Pulled (22 page)

She held me until my tears final y subsided. I sat up, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand.

“Katie?”

“Yeah?”

“You know when you offered to help me the other day?”

She nodded.

“When you make your break, I think I’m ready to make mine.”

She exhaled a weighty breath and smiled. “Thank God.”

I final y gave up. The anticipation was just too great. Rol ing to sit up on the side of my bed, I rested my elbows on my thighs and buried my hands in my hair. I fought futilely to calm the raging of my nerves, my heart stil pounding just as hard as it had been since the moment I had seen Melanie last night. I had crawled into bed around two in the morning, hoping to find sleep. But I only found her. I had dreamed of seeing her face again and never al owed myself to believe it could actual y happen. Now I couldn’t rest until I saw her again.

Last night had given me a newfound reason to live. What I’d seen in her eyes, felt in her touch—I couldn’t question it any longer. Melanie loved me.

Everything I had believed about the life she had left me for and the picture I had always imagined was so wrong.

I had never been so confused. The way she looked at me as if I had broken her heart. It haunted me. I thought she’d found someone to love, someone to make her happy, someone who wouldn’t remind her every day of what I had taken away. Instead, seeing her was like seeing a reflection of me, a mirror of my pain, my loss, my regret. A mirror of what stirred within me now—this love that had refused to die. She had found me. I had always felt her heart cal ing to mine just as mine cal ed to hers, this power bringing us together once again.

What was I supposed to do about it now? She was married, and I didn’t even know if she wanted me.

Wel , I real y didn’t believe that. I felt her—there was no denying her desire for me. The pul was just as strong as it had been the first time I had met her.

How could we ignore this? Even if she could, I couldn’t.

I stood and made my way to the shower, relieved to know it was almost time. Standing under the steaming water, I al owed it to relax me as I anticipated seeing her once again.

I put on a dark blue T-shirt and pul ed on some jeans, unable to control the way my fingers trembled as I tried to button them.

Because I was unwil ing to cal , I sent a text to Dad, letting him know I would see him tonight and that I had meetings and wouldn’t be in the office today. I was not ready to face his questions. I would have a lot of explaining to do once I made it to my parents’ house, but none of that concerned me now. Al that mattered was Melanie, and I was determined to, at the least, catch a glimpse of her today.

I didn’t know what time Nicholas left for work, but I thought it would be safe if I waited until ten. It was only seven-thirty, and I was positive I would go insane for the next two and a half hours.

I picked up some coffee at the downstairs café and began walking as I al owed my thoughts to take over.

For the first time in nine years, my memories didn’t completely crush me. I was able to think of her and just love her. I loved every broken piece of her and was determined to make her whole again.

After forcing myself to wait I couple of hours, I made my way back to my complex, this time getting into my car and entering the address that I had looked up last night into the GPS. I knew this was risky, but I didn’t care. The directions popped up, and I shook my head as I read them on the screen. What kind of asshole has a house in this kind of neighborhood and then makes his address public?

Exactly the kind of person Melanie had always run from—

one who wanted to be seen. I just couldn’t understand it.

Why did she want him? The thought of him made my stomach turn. And the thought of him touching her—I shook it off, refusing to think of it.

I slowed as I turned onto her street. It was very quiet. Tal maple and ash trees lined the sidewalks, and manicured lawns framed the massive houses set back from the road.

Nearing the address, my heart fluttered in my chest. The closer I got, the more I could feel her. I passed by once. Turning around, I parked on the opposite side of the street but not close enough to be seen. At least I had a car that wouldn’t set off any red flags in this neighborhood.

“Melanie has to hate this house.”
I shook my head, once again clueless as to what would lead her to this life. Did I hurt her so badly that she would do this to herself?

Yeah, from the outside, it looked like she had everything; the perfect husband, the perfect house, more money than anybody could ever spend. I knew first hand none of that mattered to her. And after seeing her last night, there was no question. Nothing about this lifestyle made her happy.

I studied the silver car parked out front, wondering whose it was. I glanced at the clock. It was just past ten. I settled into my seat. I was wil ing to wait forever to see her.

Even if she never came out, I was happy to just sit here and feel her. It was as if I could sense her as she moved around her house, pulses of energy slamming into me, each one Melanie.

Final y, more than an hour later, the door swung open, and Melanie and Katie stepped out, embracing each other. My heart ended up in my throat when she came into view.

I groaned; my fingers twitching toward the door handle. My girl—so close. I wanted to run to her, but I couldn’t. What if she rejected me? Yes, she almost kissed me last night, but what if she regretted it? What if she remembered what I’d done, how I’d ruined our lives? What if she told me to leave? I didn’t think my heart could take it, so I did the only thing I could—I admired her from afar. That would have to be enough for now.

I watched as she and Katie exchanged their goodbyes, and Katie jumped into the silver car and drove away.

Quietly, I cal ed to Melanie when she turned her back to go inside, murmuring, “I love you, my beautiful girl.” I knew she heard, or rather, felt me. Her back stiffened, and she stopped. Her hand clutched the door as she caught her breath. I felt her love radiating back to me. I leaned into the wheel, clutching it to keep from going to her. Every part of me longed to hold her, to comfort her, to make her mine once again. I watched as she stepped inside and shut the door behind her. I released the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding as she disappeared from sight.

Now what? I knew I should leave and let her continue with her life, but I couldn’t bring myself to.

Shit.
I was official y a stalker. But I’d take any title in order to be near her. So once again I waited and waited.

Hours later, a little before three, the garage opened, and a smal , black, four-door sedan backed out. It was newer, but didn’t even begin to look like it belonged in the garage that housed it.

