Protecting Jessyka (SEAL of Protection) (Volume 6) (6 page)

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

Kason laughed and encouraged Jess to keep walking into his apartment with a hand on her lower back, careful to keep away from the large bruise on her back from where she’d been pushed against the coffee table earlier that night.

Jess looked around. Kason’s apartment was nothing special. She hated to even think it, but it was true. The walls were white and he had, of course, a giant TV attached to the wall. There was a huge sectional couch with a beat up coffee table sitting in front of it. The kitchen was behind the couch. It was pretty typical for an apartment. Fridge, four burner stove, microwave, dishwasher and a small bar-type counter with two stools. Jess could see two pans sitting on the stove. One had water and noodles in it and the other was filled with some sort of red sauce.

She turned to Kason. “I interrupted your dinner? I’m so sorry!”

“Not a big deal, Jess.”

“No, really. I’m sorry.”

Kason had gotten Jess to the sectional and he helped her ease down into it. He’d placed her in the middle of one of the sides and after she’d sat down, he picked her feet up and swung them on the cushions.

Without a word he unlaced both shoes and put them on the floor, under the coffee table, out of the way. Benny grabbed a throw pillow from the side of the couch and helped arrange it under Jess’s head. Once he was done, Benny leaned in and put his hands on either side of her. His voice was low and controlled.

“I don’t give a fuck about dinner. I can re-make dinner. I can’t re-make you, Jess. So yeah, if you text me and say you need me, I don’t care what I’m doing, I’ll always drop it and come to you.” He paused, as if he was letting his words sink in. “Got it?”

Jess could only nod. She wasn’t sure she
did
get it, but it was obvious Kason had strong feelings on the subject, so she let it go.

“Are you hungry?”

Jess shook her head.

“Are you in pain? Can I get you anything?”

Jess shook her head again.

“Okay, get comfortable. I’ll be right back.”

Jess watched as Kason stood up and headed down a hallway off of the living room. She closed her eyes, trying desperately to stay in the moment and not let her mind go back to what had happened that night.

Kason was back a couple of minutes later. He was now dressed in a pair of badly cut off sweat pants and a T-shirt that looked like it had been in its prime about twenty years ago. His feet were bare and his hair was mussed, as if he’d run his fingers through it a few times. He was carrying two pillows and a fuzzy blanket. He put them on top of the coffee table and went into the kitchen, still without a word.

Jess heard the faucet running and the refrigerator opening. Kason came back around the couch and she could see he was carrying two glasses of water. He put them on the coffee table as well. Then he turned and looked down at her as if trying to decide where to sit. Finally he went to her head and gently lifted the pillow so he could sit down. Then he propped the pillow on his leg and gently eased Jess’s head back down. Benny’s hand came to rest on her forehead and stayed there. Every now and then his thumb would move in a small caress over her hairline, but otherwise he was still.

When he didn’t say anything, Jess looked up at him. Kason had his head tipped back so it was resting on the back of the couch with his eyes closed.

“Kason?”

“Yeah, Jess?”

“Are you okay?”

His head came up and he looked down at her. “Yeah. I’m okay. I’m just so relieved you’re here and that bastard didn’t hurt you any worse than he did. I’m trying to come up with a way to have you talk to me about what happened where you don’t have to re-live it all, but I’m not having any luck.”

Jess closed her eyes at Benny’s words and said in a small voice, “Do I have to talk about it?”

“Yeah, I think you do. Jess, look at me.”

Jess took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Kason was leaning over her now, one hand had moved to her cheek and just laid there, the other he put on her stomach.

“I’ve been there, gorgeous. Not exactly where you are, but I’ve been captured while on a mission. We were . . . asked . . . to give up information . . . but we wouldn’t. I had a cousin who killed himself too. Cookie’s woman lived through Hell after being kidnapped by sex traffickers down in Mexico . . . and she had a breakdown because she didn’t talk about it with anyone.

“I’ve been there, Jess. I know how important it is to talk it out. I’m probably not the best person you can talk to, but I’m here now and I’m your friend. Talk to me. Tell me what happened. Get it out. Then tomorrow in the light of day, we can start to figure out where to go from here. But for now, here tonight, let me have it. I’m your friend, Jess. Give it to me.”

