Protective Love (Hidden Secrets) (20 page)

Alex grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to my feet.  I hit him in the stomach and chest a few times before he pushed me against the island.  The edge of the counter dug into my back as
he leaned in closer to me.  I leaned back until my back met the counter.  I couldn’t get away. I was cornered; trapped.

“You’re going to regret that, pe
t,.” he hissed.

“I’m not your pet!  Get the fuck off me!” I screamed.

He leaned down and put his mouth to mine.  I pressed my lips together.  I was tired of being a victim.  I was tired of sitting there doing nothing in fear that I was going to be hurt worse.  If I was going to have to suffer through it at all, then at least I was going to fight back.

I opened my mouth
, and he moaned as he pushed his tongue in.  When I knew his tongue was in far enough, I clamped my teeth down biting as hard as I could.  He groaned in pain but I didn’t let up.  I was going to bite his fucking tongue off if that was what it took to get him to leave me alone!

He
reached into his pocket for something, but before I could react it was too late.  He sliced across my arm with a knife, and I screamed in pain.  With his other hand, he punched me in the side of the head – hard – causing me to finally release his tongue.

“You fucking bitch!”
he growled.

I fell to the floor clutching my arm
, trying to stop the bleeding.  When he moved toward me, I looked up and pleaded with him.

CHAPTER
EIGHTEEN

~JASON
~

I woke with a major need to pee, but complete
ly peaceful.  Kayla was curled into me.  This time, I wasn’t holding her in my arms because she had a nightmare.  She was laying with her head on my chest and her arm across my waist.  It was a feeling I had never experienced.  We have never had sex, yet there I was, just as content as if we had.  The peace, relief, and relaxed feeling that I felt right then was a wonderful feeling, and I hoped to have many, many more of those kind of mornings.

She looked so peaceful
as she slept.  I wiggled my way out from under her, somehow managing not to wake her.  Grabbing my IV pole, I stumbled my way to the bathroom.  I was a little weak, but nothing like I imagined I would be after having surgery.  I moved to the sink to wash my hands when a scream came from the room.

Shit!  She’s having a nightmare!

I rushed out to the room as fast as my feet would carry me and I could get the pole to move.  Just as I got to the bed, several nurses came in the room.  I was sure they enjoyed a nice view of my bare ass, but my focus was on Kayla.

“Please
… there’s a lot of blood.  I need to go to the doctor,” she sobbed.

I moved next to her.  I tried to wake her, but she wouldn’t wake up.  With only experiencing one of her nightmares, I was still learning what to do and not to do while she was stuck in one.  I turned around to one of the nurses and was about to ask her to get me water when Kayla spoke again.  My head turned slowly back to her and my heart sank.

“Oh god!  It hurts!  You’re hurting me!” She started crying.  “Just kill me.  Please just kill me.  If this is what my life is going to be like, please just kill me.”

I turned to the pale
-faced nurses.

“Please
, someone get me some cold water.  She’s stuck in a nightmare.”

It
was the worst I had heard.  She wasn’t hearing my voice at all.  The last time, she registered me, but she wasn’t this time.  The nurse handed me cold water in a glass and I slowly poured it on her face.  She thrashed before jerking up to a sitting position and screaming.  Reaching up with my good hand, I touched her face and she jumped.

“Kayla, baby, it’s okay.  He can’t hurt you.  You’re with me in the hospital.”

“He was… it was…” she stammered as she began to rub her arm.

I grabbed her hand and held it in mine.  I rubbed her arm
, and that’s when I felt the raise on her skin.  I looked down and saw the scar that stretched from just above her wrist and angled back to almost touch her elbow.

“He did this to you?” I whispered.

Looking up at her, I saw her nod her head.  Everything in me wanted to get out of that hospital gown and hunt the fucker down, then kill him for ever laying a hand on my Kayla.  Instead, I pulled her into me and held her while she cried softly into my chest.

“It’s never going to be over, is it?”
she whispered.

“It’ll be over and in the past, if it’s the last thing I do
,” I promised.

