great aunt Genna was in failing health for years, so none of this came as a surprise. “The doctors are giving her no more than six months to live.” Maddie's voice cracked a little with the news.

Aunt Genna was an old woman who had lived a full and long life, yet somehow only half a year of time left seemed too short. The thought hit Stuart that he would never again see his favorite aunt alive in person. He should have taken her up on that offer of a small holiday last spring before the ship left Earth. He'd had the leave time to do it, but thought he was too busy.

"For now she's doing fine and is in good spirits.” Maddie's voice brought his thoughts back to the letter.
Was there a time in which Aunt Genna had not been in good spirits
? She was the eternal optimist.

"Aunts Grace and Clare took her home from the hospital last Monday,” Maddie said. Great Aunt Genna had never found a man enough to her liking to settle down and have a family. Instead she used her nieces and nephew as her link to the next generation. Grace and Clare were the much older twin sisters of their mother, identical in so many ways and often very demanding of others. They had moved Aunt Genna in with them several years ago to care for her. Mum's parents had died when she and her sisters and brother were still fairly young, and it was Great Aunt Genna who cared for them after that.

"You need to mail her.” Maddie's voice held insistence, enough that Stuart wouldn't deny her. “First off she'd love to hear from you, but you have to say all you need to and give her time to respond in kind."

Stuart nodded to the recording. Knowing how long it took letters to travel out here, there was an urgency to contacting Aunt Genna, and the old woman would wish to send a reply, being a bit traditional like that.

"I know she has always been your favorite.” Maddie gave a slight smile to lessen her order. Aunt Genna had been all of their favorites, him, Maddie's, and Mum's, and Aunt Genna in turn was devoted to them.

"Went up this weekend to see her,” Maddie continued. “Asked to take Mum along.” Maddie's voice held a bitterness that one must ask their father to do something as simple as that. “You know how important Mum has always been to her.” Their mother was the youngest of her siblings, had missed their parents the most after their death. Aunt Genna's care of her during that rough time had linked them very close to each other.

"He wouldn't let her go.” Maddie's voice sounded calm and level, but Stuart knew her well enough to see the anger seething behind them. They had learned to hide their anger from him, and even now with the one person she knew would understand, she wouldn't allow it to show.
Lessons learned so well are hard to break
. Stuart frowned back at the screen.

"Gave some excuse about her needing to clean the house or do laundry or maybe it was just make him dinner,” Maddie said. She had likely been too furious at him by that time to remember the particular excuse he had given. “What does he have against her doing something that doesn't involve him?” Maddie's voice pleaded with Stuart to give her an answer she knew was not coming. “Why does he need that control?"

These weren't questions Stuart wanted to ask about his father, because how much of it applied to him as well. Maddie would never be either of them. She acted nothing like their father. Maddie had never doubted who she was. She had always just known. She never worried about him destroying her. She wasn't breakable, and her effort to keep herself intact in the wash of their father's control had made her a very strong woman. Maybe Aunt Genna had given Maddie her strength.

When Stuart escaped, it was unspokenly agreed that it was Maddie's task to look out for their parents. He hadn't felt guilt over this because Maddie knew enough to stand up to their father and survive.

"Why can't she break loose?” Maddie's voice cracked with pain. Stuart didn't know why his mother was weak. Maybe it was the confusion of her childhood. Maybe it was just a piece of who she was. She had given him a little of that weakness, but spared Maddie from it.

"Aunt Genna had always been so important to her.” Maddie gave a tight frown. “Remember after Dad's falling out with Uncle Harry.” Stuart had always rather liked Uncle Harry, Mum's older brother. London at Christmas with his Uncle Harry was still one of Stuart's most cherished childhood memories, but there came a time when Harry had disliked Stuart's father's actions, much as any older protective brother would have.

"When Aunt Genna was the only family of Mum's who visited,” Maddie continued. Uncle Harry wasn't welcome. Aunts Grace and Clare didn't have the energy to put up with their father. Great Aunt Genna though would not be pushed away or denied access. She had the strength to meet their father face on and win. She was probably the strongest person Stuart had ever known.

"How can he still be mad about that?” Maddie asked. “It's been almost twenty years. Who holds a grudge for that long?"

"A MacEwan,” Stuart answered in his head.

"Who denies an old dying woman the wish to see her favorite niece one last time?” Maddie asked.

It wasn't a question Stuart wanted to answer.
Did a man have to be evil to do that? Did that mean his father was evil
?

Maddie gave a big sigh. Her anger exited with the breath. “Sorry, ‘bout that, really turned into quite a rant.” She gave an apologetic smile. Who else would she have been able to complain to about their father and his actions? They had long ago got to the point that for the most part they didn't share with others the problems that they had with him.

"Anyway,” Maddie continued. “Mail Aunt Genna. She would love to see you in person, but a vid mail will have to do."

Stuart frowned at the image of his sister. He really should have made the time to take that holiday last year.

"Mail Aunts Grace and Clare while you're at it,” Maddie added. “They want to know you're alright.” She paused for a moment. “Mail Mum, Stuart. She misses you.” Maddie's voice grew soft. “They both do. Dad really isn't taking to retirement well. What does a MacEwan man do with spare time?” She gave a shrug, an excuse for their father's actions as they were used to making.

"Take care out there, Stuart. Remember we love you.” She gave a smile. Maddie had never had a problem knowing who she loved and didn't. “Well, hopefully hear from you soon, until then.” The look of uncertainty on Maddie's face made it impossible for Stuart not to write her a response.

"Goodbye, big brother.” Maddie gave a small wave, and then the vid message fell silent a moment before the screen fell blank.

Stuart stared at the empty screen. He envied Maddie, her strength, her confidence, that her soul was made of sterner stuff than his ever would be. He still questioned himself over so much. He had no idea about what to make of his current situation with Rieko and he knew that with every passing day her heart desired more of him.

She once promised that she would wait for him to grow into it all. He trusted that she would, but that didn't mean that his inaction on the matter was making things easy for her. Was he cut of the same cloth as his father? Would he make the same mistakes? Was he capable of the same actions against those he cared about? Would he ever be able to deal with the past between him and his father? Would any of his successes ever please his father?

His father's look of longing for Stuart to be like all his cousins was something so familiar to him. His father was doing it so long; long before Stuart joined Earth Space Fleet and finally crushed any lasting hope that he may be the son his father wanted.

Were his father's actions evil? Aunt Genna would be denied seeing her favorite niece because of her fearlessness toward his father. Aunt Genna's truthful words about his father's actions that still echoed over years. His father would continue to hold that grudge long after his great aunt was in the ground. Yet, Aunt Genna had already forgiven his father his actions thinking only about their mother and the destruction his father had done to her.

Was his father evil? From such a small age his father had shaped and molded Stuart into what he was today, so many of his actions still reflected his father's wishes. Stuart was as weak as his mother and had been as easy to tear down and remake.

All those years of harmful words: he wasn't good enough, he wasn't smart enough, or strong enough, or big enough, or brave enough, devoted enough, loyal enough. His father's anger at him for wetting his bed. He still remembered being six and cleaning his bed in the middle of the night so that his father would still love him. He remembered the pain of playing that last half of a soccer match with a sprained ankle at seven to show his strength. He remembered the long nights studying to get good grades when nothing in school made sense.