Pucker Up (18 page)

The
color drained out of Melody’s face.  “So you listened to it?”

Harmony
nodded.  “They got married because they were having a baby.  And then they
weren’t having a baby.  And I guess then they thought they weren’t married
anymore.  But that turned out
not
to be true…”

“What?!”
Melody gasped, the almonds in her lap spilling over her bed.  “They’re married?! 
Like
still
married?  You gotta be kidding me?”

Harmony’s
brow creased.  “Don’t sound so excited.  That’s horrible.”

“Why
is it horrible?”

“Oh,
you think something happy causes Uncle Dust to go off his rocker?” 

“Hey,”
Melody said, “aren’t you the one that’s been trying to orchestrate a happy
ending?  Right now they’re halfway there.”

“I’ve
changed my mind.” Harmony crossed her arms and gave her sister her best
stubborn glare.  “I like Faith – I do – but she doesn’t deserve him.  She broke
his heart too many times.”

Melody
rolled her eyes.  “You don’t know anything about what happened between them,
Harm.  You just know the facts a lawyer said.  Uncle Dust has to learn to move
past the sadness.  I did – he has to, too.”

“Oh,
of course you would take the pop star’s side.  Of course!”

“Hey,
that’s so not fair.  And what the hell has happened to us – why are we fighting
about who’s right?”

The
girls both shrugged and looked away from their screens.  “Did you listen to the
rest?”  Melody asked.

Confusion
clouded Harmony’s face.  “The rest?”

“The
rest of the recording.  You recorded Dad and cute lawyer talking, right?” 
Harmony nodded.  “You texted me that cute lawyer was Faith’s manager, looked
like they knew each other pretty well, right?  Well, maybe those two talked
about some stuff after Uncle Dust left that could give us some perspective. 
Something to help us figure out if Faith could still be his happily ever
after.”

“I
didn’t think about that,” Harmony said as she picked up her phone.  She stared
at it for a moment.  “There’s no going back after this, you know.”

“I
think we’re pretty far down the rabbit hole as it is.  Context could only help,
right?”

“I
don’t know if I want to hear anything else bad,” Harmony whispered.

“Dad
knows everything and he wanted to get them back together,” Melody murmured,
trying to be reassuring.  “Let’s listen and see if we can help.”

Harmony
pushed the button and the recording played, giving them the closest they were
ever going to get to the truth.

Faith
stood on top of the hill, staring down at Sorrento Ranch, in exactly the same
spot she’d stood ten years earlier.  They’d watched the sun rise, pledged to
stay together forever, and were married… for eighteen hours.  Or that’s what
she’d thought all these years – that she’d been able to box up the worst day of
her life and shove it to the back of her mind.  It hadn’t always wanted to stay
there.  She’d check up on it every once and a while, tap into the anger and
devastation and heartache every time she sat to write a new song.

She’d
try to reassure herself.  They were so young how could they even think it would
last?  It never really helped – forgetting was the only thing that ever did. 
It’s why she wrote songs, sold them, and avoided them.  It was getting harder
and harder to do so – when you write multiple top tens every year, people start
to fan girl.  Especially when you’re elusive and don’t ever show up to accept
your accolades and awards.  She didn’t want any of those things – she just
wanted to stop hurting, to have no sad songs in the first place.

Not
that all of the songs were sad. 
Pucker Up
wasn’t – couldn’t have been a
girl group anthem if it was.  She’d written
Magpie
for Jackson, for
helping her become Andy Peters, for accepting her for the crazy, irrational
singer that she was.  Damn man had to make that her first hit song and then
name his company after it.  And the first song she ever wrote, that melody had
predated marriages and miscarriages.  No matter how hard she tried,
Ranch
Hand
just wouldn’t be anything less than a love song. 

Looking
out across the landscape, she wondered how much longer she could keep trying to
be two people, never fully settling into either.  She thought of Peter’s
comment, about her sounding like an Andy Peters song, and rolled her eyes.  Of
course he would know who that was.  He couldn’t carry a tune, but he loved
music, the music business, everything about it.  One of the things they’d
bonded over when they first met. 

Peter
had recognized her and Maya from the moment he saw them sitting poolside.  He’d
seen past their camouflage and yet never said a word.  He’d kept their secret
then.  Was he keeping them now?  Had her attempt at hiding her true feelings
behind a ridiculous nom de plume been completely useless?  Because Peter had
looked at her like he knew what she was hiding.  That her feelings hadn’t been
washed away by time.  As if he had been expecting her to show up again one day
and take it all back.  Was her secret identity really just a farce?