Kayla being the strong woman I fell in love with pulled herself together and sat back for me to get into the bed.  The nurses hadn’t left the room and were still standing at the end of the bed staring at Kayla.  When I smiled up at Kayla for helping me into bed, I could tell she was embarrassed.

“She has nightmares and-”

“I’
ve been attacked for the past sixteen years by a man, and I relive the attacks when I sleep,” she shrugged.  “Sorry for scaring you all.  It won’t happen again.”  She turned to me.  “I’m going to go get you some breakfast.” 

She lean
ed down and kissed me, then left.

My smiled stayed on my face even after she left.  The older nurse who looked like she might have worked all night checked my vitals.  The male nurse in the room stared at me.  It was starting to get on my nerves.

“Do you have a problem?” I snapped.

“W-who me?”
he asked shocked.

“Yeah.  You keep staring at me and frankly
, you’re beginning to piss me off.”

“I just
… you’re dating her?”

“Not that it’s your place to even ask, but yes
, I am.  It’s been about four months now.”

“She has obvious baggage
, and you’re willingly dating her.” 

He sounded genuinely confused.

“Look you asshole.  That woman is the strongest, smartest, and most beautiful woman I have ever met.  Everyone has a fucking past.  By judging them for it, we could be seriously missing out.  Past or not, I love that girl.  Closed minded idiots are often the ones to never see the true treasures this world holds.  Keep that in mind as you go through your life alone.  Get the fuck out of my room!”

“Sorry man
,” he muttered as he left.

The nurses left shortly after.  My blood was boiling.  What was wrong with this world that a person would be condemned for an event or actions they had no control over?  It floor
ed me the amount of pressure there is out there to be perfect.  Perfect doesn’t exist.  It’s an illusion, a myth.  I found the imperfections to be the most beautiful things about people and things.  My philosophy was: if we were all meant to be the same, we wouldn’t have the ability to think on our own.

Kayla definitely didn’t choose her life, but she made the best of what she
had, and that made her so damn sexy.  She didn’t let Alex stop her completely.  Yes, he controlled major portions of her life - but he didn’t control everything, and those moments when she was outside of her pain and turmoil… God, she shined brighter than the sun.  I was actually grateful there were closed-minded people out there because Kayla may not have been with me if there weren’t.  I shifted back and closed my eyes.

“Hey
,” a soft, beautiful voice said.

I opened my eyes to find the beautiful woman to match that voice. 

“Hey yourself.  Where have you been?  I’m lonely in this bed on my own.”

She laughed softly.

“I told you I went to get some breakfast.  Not this hospital crap either, and I needed to change my clothes and shower.”

“There’s a shower in my
private
room.  You could’ve taken one here,” I wiggled my eyebrows.

“Are you hungry?”
she asked after a pause.

I nodded my head and watched her get food out for me.  I noticed it was all things that I could eat with one hand.  It was hard not to laugh, but a smile played on my lips.

“I didn’t want you to move your other arm at all, so I took precautions,” she shrugged.

Looking at Kayla, I realized she didn’t get herself anything.  One thing I knew about Kayla was when something was bothering her
, she couldn’t eat.  I didn’t like her not eating.

“Kay?  What’s wrong?”

“I can’t stay here again, and I’m worried to stay alone.”

Putting my food down, I pushed the tray away and patted the bed next to me.  Sh
e walked over and sat next to me, but didn’t look at me.

“Why can’t you stay here?  Were you not comfortable last night?” 

It wasn’t about how comfortable she was, and I knew that.  She didn’t want to stay because of her nightmare.  There was no way I was letting her take the easy road on this one.  She was going to face them head on and I was going to help them.

She turned and looked at me then with tears glistening in her eyes. 

“I can’t stay after having that nightmare.  They probably won’t let me either.  I can’t stop them.  I can’t get away from them.  The only time I don’t have them is…”

“Is when, sunshine?”

With perfect timing, the asshole nurse came back in the room.  Just as I was getting ready to lay into him for a second time today, he turned to Kayla.

“Ma’am, I was wondering if I could talk to you a minute.  If
… if that’s okay?”

Protective mode kick
ed in.

