Protective Love (Hidden Secrets) (15 page)

I dropped my head in my hands. 

“What am I going to do with you Nate?”

“Dude, we wanted each other
, so we took it.  You’re just pissed because you’re sitting here with a boner and can’t do anything about it with the object of your affection.”

I looked back at the camera and Kayla was pretty
much yelling the same things that I had yelled at Nate.  I started laughing.  Nate joined me.

“Bro, you and Kayla
- you’re meant to be together.  If you like her enough to wait, I have a feeling it will be worth it.”

My laughter had stopped and I stared at the screen. 

“She’s worth it,” I murmured.

“Now tell me
, didn’t you like the kiss?” Mary asked.  “I answered your questions.”

Shit!

I could feel Nate looking at me, but I wouldn’t look at him.  If there was a way I could stage an outage for the video and audio I would have, but it would put us out of contact with Kayla, and that just wasn’t worth the risk.

“W-what kiss?”
Kayla stuttered.

“Oh please, Kayla!  I came back to ask you what game you wanted to play first and his hands were buried in your hair
, yours were around his neck, and if his mouth got any deeper on yours your head would have been in his mouth.”

At this, Nate burst into laughter.  He was laughing and slapping his knee hard.
 

“Hahaha! That’s my girl!”

He continued to laugh even with my evil glare.  I sighed and looked back at the monitors.  I tried to decipher her face to tell me how she felt.

“It’s not that.  It’s just
… I really liked the kiss.  But that is where the problem lies.”

“What problem is that exactly?”

“That kind of thing has never been a welcoming experience for me.  I’ve worked very hard to keep everyone at a distance, but with Jason, I feel so safe and different.”

“That’s great, Kay!  You deserve it!”

“No you don’t get it.”

I could hear the panic building in her voice and I felt like such an ass for putting it there. 

“It’s really scaring the shit out of me.  I can’t stand it when our brothers hug me, but Jason can hold me and kiss me and make me feel… it’s terrifying,” she whispered.

“I get it, Kay.  Jason is the first person that could truly destroy you
, and you’re afraid he’s going to do just that.”

Watching Kayla nod her head caused butterflies in my stomach.  I couldn’t help but smile some at the fact that she like
d me, but that was short lived when I realized the added strain I must have been putting on her.

What the hell should I do?

“Can I ask you something?” Mary asked, and Kayla nodded.  “Does that mean you want Jason to stop, or that you’re just trying to adjust to this new wave of emotions?”

The longer Kayla didn’t speak the more on edge I
became.  What would I do if she said she wanted me to stop?  Could I stop?  Hell, I was just as scared of those feelings as she was.  It was new and very intense.  When I was around her, I couldn’t control myself, and control was something I’d always had.  A thought suddenly occurred to me.

“That’s fucking it!” I yelled
, making Nate jump.

“You asshole!  Don’t do that!  I just spilled my fucking drink!”

“Sorry, but I figured it out.  Kayla has never had control of her life.  I’m always in control of everything around me. But when I get around her, I lose control and she gains it.  That is why she feels so out of sorts about everything.”

I sagged back in my chair and heaved a sigh of relief.

The tension was back when I heard Mary press Kayla for an answer.  I worried that maybe I wasn’t right in my theory for why I scared her and she scared me. Maybe I just scared her period.

“Mare, you don’t understand.  I’m so scared that he’ll hurt me like Alex has.  What if he gets tired of waiting and…”

“Do you really believe that Jason is like Alex, Kay?  Do you like Jason?”

A tear must have f
allen because she reached up and wiped her cheek.  My heart sank.  As confused as I was about what was going on between Kayla and me, I still wanted to see what it was.  There was no doubt in my mind that I had feelings for her, but the confusion lay in whether or not the risk to put myself out there again would be worth it.

“I do, Mary.  Please tell me I will survive him if he turns out to not be who I think he is
,”she said, her voice shaky.

I knew in that moment that it would be worth the risk.  Nate was right, I needed to be patient.  Something I used to
do so well until I met Kayla.  Knowing and accepting my feelings, I knew I didn’t want to lose her.  Just as she was scared that I would break her, I was scared she would destroy me.

