Promise of Love (11 page)

Stuart got a look of disbelief. “Marriage and children?” he muttered.

"You don't want marriage and children someday?” she asked.

He looked over at her. A fear of saying the wrong words filled his stormy eyes. “Do you?” His voice cracked a bit.

"Not right now, but someday...” She didn't want either now and who knows if it was even in their shared future. She did like the idea of eventually finding someone to share her life with, having children, and the idea of doing both with Stuart had a nice ring to it. “Do you?"

"Children.” He gave a deep sigh. “I'd just mess then up. Maybe not daughters.” His voice held a little hope. “Sons, I'd just mess up, the MacEwan curse.” He, at least, thought what he said was the truth, and maybe he knew better about the subject than her. She knew he was a better man than his father.

"Marriage I don't know,” he said. He shook his head. “My father ruined her, my mother, he killed something deep inside her.” His blue eyes bore into hers. “I think he really does love her. She really loves him, and his intentions were good.” His voice sounded bitter. “You can't remake someone that old without breaking them."

Rieko remembered how he had told her one could reform anyone if they were weak enough.
Was it his mother who he had been talking about
?

"I remember how she was when I was young.” A rare smile when talking about his family crossed his features, likely from good memories. “She was so happy and alive. Gave plenty of smiles."

Rieko tried to imagine a young Stuart with a smiling mother, laughing, having fun. Once one got past his thick exterior, he did like to make jokes and smile. He had to have gotten that from somewhere.

Stuart's smile fell away. “Now she's dead inside. She just sits there, not even her eyes are alive.” A deep pain showed in his voice, for a mother he had known and no longer fully had. “It hurts to see her like that. Doesn't it hurt him? Doesn't he know it's his fault?"

"Do you really think you could do that to me?” she asked.
Did he really think himself capable of such a thing
?

"I don't know.” He softly shook his head. He looked lost and confused. “If we were married and lived together, I don't know what I would demand of you to keep the order I want."

"I wouldn't let you do that to me.” Her statement sounded blunt.

Stuart stared at an empty corner of her room. “He did it little by little,” he said about his parents. “First she did one thing he wished, then two, then three, until now her life is his. She doesn't know who she is without him, what to do but serve him."

The thought of a lifeless woman sitting motionless, done with one task and waiting for his father to give her another, broke Rieko's heart. Having never met the woman, Rieko still felt bad for what Stuart's father had done to her.

Rieko wasn't like that. She couldn't be like that, and Stuart didn't want her to be like that. “Just because a woman does a great deal for her husband doesn't mean he controls her,” she said. Her mother did so much for her father, her brothers, even her, but none of them controlled her. She did those things to show her love for them in a way she thought she should.

"My mother does a lot of behind the scenes things for my father,” Rieko continued. All those little things that seem to get done without anyone's work, that was her mother's doing. They all knew that and thanked her for doing so. “He greatly appreciates her for it, and he doesn't control her."

"That's not the way it is with my parents.” Stuart shook his head. Rieko reasoned that likely it wasn't, that there was no respect, no appreciation, only the thought that his mother should obey without question. “Have you ever done anything like that for me?” His brow furrowed.

"I don't think so.” He had never wanted her to do anything like that, so she hadn't. Ever since she was little she had known that as a girl the rules were a little different. There were things she was supposed to do without being asked, help with meals, cleaning. Of course Asian culture required more courtesy than the North American and European culture most of the crew were raised with.

"Don't.” Stuart's voice came out harsh.

"Just because I..."

"Don't.” Stuart shook his head, and his voice grew ever harsher, holding more demand.

"Maybe it's silly tradition, but Asian women are still somewhat taught to serve others. It's not entirely a bad thing,” Rieko said. It wasn't something she did often either. Her mother had always thought that part of love was, also, service.

"Just don't, Rieko.” This time his voice sounded quiet and gentle. “Don't do that sort of thing for me."

"What all did they say, Shawn and the doctor?” Rieko asked to change the subject.

"Well,” he said, “lately it's been easy to talk to you."

"That's good, right?” she asked. Stuart gave her a big smile in reply. “So Shawn said...,” Rieko continued.