Faith
didn’t know where to go from here.  Ten years ago she’d gotten into a pickup
truck, drove away, and hadn’t stepped foot on the property since.  Bea had
asked her to perform benefit concerts here a handful of times, but she’d never
had the courage to say yes.  This time she had a town car waiting for her, a
driver who would take her anywhere she wanted to go.  Where did she want to go?

“Somewhere
different,” she murmured to herself before trudging down the trail, impractical
boots and clothes ten years old.

Dustin
hated to drive, but it had been the quickest way to escape.  He’d ended up just
on the edge of their property, truck bottomed out in a ditch.  But the cruelest
part was that ditch ran right by the plot of land he’d once planned on building
them a house.  Far enough from the main homestead that they’d still have
privacy but close enough that they could pop over.  There was a pasture perfect
to keep horses, and the soil was just right for an orchard, dozens of trees to
provide shade and a lovely little hideaway where they could have pretended the
rest of the world didn’t exist.

He’d
been such a fool, he thought as he stalked away from the property towards the
house, not sparing it more than a glace.  He thought Faith had come to see him,
reconnect with him, but she’d just come to dump him again.  Once hadn’t been
official enough. 

And
he’d been the idiot who gave her his heart – again.  How stupid was he to think
that this time had been different?  She’d just succeeded in making him look
like an idiot, groveling for her again.  The first time he’d run after her into
a fucking thunderstorm and ended up flattened, literally and figuratively.  He
might not live through chasing after her again.

Not
that he wanted to.  He didn’t want to spend his life chasing her, pulling her
back to his side against her will.  Last time she’d been emotionally
devastated; he’d always believed she wasn’t in her right mind.  But this time? 
This time she knew exactly what she was doing.  She knew she was destroying
him; she’d
apologized
for it.  Why did he let her toy with him?  She was
his kryptonite, and she damn well fucking knew it.  Was it all just a game to
her?

Wifey
wanted to play it that way?  Fine, he’d let her.  What the hell did he care? 
He wasn’t going to pine over that girl anymore; he’d had enough of that.  It
was time he forgot the hell about her.  All reminders.  He had his daughter’s
name on a porch swing – one he was going to finish and install so his family
could finally get some use out of it.  The family that was there for him every
single damn day, not the one on a forgotten piece of paper that had cropped
back up again.  The porch swing was the only thing he needed.  The only thing…

Faith
stepped off the trail onto the edge of the ranch.  She wanted to talk to Bea,
to someone that knew there had been a wedding, to someone who would give her a
hug and whisper that everything would be okay even though she highly doubted it
would be.  She’d survived once before – she needed someone to remind her of
that too. 

She
skirted around the buildings, not even having to think of the path she was
taking.  Not much had changed in eleven years, and that gave her a strange kind
of solace.

Bea’s
office had a view of the barn because she liked to keep an eye on the ornery
ones.  Most of the time that meant horses, but not always.  Dustin had been in
charge of the horses and riding lessons when she’d met him; he could definitely
fit in the ornery category when he wanted to.

Faith’s
mind was somewhere else and when she stepped around the pasture, for a moment
she thought she was hallucinating.  It wouldn’t be the first time on this day,
though the first time since she stopped drowning herself in gin.  But then
reality caught up with her.  This wasn’t young Maya with the hair out to there
and toothy grin.  This Maya was wearing a stethoscope and work boots and looked
about as shocked as Faith did. 

“You’ve
got to be kidding me.”  The universe really did hate her.  When she said she
wanted to see someone that knew, she didn’t mean one of the ones that broke her
heart.

“Wonderful
to see you too, Faith,” Maya said.

“I
don’t
want
to see you.  Not today.”  The words came out harsher than she
meant, but they always did now. 

Maya
scoffed and just continued leading the horse around the yard.  “You don’t think
I know that?” 

“What
are you even doing here?”

Maya
tied the reins off and turned, hands moving to brush the mane on autopilot. 
“Working.  I’m a large animal vet, and I take care of Bea’s animals.  This girl
right here, Sandy, is getting ready to have her first foal, and I’m checking up
on her.  Everyone needs a little support when they do that, don’t you think?”

Faith
brought her hands up to her face, attempting to massage away the tension at her
temples.  It wasn’t at all successful.  “I just can’t deal with this, with you,
right now.  I just can’t,” she murmured, turning to walk away.

“I’m
sorry, I didn’t realize I have to apologize for my job now, too.  Nice to see
you, Faith.”

“Too?”
Faith asked, whipping back around.  “Too?  Please tell me when you’ve
apologized for anything.”

Maya
let out a bark of laughter that was anything but amused.  “Cut the crap,
Faith.  You’ve been punishing me for so long it’s practically a common law by
now.  Somehow I’ve managed to soldier on.”

 Faith
took a deep breath and blew it out through her teeth, frustration evident in
the sound.  “You betrayed me – not that an apology would change that – but what’s
the statute of limitation on that?”