Jess scrunched her eyes closed. “I-I . . .”

Before she could finish her sentence, even though she didn’t really know what she was going to say, Kason was moving. He stood up and encouraged Jess to sit up as well. He sat on the other side of her, then lay down so his back was to the back of the couch. He pulled Jess down until she was lying in front of him. Her back to his stomach. He curled one arm around her waist and pulled her back until she was completely surrounded by him.

“Am I hurting you?”

“No,” Jess whispered back, even though every time she moved she
did
hurt. She closed her eyes again. She curled her arms up until they were in front of her and her hands were resting under her cheek. She could feel every inch of Kason behind her. His legs were bent, as were hers, and they were touching from her feet to her head. The warmth of his body seeped into hers as if he was her own personal electric blanket. She hadn’t realized until that moment how cold she’d been. She shivered.

Kason leaned over her and snagged the blanket from the coffee table. He awkwardly spread it over their bodies, carefully tucking it in around Jess so that every inch of her body was covered. He lay back down and Jess felt his lips on the top of her head.

Jess could feel Kason waiting. “I don’t know where to start,” she told him honestly. So much was running through her head she didn’t know how to tell him anything.

“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere. Start wherever seems right.”

After a few moments, Jess started.

“I met Tabitha when she was ten. She was overweight and sad. I could see the sadness right away. But she was so smart. She could write stories that made me cry. At ten, Kason. She was that good. Her mom worked two jobs, so she was never home. Brian . . . well, he wasn’t much of an uncle. I tried to make up for it. I’d take her places, we’d go exploring. We’d laugh, we’d have a good time. Every time when I dropped her off back at her place, she’d be happy. Then the next time I’d see her, I’d have to cheer her up all over again. This happened over and over. All the time. As she got older she retreated into herself even more. I tried to help. I tried to talk to Tammy about it, but she just got mad at me. I tried to talk to Brian, but he told me he didn’t care. That Tabitha was fat and ugly and I might as well not bother.”

Jess took a breath and felt Kason’s hand rubbing up and down the side of her body. It was rhythmic and soothing. He hadn’t interrupted her to ask questions, he was just listening. It felt good.

“It was earlier this year that Brian started getting physical with me. I always knew he had a temper, but after we broke up and were just friends, he seemed to have a handle on it. That’s why I moved in. He was more like the fun-loving guy I knew in high school. I don’t know what happened. Something
had
to have happened. It was like a switch went off in him. One day he was laughing with me over me spilling something in the kitchen and the next day he was grabbing my arm and flinging me across the kitchen telling me I was a worthless cripple.”

“Drugs.”

“What?”

“Drugs. It’s the only thing I can think of that would make his personality change so drastically like that,” Benny said in a low confident voice.

Jess thought about it. Kason was probably right. She didn’t know who Brian was hanging out with at the construction site, but something had to have triggered his change in personality. Drugs made as much sense as anything else.

“I hadn’t thought it could be drugs affecting him,” Jess said. “Whatever it was, it scared me. But when Brian started belittling Tabitha when she was visiting, I knew I couldn’t bring her there anymore. I was scared for her. I was scared for me. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to get out. I’m not an idiot, Kason, I swear I’m not. I
knew
I shouldn’t stay with someone who was hitting me, but if I left, Tabitha wouldn’t have anyone on her side. I struggled with it for a while.”

“I know. I could see your struggle when we came into
Aces
.”

Jess nodded against Kason, but fell silent.

“What happened tonight?”

“I knew I had to get out. If Brian had no problem choking me, how far would he go? I knew I couldn’t stay until the end of the month, even if that meant I wouldn’t get to see Tabitha. I contacted a women’s shelter and they said they’d take me for a while until I could get the money to get my own place.”

Jess felt Kason’s muscles clench behind her. The arm around her waist tightened a fraction. She could feel him consciously loosen his grip on her.

When she didn’t continue, Kason urged, “Go on.”

