P.S. I Love You (13 page)

She stood with her arms folded on the stage and stared at the audience in shock. The music started without her even noticing and she missed the first few lines of the song. The DJ stopped the track and put it back to the start.

There was complete silence. Holly cleared her throat and the sound echoed around the room. Holly stared down at Denise and Sharon for help and her whole table held their thumbs up at her. Ordinarily Holly would have laughed at how corny they all looked, but right then it was strangely comforting. Finally the music began again and Holly held the microphone tightly in her two hands and prepared to sing. With an extremely shaky and timid voice she sang: “What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?”

Denise and Sharon howled with laughter at the wonderful choice of song and gave her a big cheer. Holly struggled on, singing dreadfully and looking like she was about to burst into tears. Just when she felt like she was about to hear boos again her family and friends joined in with the chorus. “Ooh, I’ll get by with a little help from my friends; yes, I’ll get by with a little help from my friends.”

The crowd turned to her table of family and friends and laughed and the atmosphere warmed a little more. Holly prepared herself for the high note coming up and yelled at the top of her lungs, “Do you
neeeed
anybody?” She even managed to give herself a fright with the volume and a few people helped her out to sing, “I need somebody to love.”

“Do you
neeeed
anybody?” she repeated and held the microphone out to the crowd to encourage them to sing, and they all sang, “I need somebody to love,” and gave themselves a round of applause. Holly felt less nervous now and battled her way through the rest of the song. The people down the back continued on chatting, the bar staff carried on serving drinks and smashing glasses until Holly felt like she was the only one listening to herself.

When she had finally finished singing, a few polite tables up front and her own table to the right were the only people to acknowledge her. The DJ took the microphone from her hand and managed to say between laughs, “Please give it up for the incredibly brave Holly Kennedy!”

This time her family and friends were the only people to cheer. Denise and Sharon approached her with cheeks wet from tears of laughter.

“I’m so proud of you!” Sharon said, throwing her arms around Holly’s neck. “It was awful!”

“Thanks for helping me, Sharon,” she said as she hugged her friend.

Jack and Abbey cheered and Jack shouted, “Terrible! Absolutely terrible!”

Holly’s mother smiled encouragingly at her, knowing she had passed her special singing talent down to her daughter, and Holly’s father could barely look her in the eye he was laughing so much. All Ciara could manage was to repeat over and over again, “I never knew anyone could be so bad.”

Declan waved at her from across the room with a camera in his hand and gave her the thumbs-down. Holly hid in the corner at the table and sipped on her water while she listened to everyone congratulating her on being so desperately bad. Holly couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so proud.

John shuffled over to Holly and leaned against the wall beside her, where he watched the next act onstage in silence. Eventually he plucked up the courage to speak and said, “Gerry’s probably here, you know,” and looked at her with watery eyes.

Poor John, he missed his best friend too. She gave him an encouraging smile and looked around the room. He was right. Holly
could
feel Gerry’s presence. She could feel him wrapping his arms around her and giving her one of the hugs she missed so much.

After an hour the singers had finally finished and Daniel and the DJ headed off to tot up the votes. Everyone had been handed a voting slip as they paid at the door and Holly couldn’t bring it upon herself to write her own name down, so she gave her slip to Sharon. It was pretty obvious that Holly wasn’t going to win, but that had never been her intention. And on the off chance that she did win, she shuddered at the thought of having to return in two weeks’ time to repeat the whole experience. She hadn’t learned a thing from it, only that she hated karaoke even more. Last year’s winner, Keith, had brought along at least thirty of his friends, which meant that he was a sure winner, and Holly doubted very much that her ‘adoring fans’ in the crowd would vote for her.

The DJ played a pathetic CD of a drumroll as the winners were about to be announced. Daniel took to the stage once again in his black leather jacket and black slacks uniform and was greeted by wolf whistles and screams from the girls. Worryingly, the loudest of these girls was Ciara. Richard looked excited and crossed his fingers at Holly. A very sweet but incredibly naïve gesture, she thought; he obviously didn’t understand the ‘rules’ properly.