“I’m going to hit the sack for the first round.  Wake me when you’re ready for some sleep.” Nate said as he headed off to bed.

I sat back and listened to them chat about Mary’s travels and what was going on with her tour while she was with Kayla.  My mind kept wandering back to the fact that Kayla and I had the same fears.  I would never hurt her if I could help it, but the power she had over me was so much more than anyone in my past.  Just hearing Kayla’s voice calmed me.  Even though I had no idea where we stood and if I was even going to catch Alex, hearing her made the stress fall away.  The short time that Kayla had been in my life, and already I didn’t want her to leave.  There was no denying I was falling for her, and hard.  The question was, did she feel the same, or was I wasting my time.

“So Kay, what is your helpful song these days?”  Mary
asked Kayla, breaking into my thoughts and bringing me back to the monitors – and the object of my affection.

“That’s an easy one.  Want to hear it or do you want me to play it?”

“Play it, of course!  You know I always told you that you were in the wrong industry.”

Mary left the
view of the camera focused on Kayla, and came back moments later holding a guitar.   Kayla shifted a chair around and sat down.  She strummed a few chords before she started playing.  The music sounded familiar; I had heard the song before.  Then the most amazing voice followed.  If I hadn’t watched it on the camera myself and saw her singing, I wouldn’t have believed it.

“
When you get caught in the rain… When you’re distraught and in pain without anyone… When you keep calling out to be saved… but nobody comes…
” As she sang that line from Mariah Carey’s song “Through the Rain” she looked at the camera and my heart hammered in my chest.
“… I can make it through the rain.  I can stand up once again on my own.  And I know that I’m strong enough to mend.  And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith and I live one more day and I make it through the rain…
”

I listened to her sing
the familiar song, but the feeling behind it made the music soar.  Toward the end of the song, Mary had joined in, and they sounded amazing together.

“Wow!” came from behind me and I jumped out of my chair.

“Jesus!  You asshat!” I yelled.

“
Turnabouts fair play I’d say.” Nate chuckled. 

He looked back at the monitor and smiled. 

“She’s amazing.  The pain - I can feel it.”

I simply nodded my head
, and we listened to them finish up the song.  I had heard it before several times, but it had never hit home with me until I heard Kayla sing it. 

Nate
had gone back to bed, and I sat there in silence, watching as the girls got ready for bed.  Mary went to her room and shut the door.  I watched as Kayla stared at her door.  I zoomed the camera in on her face. 

I should have brought you home with me.

She turned suddenly and I had to zoom the camera back out.  She grabbed blankets and pillows from her closet and went out to the couch.  She made her bed on the couch and slipped under the covers.  I zoomed the camera in to see her the best I could.  She looked up at the camera just then.

“Is that you Jason?” 

I panicked for a minute; I thought someone was there.  I zoomed out and swiveled the camera around, but saw no one. 

“I can see the camera moving.  Move it up and down for yes and side to side for no
,” she said.

Zooming the camera back in on her, I moved the camera up and down.  She smiled.

“Are you alone?” 

Again I raised the camera up and down.

“I want to thank you for everything today. Thank you for understanding when it was too much and not pushing me.  For being there for me when I panicked.  But most importantly, thank you just for being you.  Thank you, Jason.  Goodnight, and I’ll see you in the morning.” 

She snuggled down deeper into her blankets and fell asleep.

I watched her sleep.  She looked so peaceful.  The silence was making me tired.  I tried to busy myself with paperwork.  Having to stop so often because I kept thinking back to our kisses, I abandoned the paperwork.  My eyes had drifted closed for just a second when a bloodcurdling scream fills the quiet apartment.  My body lurched forward, my heart in my throat, and found Kayla asleep on the couch with Mary rushing to her side.

“Kay!  Kayla!  Wake up!  You’re having a nightmare!” 

Kayla kept screaming and crying.  Mary flung her head toward the cameras, and I rushed out the door.  Nothing else needed to be said.  When I got to her apartment door, I could hear Mary screaming at Kayla.

“Wake up damn you!”

I knocked on the door loudly so Mary could hear me.  She opened the door seconds later.

“I can’t get her awake.”