"It was a bit personal.” He shook his head. “The short version is we're to have no more lunchtime...,” he paused for the word, “nookie—is that the word one could use?” His face showed his dislike for the term.

"You don't like the term?” She tightened her lips into a smile. Stuart's sour looked deepened.

"The shagging?” he asked to see if they were back on topic. It was nice that they knew enough about each other to use such small phrases and more their faces and voices to communicate. “Poloski figured it out about our lunch activities, and told the captain over breakfast today."

The thought of Poloski rather bluntly telling Shawn that she believed his armory officer and one of the junior astronomy officers were having sex amused her. “I could just imagine,” she said.
Poor Shawn
.

"Somehow she knows about that storage closet shag in engineering,” he continued. She remembered that, the short food break the week they were in engineering helping out, where all he wanted was her. The thought that there were others outside that might hear, or worst yet, might walk into the unlockable room, had only heightened the encounter.

"How?” Rieko couldn't remember seeing Poloski around before or after.

"Not sure we want to know.” Stuart frowned. “Taylor knows now."

Of course Taylor would have been at breakfast with Poloski and the captain as he usually was. “Oh, my gosh.” Rieko's face filled with terror.

Sure Taylor knew about them, but still she wasn't sure if she wanted him to know that much, or Shawn either for that matter.
How was she supposed to look either of them in the eyes again now that they knew locations as well as actions in a much more exact manner than made her comfortable
?

"Taylor got a big kick out of it.” Stuart gave a short smile. “Although presumably he'd prefer I keep to marking my own territory."

Rieko shook her head at such a male way of thinking.
Since when was the ship to be divvied up with sexual actions? Weren't they more civilized than that
?

Worry crossed Stuart's features at his misspoken words. “Maybe that came out wrong."

"Yes."

Then, he stared deeply into her eyes, and she forgot momentarily his improper wording. “Rieko, don't ever change for me.” His voice cracked. He leaned in toward her and placed a large hand gently on her cheek. “I like you the way you are."

She smiled at him. “Don't worry, I won't."

He pulled her into a soft embrace. “Good,” he whispered.

[Back to Table of Contents]

Stuart and Taylor sat in Taylor's quarters, a table between them set with two beers and pretzels. They watched a vid screen with the gentle roar of a football game coming from it. Well, American football as Stuart had very clearly pointed out. Taylor was attempting to teach Stuart the finer points of his favorite sport, best in the universe as far as Taylor was concerned.

Taylor took another sip of his beer and sighed. Stuart wasn't entirely sure if the contentment came from the game, the beer, or the company.

"It's all a bit like rugby.” Stuart set his glass gently on the table. “With more pads. Why exactly do you call it football?"

"'Cause you kick the ball every once and a while.” Taylor frowned over at him. Being called on something he didn't know the answer to showed. Then again, most of Taylor's opinions showed easily, so unlike Stuart himself.

Stuart shot a sideways glance at Taylor. “We should be glad you yanks haven't graced our language with many more horrible misnomers.” He hoped the comment would lighten the mood.

"Bit harsh.” Taylor gave a smile despite his scolding tone. The other man had come to expect Stuart to get a couple good witty jabs in.

"Okay,” Taylor said, “here's one of those situations you'd go for a fourth down conversion. It's less than a yard to go. Jacksonville's got a great offensive line. Quarterback sneak it underneath. Ya got a first down.” His voice held the same tone he'd use to explain something in engineering.

Stuart looked blankly at the screen. Much as he wanted to enjoy some male bonding, he couldn't get his mind into it.

"What's on your mind, Stuart?” Taylor leaned across the table. “'Cause it sure as hell ain't football?"

Stuart looked at Taylor. “It's an interesting sport.” He doubted his statement would allow Taylor to believe him.

"It's Rieko, huh?” Taylor nodded. “That's the problem with women, right? When you don't got ‘em, you're as lonely as can be. When you do, you're never quite sure what to do with them.” Taylor sighed. “You want to talk, Stuart?"

Stuart blinked and looked away.
What other man would he feel comfortable talking to on the ship
? Stuart drew his attention from the game and gave Taylor what he knew was an apprehensive look.