“So I got some of my stuff together and put it by the door. I went over to talk to Tabitha. Tammy was out, so we stayed in and I talked to her for an hour. I explained what happened with Brian and why I was leaving. I told her I wasn’t leaving
her
, but I couldn’t live with Brian anymore. I warned her about him. Told her not to listen to anything he said to her, that she was a beautiful person inside and out.” Jess’s breath hitched and she forced back a sob. She had to get through this.

“She hugged me and told me not to worry about her, that she’d be okay. We both cried a little bit. She gave me a copy of the newest story she’d written. I felt pretty good about it when I left. I’d been so scared to tell her, but Tabitha was strong. She was encouraging and said she understood. But Kason . . . she didn’t. She was lying.”

“It’s okay, Jess, I’ve got you. Finish it.”

Jess could feel Kason’s arms tighten around her. She burrowed further into the blanket and his arms.

“A little while later, I’d arrived home when Brian came in. I was getting the last of my stuff together and he slammed the door open. He came right up to me and punched me in the stomach without saying anything. I fell back against the coffee table and he ranted at me. He screamed that Tabitha was dead. That she’d taken a bunch of pills and was dead. There wasn’t a note or anything, but I know why she did it.”

“No, Jess. You will not take this on yourself. I won’t let you,” Benny said firmly.

“But Kason . . .”

“No. You did nothing wrong. You didn’t kill her. She was a fourteen year-old teenager, whose mother didn’t take care of her emotionally. She was overweight and probably picked on at school. She was a loner who didn’t have any friends. She was the creative type. I could go on and on, but your words to her today did
not
make her do this. She obviously had it already planned. Think about it for a second.”

Jess didn’t want to think about it. Kason continued anyway, even when Jess shook her head.

“Maybe she was hanging on for
you
. Maybe she was just existing in her life as you were in yours, because she was worried about you. Once she knew you’d be okay, and were getting out, she felt free to do what she felt she had to do. I’m not condoning it. I don’t think anyone should end their life in order to escape emotional issues, but Jess, you can’t blame yourself. You’re a victim here too.”

Jess couldn’t speak. It just hurt too badly.

“Turn over, gorgeous, let me hold you.”

Jess awkwardly turned around in Kason’s arms until she was facing him. She buried her head into his chest and sniffled.

“Finish it, Jess. What else did Brian do?” Benny knew. He’d heard the story as she told it to the officer in the hospital, but he wanted her to get it all out here and now, safe in his arms.

“Nothing he hadn’t already done before. He called me a cripple. Made fun of me. Kicked me, smacked me around, then threw me against the wall. He said if I was leaving to get the hell out. I didn’t hesitate. I just grabbed my purse and left. I don’t have any of my stuff. I don’t have anything.”

“You’ll get your stuff, Jess. Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of it. And you have something. You have me. I’m your friend. I have your back. You don’t have to go to the women’s shelter. I have two bedrooms. It’s a crappy apartment, but you aren’t homeless. You can stay here as long as it takes to save up enough money for a place of your own.”

At Kason’s words, Jess burst into tears. She couldn’t hold them back anymore. Kason didn’t tell her to hush, he didn’t tell her it would all be okay, he just held her. He rocked her and ran his hands up and down her back.

Jess had no idea how long she’d been crying when she finally found herself out of tears. She was exhausted, completely drained. She opened her eyes and saw she’d soaked Kason’s shirt.

“I got you all wet.”

Kason chuckled above her. “I’ve slogged through the pits of hell on missions. I survived Hell Week. I’ve trudged through jungles without a shower for a week. A few tears and some snot doesn’t bother me in the least.”

His words made Jess blush. She hadn’t even thought about snot! “Jesus. Well, I’m sorry anyway, this isn’t the jungle or Hell Week.”

She could feel the chuckle rumble through Kason’s chest. It felt nice.

“Do you want some water or anything?”

Jess shook her head. She was comfortable right where she was. “I don’t want to move.”

“Okay.” Jess felt Kason’s hand on the back of her head. He pressed until her cheek was once more resting on his chest. “Go to sleep. We’ll figure things out in the morning.”

“But . . .”

“Jess, I’m tired. You’re tired. It’s been a hell of a day. Just relax. Trust me. I’ve got you. You’re safe, just sleep.”