“She isn’t going anywhere alone with you.  If she wants to talk you do it right here in front of me
,” I informed him as I pulled Kayla back in my arms.

He nodded. 

“I was curious, how y’all are doing it?”

We both look at each other confused and respond
ed together. 

“Do what?”

“I saw you having that nightmare.  Anyone hearing that knows what kind of past you have.  How do you move forward with him?  How do you stay with her when her past comes out like that?”

“Honestly…” Kayla paused.

“Oh, my name is Corey, Ma’am.”

“Honestly
, Corey, I haven’t moved forward.  My past is still in my present.  However, I ran into Jason here at my family’s house when I was leaving.  Something about him calmed my constant nerves.  I wanted him to stay away, and I think I actually begged you to, didn’t I?  It was a kiss that changed my mind, and from then on I just trusted my gut.  It hasn’t let me down yet.”

Corey was definitely trying to process all this information.  Maybe there was more to his comment earlier that I was too in a hurry to dismiss as judgmental.  Something was telling me this was something close to him.

“Her past isn’t who she is, Corey.  The way she moves throughout the day or the extra precautions she takes, yes, but she’s more than those things.  When I met this woman, she took my breath away even before I knew her name, heard her talk, or anything.  It was like clouds were out, but the sun broke through to shine only on her.  Then one day she walks into the station to make a report with a big scary circle of men, and I find out why she ran from me and pushed me away.  Did it change my view?  Absolutely not!  In fact, it made me respect her even more.  Things that come natural to you and me, are harder for her.  But because it’s harder for her, that makes it mean so much more when she lets you in.  Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes. 
Yes, thank you both,” he stood to leave.

“Why did you ask us that?” Kayla asked.

He sat back down and told us all about his girlfriend, and what she’s like with him, and to be honest, it sounded a lot like Kayla.  The only difference was that he doesn’t even know what her past carried.  He only got bits and pieces.

“I am head over heels in love with this girl, but if I touch her she freaks.  She says to be patient, but its…”

“Hard?  It is hard man, but if she’s worth it and you really do love her, it doesn’t really matter in the end how hard it is, because you want to do it no matter what,” I said as I looked at Kayla.

“Have you guys
… I mean… never mind, it isn’t any of my business.”

“No, we haven’t had sex
,” I said bluntly.  “Do I want to? Hell yes!  Does she want to? Duh, look at me, of course she does,” I said laughingly.

It was
a serious topic, but it didn’t mean that there was a reason to be somber about it.  It was a situation that would change when it was meant to change, so why fret?

“I do want to
,” Kayla whispered, and I froze, staring at her completely shocked as she continued.  “But my past creeps in and stops me.  I panic and freak out, as you put it.  I worry that my constant back and forth is going to send Jason running from me, but there is nothing I can do about it.  I can’t control the panic or the fear.  If you really love her like you say you do, then talk to her.  Listen to her.  Make her laugh when all she wants to do is cry.  Breathe for her when she feels like she’s suffocating.  Let her see that you are there for her for whatever happens, and it doesn’t affect how you feel about her.  Only then will she truly know you aren’t just trying to get in her pants, and trust is formed,” she finished, her voice shaking.

I
pulled her tighter to me.

“See Corey
, the thing is, your girl is probably going through those same problems and worries.  For me, whatever piece I can get from Kayla is fine by me as long as I have a piece of her with me.  One day I will hold all the pieces and be able to make her whole again, but until then, I will take one day - one piece - at a time, until she is ready.”

“Thank you, you guys were extremely helpful.  I really appreciate it
,” he said as he was walking out the door, closing it behind him.

Leaning back against the bed, I yawned.  When Kayla stayed sitting up, I sat back up and ran my hand down her arm.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Do you get frustrated with my hot and cold?”
she asked quietly.

“Baby, our relationship, is not based on sex.  It’s based on friendship.  Yes, I would love to make love to you, but I know that will come when both of us are ready.  I wouldn’t want it before then.  I want you to enjoy
that time too, not just me.”

She sat there for a moment not saying anything.  I worried that I might have said something wrong.