Without pausing at Mary, I rushed over to Kayla’s side.  Carefully, I grabbed her hands and held them in mine.

“NO
, GOD, PLEASE!”

“Kayla, sunshine, wake up please.  Come on
, sunshine, wake up.”

I didn’t want to shake her or tap her
face; I knew it would only cause her to panic more.  I turned to Mary, who had tears falling down her face, and the sight was almost my undoing. 

“I need you to get me some water please. Cold.”

Mary ran to the kitchen and I turned my attention back to Kayla. 

What am I supposed to do?  She
’s caught in a horrible nightmare, and I’m beginning to worry that I won’t be able to pull her out of it.

“Kay!” I yelled.  “Sunshine!  WAKE UP!”

“Jason!  HELP ME!  He’s here! HELP ME, SOMEBODY!” she screamed.

My heart was breaking and I had tears building in my eyes.  I could feel the burn as the
y pooled in my eyes.  It wasn’t a time for breaking down.  Kayla needed me, and I needed to do whatever I could to help her.

Mary finally handed me the water and a wash cloth.  I wet the wash cloth and let the water drip on her face
, talking to her as I did. 

Suddenly she jerked up on one last scream.  Her chest was heaving and she was sweating.  I handed the
bowl and cloth back to Mary and tenderly held Kayla’s face. She jumped, and I turned her face gently toward me.  She burst into tears when her eyes met mine.

“Jason!”
she sobbed, and I held her close.

“It’s okay sunshine.  I’m right here.  It was just a dream
,” I whispered in her ear as I rocked her.

Shifting
her bedding around, I sat on the couch and held her on my lap, letting her cry.  She clung to me, and I held her just as tightly.  I brought my head down to hers and let my tears silently fall with hers.  If it was the last thing I did, I was going to set this woman free.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

~KAYLA~

Waking up that morning, I felt weird.  I felt rested and I felt safe.  My eyes would not open, but I could hear everything around me.  Mary was awake and sounded like she was talking to someone. 

Nate.

“How long has Jason been here?” Nate asked quietly.

“Since around
two, I guess.  She had a bad nightmare and I couldn’t wake her up.  I looked back at the camera and the next thing I know, he’s rushing in here.  I was glad he did.  She…” Mary’s voice broke, and so did my heart. 

I was bringing my family down with me. 
That was not what I wanted.

“He’s been holding her ever since.  I don’t think his arms have loosened at all
,” Mary whispered.

“
They probably haven’t; that man is head over heels in love with Kayla.  He hasn’t said it other than she is worth waiting for, but you should have seen him last night.  The man gets turned on by just her smile.  He has talked of nothing but her for the past week.  There is so much more to him that y’all don’t know, but if you did, you’d understand what a huge deal it is for him to love someone,” Nate said almost sadly.

I shifted in Jason’s arms and he groaned.  I could
n’t help but shift again.  He didn’t look it, but he was bony.  My ass was uncomfortable with him digging into me.  He groaned again.

“Stop, sunshine. 
I’m hard enough already,” he said sleepily.

I shifted again and realized it wasn’t that
he was bony.  He had an…

“Please
stop, or it’ll be over before it even starts,” he groaned.

For some reason, I was excited by the fact that I did
that to him.  How – even after he knew all there was to know about me - could I cause him to get an erection?  I’d been asking myself that since the day before, when I first felt it during our kiss. 

A feeling came over me
and I froze.  It came out of nowhere, and I felt like I was going to stop breathing. I knew that feeling all too well; he was watching. 

He’s watching me.  I can feel it.  I know the eerie feeling.  Oh God!
 

A sob escaped before I could stop it
.  Jason pulled me tighter to him, and suddenly his face was near mine.

“It’s okay sunshine. I have you. I have you.  You’re safe
,” he whispered over and over as he kissed my cheek and forehead.  “It’s just a dream.”

“He’s watching.”

Jason froze this time.

“How do you know?”
he whispered.

“I can feel it.  I get this feeling every time he is near.  He’s watching me.  Jason, he can see me
,” I cried softly.

“Don’t cry.  We’
ll get him, I promise.”

I knew he meant it.  It was the tone in his voice that told me so.  Never
had I ever come across someone who was so determined to save someone he barely knew.