"Let's talk.” Taylor flicked off the vid screen, and suddenly the room fell silent. “About Rieko and you,” Taylor continued.

"You're going to give me advice on relationships?” Stuart couldn't keep the sarcasm from his voice.

"Okay, so I suck at ‘em.” Taylor frowned. “I'm thinkin’ I might actually have more long term relationships under my belt."

Stuart knew that was hardly a hard fact to beat. Rieko was really his first long term relationship, his first relationship that had meant so much. That was the problem. He cared too much about her to mess things up.

"You counting Judy as one of those?” Stuart knew he was being defensive mentioning one of their shared female encounters.

"I'm tryin’ to be a friend here, Stuart.” Taylor's annoyance showed and a frown covered his usually jovial features. “'Cause you look like ya need one."

Stuart stared back, his face blank.

"You aren't fighting with her, are you?” Taylor asked. His eyes narrowed.

Stuart shook his head. “No.” He dropped his gaze to his glass of beer. “Do you think my intentions with her are good?” His eyes shyly met Taylor's.

"Of course.” It took Taylor no time to reply.

"You don't think I might hurt her?” Stuart kept his voice solid. Taylor more than anyone else had spent time with the two of them in public. Stuart knew how much different people could act in public and private, but he hoped he treated Rieko the same in either.

"How could you ever hurt her, Stuart?” Taylor sighed. “Why would you think that?"

Stuart wondered what Taylor had seen to give him such faith in Stuart's intentions. “All those girls...” Before being with Rieko, Stuart had told Taylor how many of his relations with women went.

"Meant nothin’ to you,” Taylor finished for him. “Rieko ain't one of those girls, is she?"

Stuart managed to shake his head.

"See,” Taylor said. He gave Stuart's shoulder a gentle push.

"She doesn't say so, but she wants more from me,” Stuart said.

"All women want commitment eventually.” Taylor sighed. “Is that what you're worried about?"

"She deserves more than me.” Stuart couldn't keep the sadness from his voice. So far he had yet to give her what she deserved, a man who loved her as much as she loved him. Stuart wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to do so.

"Nah, you're a great guy.” Still Taylor frowned at Stuart's statement. “What more does she need? She loves you, Stuart, and you love her. Why can't you just be happy about it?"

Stuart just stared back at Taylor.
When had he ever made it seem like he echoed Rieko's feelings for him
?

"You do love her, right, Stuart?” Taylor's brow creased.

"No,” Stuart answered, plain and honest.

"What do you mean ya don't love her?” Taylor's voice rose. “You've been gettin’ all cozy for months. You've been together for a couple weeks, right? How can ya not love her?"

"I don't know.” Stuart heard the confusion in his voice.

Taylor tightened his lips. “Who hurt you so bad? You've loved others, right? Why not love Rieko?"

Stuart made himself continue to look Taylor in his eyes. He managed only to reply with a shake of his head though. He didn't want the conversation to get any more personal than that.

Taylor leaned back and let out a deep sigh. Stuart knew that Taylor felt things strong and fast, never hiding those feelings. How was it he'd become such good friends with a man that was so different than him? Stuart didn't want Taylor to think he needed fixing.

"I've always got the opposite problem,” Taylor finally said. “Fall madly in love the second I see a woman."

"You in love with Ensign Carpenter?” Stuart asked. They had only been an item for a few weeks. How close could one get in such a short time?

"Leeza?” Taylor sighed again. “Head over heels, hook, line, and sinker. She's just gotta look my way and she's made my day."

Stuart frowned. “You still think I won't hurt, Rieko?” She deserved a man who would quickly fall in love with her, like Taylor, not one who still wasn't sure he'd ever love her.

Worry showed on Taylor's face. “We just need to sit down and think about this,” Taylor said. “What do you like about, Rieko?"

Stuart gathered his thoughts. Perhaps Taylor had something here, perhaps talking to someone other than Rieko would help.

"She has a lovely smile,” Stuart said. “She's good at her job and she really enjoys it. The way she crinkles up her little nose when she dislikes something.” Stuart couldn't help but smile at the thought. Taylor smiled back.