I laughed. Only Melanie would be surrounded by al this wealth and drive a car like that. I took comfort in knowing she was the same girl I’d fal en in love with so many years ago. None of this had affected her. So why was she here? Because she loved him? No, I didn’t believe that, did I?

Shit.
My mind was so messed up. I had no clue.

She pul ed onto the street, leaving in the same direction I had come, and I fol owed. I was almost ashamed of what I was doing. I just couldn’t resist the pul . I prayed I wouldn’t scare her. I just needed to be near her.

I was nervous I’d lose her. Instead, it was easy. I anticipated her every move, my body natural y trailing hers.

We drove back downtown, the surroundings becoming increasingly familiar.

“Holy shit,” I muttered aloud. We were on the street in front of my office. She was doing the exact same thing I had done al day.

I pul ed in several spaces in front of her. Through my rear-view mirror, I could see her trying to peer into my building.

She looked nervous. Her door opened, and her foot touched the ground before she hesitated, taking it back inside.

“What are you doing, baby?” I asked as I watched the panicked look on her face as her hands came up and obstructed my view, her head shaking. When she brought them down, I could see she was crying.

I couldn’t handle anymore; I had to go to her. My hand reached for the handle to get out, but faster than I could comprehend, she jumped her car back into traffic and sped away. I punched the steering wheel in frustration. How many times would I have to watch her run away from me? I sat in my car, not knowing what to do from here. It was obvious neither of us did.

I eased my car back onto the road, heading back to my apartment to get ready for dinner with my parents.

Tonight was going to be hard. I was going to break Mom’s heart again. I dreaded seeing the disappointment on her face.

And Dad, I didn’t even want to face him. I’d been so reckless. He had so much faith in me, inviting me into his practice right out of my residency, and I repaid him by doing something completely unethical.

At seven, I pul ed up in front of their house, my movements weighed down with the dread I felt. The huge 1890s mansion was about forty minutes outside of Chicago. Mom had spent the last six months remodeling it; the result was beautiful and comfortable just like everything else she touched.

As I stepped from my car, Erin squealed from the doorway, ran down the steps, and threw herself in my arms.

“Hi, big brother.” She squeezed me, and I held her to me.

“Hey, baby sister.” I kissed her head, reluctantly setting her down. Her arms stayed firmly around my shoulders, her eyes wide as she tried to read everything in mine.

“Daniel, what’s wrong?” I averted my eyes, trying to hide my guilt.

“Can, we…uh,” I stammered, “I’d rather tel everyone at the same time, okay?”

Erin’s eyebrows furrowed, accentuating the first hint of wrinkles on her forehead, and she nodded.

“Okay.” She took my hand and led me up the walkway. Dad stood at the door, trepidation clear in his posture.

He grabbed me and pul ed me to him. He

whispered against the side of my head, “I don’t know what’s going on, son, but we’re here for you. Always remember that.”

I grimaced as I took in the complete love and support he gave me, his respect, knowing I deserved none of it. I’d thrown everything he’d done for me back in his face.

Mom stood at the entryway to the family room, anxious and il at ease. She reached her hand out for mine, leading me in to the brown leather sofa and taking the seat beside me. I watched warily as Dad and Erin sat across the room.

Mom turned to me and ran her hands through the back of my hair. “Daniel, please, honey. What’s happened?”

I sucked in as much air as I could, feeling as though I might pass out. Every regret of my life sat heavily upon my chest, each pressing down, digging into my skin. I rubbed my hand over my shirt, trying to soothe it away.

“I’m going to be a father.” The words made me sick, and I was ashamed that they did.

I heard Mom gasp beside me, her hand stil ing for a moment against my head. She moved it and took my hand to run her thumb in circles against my knuckles.

“When?” she asked.

My words tumbled out in a rush. “In four months.

It’s a boy, I just found out yesterday.”

“With who? Are you seeing somebody?” Mom

sounded confused.

I wondered whether she thought I’d never been with anyone since Melanie.

I heard Dad sigh from across the room. I shook my head, wil ing myself to tel them about Vanessa.

I looked at my father. “Dad, I’m so sorry. I—” I stal ed as he shook his head, assuring me I had nothing to be sorry for when I knew I did. “I real y messed up. Do you remember that mixer we had when we first got to town?”

“Sure,” he said as if it didn’t mean anything.

“I slept with one of the reps that night.” Silence fel over the room as Mom and Erin stared at me. But it was Dad’s expression that told me how much I’d messed up.

“What? How could you do this, Daniel? Do you realize the position you’ve put us in? This could ruin our reputation before we even have a chance to get started.” He stood as he ranted, his voice angry.

I couldn’t even look at him. My shame was too great. What would I do if Dad wanted me to leave? My family was al I had.

His voice was low, but no longer fil ed with anger.

“Daniel, I need to speak with you in private.” I nodded, fol owing him to his study. A strange, twisted
déjà vu
came over me as I sat across from the same desk he had sat at when Melanie and I told him of our child.

“Who is it?” He was calm, now just wanting information.

“Her name’s Vanessa.”

“And I’m to assume this was one of your usual one-time flings?”

I didn’t answer. I didn’t need to.

He breathed heavily out his nose. “Damn it, Daniel.”

“I know, Dad. I’m so sorry.” I would have done anything to take it back. How ironic it was that I’d sat on this same sofa with my seventeen-year-old girlfriend, never ashamed for a second; and now I was here, almost thirty, begging for forgiveness?

“So, what does she want? I mean, you said she’s five-months? Do you even know if it’s yours?” I told him everything that had happened with Vanessa the day before.