P.S. I Love You (9 page)

“No, no, Holly,” he said, wagging a finger at her as though she were a naughty child. “You shouldn’t put it there, it needs to be in a cool, draft-free location away from harsh sunlight and heat vents.”

“Oh, of course.” Holly picked the pot back up and searched around the room in panic for a suitable place. What had he said? A draft-free, warm location? How did he always manage to make her feel like an incompetent little girl?

“How about that little table in the center, it should be safe there.”

Holly did as she was told and placed the pot on the table, half expecting him to say ‘good girl&rsquo. Thankfully he didn’t.

Richard took his favorite position at the fireplace and surveyed the room. “Your house is very clean,” he commented.

“Thank you, I just, eh…cleaned it.”

He nodded as if he already knew.

“Can I get you a tea or coffee?” she asked, expecting him to say no.

“Yes, great,” he said, clapping his hands together, “tea would be splendid. Just milk, no sugar.”

Holly returned from the kitchen with two mugs of tea and placed them down on the coffee table. She hoped the steam rising from the mugs wouldn’t murder the poor plant.

“You just need to water it regularly and feed it during the months of spring.” He was still talking about the plant. Holly nodded, knowing full well she would not do either of those things.

“I didn’t know you had green fingers, Richard,” she said, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

“Only when I’m painting with the children. At least that’s what Meredith says,” he laughed, cracking a rare joke.

“Do you do much work in your garden?” Holly was anxious to keep the conversation flowing; as the house was so quiet, every silence was amplified.

“Oh yes, I love to work in the garden.” His eyes lit up. “Saturdays are my garden days,” he said, smiling into his mug of tea.

Holly felt as though a complete stranger were sitting beside her. She realized she knew very little about Richard and he equally knew very little about her. But that was the way Richard had always liked to keep things, he had always distanced himself from the family even when they were younger. He never shared exciting news with them or even told them how his day went. He was just full of facts, facts and more facts. The first time the family had even heard of Meredith was the day they both came over for dinner to announce their engagement. Unfortunately at that stage it was too late to convince him not to marry the flame-haired green-eyed dragon. Not that he would have listened anyway.

“So,” she announced, far too loudly for the echoing room, “anything strange or startling?” Like why are you here?

“No, no, nothing strange, everything is ticking over as normal.” He took a sip of tea then a while later added, “Nothing startling either, for that matter. I just thought I would pop in and say hello while I was in the area.”

“Ah, right. It’s unusual for you to be over this side of the city.” Holly laughed. “What brings you to the dark and dangerous world of the north side?”

“Oh, you know, just a little business,” he mumbled to himself. “But my car’s parked on the other side of the River Liffey of course!”

Holly forced a smile.

“Just joking of course,” he added. “It’s just outside the house…it will be safe, won’t it?” he asked seriously.

“I think it should be OK,” Holly said sarcastically. “There doesn’t seem to be anyone suspicious hanging around the cul-de-sac in broad daylight today.” Her humor was lost on him. “How’s Emily and Timmy, sorry, I mean Timothy?” That was an honest mistake for once.

Richard’s eyes lit up. “Oh, they’re good, Holly, very good. Worrying, though.” He looked away and surveyed her living room.

“What do you mean?” Holly asked, thinking that perhaps Richard might open up to her.

“Oh, there isn’t one thing in particular, Holly. Children are a worry in general.” He pushed the rim of his glasses up his nose and looked her in the eye. “But I suppose you’re glad you will never have to worry about all this children nonsense,” he said, laughing.

There was a silence.

Holly felt like she had been kicked in the stomach.

“So have you found a job yet?” he continued on.

Holly sat frozen on her chair in shock; she couldn’t believe he had the audacity to say that to her. She was insulted and hurt and she wanted him out of her house. She really wasn’t in the mood to be polite to him anymore and she certainly couldn’t be bothered explaining to his narrow little mind that she hadn’t even begun looking for a job yet as she was still grieving the death of her husband. ‘Nonsense’ that he wouldn’t have to experience for another fifty years.

“No,” she spat out.

“So what are you doing for money? Have you signed on the dole?”