There was a bit of embarrassment as the drumroll began to skip and the DJ rushed over to his equipment to shut it down. The winners were announced undramatically, in dead silence. “OK, I’d like to thank everyone for taking part in tonight’s competition, you provided us all with some terrific entertainment.” That last part was directed at Holly and she slithered down her seat with embarrassment. “OK, so the two people that will be going through to the final are,” Daniel paused for dramatic effect, “Keith and Samantha!”

Holly jumped up with excitement and danced around in a huddle with Denise and Sharon. She had never felt such relief in her life. Richard looked on very confused, and the rest of Holly’s family congratulated her on her victorious loss.

“I voted for the blond one,” Declan announced with disappointment.

“That’s just because she had big tits,” Holly laughed.

“Well, we all have our own individual talents,” Declan agreed.

Holly wondered what hers were as she sat back down. It must be a wonderful feeling to win something, to know that you have a talent. Holly had never won anything in her life; she didn’t play any sports, couldn’t play an instrument, now that she thought about it, she didn’t have
any
hobbies or special interests. What would she put down on her CV when she eventually got around to applying for a job? ‘I like to drink and shop’ wouldn’t go down very well. She sipped her drink thoughtfully. Holly had lived her life being interested only in Gerry; in fact, everything she did revolved around him. In a way, being his wife was all she was good at; being his partner was all she knew. Now what did she have? No job, no husband and she couldn’t even sing in a karaoke competition properly, never mind win it.

Sharon and John seemed engrossed in a heated discussion, Abbey and Jack were gazing into each other’s eyes like love-struck teenagers as usual, Ciara was snuggling up to Daniel, and Denise was…Actually, where was Denise?

Holly looked around the club and spotted her sitting on the stage swinging her legs and striking a very provocative pose for the karaoke host. Holly’s parents had left hand in hand just after her name wasn’t announced as a winner, which left…Richard. Richard sat squashed beside Ciara and Daniel, looking around the room like a lost puppy and taking a sip from his drink every few seconds out of paranoia. Holly realized she must have looked like him…a complete loser. But at least this loser had a wife and two children to go home to, unlike Holly, who had a date with a microwave dinner.

Holly moved over and sat on the high stool opposite Richard and struck up a conversation.

“You enjoying yourself?”

He looked up from his drink, startled that someone had spoken to him. “Yes, thank you, I’m having fun, Holly.”

If that was him having fun Holly dreaded to think what he looked like when he wasn’t.

“I’m surprised you came, actually, I didn’t think this would be your scene.”

“Oh, you know…you have to support the family.” He stirred his drink.

“So where’s Meredith tonight?”

“Emily and Timothy,” he said, as if that explained it all.

“You working tomorrow?”

“Yes,” he said suddenly, knocking back his drink, “so I best be off. You were a great sport tonight, Holly.” He looked around awkwardly at his family, debating whether to interrupt them and say good-bye but eventually deciding against it. He nodded to Holly and off he went, maneuvering his way through the thick crowd.

Holly was once again alone. As much as she wanted to grab her bag and run home, she knew she should sit this one out. There would be plenty of times in the future when she would be alone like this, the only singleton in the company of couples, and she needed to adapt. She felt awful, though, and she also felt angry with the others who didn’t even notice her. Then she cursed herself for being so childish, she couldn’t have asked for more supportive friends and family. Holly wondered whether this had been Gerry’s intention. Did he think that this situation was what she needed? Did he think that this would help her? Perhaps he was right, because she was certainly being tested. It was forcing her to become braver in more ways than one. She had stood on a stage and sung to hundreds of people, and now she was stuck in a situation where she was surrounded by couples. They were all around her. Whatever his plan was, she was being forced to become braver without him. Just sit it out, she told herself.

Holly smiled as she watched her sister nattering away to Daniel. Ciara was nothing like her at all, she was so carefree and confident and never seemed to worry about anything. For as long as Holly could remember, Ciara had never managed to hold down a job or a boyfriend, her brain was always somewhere else, lost in the dream of visiting another far-off country. Holly wished she could be more like her, but she was such a home-bird and could never imagine herself moving away from her family and friends and leaving the life she had made for herself here. At least she could never leave the life she once had.

