Protective Love (Hidden Secrets) (12 page)

“Girls we need to sit and cuddle for a movie for a few minutes please.  We have an
onlooker and if we are to keep this charade up that we are dating we need to convince the peeping tom that.” 

Mary poured the boys a glass of wine and handed one to me and whispered, “You can do this.”

Though I was glad she thought so, I wasn’t so sure.  Walking over toward Jason, I knew what I had to do; I just wasn’t sure I was going to pull it off.  After having the some pleasant experiences with Jason, it was a little easier to do than before.  I handed him his glass of wine and he opened his arms, smiling up at me.  Lowering myself to his lap seemed like a million mile journey.  Once in his lap, he leaned over and whispered to me, his mouth next to my ear.

“I promise I will try and behave.”

He wrapped his arms around me and watched the television.  The feeling of safety in his arms was alarming, but relaxing.  My body was telling me I could trust him, but my mind was telling me to run away and go back to solitude.

“What took you so long in the room?”

“I cleaned it.”

I sat up straight. 

“You did what?”

He looked at me and rubbed my back. 

“I didn’t want you to have to do it or think about what happened in there.  I cleaned it, and I also ordered a new bed for you.  Until it gets here, though, I flipped the mattress over and remade it.”

Without thinking I hugged him and cried softly
into his neck.  He held me and kept rubbing my back.  The sound of his heart beating and the steady rise and fall of his chest made me relax, and I soon fell asleep.

CHAPTER TEN

~JASON~

After a few minutes, I felt Kayla curl into me.  She had fallen asleep, and I smiled to myself. 

Trust.

It wasn’t a huge step
, but she was starting to trust herself with me or she wouldn’t have fallen asleep in my arms.  I rested my head on hers and continued to rub her back gently.  Even if she was asleep, I still enjoyed having her in my arms.  About an hour later, the timer went off and scared her awake.

“It
’s okay, it’s just the timer for the oven.  You fell asleep for a little bit,”  I said reassuringly while still rubbing her back to calm her down.

“I’m sorry for falling asleep.  I
… I… uh, will go check on supper.”

With that she was up and off my lap quicker than I could blink
, it seemed.  I already felt cold without her in my arms.  I had never felt like this with another woman in my life.  There was something about Kayla, though.  It was like we needed each other.  She didn’t just need me, I needed her just as much.

God, she was beautiful
, and when she relaxed she was amazing, fun, and breathtaking.  Silently, I vowed to catch the prick and give Kayla her life back.  My thoughts drifted to the events that would follow her freedom, and I hoped I had a place in her new carefree life.  I was getting in deep, and I knew it.  Nothing I did would stop me from it now, and that scared the shit out of me!  To put that much faith in someone again – I wasn’t sure that I could do it yet.

Kayla needed to be cherished
- she deserved to be cherished.  Unsure as I was about taking that step, I wanted to be the one to give all that to her.  Soon, my past was going to come back to haunt me, and I needed to be the one to tell her.  I felt like a jerk for not telling her yet.  She’d just bared herself to me, and I couldn’t even tell her my story.  Part of me worried it would change her view of me, and I didn’t want that at all.

“Supper’s ready.  Sit at the
table, please.”

Mary and Nate went to the table, but I made my way into the kitchen to help.  Kayla turned around just as I walked around the island and bumped into me.

“Oh!”

She almost fell over, so I reached my hands around her waist to steady her.  Just the feel of her in my arms again had the blood rushing to my groin.

“Where are the plates?”  I whispered huskily.

She pointed to a cupboard.  I vaguely registered which one she pointed to.  She didn’t say a word at all.  All I needed to do was let her go and get the plates.  That was exactly what I needed to do
, and I planned to do it just as soon as I could get my body to work with my mind.  We stood there frozen, my arms around her and her arms rested on mine, unaware of how much time had passed.

A cough came from the dining room, breaking the trance and we pulled apart.  I moved to the cupboards and after opening two, I found the plates.  I handed
them to Kayla and took the heavy - and very - hot pan of lasagna out to the table.  Kayla followed behind me with the plates, silverware, and napkins.  After pulling out, her chair and pushing her in, I took my seat next to her.  We all ate in silence for a bit, glancing at each other every so often.

“Kayla this is fucking amazing!”

“Thank you, Nate.”

“Kayla loves cooking.  Whenever I decide to settle down and get married, Kayla will be the one catering my wedding.”

My stomach sank, but I looked at her anyway.  She was just pushing her food around with her fork, and I wondered for a moment what she was thinking.  It was only seconds later that I saw a tear fall down her cheek.  I quickly realized what she was thinking about.

Kayla got up and carried her plate
- still full of food - to the kitchen.  She scrapped food into a metal bowl and placed it on the floor.  My heart sank.  I knew what was coming and I couldn’t stop it.

“Cara, come!”
she called, then made a clicking noise.

As if she realized what she had just done
, she picked up the metal bowl and scraped the food into the garbage.  She began to wash out the bowl, and then she lost it.  She threw the water-filled bowl across the room. It made a clanging noise as it bounced off the wall and landed on the floor.  Kayla screamed as she dropped to her knees.  I was up and out of my seat in a matter of seconds. I scooped her up and carried her back into the spare bedroom.

“Please
, just leave,” she mumbled into my chest.

“I’
m not leaving you, sunshine.” 

I sat
her down on the bed and pulled away to look at her.

“Please
, just go,” she sobbed.

I wrapped my arms around her and held
her close to me.  Kayla pulled free.  I didn’t want to tighten my grip and frighten her, so I let her go.  She walked over to the other side of the room, keeping her back to me.  I wasn’t even sure I knew what I was thinking at the moment, but I crossed the room and  wrapped my arms around her again.