“No, Richard,” she said, trying not to lose her temper, “I haven’t signed on the dole, I get
widow’s
allowance.”

“Ah, that’s a great, handy thing, isn’t it?”

“Handy is not quite the word I would use, devastatingly depressing is more like it.”

The atmosphere was tense. Suddenly he slapped his leg with his hand, signaling the end of the conversation. “I better motor on so and get back to work,” he announced, standing up and exaggerating a stretch as though he had been sitting down for hours.

“OK then.” Holly was relieved. “You better leave while your car is still there.” Once again her humor was lost on him; he was peering out the window to check.

“You’re right; it’s still there, thank God. Anyway, nice to see you and thank you for the tea,” he said to a spot on the wall above her head.

“You’re welcome and thank you for the orchid,” Holly said through gritted teeth. He marched down the garden path and stopped midway to look at the garden. He nodded his head disapprovingly and shouted to her, “You really must get someone to sort this mess out,” and drove off in his brown family car.

Holly fumed as she watched him drive off and banged the door shut. That man made her blood boil so much she felt like knocking him out. He just hadn’t a clue…about anything.

ELEVEN

“
O
H SHARON, I JUST
HATE
him,” Holly moaned to her friend on the phone later that night.

“Just ignore him, Holly, he can’t help himself, he’s an idiot,” she replied angrily.

“But that’s what annoys me even more. Everyone says he can’t help himself or it’s not his fault. He’s a grown man, Sharon. He’s thirty-six years old. He should bloody well know when to keep his mouth shut. He says those things deliberately,” she fumed.

“I really don’t think he does it deliberately, Holly,” she said soothingly. “I genuinely think he called around to wish you a happy birthday…”

“Yeah! And what’s that about?” Holly ranted. “Since
when
has he ever called around to my house to give me a birthday present?
Never!
That’s when!”

“Well, thirty is more of a big deal than any other…”

“Not in his eyes it’s not! He even said so at dinner a few weeks ago. If I recall, his exact words were,” she mimicked his voice, “I don’t agree with silly celebrations blah-blah-blah, I’m a sap blah-blah-blah. He really is a Dick.”

Sharon laughed at her friend sounding like a ten-year-old. “OK, so he’s an evil monster of a being who deserves to burn in hell!”

Holly paused. “Well, I wouldn’t go that far, Sharon…”

Sharon laughed. “Oh, I just can’t please you at all, can I?”

Holly smiled weakly. Gerry would know exactly how she was feeling, he would know exactly what to say and he would know exactly what to do. He would give her one of his famous hugs and all her problems would melt away. She grabbed a pillow from her bed and hugged it tight. She couldn’t remember the last time she hugged someone,
really
hugged someone. And the depressing thing was that she couldn’t imagine ever embracing anyone the same way again.

“Helloooo? Earth to Holly? You still there or am I talking to myself again?”

“Oh sorry, Sharon, what did you say?”

“I said, have you given any more thought to this karaoke business?”

“Sharon!” Holly yelped. “No more thought is required on that subject!”

“OK, calm down, woman! I was just thinking that we could hire out a karaoke machine and we could set it up in your living room. That way, you’ll be doing what he wants minus the embarrassment! What do you think?”

“No, Sharon, it’s a great idea but it won’t work; he wants me to do it in Club Diva, wherever that is.”

“Ah! So sweet! Because you’re his Disco Diva?”

“I think that was the general idea,” Holly said miserably.

“Ah! That’s a lovely idea, although Club Diva? Never heard of it.”

“Well, that’s that settled then, if no one knows where it is, then I just can’t do it, can I?” Holly said, satisfied she had found a way out.

They both said their good-byes and as soon as Holly had hung up, the phone rang again.

“Hi, sweetheart.”

“Mum!” Holly said accusingly.

“Oh God, what have I done now?”

“I received a little visit from your evil son today and I’m not very happy.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, dear, I tried to call you earlier to tell you he was on his way over but I kept getting that bloody answering machine, do you ever turn your phone on?”

“That is not the point, Mum.”

“I know, I’m sorry. Why, what did he do?”

“He opened his mouth. There lies the problem in itself.”

“Oh no, and he was so excited about giving you that present.”