The
horse whinnied in displeasure.  Maya let go of her and stepped back, signaling
for a stable hand.  “And therein, Faith, lies the problem.”

“What? 
I’m not supposed to feel violated that you sold the rights to my life to an
entertainment company.”

Maya
grabbed a toolbox and stalked out of the pasture, forcing Faith to follow if
she wanted an answer.  “First off, I wrote a screenplay that no one has ever
even suggested was about you.  Second, I am sorry that you couldn’t make room
for more than one dream in our friendship.  You don’t hear me bitching about
how you stole my words, do you?  And third…”  Maya hesitated, the first glimmer
of sadness entering her eyes.  “Damn it, if you still don’t get it… I don’t
know why the hell I even still care.  Why do I keep expecting more? I am such
an idiot.”

“What
don’t I get?”  Faith followed her into the lobby.  “Maya, what don’t I get?” 

She
turned, hand clenched around the back of a chair, and sighed.  “That I didn’t
write it about you.  I wrote it
for
you.”

“And
the distinction is…”

Maya
sighed in frustration.  “I was trying to open your eyes.  To remind you what
you had so you’d know what was missing.  You didn’t cope with anything; you
buried it.  So damn far that you had to invent a different person to deal with
it all.  I thought that’s how I could help.”

Faith
was too stunned at that revelation to do anything but stutter.  “How do you… what…
I don’t…”

Maya’s
voice was gentle, but the gaze refused to let her escape.  “You hummed that
tune for half our lives.  You think I wouldn’t notice it just because someone
else sang it?  You think any of us girls wouldn’t?”

Her
secret identity, not so secret…

Dustin
entered the yard and knew exactly what he had to do.

“What
the hell do you think you’re doing?” Peter yelled, running over to him.  He
grabbed the axe from his hands and threw it out of the way, clear of both of
them and the tree.

“What
the hell does it look like?!”  Dustin was at the end of his rope.  He couldn’t
stare at this thing any longer.  He thought it had given him solace, but he
knew better now – it had just been heartache.  He thought he needed a
reminder.  But a reminder of what?  Of everything he lost and had no chance of
getting back?  He could live forever without being reminded of that again

“Looks
like you’re being an idiot.  That’s what it looks like.”

“Thanks
so much for the pep talk, Peter.  So sorry that I can’t just carry on like
nothing ever fucking happened.”

“Hey,”
Peter cut in, his voice harsh.  “Hey!”  He grabbed the front of his brother’s
shirt and forced their gazes together.  “Don’t be such a fucking prick, Dusty. 
I had to move on.  For the girls.  I didn’t have a choice like you who just
gets to wallow and be a fucking drama queen.”

“My
life would have been a whole lot better if I had never laid eyes on that girl.”

“No.” 
Peter’s voice was all steel, and Dustin couldn’t help but glare at him.  His twin’s
eyes flashed fire.  “Don’t ever say that.”

“What
the hell is wrong with you?  You spend forever telling me to go get her, then you
tell me to be careful, and now you’re telling me what?”  He pulled away from Peter
and slammed his hands against the tree, launching himself out of Peter’s reach. 
“Have your daughters made you so soft that you can’t handle a rant anymore?”

“Rant
away, Dustin.  It’s what you’re good at.  Ranting and raving at the unfortunate
circumstances of the world.  Well, I have just two words for you.  Buck up.”

“Buck
up?!  Did you seriously just tell me to Buck Up?  Today of all days?  What kind
of shit is that?”

Peter
looked like a warrior about to step into battle. “It has been ten years,
Dustin.  Ten.  And you’ve done nothing about it.  You don’t want to be hung up
on some girl – then stop.  You want to have her again – then fight.  But don’t
you ever say that you wish you’d never met her.” 

“And
why the fuck not?”

“Because
without the girl there wouldn’t have been a car accident.  Without the car
accident, I wouldn’t have been in an emergency room, meeting Darcy.  Without
that, Melody and Harmony wouldn’t be a part of our lives.  I thank God every
fucking day for
that
girl.”

Dustin’s
face went slack with shock, not at all prepared for those words from his twin. 
He couldn’t imagine his life without those girls.  The last decade without
Melody’s quiet contemplation and Harmony’s feisty spirit would have been
unbearable.  The only reason he hadn’t been swallowed whole by the bleak cloud
of loss was them.  Shining surrogates for the family that almost was.  “I never…
I didn’t…” 

Peter
sighed and closed the space between them.  “Why do you think I hand you
magazines with Faith’s face on them?”  Dustin just shrugged.  “Because I think
you guys can have it.  You had to break apart so you could grow and so we could
find the other half of our family.  But that doesn’t mean you were meant to
stay that way.”