Again, s
he struggled to get free. I loosened my grip on her long enough for her to turn and face me, then pulled her against me again.  She started hitting my chest.

“Why do you have to be so sweet to me?  Don’t you get it?  I’m a reject
- a loser.  Why do you keep faking interest?  Why?”

Her knees gave out and I slowly lowered her to the floor
, never letting her go.  She let loose the tears.  As much as she had cried that day, I knew it still wasn’t enough for what she had gone through.

“You’re not any of those things
.  You’re amazing and beautiful.  It’s okay to let it all out.  I don’t care; I’m here for you,” I whispered.

Eventually she stopped crying.  I pulled back and took her face in my hands
, wiping away the dampness on her cheeks with my thumbs. 

“You want to tell me what got you so upset?”  I
asked softly.  “Was it your sister mentioning her future wedding?”

“I’
m never going to have that,” Kayla choked out.

“Why?”

“Don’t you get it?  I gave that up when I decided to try and catch Alex.”

I furrowed my brow, c
onfused at her reasoning.

“How do the two relate?”

She sighed.

“You really don’t get it
,” she said, shaking her head as she continued.  “If he is ever caught and I am free of him, the headlines will read: ‘Sixteen year rape victim finally gets justice!’”

Kayla looked up at me and searched my eyes for a moment.  I understood where she was coming from, but if
men judged her based on something completely out of her control, then they weren’t worth having in her life.  Not that I wanted to see her with another guy, I wanted her with me. 

Man
, I’m confusing to myself anymore.

“I can tell by the look on your face that you understand what I’m saying.  I’ll never be Kayla Williams, the vet and animal lover, who loves to sing, cook and read.  I will be Kayla Williams, the survivor of repeat raping over sixteen years.  I might be referred to as
being brave and strong, but everyone will look at me with disgust.”

She hung her head and shook it sadly.

“You may see yourself that way, but I don’t,” I said, lifting her head with my hands until she met my eyes.  “I see you now before this whole mess gets solved.  I see beauty, strength, and courage.  When I look at you, I smile.  I don’t see a victim of a heinous crime.  I see a woman I would very much like to get to know and earn her trust.” 

I ran my thumb over her bottom lip
, dropping my eyes to watch it trace the outlines of her mouth. 

“I see a woman
who I am having a very hard time not kissing again.  I said it before, and I will say it again because you don’t seem to hear me: I really like you, Kayla.  Just you.  I don’t care about your past or what the papers might label you as when we catch this sorry son of a bitch.  I really like you.”

I moved my eyes back up to hers. 

“Because I like you, I will not kiss you until you’re ready.  I will not do anything unless you tell me that it’s okay.  I want you to trust me, and I will do whatever I need to earn that trust.”

Kayla nodded, but dropped her eyes to my lips and back again to my eyes.  She leaned in slightly.  I started to lower my head to kiss her again when there was a knock on the door.  Kayla jumped.

“It’s okay. It’s just someone at the door,” I said calmly to Kayla.  “Yeah?”  I called out gruffly to whoever was on the other side of the door.

“Is everything okay in
there?”  Mary asked.

“Yeah, she’s fine.  She”

“I was having a hard time with the whole situation.  Jason helped me though.  I feel much better,” Kayla smiled.

I could tell it was a forced smile that she put on for appearance.  Someday I hope
d to make her smile genuine smiles.

“Oh, okay
… well, that’s good.  Um, I was thinking, since you don’t seem to have much fun anymore and we have friends here tonight, what about a game night?” 

Kayla looked at me raising a questioning
eyebrow. 

“Hey, I’m game if you are
,” I said.

“You guys don’t have to leave or anything?”

I shook my head and smiled. 

“I’
m here for you sunshine.”

“I guess
it's game time, then,” Kayla said with a smile.

I stood
up, then reached down and pulled her up off the floor.

“Wait!  I don’t have any games.”

“I brought some.  You know me, Kay, I love game nights,” Mary said as she left the room.

Kayla turned back to me.  I still had my arms around her.
 

“You’re sure about this?  You don’t have to if you don’t want.  I mean I understand if
-”

I had to stop her
doubts, and the only way I could think of that would do the trick was to kiss her.  I’d intended  it to be quick, just enough to get her to stop trying to push me out, but the second my lips connected with her lush, smooth, kissable lips, I lost that thought.  Turning so I was flush against her, I tangled my hands in her amazing soft hair and deepened the kiss.  There was a moaning noise that sounded in the otherwise silent room.  I wasn’t sure if it was me, Kayla, or the both of us.  When I felt her arms around my neck, pulling me closer, my thoughts went cloudy.  All that I registered was the heat from her mouth and the feel of her tongue on mine.  My hands moved down her back and to her butt.  She groaned and I broke the kiss.

“It’s not the pain that scares you
, it’s me isn’t it?”  I panted, my forehead resting on hers.

“Not you, but the action.
  It’s never been welcomed to feel… to feel your…”

“My erection?”  I finished
raising an eyebrow.

She nodded. 

“It’s hard to block out the forced and focus on the welcoming.”

I understood.  I
didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of that sooner. It would have saved her the trauma and me working myself up more, but when I was around her, I didn’t think straight.

“Can I ask you something?”
I asked, and she nodded, her eyes closed.  “Have you ever wanted to?”

“Yes
,” she whispered. 

Kayla took a deep
breath, opened her eyes and met mine. 

“With you.” 

Then she turned and walked out of the room, leaving me standing there, stunned.