Providence (21 page)

“I heard,” I smiled.

“Take it with you. I want you to have it.”

“But it’s your favorite shirt!” I argued, pulling away to look at him.

“My mornings won’t be quite as disappointing from now on if I know you’re waking up in that shirt,” he countered.

“Good point. I’m taking it. But it’s only on loan.”

“Oh, there’s no doubt in my mind that one of these days it will be a permanent fixture in my closet again. You can’t live in Andrews forever.”

I bit my lip and pressed my cheek against his bare chest. It seemed a little silly, lying here with him, knowing we both would rather I just stay. But I would never hear the end of it from my friends, and my mother would be an entirely different set of problems.

“I could stay here on the weekends,” I said.

“You will?” he asked, his eyes brightening.

“If that’s okay, I don’t want to impose.”

Jared kissed me until I could feel a tingling in my toes. Just as I needed to take a breath, he pulled away. “I would have everything you own here by the time you finished your classes today if you’d let me. You staying here on weekends is absolutely okay.”

A smile spanned the width of my face and I wrapped my arms around his neck. When he said things like that, it was hard for me to remember why I couldn’t just give in to what he wanted—to what I wanted. I immediately felt better knowing that I had a few more days with him.

“You’re going to be late. I’ll make coffee,” he said, jogging downstairs.

I hurried through my shower and Jared handed me a pink travel mug as I put my coat on. I raised an eyebrow at the color and then looked back at him.

“It’s Claire’s,” he shrugged.

“Um, I thought I would take my car today. Do you mind picking me up, later?”

Jared didn’t hide his disappointment. “Sure. Just give me a call when you’re ready.”

I leaned up on my toes to kiss him. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”

The professor began lecture just as I slid into my seat. Kim leaned over to whisper in my ear.

“Beth and I are going for coffee after class. You coming?”

“Sure. I’ll drive,” I offered.

I felt like I hadn’t spent enough time with Kim and Beth lately. An afternoon at the café would give us time to catch up. At least I would get caught up on their lives; my news included almost getting kidnapped and tortured, and my boyfriend nearly beating the man to death who had tried.

The three of us huddled at the table of the coffee shop, waiting to thaw. The temperature had dropped significantly after lunch, and the wind was brutal. I was glad that I would be lying on a beach somewhere in just over a week.

I sipped my coffee as Beth chattered about Chad. Things between them were progressing, and she mentioned she wasn’t homesick for the first time since she’d come to Brown. She was even considering getting an apartment in the summer instead of returning to Oklahoma.

I tried to concentrate on the conversation, but I found myself focusing on the new information Jared had forced out of Dawson. I wanted to know what it was that Jared was keeping from me; it couldn’t be good news.

“Nigh. Nigh! Where are you? You look like you’re a million miles away,” Kim said. She and Beth were both staring at me with matching expressions.

“Ugh, I’m sorry. I just have a lot going on,” I said, blinking.

Beth’s cell phone hummed. By her tone I knew that it was Chad. Apparently he was out and about, and she invited him to join us.

“I hope that’s okay,” Beth said to us after disconnecting the line.

Kim shrugged. “Fine with me.”

“Ryan is with him,” Beth added, eyeing me.

I made sure my face was smooth. I hadn’t seen Ryan since Jared had told me that Ryan and I were meant to be together. I wasn’t sure how to act around him with that knowledge.

Ten minutes later, the door chimed as Chad and Ryan strolled through it. They were both in gym clothes, sweaty and tired.

Ryan had his white hat pulled down over his eyes and didn’t speak when he sat across from me at the table. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

“What have you two been up to?” Beth asked, standing up to sit on Chad’s lap.

“We just finished a basketball game. We lost,” Chad said in an embittered tone.

“They cheated. Repeatedly,” Ryan chuckled, only his smile visible.

“What? You can’t handle prison rules?” Kim elbowed him, making him sway for a moment.