She turned her attention to Jack, who was still lost in a world with Abbey. She even wished she could be more like him; he absolutely loved his job as a secondary school teacher. He was the cool English teacher that all the teenagers respected, and whenever Holly and Jack passed one of his students on the street they always greeted him with a big smile and a ‘Hiya, sir!’ All the girls fancied him and all the boys wanted to be like him when they got older. Holly sighed loudly and drained her drink. Now she was bored.

Daniel looked over. “Holly, can I get you a drink?”

“Ah no, it’s OK, thanks, Daniel, I’m heading home soon anyway.”

“Ah Hol!” protested Ciara. “You can’t go home so early! It’s your night!”

Holly didn’t feel like it was her night. She felt like she had gate-crashed a party and didn’t know anyone there.

“No, I’m all right, thanks,” she assured Daniel again.

“No, you’re staying,” Ciara insisted. “Get her a vodka and Coke and I’ll have the same again,” she ordered Daniel.

“Ciara!” Holly exclaimed, embarrassed at her sister’s rudeness.

“No, it’s OK!” Daniel assured her. “I asked,” and he headed off to the bar.

“Ciara, that was so rude,” Holly gave out to her sister.

“What? It’s not like he has to pay for it, he owns the bloody place,” she said defensively.

“That still doesn’t mean you can go around demanding free drinks…”

“Where’s Richard?” Ciara interrupted.

“Gone home.”

“Shit! How long ago?” She jumped down from her seat in a panic.

“I dunno, about five or ten minutes. Why?”

“He’s supposed to be driving me home!” She threw everyone’s coats into a pile on the floor while she rooted around for her bag.

“Ciara, you’ll never catch him now, he’s gone far too long.”

“No, I will. He’s parked ages away and he’ll have to drive back down this road to get home. I’ll get him while he’s passing.” She finally found her bag and legged it out the door yelling, “Bye, Holly! Well done, you were shite!” and disappeared out the door.

Holly was once again alone. Great, she thought, watching Daniel carrying the drinks back to the table, now she was stuck talking to him all by herself.

“Where’s Ciara gone?” Daniel asked, placing the drinks on the table and sitting down opposite Holly.

“Oh, she said to say she’s really sorry but she had to chase my brother for a lift.” Holly bit her lip guiltily, knowing full well that Ciara hadn’t even given Daniel a second thought as she raced out the door. “Sorry for being so rude to you earlier as well.” Then she started laughing, “God, you must think we’re the rudest family in the world. Ciara’s a bit of a motormouth; she doesn’t mean what she says half the time.”

“And you did?” he smiled.

“At the time, yes,” she laughed again.

“Hey, it’s fine, just means there’s more drink for you,” he said, sliding the shot glass across the table to her.

“Ugh, what is this?” Holly wrinkled her nose up at the smell.

Daniel looked away awkwardly and cleared his throat. “I can’t remember.”

“Oh, come on!” Holly laughed. “You just ordered it! It’s a woman’s right to know what she’s drinking, you know!”

Daniel looked at her with a smile on his face. “It’s called a BJ. You should have seen the barman’s face when I asked for one. I don’t think he knew it was a shot!”

“Oh, God,” Holly said. “What’s Ciara doing drinking this? It smells awful!”

“She said she found it easy to swallow.” He started laughing again.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Daniel, she really is ridiculous sometimes.” Holly shook her head over her sister.

Daniel stared past Holly’s shoulder with amusement. “Well, it looks like your friend is having a good night anyway.”

Holly swirled around and saw Denise and the DJ wrapped around each other beside the stage. Her provocative poses had obviously worked.

“Oh no, not the horrible DJ who forced me to come out of the toilet,” Holly groaned.

“That’s Tom O’Connor from Dublin FM,” Daniel said. “He’s a friend of mine.”

Holly covered her face in embarrassment.

“He’s working here tonight because the karaoke went out live on the radio,” he said seriously.

“
What?
” Holly nearly had a heart attack for the twentieth time that night.