“That man is head over heels in love with Kayla.”

Nate’s words came back loud and clear in my head.  Could he really be in love with me?  What the hell was love, anyway?  I knew love from my family, but was there really such thing outside of that?  If there was, I never knew it, and I wasn’t sure I believe it at that moment.

“Hey
.”

I opened my eyes to see Jason staring down at me with a smile on his face.  I couldn’t help, but smile back.  He was just an infectious person.  He was someone you wanted around all the time
, not just on days when you were down and needed lifted up.

“Hey
,” I said shyly.

“You are so beautiful when you first wake up.  Did you know that?”

I shook my head.  That tingling feeling started again as his eyes dropped to my lips.  He leaned down a little further and I lifted my head.  It was like my body was taking over and my brain had no say in what was going on.  He smiled as he closed the distance and kissed me. 

His lips on mine sent that feeling of awareness through my body and made me tingle all over.  It was kind of like my whole body was falling asleep.  The heat followed shortly after.  Not like
‘staying out in the sun too long’ heat, but a fever-like heat.  All of those feelings were new to me, and I wasn’t sure if they were good things or bad.

No matter what it was
, my body wanted more.  His hands moved from the sides of my face to tangle in my hair, and my hands gripped his arms.  He deepened the kiss further and I gasped.  He pushed his tongue into my now open mouth and groaned when his tongue touched mine.  Our tongues danced a sensual, wet dance, and I was lost to the feelings he created when he kissed me like that.

My heart rate spiked and my hands moved up his arms.  His muscles flexed under my hands as they traveled up and wrapped around his neck
, pulling him closer to me.  Jason moved his hands from my hair and wrapped them around me, holding me tighter. He moaned when I tightened my hands in his hair, keeping his mouth tight against mine. 

Jason’s hand traveled down my back and
around to rest on my hip before slowly moving it up my stomach.  I tensed up.  He felt it because his hand stopped and moved up to caress my face as he slowed down the kiss before breaking away completely.  He rested his head against mine while our breathing calmed.

“I’m sorry.  I swear I was only going to give you a good morning kiss, but
I can’t control myself around you,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry.  It’s just
… it scares me.  All of it.  All the feelings, the urgency - I have never felt anything like this before and it’s scaring me.  Can we take it slow?  Whatever this is… what is this?” I couldn’t meet his eyes as I asked.

“This?”  He
asked, his hand cradling my face, making me look at him.

“Y-you and me.  Are
… are you just playing around?” I whispered.

“Sunshine, if you are asking me
whether I have feelings for you or if I’m just taking advantage of a situation, I have feelings for you.  Last night when I saw you having that nightmare and your sister not being able to wake you up, I drove over here with no second thoughts other than I needed to be with you.  What do I see in the future for us?  I don’t know, but I know that I want to try and see where things go.  The way I feel about you, Sunshine, is new to me too.  It scares me too, but maybe together we can both figure this out and move forward.”

I nodded my head
, unsure of what to say.  There still wasn’t a clear answer as to what was going on between us.  Maybe it was just me. 

I am completely ignorant when it comes to this stuff.  Maybe he did give me the answer I need and I just
don’t realize it.  Am I this stupid? 

Tears burned my eyes.  I was so tired of crying, but
that hurt.  I was completely stupid.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”
he whispered.

I just shook my head, but he pressed me for an answer. 

“I am so fucking stupid!” I yelled.

“Hey, c
alm down.  Why do you feel you’re stupid?”

“Because I have no idea what that means
,” I whispered.

“What it means
… it means that you are mine and I am yours right now.  It means we are dating, but taking things slowly so I can earn your trust and you can get to know me.  Does that help?”

I nodded and he smiled
, pressing a tender kiss on my lips. 

“So that means I have a boyfriend?  For real?  You’re not
just playing the role?”

He laughed
- I loved that sound.  It was rich and so full of life, just like him.  I took a deep breath and waited for his answer.

“Yes.  You’ve got a boyfriend
, and I have a beautiful, intoxicating girlfriend.  No, I am not just playing a role.  Just remember that this is just as scary for me as it is for you.  We have to learn from each other and we both need to learn to trust again.”  I nodded.  “So?  What do you want to do today?”