Ryan pulled his hat up and over to the side, his eyes finally in view. “I can handle prison rules, it’s the cheating when there is supposed to be rules that bothers me. I lost twenty bucks!”

“Oh no!” Beth said, laughing. “Did you lose money, Baby?” Chad pursed his lips and nodded, still brooding. “Aw!” she said, rubbing his back.

We sat at the table, discussing the game. Our laughter saturated the room, causing the other patrons to stare. After a while, Ryan leaned over and pulled my chair closer to him, the legs grating against the floor. He stretched his arm around the back of my chair and smiled, flashing the deep dimple in his cheek.

Ryan’s destiny to be my future husband popped into my head, and a strange ache overwhelmed me. Ryan’s future was forever changed the second Jared sat on that bench. I would never take that moment back, but I cared about Ryan. I wanted him to be happy, and that was impossible if I stayed in the picture. One of these days I would have to remove myself completely from his life, and because of that, either Claire or Jared would be separated from their family.

Ryan gripped my shoulder and pulled me to his side. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“Hmmm?” I said, distracted.

“She’s been like that the whole time she’s been here,” Kim complained.

Ryan hugged me to him again and I turned, throwing my arms around him. He tensed, obviously not expecting my sudden display of affection. After his initial shock wore off, he rested his chin on my shoulder and enveloped me in his arms.

He puffed a short laugh. “What’s going on, Nigh?” he whispered into my neck.

I shook my head. I couldn’t tell him, and even if I did, I didn’t want him to know.

“We’re, uh…we’re going to take off,” Chad said.

“Is it all right if I catch a ride with you?” Kim asked.

I pulled away from Ryan and looked up at my friends. “It’s Friday. Did you want to go out later?”

Kim shot a look at Ryan and then back at me. “I already have plans. Tomorrow night?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“I’ll catch a ride with Nina,” Ryan said.

Beth and I both looked at Chad, who shrugged. “Cool. See ya.” He lifted his hand to wave and they filed out of the coffee shop.

I looked at Ryan, embarrassed. “It’s official. I’m a freak.”

“You’re not a freak. Chad was planning on taking Beth back with him, anyway. They have dinner plans.”

“I cleared the table in less than two minutes. I’m a freak.”

“You want to grab some dinner?”

I tried to think of a delicate way to turn him down, but he spoke before anything came to mind.

“We’ll just grab something quick…go through a drive thru. Me and Josh are going to grab a few beers later, anyway,” he explained.

“Oh. Yeah, okay,” I said, standing up.

We sat in the parking lot closest to Andrews devouring our fast food. The slogan game had kept us entertained since we left the coffee shop. Ryan countered my feeble attempts to stump him so quickly that I couldn’t help but double over with laughter.

“Have you been practicing?” I giggled, exhausted from laughing so hard.

“I’m not gonna lie. I’ve had a lot of time on my hands, waiting to heal,” he chuckled, throwing up a piece of chicken and catching it in his mouth. “What are you doing tonight?” he asked.

“I’m probably going to get some laundry together, take it over to Jared’s,” I said without thinking.

“You’re staying over there again? I thought you said you weren’t moving in,” he said, this time without his usual attitude.

“I’m not,” I snapped, waiting for him to come back with something spiteful.

Ryan sighed and took my hand. “I don’t want to argue about it anymore, Nigh. I’ve said everything I needed to say on the subject.”

“I don’t want us to fight, either. I want us to be able to hang out and be friends like we used to. I miss you,” I said, suddenly hopeful that we could get beyond all of the infatuation nonsense.

“I miss you, too. I’ll quit being a jerk,” he said, brushing my bangs out of my eyes. “When you hugged me tonight, I realized how ridiculous I’ve been. I don’t want to lose you, Nina. It doesn’t matter if you’re with him, or me, or anyone else. What matters is that we’re friends, and that you can count on me being here when you need me.”