“Well, I’m not denying that the present was very nice and thoughtful and all of those wonderful things, but he said some of the most insulting things without batting an eyelid!”

“Do you want me to talk to him for you?”

“No, it’s OK; we’re big boys and girls now. But thanks anyway. So what are you up to?” Holly was anxious to change the subject.

“Ciara and I are watching a Denzel Washington film. Ciara thinks she’s going to marry him someday,” Elizabeth laughed.

“I am, too!” Ciara shouted in the background.

“Well, sorry to burst her little bubble, but he’s already married.”

“He’s married, honey.” Elizabeth passed on the message.

“Hollywood marriages…,” Ciara mumbled in the background.

“Are the two of you on your own?” Holly asked.

“Frank is down the pub and Declan is in college.”

“College? But it’s ten o’clock at night!” Holly laughed. Declan was probably out somewhere doing something illegal and using college as an excuse. She didn’t think her mum would be so gullible to believe that, especially after having four other children.

“Oh, he’s a very hard worker when he puts his mind to it, Holly, he’s working on some project. I don’t know what it is; I don’t listen half the time.”

“Mmm,” Holly replied, not believing a word of it.

“Anyway, my future son-in-law is back on television so I must be off,” Elizabeth laughed. “Would you like to come around and join us?”

“Thanks but no, I’m OK here.”

“All right, love, but if you change your mind you know where we are. Bye, dear.”

Back to her empty, silent house.

Holly woke up the next morning still fully dressed and lying on her bed. She could feel herself slipping into her old habits again. All her positive thoughts of the past few weeks were melting away bit by bit every day. It was so bloody tiring trying to be happy all the time and she just didn’t have the energy anymore. Who cared if the house was a mess? Nobody but her was going to see it, and she certainly didn’t care one way or the other. Who cared if she didn’t wear makeup or wash for a week? She certainly had no intention of impressing anyone. The only guy she was seeing regularly was the pizza delivery boy, and she had to tip him to make him smile.
Who bloody cared?
Her phone vibrated beside her, signaling a message. It was from Sharon.

CLUB DIVA NO 36700700

THINK BOUT IT. WUD B FUN.

DO IT 4 GERRY?

Gerry’s bloody dead, she felt like texting back. But ever since she had begun opening the envelopes he didn’t feel dead to her. It was as though he were just away on holiday and writing her letters, so he wasn’t
really
gone. Well, the very least she could do was ring the club and suss out the situation. That didn’t mean she had to go through with it.

She dialed the number and a man answered. She couldn’t think of anything to say so she quickly hung up again. Oh, come on, Holly, she told herself, it’s really not that difficult, just say a friend is interested in singing.

Holly braced herself and pressed REDIAL.

The same voice answered, “Club Diva.”

“Hi, I was wondering if you do karaoke nights there?”

“Yes we do, they are on a…,” she heard him leafing through some pages, “yeah sorry, they’re on a Thursday.”

“Thursday?”

“No sorry, sorry, hold on…” He leafed through some pages again. “No, they’re on a Tuesday night.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, they are definitely on a Tuesday.”

“OK, em, well, I was wondering if, em…” Holly took a deep breath and began the sentence again. “My friend might be interested in singing and she was wondering what she would have to do?”

There was a long pause on the other end.

“Hello?” Was this person stupid?

“Yeah sorry, I don’t actually organize the karaoke nights, so…”

“OK.” Holly was losing her temper. It had taken a lot to summon up the courage to actually make the call and some underqualified unhelpful little twit wasn’t going to ruin it for her. “Well, is there anyone there who might have a clue?”

“Eh, no, there isn’t, the club isn’t actually open yet, it’s very early in the morning still,” came the sarcastic response.

“Well, thank you very much, you’ve been a terrific help,” she said, matching his sarcasm.

“Excuse me, if you can just bear with me for a moment, I’ll try and find out for you.” Holly was put on hold and was forced to listen to ‘Greensleeves’ for the next five minutes.

“Hello? Are you still there?”

“Barely,” she said angrily.

“OK, I’m very sorry about the delay but I just made a phone call there. What’s your friend’s name?”