This was one of the things I adored about Jason.  He knew just how to make me forget the scary things and focus on other
things, and unknowingly adjusts to what I thought was scary while I was busy with something else.

“I’d like to go see Carson.  Would you go with me?”

“Of course,” he smiled.

I shifted to get off his lap causing him to groan and I froze.  He smiled sheepishly.

“I’m sorry I can’t control it.  It has its own head you know?  It thinks for itself.”

There was no stopping it – I laughed. In fact, I laughed so hard that I laughed right off his lap and landed on the floor, hitting my elbow on the way down.

“Ah shit!” I murmured.

“Are you okay?” He laughed and helped me off the floor.

“Yes.  I’m fine.”I
groaned, rubbing my elbow. 

He lifted my arm up and kissed my elbow
.  Suddenly, the tingles were back, and I forgot all about hitting my ‘not so funny’ funny bone.

“I’m going to head to the apartment and get showered and changed.
  Do you need anything while I’m out?”  I shook my head.  “Okay then I will be back in about a twenty minutes or so.  Please don’t go outside alone.”  I nodded.

He kissed me on the cheek and left.
  I sighed.

“He
really does like you.”

I jumped and screamed.  The door flew open and Jason ran back in.  Freezing in
mid-scream, I saw his gun drawn, and then the whole situation hit. I laughed my ass off.  Nate joined in and Jason glared as he put his gun away.  He grabbed my hand and pulled me close.

“I heard you scream and
it scared the shit out of me,” he said, all serious.

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t know Nate was here.  He scared me when he
spoke,” I was trying hard to stifle my laugh, but was failing miserably.

He kissed me and left again.  I turned to Nate and glared at him.
 

“That wasn’t very nice
, sneaking up on me.”

“I thought you knew I was here.  He does really like you though.  Please don’t break him.  He’s a great guy, but has been shit on in the past.  I haven’t
with anyone else the way he is with you.  Please don’t break him,” he pleaded.

“I
- I won’t, but Nate…” my voice trailed off.

“He won’t.  I know him, Kay
, he is an amazing man.  He took me in when I had no one.  We grew up together, but it wasn’t until the force that we truly bonded.  He’s like a brother to me.  Jason will not do anything that would jeopardize you or what you have – not unless it benefited you.  He would hurt himself first before he let anything hurt you.”

“How do you know?  He
’s never said anything like that to me.”

“I know him, Kay. 
Don’t forget, I work with him every day, and off times we hang out, when he isn’t being a loner.  I know him.  His feelings for you are close to love, if he isn’t there already.”

“What?”  I breathed.

“Just thought you should know.  You need to get ready though.  He will be back here soon.  If I know him, he’s rushing to get back here, and will be maybe ten more minutes if you’re lucky.” 

He squeezed my shoulder and left.  I ran into the shower.

I hurried as fast as I could in the shower without neglecting taking care of the necessities.  It wasn’t until I got out of the shower that I realized I hadn’t grabbed any clothes.  Grabbing a towel and wrapping around me, I opened the bathroom door, staring at the portal to my bedroom.  I just couldn’t do it. 

There were noises coming from the kitchen,
and I guessed that Mary must be making breakfast.

“Hey Mare, can I ask you a fav-”

My voice stopped when I realized it wasn’t Mare, but Jason. 

I froze and stared wide eyed.
  Jason was equally stunned.  I watched as he stared at me.  His eyes lowered and that burning feeling he gave me when he kissed me ran through me with his gaze.  His throat bounced as he swallowed and he shifted.  It was then I noticed the bulge in his pants, and my breath caught.

“Wh-”  He cleared his throa
t.  “Do you need something?”

His
voice was raspier than normal.  It was the same voice he used right before he kissed me.  It was deeper and rougher, and it caused butterflies in my stomach.

“I, uh, I need clothes from my room
, and I was going to ask Mare to get them for me.”

“She left with Nate.  Would you like me to get them?”

Shaking my head, I walked backwards to the hall.  I was willing to go into my personal hell just to get away from the embarrassing moment that I was in right then.  His eyes never left me until I was out of sight.  Sighing with relief, I stood in front of my door staring at it.