I pulled in a shallow breath through my nose, trying to keep my eyes from glossing over with tears. He didn’t know that we would have to lose each other if he wanted to be happy. I just smiled and nodded my head, and Ryan hugged me once more.

“Truce?”

“Truce,” I smiled.

He walked to his dormitory and I headed to Andrews, feeling morose. I pulled out my cell phone and called Jared, who picked up on the first ring.

“Hey,” he answered, sounding a bit sad himself.

“I’m just going to grab a few things from my room and then I’ll be ready.”

As I rounded the corner, Jared came into view, his cell phone to his ear. He pulled up one corner of his mouth into a contrived half-smile. I put my cell phone away and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. He could sense my feelings for Ryan, and I was ashamed for feeling the way I did. It wasn’t fair to either of them.

An awkward silence festered in the Escalade until we pulled up to the curb in front of his apartment.

“Nina…,”

“It’s okay,” I interrupted him. I wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but I didn’t want to waste time discussing my feelings for Ryan. Jared felt he was getting in the way of fate, but I knew what I wanted. There would be no compromise.

We walked hand in hand to the loft, and I could feel the worry radiating from him. I hung my coat on the rack and immediately went to the kitchen, praying there were dishes to be done or to put away; anything to keep me busy.

Jared went to his extravagant stereo system and tinkered with the multitude of buttons. While I put away dishes in various cabinets, a familiar song permeated the room. I felt Jared’s arms surround me, the heat of his skin sinking into my back. His cheek touched mine as he pulled me into his chest, and I closed my eyes when he whispered into my ear.

“Do you recognize this song?”

I simply nodded, listening to the music. It was the song we danced to at the pub. I remembered that moment as if it were just hours before, and yet it felt like a lifetime ago.

“What is it?” I asked.

“It’s called ‘Little Heaven’.” His lips peppered my neck with soft, tiny kisses, working his way up to my ear.

I smiled. “That’s appropriate.”

Jared turned me slowly to face him and I watched the clouds roll in, darkening his eyes. His jaw tensed as he scanned my face.

“I could step aside, Nina. I could step aside and let you be with who you’re supposed to be with. If I was any less selfish…I would. But even after all of my stupid mistakes, I still think I can make you happy.

“If it’s what you want, I’ll step aside,” he shook his head, “but if it’s not…I’ll fight fate. I’ll fight Heaven, and Hell, and everything in between to keep you.”

I stood there, stunned. Anything I said would pale in comparison. The storms in his eyes raged stronger than I’d ever seen them.

“Jared…,” I struggled with what I wanted to say. Jared swallowed, sensing the turmoil within me. I shook my head and he let go of my waist, bracing himself for my next words. But there would be none.

I inched up on the balls of my feet and paused. My eyes moved from his eyes to his mouth. Jared stood motionless, waiting for judgment.

I pressed my lips to his, and he cautiously kissed me back. My hands held each side of his face, and I worked my lips against his, sliding my fingers through the back of his hair. Jared’s hands returned to my waist as the kiss intensified. My lips parted and he pulled me to him without hesitation. His doubt melted away, he knew my decision.

Against his body I let out an involuntary moan, causing a chain reaction. Almost simultaneously, I lifted Jared’s shirt as he finished the task by yanking it over his head, my knee inched up and Jared firmly grabbed it, pulling it higher up his side, and then he eagerly lifted me on top of the counter.

I wrapped my legs around him, digging my fingers into the bare flesh of his back to draw him closer. His hands gripped my thighs, impatiently pulling me to the edge of the counter. Jared’s lips were urgent, but in a new way. His wasn’t the kiss that he used to tell me he loved me, or to tell me goodbye. He was giving in.

Jared lifted my sweater over my head and I let out a satisfied sigh when he pressed his bare chest against mine. I pressed my lips harder against his; we still weren’t close enough. My breath grew ragged and uneven as he impatiently pulled me from the counter and walked across the room—my legs still wrapped around him—to climb the stairs. As he held me, he never took his lips from mine.